A/N: MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
Soooo here is chapter 10! Oh snap we're getting into the double digits now. Hot damnnnnn. Hahaha. But yeah. I wanted to give you all a Christmas present so I updated a lot sooner than I thought I would. And all though not every single one of you celebrates Christmas, well take this as a gift for whatever holiday you do celebrate :D I'm sooo excited that I'm able to get this out to you guys. Granted I didn't get everything in it that I wanted. Ok the only thing that didn't make it was Lana. But I couldn't find a good enough place to fit her in, so yeah. The God awful bitch (haha) won't be returning until the next chapter.
But any who I want to keep this short and sweet but clearly that isn't happening. Haha. I just want to thank you all for the lovely reviews and kind words. I know it say it all the time but it really does mean so much to me to hear (or read…?) that people like my writing. It's a HUGE ego boost, which I desperately need! Sorry I couldn't find the time to reply to any of the reviews. I've been swamped with writing this and doing last minute Christmas shopping! I know shame on me but what are ya gonna do?
But yeah. So I'm going to wrap this up now. Oh and if you aren't already, FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER! I have like six measly followers, so pathetic. Lol. But I love those of you who are in those six! Now talk to me! Haha. So check me out! Don't be afraid to hit me up, I'm always on!
Oh and that reminds me, I am now taking song requests for this story :D if there's a song that you're dying to see some writing put to it, that you think will go nicely with this fic then shoot me a PM and I'll see what I can do. No promises but I do love sharing and hearing about other peoples musical tastes. So yeah do it!
And clearly I LOVE Paramore. This is like the bajillionth time I've used their lyrics. And I plan on using more! hahaha
Anyways this A/N is ridiculously long so on with the story! Happy Reading!
**
"Maybe if my heart stops beating
It won't hurt this much.
And never will I have to answer,
Again to anyone.
Please don't get me wrong,
Because I'll never let this go,
But I can't find the word's to tell you,
I don't want to be alone."
-Paramore
Chapter 10
Broken Promises Pt.2
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Leah spit out harshly.
I flinched as my eyes met the tall stoic figure towering above me.
"You know why I'm here," They calmly replied. "The real question is what are you doing here?"
I guess my time away had not done its part in healing Leah and Sam's relationship.
"I'm catching up with Bella," she said it so casually, as if we'd been BFF's since the beginning of time. "I mean we're practically sisters and all," She sneered.
Oh right. Charlie and Sue…I guess that did make us close by default?
"Leah," Sam sighed impatiently.
"What the fuck is it to you anyways?" She hissed.
I flinched once more. The sudden use of foul language was strange and unnerving, wasn't Sam her Alpha? How was he putting up with this?
"It's everything to me," He whispered, his eyes holding a look of remorse.
I turned my head and raised a brow. Huh?
Leah jumped to her feet.
"The hell it is!" she cried, pushing him backwards a step. I scrambled to my feet to place myself in between the two of them. The last thing I needed was a rumble taking place in front of my job.
"Hey, hey" I said as I stepped between them. "Can we not do this here?"
Leah backed off and took her place on the bench once more to her chest, crossing her arms tightly. Sam took a step back also.
"You're right, I'm sorry Bella." He said.
My other brow joined the first.
Why was he being so nice; so calm? I thought he hated me; at least that was the impression that I received at Jacob's home that first day, and from the Alpha Order Leah had told me of. Speaking of Alpha orders…
"Leah?" She trained her steely gaze on me. "How is it that you're here? What with the Alpha order and all…" I looked back at Sam whose face had returned plain stoic.
"I'm no ones bitch now," She mumbled. I opened my mouth to retort. "Let's just leave it at that, shall we?" I nodded and looked away from her.
"And why are you here?"
Sam raised his eyes to me. "To invite you and Charlie to the bonfire we're having tomorrow night"
"What?" Leah and I shouted at the same time.
"Peace offering, sort of a welcome back," Sam replied seemingly unaffected by our outburst.
"Bullshit," Leah hissed rising to her feet to stand by my side. "What are you playing at?"
"Nothing; it's just to welcome Bella back to Forks, back to the pack."
"U-um, well t-thanks?" I stuttered out. I was way beyond confused.
"Don't listen to a word he says Bella," She gripped my elbow tightly pulling me away from Sam.
"W-why what's wrong?"
"Leah don't do this," Sam's voice had undergone a sudden drastic change from calm to hard. "I'm warning you,"
"And what are you going to do about it, huh?" She hissed back. "You can't tell me what to do; I don't follow your orders anymore."
I flicked my eyes back and forth between them. I hated when people left me out of the loop.
"What's going on?"
"It's not a welcome back party or some pathetic peace offering Bella," Leah kept her glare trained on Sam, whose hands were clenched tightly at his fists. His eyes spoke of betrayal and anger.
"Then what is it?" I questioned. What else could the bonfire possibly be?
"It's the Tribal Council's stupid ploy at making sure that you're still human; that we don't need to go on the defense." She hissed. "It's all a load of shit." She spat at his feet.
My jaw dropped and I caught a look of resentment and regret flick through Sam's eyes before it was replaced with that sudden calmness once more.
"I-Is that true?" I breathed out to Sam. "That's the only reason?"
Sam avoided my eyes and shook his head slowly.
"No,"
"Unbelievable!" Leah cried. "Bella let's go," She pulled on my arm, walking towards my car.
"Jacob wants to see you Bella," Sam spoke.
I stopped in my tracks, Leah doing the same.
"He wishes to speak with you."
"W-what?" I was shocked, hurt, happy, and elated all in one instant.
Jake wanted to see me? He actually wanted to see me?
Leah noticed the hopeful look on my face and stepped within my line of sight, blocking my view of Sam.
"Bella stop it, right now." She hissed at me, her eyes wild and fierce.
"He wants to right his wrongs," Sam continued.
"Jake," I breathed out.
"Bella listen to me please," She begged with me. "You can not go and see him, not now." But I was already too far gone.
I attempted to step around her but she held me in place.
"I could take you to him tonight," Sam tempted me, knowing I would fall for the bait.
"Tonight?" My voice was hopeful and light.
"Bella please," She begged.
"Why can't I see him Leah?" I questioned, my eyes filling with tears. "Why?"
"It's not the right time," She whispered. "Not now,"
"Let her go Leah," Sam called to her.
"You have too many things to figure out right now," She went on, ignoring him. "To go now, would be disastrous to everything."
"But…"
"Bella you have to listen to me," She continued. "I'm all for you fixing things with Jake but now is not the time; tomorrow night is not the time."
"Leah," Sam barked harshly.
"Fuck off!" She threw over her shoulder keeping her eyes transfixed on mine.
"I need to see him," I cried silently. "I-I-I"
"You're not ready…he's not ready."
My mouth fell open and closed a million times before I conceded to her pleas. I vaguely heard Sam curse from behind Leah and saw his shadowy form stalk off without another word.
I was confused and bewildered. What the hell had just happened?
"Leah, what is going on?" I was suddenly angered and annoyed.
"Not now," She replied, leading me to my car once more. "You need to finish explaining to me what happened." I opened my mouth to protest. "And then I'll explain." I shut my mouth and climbed into the driver's seat of my car as Leah took her place in the passenger seat.
Things were becoming increasingly odd…and I didn't like it one bit.
**
"So what happened when you went back to the bloodsucker's lair?" Leah asked me from her spot on my living room couch.
I ignored her insult towards my once family and handed her, a cup of coffee as she sat curled upon my sofa.
Charlie was out to dinner with Sue, so I had no need to keep my voice hushed as I recounted the events to her.
3 years earlier
The Cullen's House
I pulled my car to a stop in front of their home, what used to be my home, with a heavy heart. I didn't know how I was going to break the news to Edward, how I was going to explain myself.
Of course, he would already know of my decision; they all would. My present life would have disappeared the second I decided to go to La Push; and my future, well that would have disappeared the moment I told Jacob that I wanted him.
"Isabella," A soft gentle voice spoke from outside my window.
I let out a tiny shriek and found Carlisle standing just outside my door. His eyes were a rich golden and his face was solemn.
I opened the car door and quickly clamored out rushing into his outstretched arms. I mentally cursed myself for I was already crying. I had promised myself that I would be strong, that I could not allow them to see how much my decision was hurting me; no matter how much better Jacob and life would be for me.
"Shh," Carlisle attempted to soothe me, patting down my hair. "It's alright."
"No, no, no" I continued to cry. "I'm so sorry, Carlisle, for everything."
"Here, why don't you come inside and then we can talk about everything."
I nodded and followed behind him towards the house. Walking up the driveway to the front steps I noticed that every car was present. As we stood on the front steps of the door, I paused and looked into the house through the wide open door. To think that this would be the last time I stepped foot in here, well it was heartbreaking yet exhilarating to say the least.
Carlisle held a hand out to me and smiled. "They're waiting for us in the living room,"
I took his hand and allowed him to lead me into the living room.
Rosalie and Emmett sat upon the sofa facing towards the entranceway. Emmett flashed me a half smile, most likely due to being happy for me yet sad that we were no longer family. Rosalie's face for once held a look of happiness and acceptance towards me. She out of all of the Cullen's would be happiest with my decision.
Jasper leaned against the other adjoining doorway; his expression hard and unreadable. His lips were set in a tight line his eyes squinted in concentration. I immediately felt a wave of calm rush over me, my tears subsiding but the ache in my chest only flittering away slightly.
On any other occasion he would have dispelled any pain.
But this was different.
This time I deserved to hurt.
My eyes quickly flitted across the room in search for Alice.
"She's upstairs," Jasper's matched his demeanor; hard and collected. "With Edward,"
I visibly flinched at the sound of his name, wrapping my arms tightly across my chest. My breathing was labored and the tears were quickly returning.
"I-I'm sorry," I mumbled, averting my gaze to the ground. I couldn't face any of them, my once family. I couldn't stare into the masked hurt or outward appearance of pleasure and happiness with my decision.
"Bella there's no need to apologize," Rosalie spoke up suddenly. She rose to her feet and quickly closed the space between us, my hands suddenly held within her hands. "You don't have to be sorry,"
"N-no, no I do!" I cried attempting to pull my hands from her. She let me go easily. I looked warily around the room at each of their faces; all smiles save for one. "I have every reason to be sorry."
"Bella dear, its fine." Esme spoke softly.
"N-no it's not." I shook my head furiously. How were they just accepting this so easily? Had they never wanted me in the first place?
"Seriously Bella, it's cool we don't hate you," Emmett laughed out, standing to join Rosalie in front of me. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and smiled down at me. "I mean even if you did choose a dog over our brother; your husband. We still love you."
"N-no, no!" I took a shaky step away from them and their smiling faces, their cold yet accepting manner. This was wrong, all wrong.
Carlisle spoke next. "Isabella everything is fine, it's all going to be ok-"
"No! Stop saying that!" I lashed out, my voice rising to new heights. "Stop telling me everything is fine, that it's all going to be ok, it's not, ok? So just don't, fucking say that it is!"
Their eyes were suddenly wide in amazement.
I shrunk away from them, my guilt eating away at me.
I had never raised my voice with them before. The family, excluding Rosalie, had done nothing but treat me with kindness from day one; accepting me into their lives, their home; their family. And here I was cursing and yelling at them like some ungrateful bitch.
"Oh God, I-I'm so sorry," I cried collapsing to the ground.
"I think it's time everyone give Bella some room," A soft voice spoke from the staircase. It was tiny and light, like the sound of tinkling bells.
Alice descended the last couple of stairs gracefully and came down to a squat in front of me. I didn't look at her; I couldn't.
"Bella," I ignored her. "Bella look at me."
When I refused her a second time she gripped my chin firmly in her hands and lifted my eyes to meet her.
"You will be ok," She forcefully spoke. Her eyes holding nothing but love for me. "You are going to wipe your eyes, stop the tears, and compose yourself." She pulled me to my feet. "And you are going to speak to Edward, now." I nodded my head meekly and followed behind her up the stairs towards my…Edward's bedroom.
"Wait," Leah interrupted my story. "They were all happy that you chose Jake?"
I nodded silently and fumbled with my hands in my lap.
"Yup. Everyone except Jasper,"
"The freaky weather man?"
"He control's emotions not the weather."
"Right, same difference" She waved me off. "So what was his problem?"
"I don't know, I think it was because I hurt Alice, the one who sees the future," I interjected Leah before one of her colorful descriptions of Alice escaped her open mouth. She nodded and closed her mouth shut. "She was my sister and so set on me finally really becoming her sister; one of them."
"So?" She spit crossing her arms.
"So, I took that away from her." I shrugged.
"Bella, when are you going to start living for yourself instead of others?"
I dropped my jaw in surprise as the weight of her question hit me. I stuttered over myself to find an answer when Leah waved me off once more.
"Whatever just finish your story,"
I nodded and continued on…
After reaching the bedroom Alice left me alone at the door without another word spoken. She was gone like a summer breeze, leaving me alone to face the bitter winter.
I opened the door hesitantly, afraid of what I would find on the other side.
Edward sat upon the bed he had purchased for me, his back facing me. The soft sounds of Clair de Lune played in the background and my heart nearly shattered. He was humming softly to himself, choosing to ignore my presence as I crossed the room to sit next to him on the bed. When I sank into the soft feather mattress of the bed I cautiously reached a hand out and grasped the hand that lay next to me. He was hard; stiff and unmoving. We sat in silence and let the music wash over us, my breaths deep and finally controlled.
"I love you," I whispered into the air, unable to face him. "You know that don't you?"
"Of course I do Bella," He replied, his voice sounding strained. "And I love you, you know that."
"I do."
The room was silent once more. Edward lifted my hand and pressed it tightly to his cool marble lips, placing a feather kiss upon the palm of my hand. I shuttered when I felt the tips of his fingers grasping beneath my chin to turn my head towards him. I kept my eyes locked on the intricate design of the down comforter, afraid to look into his eyes, scared that I might drown in them.
"Bella, love" He sighed. "Look at me please?"
I shook my head and could feel my tears sliding down my face, falling unto my hands.
"Please," He wrenched out.
My eyelids fluttered rapidly and finally I raised my eyes to his face. What lay before me completely shattered my heart, scattering the pieces with in my chest, jagged and sharp, tearing at my insides.
His face was that of a broken man. Gone was his crooked smile, gone was the light from his once bright eyes. Gone was the healthy glow of love and gone was the strong façade of a strong man. He was torn, his eyes dark and lost, his face full of sorrow; so completely vulnerable. I knew that if he was capable, Edward would bee crying right in that instant.
"Oh Edward!" I cried, throwing myself into my arms. "I'm so sorry!" I mumbled over and over into his chest.
I tugged and pulled at his shirt to try and pull him closer to me, to feel the hardness of his chest pressed tight to me, reassuring me that everything was going to be fine. My sobs tore through my body, shaking and twisting my insides, my body convulsing against his as I cried and cried and cried.
"Bella I love you," he whispered into my hair, kissing my forehead, my cheeks, my ears, along my jaw and finally the corner of my mouth. "I love you so, so much."
He cradled me tightly to his chest, smoothing out my hair and continuously placing kisses upon my face.
"You have my heart, my everything; I am yours," He whispered into my neck. I wound my arms tightly around his neck and buried my face in the space between his neck and shoulder. I took in the scent of him willing myself to remember it yet unable to let it go; let him go. "Please stay with me, don't leave' He begged, pulling away to look into my eyes.
My head hung low as I sat in his lap. He grasped my hands and place a kiss upon the inside of my wrist.
"I can give you everything you've ever wanted and more," he stated, kissing up my arm, making his way to my collar bone, where he gently kissed and sucked, drawing out a sudden rush of desire in me.
I moaned lightly and tilted my head to allow him better access.
"I'll give you everything you've ever dreamed of." He kissed his way up my neck moving to my jaw.
"I'll give you the world," He kissed along my jaw and made his way to my lips. "I can give you forever."
And suddenly his cold hard lips were moving with mine, the sweetness of his breath escaping into my mouth, clouding my senses and fogging up my mind. I couldn't think straight; all I knew in that moment was that I couldn't let him go, it was impossible. I was shrouded in pure bliss as his lips moved roughly with mine, his tongue gliding across my bottom lip begging for entrance. I happily obliged and let him in, our tongues colliding instantly drawn out in a never ending dance. I fisted my hands in his hair pulling him closer, and still needing to be closer.
He then pulled me roughly to him, so that I was straddling his lap, my chest pressed tightly to his. I instinctively moved against his lap, feeling his want and need for me. I was aware that at any moment he could pull away, but I was willing to take my chances. This was farther than we had ever gone, crossing that forbidden line and testing the boundaries with a new and vigorous strength. I was so far gone; all I could see was Edward, all I could taste was Edward; all I could feel was Edward.
"I love you Bella," he gasped against my lips. "Always."
My movements ceased and realization hit me…hard.
It had only been a mere two hours earlier that those same words had been spoken to me.
"Jacob," I breathed out.
Edward tensed and his eyes grew dangerously dark.
"What?" He hissed.
I shook my head and removed myself from his lap a fresh wave of tears upon me.
"I-I can't, w-we can't…Jacob." I stuttered lamely, climbing to my feet and backing away from him.
I clutched at my button up t-shirt and looked down, shocked to find that it was fully open, bearing my naked stomach and bra covered chest to him.
When had he unbuttoned my shirt?
"What about that Dog?" he spat out. I flinched, unused to this cold tone being inflicted on me.
"Edward please," I begged.
"Please what Bella?" He hissed.
"I love him," I stated, the tears falling rapidly as I fumbled with the buttons of my shirt.
"Yes I know that," He stated, his eyes flashing with anger and jealousy. "But have you forgotten who you married?"
I shrunk away from his hard glare and glanced down at the ring upon my left hand. It was beautiful, a family heirloom, a deserving ring…for someone else.
"I haven't forgotten," I whispered.
"Well you could have fooled me," he spat once more as he ran a hand through his already disheveled hair. "Damn it Isabella, how much longer do we need to do this dance? How much longer until you can let him go?"
"I-I can't,"
"That's because you don't try," He took a step toward me, reaching for me.
"I don't want to." He stopped in his tracks. "I love him, Edward, I-."
"But does he love you like I do?"
"Of course," I wrapped my arms tight around me and stepped away from him, my eyes glued to the floor.
"But for how much longer Bella?" I stopped and looked at him my eyes filled with horror.
"W-what are you talking about?" I stumbled, though I already knew.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about."
"N-no, he wouldn't, Jake would never-" I balled my hands into angry fists.
"He has no control over it, no say in that matter." Edward's tone was ice cold and hard, his eyes unforgiving. "It's only a matter of time before he imprints,"
"Stop-"
"I know it,"
"No-"
"You know it,"
"Shut up-"
"He knows it."
"You don't know-"
"It's in his blood Bella," Edward stated. "And we all know how strong his is."
I was fumbling, grasping for a defense. But I knew that my faith in him was fading. Jacob had always spoke of imprinting as a rare occurrence, but nearly the entire pack had imprinted. And with Jacob's Alpha blood…
"He'll fight it! He's strong!" I cried. "He-he won't let it control him!"
"He's strong but not that strong Bella!" He retaliated, his voice rising to an all new height. "And it's about time you realize that!"
"He's not you!" I screamed. Edward's eyes widened. "H-he is nothing like you. He would never leave me."
A look of regret and grief appeared upon his face, his shoulder crumpling.
"N-no, he wouldn't…never…he can't" My heart shuttered and I was suddenly choking, fighting for air. My resolve crumbled as I sunk to the floor clutching at my chest, fighting to breathe. Edward rushed to my side immediately and began rubbing small circles on my back, trying to calm me.
I didn't want to give in to him, I didn't want to give in to my fears. I knew that imprinting was a risk and I had accepted it, or so I thought. And suddenly I was second guessing myself, questioning whether I was making the right decision.
The chance of Jacob imprinting was sky high. Could I really take that risk? Could I give myself over to him only to have him imprint and leave me behind? Yes Jacob was strong, but how strong?
"So that's it?" Leah asked.
I nodded solemnly, suddenly aware that I was crying.
"You left because of imprinting?"
"I-I'm not proud of my decision-"
"And you damn well shouldn't be," She spat. "For fuck's sake Bella you let that God damn leech manipulate you into staying with him!" She cried throwing her hands up into the air.
"I know, Leah, I know."
"Why, what, how could you?" She forced out.
"What would you have done?" I cried looking up to meet her steely gaze.
"I wouldn't have left that's for sure!" She retaliated.
"Oh that's a load of cock shit and you know!"
"Who the fuck do you think-"
"You can't honestly say that if you were in my position you would have stayed!" I cried. "God, you just don't understand!"
"If I was in your position? Where do you get off talking about imprinting to me?" She roared suddenly on her feet. "Like I don't already know what it's like Bella!"
Leah's eyes were filled with tears and my heart broke; instantly regretting everything I had said.
"I have to face the affects of imprinting every God damn day," She cried. " So don't you dare," She pointed a finger harshly at me "Think that you're the only one whose got it rough around here."
"Leah, oh God I'm so sorry," I moved to get out of my seat to console her but she waved me away.
"Whatever," She said, wiping away her tears. "I'm over it."
I sunk back into my seat as she took her place once more upon the couch. Neither of us spoke for quite some time, the silence deafening.
"Leah?" I whispered.
"Yeah,"
I paused, knowing that I had to choose my words carefully.
"Um-"
"Just spit it out Swan."
"I-If you had known about Sam…w-would" I struggled with my words, biting my lip to strain the tears. "Would you have stayed?"
Leah looked at me and paused. Her eyes focused and unguarded.
"I-I honestly don't know," She whispered.
Before I could reply to her there were two loud raps against my front door. The both of us glanced at the clock hanging above the TV wondering who would be knocking on my front door at midnight.
"W-who?" Leah started as I got up from my seat and made my way to the door, Leah close on my heels.
When I opened the door, I was more than shocked by who was standing on my doorstep.
"Evening Bella," A soft voice droned out, no more pleased to be on my front porch then I was to have them there.
I was unable to speak, too taken aback and disgusted to get a word out. Thank God Leah was there to answer for me.
"Lana?" She hissed. "What the hell are you doing here?"
**
A/N: Love me? Hate me? You know what to do!
oh and Merry Christmakwanzakha and a happy new year!
Xoxo
B
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