Here you are. Chapter ten… Enjoy!
BPOV
Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts- Arnold Bennett
Knowing that I have Charlie's support feels like a lead weight has been lifted from my shoulder.
We sit and talk about the newest developments in our lives. I don't know how much time passes but I do know that it feels good to be talking with Charlie again. I've missed this. I've missed being able to share things with him.
I hear the door open and so I turn towards the noise.
"Bella? Are you okay? I came as fast as I could. Jake lent me his motorbike."
"I'm great."
"I'll leave you two alone. Thank you Edward."
"What for Mr. Swan?"
"Please, call me Charlie. Thank you for caring for my daughter, thank you for helping me see the light."
"I did that? How so?" he looks genuinely perplexed. I honestly don't give him wrong because I don't understand how Edward could have honestly helped Charlie see the light. It's not like they had much opportunity to talk at all…
"I can see that you care for my daughter and that she cares for you, which just reminded me of what I've always wanted for her all along. For her to be happy you make her happy. And so does her job. It might not have been the path I chose for her myself but it's the one that she chose and I have to respect that. I've been foolish and stubborn and cut her out of my life because of it. I'm just glad you were there to help fill that gap. So thank you."
"You're welcome sir" Edward responds in an awed and humble tone.
"Please, call me Charlie" and with those words out of his mouth I know Charlie has accepted Edward as a part of my life. A few tears escape unbidden but I hurriedly brush them away. Nobody needs to know that I'm a big sap…especially not Edward.
As Charlie walks up the stairs to give Edward and I some privacy I collapse into the couch, completely exhausted from the emotional day that I've had.
"Wow. So I guess you two are on good terms again huh? So my presence here is absolutely unnecessary."
"No it's not. I want your company. So now that you know how my day went, how was yours?"
He grimaces slightly and I know that it had not improved since his escape to call me earlier.
"Well when I heard you crying on the phone and Charlie told me that you can't talk right now I was a mess. I walked out of the bathroom and Jake and Billy saw my face. Jake was the first one to ask me what was wrong surprisingly. I guess I judged him wrong. I told him that something was wrong and he offered me his bike, on the condition that I don't 'hurt his baby'; his words not mine. I promised I would and the rest is history."
"So it really wasn't that long that Charlie and I were talking then…I could have sworn it was hours. Wow."
Edward chuckles and I look at him puzzled.
"It felt like it took me hours to get here."
"Haha. Well I guess both our perceptions of the time are off."
Just then the phone rings. I know it's for Charlie but, knowing him, he won't come down to get it if he thinks he'll be disturbing me.
I walk quickly to the kitchen to grab the phone before it stops ringing.
"Hello?"
"Bella?" the russet voice on the other line asks.
"Jake? Hey what's up? If you're calling about your bike she's in one piece I promise you" I tease.
"Well good, I can sleep tonight then" he chuckles. "Actually I was calling to see how you're doing."
"I'm much better. Thank you. Sorry that the boy's day got cut short."
"Nah it's okay. I'm sure we'll have lots of time for male bonding in the future. He's a great guy Bells. You two are lucky to have each other."
"Thanks Jake. Hey, what time should we come over for tomorrow?"
"Well the ceremony begins at two, so maybe you guys could come around twelve and dress over here? That way we get to catch up some more before you both have to leave."
"That sounds great. See you then."
We say our goodbyes and after I hang up the phone I return to Edward. I tell him of the plans for tomorrow and he is surprisingly okay with it.
We talk some more before my stomach starts to complain.
Edward volunteers to cook but since he's a guest in my house I shut him down. Instead he opts for watching me cook.
The meal is simple but comforting. Charlie, Edward and I talk and laugh through the entire thing and I can't help but feel like this is how things were meant to be. The men decide that sports are in order, oh joy, so I go upstairs to make a few phone calls so that they could bond. No need to torture myself anymore than necessary.
First I call Rose and she tells me that, without my cooking, her morning sickness has increased to epic proportions. I tell her not to worry because in a few hours I would be in New York once more. Tyler coos into the phone making garbled, unintelligible sentences. Emmett is at home collecting clothes for the night.
I honestly don't understand why he just doesn't move in he's always there anyway.
When I'm through speaking with Rose I call Ali. She sounds so depressed that I can't help but feel guilty.
"Why are you feeling guilty Bella? It's not like you can do anything about it."
"I know Al, but I just feel bad. Because I can't even say that my life sucks anymore you know? I can't keep you company in your misery. What kind of friend am I?"
"Bella, don't be ridiculous. I'm happy that things are turning around for you. You deserve it."
"I do, don't I? Well I am happy, and nothing is going to change that."
"Exactly." Something about Alice's tone however makes me think that she feels differently but I don't press the matter.
We continue talking about how much has changed since we met each other that fateful day in high school until I hear the television turn off. I tell Alice goodnight and walk to my bedroom door. As I open it Charlie is standing on the other side.
"I was just coming to tell you goodnight Bells. I have to work tonight since I took yesterday and today off."
"Oh. Okay. Night dad. Be careful."
"Always am."
"What time will you be home?"
"Around four."
"Okay dad." I quickly hug him and he pats me uncomfortably on the back. Physical affection, any kind of affection really, is not his strong point. His comfort zone is grunts of 'I love you' and other such terms of endearment.
Edward comes up the stairs and heads straight for my room.
"This can so easily become a habit for me. Too bad I live so far away from you" he whispers in my ear. A shiver runs up my back and I briefly wish Charlie had left already. Just as I think that I hear the shower turn off so I know it won't be long before I get that wish.
"I can definitely agree. It's going to be so hard to get accustomed to your absence again."
"I know exactly what you mean. When I got home on Monday everything I had smelt of you. But I had to do my laundry so your strawberry shampoo and that unique flavor that makes up your smell was washed away. It almost caused me physical pain to do it. I had to keep reminding myself that you're not just a half hour away again."
"Can you read minds or something? It's almost like you're saying exactly what I'm thinking. The only difference is that your scent was also all over the house. It was torture because it was fading and I had no way of getting it back. I missed you so much. But it's going to be ten times worse this time because now I see you all day, first thing in the morning and last thing at night. When I get back to New York I'll keep waiting for you to come in to say goodnight. Or to cook breakfast on mornings. Or offer to make dinner, even though you know I won't let you…" I trail off because just thinking about the impending separation is hard.
"Let's not think about it okay…I'm gonna go take a shower. I probably stink to high heaven." As he says that I remember that I haven't allowed him to leave my side since he came back from his male bonding with the Blacks.
"I don't think you smell but I just realized that I've kept you attached to me since you came back. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. I wasn't any place I didn't want to be."
Of course I blush. This is really ridiculous! Why can't I just accept a compliment like a normal human being without blushing?
He kisses me on the cheek and goes to his room to get ready for his shower. What I wouldn't give to be a fly on that wall right now…
"Bye Bells" Charlie's voice calls out to me and I thank my lucky stars that he did not see the dazed look and crimson blush that I was just sporting.
"Bye dad!" I call down the stairs.
I prepare myself for my shower. As soon as Edward is done I'll go shower and smell human again.
He is out the shower within forty-five minutes with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist and I all but drool. Unfortunately I must have made a noise because he turns around, giving me an undisturbed view of his bare chest and flashes me his extremely smug smirk…jerk.
My Lord this man is gorgeous! The water from his shower runs down the valley between his pecs and his abs and my mind begins to run away with the possibilities. Luckily, before I have time to act on them, I snap out of it and head, as quickly as possible, into the shower, blushing all the way. I hear his irritatingly smug chuckle as his bedroom door closes. Damn it!
It's a brief shower because I am anxious to get back to my room and my nightly ritual with Edward. I'm only human after all, ruled by my hormones, so sue me why don't you?
I honestly don't know how I'll be able to sleep at nights anymore without kissing him goodnight. It's strange that I've become so used to this routine in just two short nights but, as with everything with Edward and I, the normal expectations and reactions aren't in the cards.
I dry off and change in the bathroom because I am pretty sure I don't look anywhere near as good in a towel alone as Edward does. Besides I kinda want to stick to the no-sex-under-Charlie's-roof clause that I signed upon entry in my senior year, and I'm pretty sure that me in nothing in a towel would not be conducive to that agreement.
I honestly don't know when I fell asleep or when Edward left but as I turn over on my bed, trying to get comfortable, I notice he's not here. I look at the clock on my bedside table and realize that Charlie should be home soon. Well, it's a good thing Edward left then because that would have been really awkward.
I snuggle into my pillow and fall right back to sleep and my dream unsettles me for a number of reasons.
Darkness. Darkness everywhere.
I turn around and I see Charlie, Edward, Rose, Tyler, Alice, Emmett and Jasper. They all stand waving happily at me, beckoning me over, but I don't go towards them. Instead I move further away.
But why? All I see ahead of me is dark nothingness yet I move away from the people who care about me and into the unknown.
I hear a voice whispering. The sound is soft and very eerie. I can't make out what it is saying. I turn back to ask my friends if they heard what the voice said but they're not there anymore. Where did they go?
I don't get the chance to think about it too much though because the voice is back.
"Isabella. Where are you? I need you. Please."
Renee?
"Isabella! Please. Hurry. I need you!"
"Where are you mom? I can't find you. It's so dark."
"I'm right where I've always been. Find me Isabella, find me."
The dream changes again.
I am standing in the middle of an airport. The airport is empty. Everywhere I look is glass and steel. In my hands is a note from Alice. All it says is 'you have to let go'. Let go? What do I have to let go?
Suddenly she appears in front of me. But she doesn't look like the Alice I know and love. Instead she looks angry and sad at the same time.
I open my mouth to ask her what she means by I have to let go but no sound comes out.
She fades away and is replaced by Charlie. He says to me: 'it's not worth it Bells. All this pain…too much pain' and he too fades away.
I am left alone once more in the cold sterile airport. Confusion fills my mind. Then I hear a baby crying.
I look down and I am holding an infant in my hand. It's a little girl and her blond curls and chocolate brown eyes are startling and a little unnerving. Her face looks so familiar but I know for a fact that I don't know this little girl. I would remember such an adorable little child.
Once again everything changes and the child is gone.
"Don't leave me" I hear Edward's voice beg me.
Why would he be begging me not to leave him? Doesn't he understand that I couldn't leave him even if I wanted to. I am impossibly tied to him.
I look around me and notice that it is too dark for me to see anything or anybody. The dark is impenetrable. A chill runs up my spine and I feel so alone. More alone than I've ever felt in my life. Like everyone I know and love have somehow ceased to exist.
A sudden burst of light illuminates the room and I realize that I'm in my old home back in Phoenix. But it is so desolate and dilapidated that I am in shock. I walk around the small one-storey house. The furniture is broken, dust-covered and moldy smelling. The curtains are moth eaten, sun bleached and dirty. The paint on the walls is peeling off. It hurts my heart to see the house looking like that but what scares me is the fact that condition of this house is almost like a physical representation of my relationship with the people that I had shared it with.
"Bells! Wake up!"
What the-what's Charlie doing in Phoenix?
"Bells!" then I register that Charlie's not in Phoenix but he's waking me up. But why?
"Sh…not so loud. What's wrong?"
"You were screaming. I was just coming up the stairs and I heard you. Are you okay? Why were you screaming?"
As his words register I also notice that he's in his uniform, minus the gun belt, and I also notice Edward standing in the doorway looking slightly disheveled and extremely worried.
I frown trying to figure out why I had been screaming. Yes it was an odd dream but screaming was extremely unwarranted.
"I…I don't know. I was dreaming about Phoenix but then you woke me."
Edward visibly tenses at the mention of Phoenix because he knows exactly what that means for me emotionally. "Are you sure you're okay?" he asks me.
"I'll be fine just as soon as I get some more sleep."
"Oh. Ok."
Charlie clears his throat and moves to leave the room.
"Dad?"
"Yeah Bells?"
"Thank you."
"What for baby-girl?"
"Everything."
"You're welcome Bells."
He moves past Edward, who was still standing awkwardly in my doorway, and heads to his bedroom.
"Want to talk about it? You don't have to but, if you want to, I'm here."
"Actually I wouldn't mind your perspective on it. It was really odd actually…" and I go on to tell him about one of the weirdest dreams I've ever had. The last time I had an odd dream Edward came into my life. What the hell should I expect now that I dreamt about…I'm not even sure what the hell this dream was about? I know that it revolved a lot around Renee but as far as I could tell everyone I knew was in it, save for that random baby of course. Maybe that was a sign that Rose was having a girl? Who the hell knows?
Edward was just as confused as I was by the time I finish telling him about my dream.
"Maybe this was just your subconscious' way of reminding you of your unresolved issues with your mom? The darkness, the abandoned house, the empty airport, maybe they're just symbols of your relationship with her and places that have some connection with the two of you."
"Yea that could be it. When I spoke to Alice last night she said something that started me thinking about Renee so maybe that really is it. But what about the note? I mean what is that telling me? Should I just forget all about Renee and be happy that I have you guys in my life?"
"Possibly. But honestly you should only do that if you feel comfortable with it."
"I honestly don't think I could do that. She's my mom. I could try to ignore it but I can't completely put it behind me."
"I know that and I wouldn't ask you too. That's too much to ask of anyone."
EPOV
And then the Shit hit the fan…
Yesterday was an emotional rollercoaster to say the least. The first indication that the day would be one for the books was the invitation I received from Jacob Black to spend the day with him and his father. Like I would voluntarily want to spend time with them? But Bella looked so hopeful that I couldn't not go so I pulled myself together like the good sport that I am and went along with the plan.
Jacob arrived in a Volkswagen Rabbit that he claimed he built from scratch…like I buy that? The entire ride to his place was tense and silent but, thankfully, very short. The physicality wasn't too bad but I missed Bella. That's when I realized just how pathetic I am. Damn.
I called up my angel and everything was perfectly fine until I opened my big mouth and asked her about her father. That's about when the shit hit the fan big time and she started crying, but what made it worse was the fact that I wasn't there to hold her and make it all better like I promised I would be.
Jacob, thankfully, lent me his motorbike, which I absolutely have to get one of by the way, and I flew up the winding road towards my damsel in distress. Unfortunately, or maybe luckily, she was no longer in distress by the time I got there.
Everything seemed to be getting much better after that, especially when I found out that her father was off to work the graveyard shift, leaving us all alone. Hell yeah!
I got out of the shower and caught her ogling me. I must admit that boosted my ego a hell of a lot. Too bad she didn't decide to act on the obvious desire she felt.
Before bed we made out for quite a while then I just held her until she fell asleep. Around one or so this morning I woke up and went to my own room, no need to tempt fate or Charlie Swan's temper.
Sleep refused to come for quite a while and it seemed that just as soon as I was able to fall asleep the chaos began anew.
Seeing Bella lying in her bed looking so vulnerable nearly broke my heart. When she told me about her dream I was so confused as to what it all meant. We playfully discussed the possible meanings until she brought up my dream self begging her not to leave me. As if!
"Edward Cullen does not beg. He may plead vigorously but he does not, now or ever, beg!"
She laughs at me. At me!
But her response takes some of the sting out of her laughter at my expense.
"Yes well you'll never have to with me. I'm yours. Although begging may lead to great rewards…"
Hello! I may suddenly become very adept at begging!
"Well what do you know; I just may be a beggar after all."
She blushes and laughs at me, and then she leans over and captures my lips in her own in a very tender kiss. This kiss stirs up so much inside of me that I am suddenly hyper aware that Charlie is only a room away and is a licensed owner of a firearm but, more importantly, a proud owner of a shotgun. I pull away quickly and we both groan at the loss of contact, but I remind myself that it is for a valid reason.
We continue to dissect her dreams until she lets out a yawn that I never knew someone so tiny was capable of.
"I think you need some more sleep. I'll leave you to it. Sweet dreams beautiful."
"Don't go. Please. I…I don't want to be alone right now. Stay with me?"
"What about Charlie?"
"He won't do anything. And if he does I'll just remind him that I'm not five years old anymore and I can make my own decisions."
"If you're sure…"
I crawl onto the right side of the bed and Bella curls her body into mine. Sleep is going to be hard to come by…
At exactly nine a.m. I hear movement on the stairs. I open my eyes but I can't see anything past the brunette locks covering my face. The strawberry scent invades my nostrils and I inhale deeply trying my best to internalize the scent. Her two warm arms are wrapped around my torso and as I shift to try to get up her grip only tightens. Damn this girl is strong! Oh well, it's not like I'm in any hurry to leave the comfort of her embrace anyway.
"You two better get a move on, we have a long day ahead of us. Watch those hands young man." I look down and notice my hands are securely placed on her plump ass, and move them so quickly you would think I got burnt. I don't know when my hands got there but they sure as hell weren't going back there anytime soon.
"Sorry, sir." My cheeks are tinged pink by this point and I send a silent prayer to whoever is willing to listen that he doesn't decide to fire off his firearm.
"I told you call me Charlie or I'll start calling you boy. Now wake her up."
"Will do."
He walks away from the door chuckling quietly. I finally begin to breathe a little easier at his departure.
I shake Bella lightly but she just snuggles closer to me, placing her right leg over my hip, nuzzling my neck and running her hand down my chest. I swallow the moan that is threatening to escape.
"Don't get me wrong Bella, I love what you're doing but if you don't stop I won't be held responsible for my or Charlie's reactions for that matter. So, please stop."
She mumbles something unintelligible but stirs a little so I know she's waking up.
"What was that?" I ask, trying to get her to make sense of her sleepy garble and distract myself from her touch.
"I said 'Who says that wasn't my intention all along?' Good morning by the way." She says all this with her face still hidden in the crook of my neck and her leg still firmly placed on my hip, precariously close to my ever-present soldier, awaiting his order to storm the gates.
"You will be the death of me. Come on, we have to get up before Charlie comes back in here and accuses me of taking advantage of his innocent daughter."
"I don't appreciate what you are implying Mr. Cullen."
"What do you mean?" I tease. Before she could respond however, I leap off the bed and run, headlong, into Charlie. Perfect.
He clears his throat and I nervously run my hands through my hair and pray to God that he doesn't look down. And, right on cue, he does. His face, which is steadily growing red, is set in a very terse expression. Please don't kill me, please don't kill me, please don't kill me!
"Ed-" Bella's voice stops short as she notices my tense stance and Charlie's puce face.
CPOV
Life is a long lesson in humility- James M Barrie
I like to think of myself as a pretty liberal guy. I mean I let the kid stay here don't I?
Against my better judgment I don't go ape shit on his ass when I notice that, not only did he sleep in my little girl's bed this morning, but that he's practically groping her while I am a few feet away. But no, I let it slide because, regardless of how much I wish it weren't true, Isabella is an adult now so I can't protect her forever. Besides I know he cares for her and so he won't intentionally hurt her. However, this just won't work.
I mean, have some respect for me and my house please.
There he is, in nothing but his pajama pants on, coming out of her room sporting an erection. Does he have no respect for me? Or my daughter even?
At least he has the decency to look ashamed!
"Ed-"I hear my sweet daughter's voice say and that just makes me see red. All I can think about is the fact that this vile creature wants to defile my little angel.
She steps out of her room and moves slowly towards me like the negotiator would in a hostage situation. That hurts me a lot. My daughter, taking his side over mine, treating me like I'm some fragile glass figurine, tiptoeing around my emotions.
"Dad…dad are you okay? What's wrong?"
How can she ask me that? Isn't it obvious?
"Look, Charlie…Mr. Swan, sir…I swear, nothing happened" his deceiving voice tells me.
"I should hope not!" is my brilliant response, but it comes out much louder than I expect and we all flinch slightly.
"Daddy. Calm down. See I'm still fully clothed" and she accompanies her statement with a twirl. Her state of clothed-ness mollifies me slightly, but only just. I'm also pleased to see that Edward is fully deflated. Good!
A moment of clarity allows me to rationally assess the situation. I may have overreacted just a little.
Okay so this is what I know: He just woke up. It's morning. But his hands were all over her. She is fully clothed. She looks disheveled. But she too just woke up.
Apologies are in order.
Damn it. I hate apologizing.
I clear my throat and both Bella and Edward visibly relax having sensed the shift in my mood.
"I may have been a little over zealous in my reaction. Please forgive me. I was just on my way to make sure you two were up" it seems that at least Edward was.
"Yes well, as you can see, we're both very awake dad. Edward and I were just about to go fix breakfast, weren't we Edward?" she turns to him and smiles brilliantly. He simply nods his head dutifully. I know that she just said that for my benefit so for hers I choose to accept it as fact. I nod my head in acceptance and return to my room.
I head to the shower to start my day.
I need to get the hell out of here!
BPOV
I didn't know then what I wanted, but the ache for it was palpable- The Mermaid Chair (Sue Monk Kidd )
Oh my God! I just about pissed myself when Charlie almost blew up at Edward. Luckily the situation was easily diffused.
I know Charlie saw right through my lie but he didn't argue so Edward and I walk down the stairs quickly to begin breakfast.
Pancakes for Charlie, waffles for Edward and me and bacons and eggs.
Edward begins to mix the batter for the pancakes and waffles while I set about setting the breakfast bar for our meal. I take put three plates and glasses as well as three sets of utensils and place them in their respective places.
Just as Edward is ready to pour the batter onto the skillet I begin to whisk the eggs for frying. Charlie walks in just then. "Don't fix anything for me kids; I'm heading down to Billy's to help with any last minute preparations."
"Oh. Ok. Would you like us to come with you? We can help out too."
"No, that's okay Bells. You two stay and eat something. When you're finished, if you still want to come help, then feel free."
With that he walks out the front door.
I turn to Edward and his puzzled look tells me that clearly I'm not the only one who's shocked by Charlie's sudden departure. I know for a fact that Charlie was not needed at the Blacks because Jacob told me that everything was set for the wedding this afternoon so why did Charlie suddenly feel the need to leave?
I brush the confusion and growing hurt aside and instead focus on the task at hand, making breakfast.
Edward allows me to eat in contemplative silence but he, to his credit, doesn't allow me to wallow for too long after that.
"Come on. Let's do something.'
"Like what?"
"I don't know. You're the one from around her so you tell me."
I stop to think for a bit.
"We don't have that many options given our time constraints but I would just love to get out of the house though. Let's go for a walk."
"Sounds like a plan."
"Are you sure? I mean that's not exactly the most exciting way to pass time…"
"Bella, I'll be with you, nothing would excite me more."
"What did I do to deserve you?"
"I should ask you the same thing."
How could I not blush after that?
We both go upstairs to get ready for the day. Embarrassingly I haven't even brushed my teeth for the day and I spent so much time with Edward. Ugh. He must think I'm such a slob. The fact that he hasn't brushed his teeth either refuses to hold any bearing to me however. Thank God I didn't kiss him though because my mouth would not taste appealing, I'm sure of it.
Edward is finished getting ready before I am so he proceeds down the stairs to wait for me. As I'm brushing back my hair I hear the telephone ring.
"Will you get that please!" I shout down the stairs.
"No problem."
I assume it is Charlie calling to check in or Jake calling to remind us that we had to be there by noon so I pay very little attention. I continue fixing my hair without a care in the world, so when I hear Edward shouts up at me that it was Renee who called, to say that I was shocked would be an understatement. My knees felt weak as I took the stairs and slowly made my way to Edward.
He silently hands me the phone. I shakily place it to my ear and, without knowing it, hold my breath.
"Bella? Is that you? Who was that who answered the phone? Where's Charlie? What are you doing in Forks? I would have thought you'd left that small dreary town by now."
"What do you want Renee? I'm busy; I'd like to get back to what I was doing if you don't mind."
"Oh, right. I'm sorry. I was just calling to get a number to contact you by actually. I wasn't expecting you to be there."
"What do you want Renee? I haven't heard from you for longer than I'd care to think about so you saying that you wanted to get in contact with me does not strike me with warm fuzzy feelings. On the contrary it only makes me sad because I know that the only reason you called is because you want or need something from me. So what is it? Let's not play games, we're both adults so pussy footing around the topic is not ideal."
Edward squeezes my shoulders reassuringly ju8st as I feel on the brink of breaking down.
"I honestly don't see why you need to be so rude. I raised you to be a respectful woman so please. Can't I want to speak with my daughter?"
"You can, but like I said, something tells me that you're not calling simply to catch up. If you'd tell me what it is you want I'll see that it can be arranged but please do so quickly I have somewhere to be."
"I'd like to keep in contact with you if you'd let me. To make up for lost time, you know? That's all I want. Can I have that?"
I'm about to say no, that she's too late but something tugs in my mind and I remember how much I wished that she were in my life. So instead of hurting her the way she hurt me I decide instead to grant her, and myself, her wish.
"How about you give me a number to contact you by? I'll contact you when I get home."
"Home? So you don't live in Forks?"
"No. Look I have to go. I'll tell Charlie you called."
"No!" she yells. She corrects her tone immediately and continues, "what I mean is, your father and I haven't exactly kept in touch. I was going on a prayer that his number would be the same. Call me when you can. 1-202-235-1552. Want me to repeat it?"
"Yes please."
I motion for Edward to write it down on the notepad beside the phone. My hands are trembling too badly for anything I write to be legible. As Renee repeats her number for me I say it aloud and Edward writes it. Then it clicks.
"That's in D. C. What happened to Europe?"
"It's a long story. I'll save it for another time. You get back to that delicious sounding man that answered the phone. Call me okay?"
"I will."
I hang up the phone, close my eyes and take a deep breath. When I open them again Edward is watching me warily. I rip off the piece of paper with Renee's number on it and stuff it in my pocket.
"Are you ready?"
The look I get from Edward is expected, you know the one that says 'are you crazy?', but I try my best to ignore it. I honestly don't have the energy or presence of mind to deal with the ramifications of that phone call right now.
I lead him out the back door towards the lush forest behind the house.
"Are you sure you want to do this? I mean I wouldn't want us to get lost or anything" Edwards teases me.
"I knew I should have kept that to myself. It was one time!"
"Sure it was."
"Oh shut up" I laugh.
If he was trying to make me laugh and forget about Renee for a little while, he succeeded because, as we explore the forest, the phone call does not cross my mind once. We walk through the thick covering of trees and shrubs. The heavy smells of the earth comfort us as we walk hand in hand along the path moving further away from the house. At first we move in companionable silence but as the darkness of the trees swallows us Edward stops and turns to me.
"When does your summer vacation begin?"
"Um, well when I get back to school we'll be moving towards exams. So we should be finishing the semester somewhere in early May. Why?"
"No reason. Just wondering, you know."
"Ok, well that wasn't random at all…"
"Just don't worry about it okay."
"Fine, I won't. So when you go back home are you gonna be on call?" I really don't want to think about him leaving me but I have to be logical and logically I know he has to leave. He is a part of something bigger than the two of us combined.
His face tenses for an infinitesimal amount of time that, if I didn't see it myself I would never have been able to guess at the turmoil raging inside him at the mention of this topic.
"Yes I am. From here on in I'll be on call getting hands on practice."
"So have you given any more thoughts to what you're going to specialize in?"
"I have actually. I sat down with my dad and we discussed the pros and cons of each option and I decided that surgery would be the better field for me. I love kids but I don't think I can watch them suffer. It'll kill a piece of me every day if I have to see that."
"That makes sense."
Just then my stomach lets out the most embarrassingly loud snarl imagined. My face turns red in my chagrin and Edward studiously pretends he didn't hear it.
How the hell am I hungry again? I just ate for crying out loud!
"It's getting a bit chilly out here, you want to go in?" he asks.
"Sure. Until you mentioned it I didn't really realize the temperature. You're right, it is kinda chilly."
We retrace our steps and head back into the house.
As we enter I realize we have a half hour until we need to be at the Black's so I fix us a couple of sandwiches and we have a quick light lunch. While Edward is showering I wash up the dishes. As soon as I'm done I head into my room to get everything ready for the wedding.
I shower quickly and we head into Edward's Volvo. The drive to Jake's is peaceful and shorter than I remember and before I know it, with the way Edward drives, we're there.
The wedding was beautiful. Rachel's dress was divine and made her look like a russet angel, her dark hair flowed down her back and her brilliant white smile makes her look more beautiful than I've ever seen her.
With the actual ceremony over the wedding party proceeds to the tent which had been erected for the reception. Billy has tears streaming down his face and pride reflecting from his eyes at how his daughter has grown. I have to fight back tears because I know that, because of my resolution with Charlie, I can someday have that look directed at me.
Sleep comes and I tell everyone goodnight and Edward and I drive back to Forks.
"That was a nice ceremony. The bride looked happy."
"Yes she did. I don't know her that well but I can tell that the two of them make each other happy, that much was obvious. But I am so exhausted right now it's not even funny. It's almost like I haven't slept in days. My eyes are closing down on me, it's ridiculous."
"Oh, you poor baby. Why don't you close your eyes, I'll wake you when we get there."
"But then you won't have anyone to keep you company."
"Don't worry about me. Get some sleep okay?"
"Okay." Not a moment later and I find myself in a dreamless sleep.
Somewhere in the back of my mind I notice a shift in temperature and hear the sounds of closing doors but I take little note of it other than that. Eventually I feel the annoying urge to empty my bladder, that's when I realize that I'm not sitting in Edward's car anymore but I am, in fact, at Charlie's house, in my room. Huh? How the hell did I end up here? I don't remember ever getting out of the car…strange.
I uncover myself and roll sleepily out of the bed. I move zombie-like through the hallway and into the bathroom. I relieve myself and then knock on Edward's door. No answer. Hmmm, he must be asleep. I guess I'll see him in the morning then.
As I turn to walk back to my room I hear his door handle rattle. I turn back towards his door in time to see his head poking through the door, his typically disheveled hair even more so coupled with his sleep filled eyes, and all I can think is 'God this man is perfect.'
"Hey beautiful. What's up?" his voice is husky and filled with sleep and I immediately feel guilty for waking him up.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I woke you. I should have realized you would have been asleep. Go b-"
"Sh. It's okay. Would you like to come in?"
I nod and as he moves aside to let me in I lean up and kiss him on the cheek.
His room is just as neat now as the day he arrived. He cleans up after himself, that's very good, I can definitely admire that.
I sit on his unmade bed and he sits next to me, taking my hands in his lap.
"What are you doing up? I thought you would be out for the count."
"I had to use the bathroom and then I realized that I was inside. Thank you by the way."
"Don't mention it. Luckily for me your dad wasn't home yet because I highly doubt he would have appreciated me holding you quite so close."
"Lucky indeed. Is he home now?" as I ask the question Edward watch beeps signaling that it is midnight. "Never mind." Of course Charlie would be home, it's late and he possibly has work in the morning.
"Actually, he's not here yet. He called earlier and said he was staying at the Clearwater's and he'll see you in the morning." Huh? Odd, but whatever, it his prerogative.
"The Clearwater's? I remember that name…but I can't put a face to anyone other than Harry, his old fishing buddy."
"Hmmm. So what did you want to talk to me about or were you just longing to see my handsome face?" he teases.
"Oh please. I wanted to know why you didn't wake me. It's not like I couldn't have walked the few steps myself."
"Because it would have been horrible of me to watch you sleeping as peacefully as you were and then wake you. So I chose instead to carry you to your room."
"And how then am I in my pajamas? You couldn't in good conscience wake me but you could most definitely strip off my clothes while I was defenseless?"
His face begins to tint pink and I have to stifle my giggle at his obvious discomfort. It's not easy to get him to blush so I have to revel in it any chance I get.
"I…I…you…well…honestly I didn't perve on you, I swear. I simply put on your pajama bottoms while your dress was still on. The top part I could do nothing to keep modest. I'm sorry. But I swear I moved as quickly as I could. I was the perfect gentle-"
"Edward, stop! It's okay. I'm not mad at you for making sure that I would be comfortable. Thank you." Just then a yawn escapes my careful control.
"You're still tired. Come on, in you go."
Without hesitation I crawl into Edward's bed and he snuggles in beside me. I am surrounded by his scent and it instantly makes me even more relaxed.
"So, did you like what you saw?" as the words leave my mouth his hand, which is resting lightly on my waist, tenses noticeably.
"Um…I didn't see anything?" Yeah right.
"Wrong answer!" I turn and smack him in the center of his chest. "I'm serious. Did you know I almost didn't put on a bra? That would have been awkward" and of course my blush comes as if on cue.
"Awkward isn't exactly the word I'd use."
"I'm sure it's not. What word you use?" Despite the nuclear blush that is covering my face I soldier on with the topic at hand. Why, I honestly don't know. But I do.
"I'm not sure it's appropriate to say. But let's just say I wouldn't have been opposed to it. I will admit it took a lot of self control to just take off your clothes and nothing more." He doesn't look me in the eyes as he says this but rather everywhere on my face but.
"Really?"
"Really."
As if possessed by a woman with a lot more self assurance than I have, someone maybe like Professor Tanya Denali, I reach over and straddle Edward's waist. I completely lose myself in the moment and in him. It could have minutes, it could have been hours, I have no idea how long we stayed wrapped up in each other. I suddenly became very aware of the situation when Edward's words broke through to my desire filled mind.
"Bella. What are we doing here? You have to tell me, I need to hear you say it."
"I don't know what I'm doing, but what I do know is that I don't want to stop."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive."
~twi~twi~twi~
I can feel that the morning has arrived but, oddly it is not accompanied by the usual stream of sunlight that enters my room. As this thought passes through my head, the bed shifts next to me and I start slightly. Then it all comes flooding back to me. I actually did it, I slept with Edward! Shit! I'm not so sure that was such a wise move.
I have no time to ponder that further because I hear Charlie's car pulling into the driveway. I try to get out of Edward's vice grip but it only tightens. Damn he's strong!
I have no other choice but to wake him.
"Edward! You have to let go. Charlie's home!" I stage whisper to him, not wanting to draw any unwanted attention to us.
His brilliant response to my growing sense of panic is to mumble some absolutely incomprehensible syllables. Great!
Maybe if I shake him he'll wake up. Thankfully he does.
"What's wrong?" he asks me as he sees the panic on my face. "You're not regretting last night are you?" The genuine hurt that crosses his face as he says this makes my heart ache for him. it also helps me to realize that I didn't in fact regret the decision as I had initially thought I did. I just hope I don't have any regrets nine months down the road! I'll cross that bridge if, and when, I get there.
"No. Of course not! Don't ever think that. But Charlie's home!" That finally breaks through his downward spiral. He leaps into action. He rolls off of the bed and hands me my clothes all the while getting dressed himself. I have never seen someone move so quickly before. I guess the threat of death spurs near superhuman speed.
Nonetheless we finish dressing and I sneak back into my room just as Charlie hits the noisy stair on his way to his room. His footsteps have the labored thread of someone who imbibed a bit too much alcohol for one night.
As I suspected he peeks into my room and, seeing nothing awry, he moves on. Thank God!
Sleep envelops me once more.
~twi~twi~twi~
Groggy, extremely well rested but a little sore, I open my eyes to bright sunlight. This is it. D-day. Today I leave Edward. Ugh.
The alarm clock tells me that it's already ten o'clock. Wow, I can't remember the last time I slept so long.
Okay what's the plan for the day…first things first I need sustenance. Secondly I need to do the laundry, and then pack my bags. Then, sadly I need to leave for the airport, leaving my heart behind with Edward.
I take a quick shower and head downstairs to get breakfast started. I didn't need to worry about that however because as I clear the stairs I hear Charlie and Edward talking in the kitchen and cutlery clinking. How the hell is Charlie up before me?
"Hey sleepy-head. I thought I was going to have to manually transport you to the airport. How is it that I came in at six-thirty this morning and I still manage to get up before you?" Charlie's voice is teasing but I can see from the slight tension in his eyes that he's genuinely curious.
"You know dad, I was wondering that exact same thing just now."
While dad tries to glean the truth from my eyes Edward gets up from his spot and fixes me a plate. I barely pay attention to what is placed before me as I inhale it.
"What's the rush Bells?"
"I just have so much to do before I leave." I get up from my seat and wash out my dirty dishes and then announce to no one in general that I was going to start the laundry.
After stripping the beds and gathering the towels I carry them and my laundry basket down to the laundry room. Edward follows me down with his dirty laundry citing that he didn't want me to have to deal with his smelly clothes. It's not like I was complaining or anything, but I guess he felt like he was doing the right thing. It's not really something you do unless you're a) married to the person, b) in a long-standing committed common residence relationship or c) his mother. We are obviously neither so I understand the hesitation. When I'm finished Edward takes control of the washing machine. He is meticulous and before long his colors are separated and the washer is going. We talk about nothing in particular and, before I know it, we are on our way back up the stairs to start packing. The time on the clock on my bedside table says that we finished everything within two hours. Packing takes me a half an hour at best and I decide to call Alice. I haven't spoken to her since Friday. She's probably on the brink of catching a flight here just to crucify me. I also need to call Rose whom I also haven't spoken to since I arrived.
"Oh, she lives! You better have some juicy gossip for me to make up for neglecting me all weekend Isabella." If I didn't know better I'd think she was serious but I could hear the good-natured humor in her voice after years of practice listening to her.
"I have so much to tell you but I don't know where to start. I wish I could see you and talk to you in person. I have a lot to tell to Rose too. I wish we weren't all so far away."
"You and me both, Bells. Can you believe I find myself missing Rosalie and Emmett and especially Tyler?"
"I have an idea. Hold on a second okay?"
I quickly dial Rose's home number, praying that she'd be home. Luckily she is.
"Rose, hold on a sec."
I connect the two calls.
I tell them everything that happened during this whirlwind weekend. Rose remains silent throughout the entire retelling but Alice, being Alice, interjects often but only seeking clarification. When I'm finished Rosalie breaks her silence.
"You slept with Edward?"
"Out of everything I just said that's all you got? Jeez Rose. Yes I slept with him okay."
"What was it like?"Alice asks.
"Amazing, what else would it be? He is a Cullen after all. Am I right Bella? I mean I'm sure he's no Emmett but he won't be a slouch either."
"Rosalie Hale! I am not responding to either of you. So nobody's going to say anything about Renee's miraculous reappearance into my life?"
"Of course we are Bells but this is kind of a big deal. I've known you for quite a while and having sex has always been a big deal for you so why are you trying to play it down now?" Alice's voice is full of concern and curiosity. I understand where she's coming from but ever since that weird-ass dream all I could think about is Renee. That does not go to say that sleeping with Edward is not memorable, which it so is, but it just has to take a backburner to something I've been obsessing over for way longer.
"I'm not downplaying it; it's just that this thing with Renee has me going crazy. We'll talk about it I swear just, can you guys help me wrap my head around how freaky it was that after I dreamt her she calls me up and says she wants to keep in touch?" The moment of silence that follows after I ask this causes me to worry; I don't understand what it means.
"So you said she's in Washington D.C.?" Rosalie, ever the trooper, asks.
"Yeah, that's the area code she gave me. Why do you suppose she's back in the US?"
"Well, maybe Phil decided Europe wasn't all that it's cracked up to be? Or maybe they're just here for a while? Or maybe she finally grew some sense, left Phil and came home to look for her amazing daughter?" Alice fires off suggestions at me in her special way of speaking. I can't help but smile into the phone at her sorry attempt to decipher the enigma that is Renee.
"Sure Ali that last one is definitely it. She said we have a lot to talk about but I'm wondering now if this is what I really want. I mean when I heard it was her on the phone so many emotions ran through me all at once. I was confused, hurt, happy, but above all I was pissed as hell! Then when she kept begging to get back in my life I was reluctant at first then I talked myself into it. Now I'm wondering if that was such a good idea."
"Bella, for as long as I've known you you've been circling this topic constantly. It's no surprise that you'd have some hesitation about letting her back into your life after having hurt you so badly but this is what you need. Even if it's just to decide whether or not you want her to be a permanent part of your life or not, you have to do this. Don't you agree Rose?"
"Exactly. Look Bella, your mom may not be the best one out there but she's your mom so the best thing for you to do is at least clear the air between the two of you like you did with your dad. Look how well that turned out."
"Maybe you're right. Thanks for listening you guys. I should get going, it's almost time to leave so I should get some time in with Charlie."
"Running away from the topic Rose and I want to talk about I see. Fine, but know that you're not getting off so easily. Right Rose?"
"Right... Bye Bella. Hurry home, Tyler and I miss you."
"I miss you guys too. I'll be there as soon as I can. Bye Ali, I'll call you as soon as I get in okay?"
"Promise?"
"Promise."
"Okay, bye." With that my two closest friends hang up the phone and I leave my room to spend some time with the other occupants of the house.
I spend an hour talking and laughing with Charlie but then he gets a phone call telling him that he has to come out to work. For the remainder of my time in Forks I cuddle up to Edward on the couch and watch TV. I don't even remember what it is I was watching. I just remember that I am spending the last few moments I can with Edward before I have to head back to New York.
Before I know it, it's time to leave for the airport. The ride is bittersweet, with both of us trying to stay positive for the other. As the airport looms closer my eyes sting with the unshed tears that forms. I try to stay strong, to not let him see me cry, but it's the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. I finally understand what it must have been like for Edward when it was him who was leaving me behind earlier. I honestly thought I had gotten the shitty end of the stick in having to watch him go but now I know that that was the easier option, I suddenly selfishly wish that that were the case again right now. I feel as if my heart is ripping from my chest as I walk away from him towards the departure lounge. The cool temperature of the airport sends a shiver up my spine but I ignore the chill, too consumed by my heartache to care. My footsteps are heavy as I walk away from the one man who has managed to make me feel when all others have failed. Despite my better judgment I turn around and I am positive that my heart breaks at the sight I leave behind me; Edward's face is contorted in pain as he watches me walk away. At this point all he would have to do is ask me to stay and I would leave everything and everyone else behind and start anew with Edward, nothing else matters without him, not even finishing my degree. Suddenly he disappears in a crowd of people moving past him and I lose sight of him. That reprieve gives me the strength I need to continue on my trek to my gate.
Finally, mercifully, my flight is called and I board the plane. I finally allow the tears to come as I look out of my window and watch SeaTac grow smaller below me.
As I was writing this chapter I realized that I have absolutely no specifics in this story. Hmmm, sorry about that... I am possibly the worst writer ever; it's a good thing I don't get paid for this right? Haha. So anyway I'm going to try to make some feasible clarifications here. Okay so Bella started working for Rosalie a little over six months ago. Before that Charlie was paying her rent. She decided that she wanted to support herself and not be a burden on Charlie any more. She is also heading into her final year of her degree in September. Right now she's on her Spring Break. Make sense? Let me know and don't be afraid to ask me any questions if something's unclear to you or whatever…
I would just like to say thank you for sticking with me, thank you for all the alerts, THANKIES for all the favorites XD (u boost my ego like u wudn't believe) and for those who took the time to review I would like to send an extra special THANK YOU! Exams are through…so we press on.
Let me know what you thought of the chapter, especially the dream, and I may throw in a teaser or two…just saying… ;D
Hope it was worth the wait though. I also hope your holiday season was as AMAZING as mine!