AN: Milestone...Chapter 10! Whoohoo it's been a good ride so far. I can't wait for you guys to see what I have planned already. Hope you guys stick around. Sorry for any mistakes.
Lexa sat lost in thought as she finished off her beer. Her eyes stuck on an invisible spot on the ceiling as she avoided her friend's examining gaze.
The truth was she knew exactly how to answer Lincoln's question, but she felt uneasy about her response, especially given the fact that the subject of their conversation could walk out at any given moment.
After a few minutes of silence and her picking absentmindedly at the bottle label, she realized she had to say something. Mostly because it was unlike her not having a witty remark or comeback during uncomfortable situations.
Lexa shook her head slowly before looking back at Lincoln, her green eyes locking with his brown ones in challenge. "I never said I did." She allowed a devilish smirk to cross her features before she stood to collect the bottles and offer the guy another drink.
She was glad when he accepted. It made her feel less guilty about needing to drink more to hide the pang in her stomach. Perhaps an inebriated buzz could help alleviate the other buzz she felt over the entire situation and conversation.
When she approached her seat and landed on it rather dismally, she sighed. Lincoln had seen through her response, and now he was surely not budging until he got an answer. And judging by his raised eyebrows, she would have to come up with one soon lest his face get stuck with that expression.
The brunette laughed to herself at the thought. The beer was already getting to her.
"So?" He inquired.
"Since karaoke night at her place." Lexa nodded with a shrug and a lopsided grin. Lincoln sunk further into his seat at the revelation. He took a sip from the bottle while he worked quickly to formulate a response.
He sighed along with her this time and nodded. "Wow. What's holding you back?" He drank some more beer after he asked.
Breathing out yet another sigh she shook her head. There was really nothing holding her back except for the fact that she was still not sure Clarke felt anything in return. The blonde was easy to talk with, but she felt disconnected from her still. She was hard to read at times, and that was a challenge for Lexa.
Sure they teased and flirted, but friends did that all the time. What made them different? Perhaps the blonde only saw her as a really good friend. Nothing more. And in all honesty, being rejected was not something Lexa was accustomed to, but deep down dreaded.
The relationships before [the one] had all been initiated by the other party. It had come naturally to her. She was easy going, could strike up any conversation, and she knew she had the confidence that many lacked. Her past girlfriends had all complimented her on it.
It wasn't until Costia that Lexa had to approach a girl and put those skills to the test.
They hadn't fallen instantly, but after they met at a high school party the summer before their senior year, it had been nothing but easy coasting for the girls. Long phone conversations, midnight texts, and late night meet ups to watch movies neither girl really liked were enough for a while.
Until Lexa knew Costia was the one she wanted to be with, possibly forever. She complimented her in every way, and no one had ever made her feel the way she could. That's when the brunette texted the girl, in the middle of the night, telling her she couldn't wait to see her the following day at school.
They had exchanged similar messages before, but the subtext of that message was unlike any other, and Lexa knew Costia would understand the difference.
She was right, because the next day during lunch Costia approached the brunette with a knowing smile on her face. Her brown eyes twinkled at Lexa, and her teeth bit lightly on her bottom lip with anticipation. She knew.
Needless to say, they spent the entire lunch break under a tree in the quad, smiling freely and basking in the new emotions while Lexa geared up to make her move. Costia had agreed to be her girlfriend before the bell rang.
It was the start of the best three years of her life.
"If the list is that long maybe it's not the right time." Lincoln brought Lexa back from her memories with his comment, and the brunette shook her head before looking down at another picked off label.
"Not the right time for what?" The duo jumped at the sudden intrusion from Clarke. Thankfully she only had a clear view of Lincoln, allowing the brunette enough time to recover, and for her face to lose the shade of red that heated her cheeks.
When Lexa turned her head enough to see the blonde her mouth dropped open. She had to remind herself that breathing through her nose was an option as she slowly brought her lips back together.
"You look great." Lincoln replied before Lexa could formulate a response and she sighed to herself gratefully for the change in topic.
"Thank you." Clarke nodded in appreciation at him before looking back at the brunette who sat not four feet from her. "You alright, Lexa?"
The brunette nodded as she recovered. "Lincoln's right, you do look beautiful, Clarke." She tipped her beer bottle at the girl before drinking the last of the alcohol.
The girl's cheeks reddened just enough to be noticeable. "Thanks." She paused to look around awkwardly. "I uh, gotta head out. You two have fun working on the play."
"Wait, wait, wait." Lexa waved a hand side to side. She wanted to make sure she heard her right. "You're meeting him? Why isn't he picking you up? What kind of date is this? He's doing it all wrong. How do all the girls fall for this guy?" She teased with uneven brows that shifted lightly into a smirk.
Lincoln suppressed a throaty laugh as his forehead creased in question.
There was an embroidered eye roll from Clarke before she shook her head at her friends. "Jerks." She looked down at her phone when it alerted her that her rideshare was there. "It's not a date."
"But you're dressed like that." Lexa pointed with her eyes at the form-fitting dress that made her want to gulp.
"So." Clarke wrinkled her brows, annoyed by the implication. "Can't a girl dress nice for herself without it meaning she's trying to attract attention?"
"But you do attract attention." Lexa argued back. She caught her tone and questioned whether she had just morphed the teasing into a more serious and dangerous conversation or if the beer affected her hearing.
"You most definitely can. And what person wouldn't look at you?" Lincoln added with a wide smile to shift her intense glare from Lexa to him.
She exhaled heavily before shaking her head to clear her thoughts. "My rideshare's here. I'll see you later." Clarke smiled at Lincoln and nodded seriously at Lexa before she walked out of the apartment.
The echo of the door latch catching the strike plate sounded around the room and Lexa dropped her head in her hands with a grunt. "What the hell just happened?" She mumbled rhetorically.
"You just acted like a jealous jerk." Lincoln smirked with a firm headshake. "And you insulted the girl you're pining over."
She groaned again this time reclining in her seat and dropping her head back to look up at the ceiling. "There's no pining."
"There's definite pining." He retorted. "Got any more beers?" Lincoln smiled when the brunette looked at him, silently thanking him for trying to make her feel better.
Clarke and Octavia were quietly working away on the first poster when Lexa walked in to the living room holding her head with both hands.
"She's alive." Octavia joked while attempting to keep her pose for the artist who had yet to look away from her work.
"Barely." Lexa replied as she walked past them muzzily, cursing the hangover her body was nursing. "Coffee anyone?"
"No thank you." Clarke responded while continuing to add brush strokes to her painting.
The brunette nodded perceptively, recalling the night before and assuming the girl was still upset. She wanted to apologize, but decided to do it when they could be alone. Her eyes drifted towards Octavia in question and the girl shook her head no as well.
When she reemerged from the kitchen a few minutes later with a mug in hand Octavia looked at her questioningly. Something was off with the blonde, and she wanted to know if the bartender knew what it might be. Lexa took a sip of the steaming liquid, ignoring her friend's curious stare, and focusing instead on the work of art before her.
The corners of her lips pulled up in the barest hints of a smile as she watched Clarke paint away on the canvas. Her mind's eye could picture the blonde's focused expression although she only had a view of her hands and her messy bun from where she stood.
Soft touches of the brush brought Octavia to life on the painting and Lexa nodded, impressed with the work. She looked up at the brunette and gave her a thumbs up as she sipped on her coffee again.
"Stop distracting my model, please." Clarke muttered in a way that sounded annoyed yet playful all at once. Lexa grinned and moved from behind the painter to stand beside her. She could feel the blonde's tense energy and supposed she was shooting her a sideways glare.
"Fully proportional. No disfigurement. You look like a work of art, O." Lexa teased in a mock critical tone. "No pun intended." She smirked. "Good job, Clarke." She added.
"Why are you here?" Clarke dropped her brush into the holder on her pallet before looking directly into Lexa's eyes.
Lexa shrugged. "I live here." She looked at Octavia to avoid the blonde's wrath.
The blonde groaned. "I know that, but why are you here here?"
"I was getting coffee." Lexa moved her mug closer to Clarke's dissecting blues in an almost childish manner.
"Let her go, Clarke. She's hungover." Octavia smiled at the exchange, and no longer questioned why the blonde was in such a serious mood as she stared at the culprit.
"Thanks, O." Lexa nodded at her before grinning and walking away towards her bedroom to get dressed.
Neither girl said a word as they heard her leave the apartment minutes later.
Sometime later, opening the door to her apartment had never been more nerve wracking.
Lexa was unsure about what to expect when she walked through the door. Maybe Octavia still striking a pose, stiff from the hours she would have held it by now, while Clarke worked away. Perhaps Clarke sitting on the sofa she had been sleeping in the past few days while she doodled away. But definitely not Clarke sitting in Lexa's favorite love seat with tears running down her face.
That, Lexa did not expect.
"Clarke?" The brunette walked cautiously towards the girl before setting a doggie bag from their favorite diner on the coffee table. "What's wrong?" She asked as she knelt in front of her. The girl's eyes were red and completely aloof as she stared at her hands despite the brunette's questioning. A surge of panic took over Lexa as she looked around and back at the blonde feeling useless. "What happened?" Her voice was laced with a hint of desperation. "Clarke?" She almost whispered it then.
It was that which brought Clarke out of her stupor and had her blinking down at a very distraught looking Lexa. "I was going to leave." She sighed with guilt. "I didn't want to over stay my welcome, but when I remembered why I was here I panicked." Her voice began to crack and her eyes drowned in the tears she fought to hold at bay.
Lexa smiled sadly up at her before placing her hands over the blonde's. "Clarke I would never kick you out. I'm sorry if I made you feel unwelcomed." She shook her head at the girl hoping she could really hear how sorry she was. "You leave when you're ready."
"What if I'm never ready?" Clarke shrugged with a watery smile at the brunette.
She laughed softly and shook her head. "We'll talk about it if it ever happens, but you're strong. You'll be ready eventually." Lexa smiled up at the girl and squeezed her hands before standing. She stood in place, not knowing whether to sit and keep the girl company, or leave her to recollect herself in peace.
"Is that for me?" Clarke eyed the doggie bag almost bashfully as she imagined it held something greasy and delicious. Her eyes were still red, but her small smile set Lexa at ease.
"I don't know." Lexa shrugged. "I mean I'm still kinda hungry." She back-pedaled towards the bag, feeling particularly playful and in need of taunting the blonde.
Sensing what Lexa had in mind, Clarke shook her head steadfastly as she crossed her arms over her chest. "Nope. I'm not chasing you around for that bag. I'm not 12." She pouted. "Can we be adults and you hand me the bag like a normal person?" She eyed the brunette who grinned from ear to ear.
Sinking further into the love seat, Clarke feigned disinterest and included a yawn for show. When Lexa swung the bag from side to side before her, she shrugged and leaned back with eyes closed. "I guess I'll just eat these onion rings all by myself, then." The brunette remarked.
The rumpling of the bag had the blonde opening her eyes wide. And the smell of the beer-battered onion rings as Lexa pulled one out made her salivate in response.
In an instant, Clarke jumped out of the love seat and nearly succeeded in tearing the bag out of the girl's hands. But Lexa was quick as she side-stepped her eager clutches and avoided the coffee table before rounding the sofa to use it as a barricade.
"Lexa, give me the onion rings, please." Clarke pouted from the opposite side of the couch.
The brunette grinned roguishly as she munched on the greasy treat before wiggling her eyebrows in challenge at the artist. "So good." She took another bite. "Come get them."
She felt like a little kid chasing someone who had stolen her favorite toy, but Clarke ignored any common sense of maturity to circle the living space behind Lexa.
They laughed and dodged each other as Lexa continued to pull onion rings out of the bag to pop them in her mouth. On one particular instance however, when she was too engrossed in the act of chewing, Clarke caught up and tackled her from behind.
Their bodies landed in a tangled heap on the floor and Clarke frowned when she heard the brunette laugh heartily beneath her. Her eyes were shut tight and her teeth on full display as she let her limbs fall resignedly beside her, the paper bag no longer any concern as she let it go with an audible thump.
"What's so funny?" Clarke huffed out of breath as she looked down at the brunette.
"Nothing." She responded in between catching her own breath and small chuckles. "I just wonder what my downstairs neighbors think just happened." Lexa opened her eyes, glossy with a happy shin of laughing tears before sighing and locking gazes with Clarke. "That was fun." She took a moment to appreciate the view she had. It could have been anyone else towering above her, but nobody could have made her breath catch like Clarke just had.
Her hands moved of their own accord as she felt the blonde's hip bones snugly in her hands. She squeezed impulsively and sighed again when she saw Clarke's eyes widen and grow darker. She cursed herself inwardly for alerting the girl of their compromised positions.
Their eyes remained trained on each other as their breathing remained labored, albeit not from the exertion of running around in circles.
Lexa felt herself clinging softly onto the girl's hips, but it was not much longer that Clarke cleared her throat and pushed herself up and off of the brunette.
Neither girl spoke about the disappointing emptiness that flooded them at the loss of contact. However minimal it had been.
Instead they smiled wide at each other, with only the slightest hint of awkwardness, before they walked to opposite sides of the room.
"That'll teach you to keep onion rings from me." Clarke puffed out victoriously as she retrieved the bag, grateful it hadn't spilled the goodies.
"You're welcome, Clarke." Lexa countered as she made her way towards the washroom in need of a refreshing shower, thrilled that at least she now knew Clarke felt something.
Thanks to those big blue eyes of hers, she had seen it clearly.
Still, there was much to figure out, especially where Anthony was concerned.
TBC…
Oh such a good development. I feel it coming now. They're so close to giving in that I can feel it. Those two are so into each other it's a wonder how they've managed to stay away this long. Hope you're all still with me. Lets see what the next chapters bring us...hopefully Anthony-less...who knows.