Until You Come Back to me Again

Chapter 10: Revelations

Rated PG-13

Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is not mine. Sailor Moon and all the characters within the series belongs to Naoko Takeuchi.

Summery: (A/U) Usagi and Mamoru grew close, growing up together in the local orphanage, never wanting to each others side. But after Usagi gets into a life-altering accident and Mamoru is adopted, will the two reconnect after years of separation?

A/N: Again, I'm sorry for the long-long-long delay. And again, no excuses. I could say "yea, I just graduated college and bought a house and I'm planning a wedding and I relocated," but I know that in between that, I had countless hours to write up a chapter. So instead, I'm doing it at work :P Actually, I was inspired to write this after finishing Nicholas Sparks' Dear John last night… good book and I do say, read it! I hope you enjoy this second to last installment (or so I'm planning). Also, I revamped chapter 1. It makes a LOT more sense now. Thank goodness for creative writing workshops :)

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"Yes?"

"Yes."

"I don't understand," she said, confusion etched across her face.

"We befriended each other after you arrived at the Home. I was seven and you were fi–"

"I don't understand why you wouldn't tell me," she sputtered. "Mamoru-san, why wouldn't you tell me that you knew me? It makes absolutely no sense!"

Watching her face express dozens of emotions – confusion, sadness, anger, bewilderment – he couldn't muster the words as to why he didn't tell her. Sure, he had his excuses, but in the end, did they even matter?

"I, I thought I was helping you by not saying anything," he lamented.

"By what, purposely avoiding telling me that we once knew each other? Or that we were friends? It makes no sense! What were you protecting me from, aside from the truth?"

"After I figured out that you didn't remember me, I thought it was best to not force a friendship out of you by stating that I knew you before your accident. I had a feeling that if you didn't remember me, then you didn't remember anything prior to it, and I just thought that –"

"Thought what? That it was better that I didn't know? Keep me in the dark? I've been confused about what happened to me for seven years. Seven years, Mamoru-san. Do you have any idea what it is like not knowing anything about your childhood? I have no memories about time spent with my Mother. I couldn't remember my friends from the Home, and as a result I would up being the stand-alone kid because I didn't know how to interact with them. Everyone was afraid to go near me because I was 'poor Usagi-chan, lost her memory and doesn't know me.' It wasn't fair for you to keep that from me, especially for months."

The silence loomed over them for a moment. Mamoru couldn't blame her at all for her anger. At first, he thought it was to protect her from painful memories, but then it became more than that. He wanted her to remember him, to remember what they had.

"Usagi, I'm not going to lie to you," he said. She looked at him expectantly, as if she was waiting for the transcript of their past. He suddenly became aware of how cold it was outside as the snow fell around them. The chill matched the fear inside of him; fear that after he told her everything he would lose her.

"Back when you were five, you came to the Home after your mother's murder. I remember coming up to you and telling you that your hair looked funny, like spaghetti and meatballs. At first you were angry that I made fun of you, but after I asked you what happened and you told me, we began to talk. You were my best friend there and we were always together. I don't know why, but I had this need to protect you, and those feelings grew throughout the years. The day before your accident, I had met with the Chiba's and you had asked me..." he paused for a moment, trying to figure out how to word, "you asked me if I was leaving you. I was thirteen and had given up all hope that anyone would want to take a teenager home. Plus, I didn't want to leave you behind. I didn't want to separate from you. By then, it was more than a feeling of protecting you, it developed into something I couldn't explain. I told you that I would never leave you, that we would be together. That's when you tied the bracelet around my wrist. You asked me to promise you that I would stay by your side. That by the time we were old enough, we would leave the Home and be together."

He felt his stomach knot as her eyes widened. "I, I gave you the bracelet?"she asked.

"Yea, that's probably why your memory triggered."

"Oh," she whispered quietly.

"Usagi, your accident, that moment, I saw it happen. That memory has been seared into my mind and I doubt I will ever forget a single moment of it. And ironically enough, I was adopted by the Chiba's the same afternoon. I had always hoped that one day you would have contacted me, but as the years went on, I knew you didn't remember me. Part of me was angry, part of me was sad, but at the same time, I knew that by not remembering me there was a chance you didn't remember all the terrible memories that you went through. No one should have to see their parent harmed, and you saw the worst of it. I amended that if you didn't know me, you didn't know that memory, either."

He shoved his hands deep into his coat pocket as he watched her take in what he was saying, the anger scribed on her face subsiding. He didn't know if he should leave it at that, or if he should explain the determination of getting her to remember him. Something told him that if he didn't tell her, he might be able to salvage the trust that he broke by omitting the truth to her these past twelve weeks. Yet, he also knew that if she found out down the road, those once broken ties would be severed completely.

"You know the day we bumped into each other at the coffee shop, when you spilled coffee on my pants? The reason why I fumbled over my words was because when I saw you, I knew immediately it was you. Your hairstyle and that rich, blue color of your eyes, it never left me. And when we were in the same chem. class and the teacher said 'Usagi,' I almost lost it. I was ecstatic that I finally, after seven years, was able to see you again. Those feelings that I had over the years came back to me ten-fold, and when you slipped me the notes, I thought you recognized me, too. But you didn't. And while it hurt that your memory loss of me was confirmed, I wanted to become your friend. I had this hope that maybe, just maybe, if we became friends," he paused, taking a hard swallow, "that maybe you would remember me. Remember us."

Whatever she was feeling, Mamoru couldn't tell. All he knew was that he hoped she wasn't angry at him for delving into the feelings he had for her. Maybe she wanted the brief summary of their friendship? Or maybe she wanted to know the truth about how he felt for her. But what if she didn't? Panic started to grow in his stomach, suddenly regretting mentioning "us" in a romantic way.

"This, this is, this is…" she stuttered, "I need to sit down." She breezed right by him, walking to a nearby bench and sitting down on it, not bothering to wipe off the snow that dusted itself atop it. He slowly followed her, unsure whether she needed to be alone to take it all in or if she wanted to say something. He ran his hand through his hair, nervous and anticipating what words would be exchanged next.

"I'm not going to pretend like I'm not hurt, Mamoru-san," she finally said. "I wish that you told me this shortly after we established a friendship, not before we're about to head our separate ways for the next six weeks."

"I'm sorry," he said, casting his eyes downward.

"I'm also not going to lie that when we sat down outside after the first day of chem. that I felt something," she said in a gentle voice. "I had this nagging familiar feeling that I knew you, like really knew you. I couldn't figure out why, but I just pushed it aside. I know you mentioned we were at the Home together, but I didn't think to put two-and-two together." He looked back up at her, her hands clasped in her lap, her eyes focused on the pavement.

"You," she said softly, "you should have told me."

"I know."

"This changes everything."

"I know."

"I know that you did this out of respect, Mamoru-san, I really do. But it's a lot to take in. I thought we were really good friends."

"I'm sorry, I really am."

She stood up and looked at him, as if she wanted to say something, but hesitated. After a few moments, she spoke slowly, "I'll see you next semester. Have a nice holiday, Mamoru-san." She shoved her hands in her pocket and walked past him, the clicking of her heels fading as she went off into the distance.

After the sounds diminished, he sat down on the vacant bench and stared out at the empty quad. The snow began to fall heavier, but he didn't care. Although he knew that she would have felt betrayed by keeping the secrets from her, he couldn't help but have that small hope that she would understand and want to know everything about their friendship. And maybe, even about the promise. He knew that's why he had mentioned it. It wasn't for her benefit, it was solely for his. He wanted more than anything for her to fall into his arms with a sudden realization that they were meant to be together, even though it was a farfetched dream. Instead, she walked away with the truth and broken trust. Perhaps for good.

Just as she came back into his life like a blazing fire in his heart, it was quickly put out behind justifications and excuses he made. The fire went out, cindering his heart into a thousand pieces.

For the second time in thirteen years, and over the same girl, he bobbed his head into his hands and cried.

---

The day after had felt like an eternity to Mamoru. In between packing, a sleepless night, riding the bullet train home, and the anguish he was going through, he wanted nothing more than to busy himself to try and forget about the feelings. He was his own undoing, and that crushed him more than anything else. Perhaps by visiting friends and spending time with his family, he could try and overcome the regret and start spring semester with a fresh outlook. Maybe, even, he could move on.

He immediately dismissed the thoughts as soon as they popped into his head. Caring for someone for thirteen years – more than half his life – would be impossible to overcome in six weeks. He never wanted to stop caring for her and he knew that he would continue to hope that she would forgive him, even if it took twenty years.

The first few weeks of winter break went by slowly. He thought about nothing but Usagi and what she was doing, how she thought about his revelations, if she would forgive him. He even wondered if his words wound up driving her deeper into Seiya's arms for comfort and consoling. He felt his body twist with anger at the thought of it, sending himself deeper into regret, anger, and isolation.

His parents tried to cheer him up. After a few days of silence, he told them about what happened. He always confided in his parents about her, especially after they witnessed their separation. They consoled him as he expressed his anger, frustration, and sadness, and they did their best to try and distract them by taking him away on a five day trip to Niseko for skiing. All it did was depress him even more, thinking about Usagi and Seiya's anniversary ski weekend.

It was a week before he was about to go back to school. He felt bad about the lack of time he spent with anyone, but he couldn't escape the demons that planted themselves within him. Determined to try and make the most of his last week, he called Motoki and asked if him and the guys wanted to go down to the bar and hang out. After confirming the plans, he felt a little bit better and headed into the shower to get ready.

Throwing on a t-shirt, a button up and a pair of jeans, he walked out into the living room and sat down on the couch waiting for the guys to pick him up. He turned on the TV and began to flick through the channels when the doorbell rang.

Turning off the TV and tossing the remote, he grabbed his coat and opened the door. About to make a wise crack, he froze.

There she was, standing outside the doorway.

"Hi, Mamoru-san."

---

She didn't know what brought her here. One moment she was hanging out with Minako and the next she was on a bullet train for Hiroshima. All she knew is that when he opened the door, her heart leapt at the site of him.

Ever since he told her everything about their past, she couldn't stop thinking about him. At first, she was angry at him for hiding the truth from her and convinced herself that he was just trying to weasel his way back into her life by playing a game with her about getting her to remember him. But after the anger fizzled, she knew it was misplaced. It must have taken a lot for him to admit what he did, and she knew that the reasons behind not telling her were to protect her. He was right – no one should have to go through a parent dying. She started to think about how he said it hurt him that she didn't remember him, and those words stuck for a while. Not once did she consider that protecting her was emotionally harming him in the first place. He barricaded those memories to protect her, regardless of how it may have hurt him. After the revelation, she was angry with herself for being angry with him.

When she was at the coffee shop with Minako, she spilled everything: the Children's Home, the accident, Mamoru, and what he told her. Minako listened quietly as Usagi poured everything out, including feelings she wasn't willing to admit to herself. She knew she fell for him, despite Seiya and their relationship. She felt a connection to Mamoru immediately and found herself looking forward to spending time with him rather than Seiya.

"Go to him," Minako said.

"What?" she asked, startled by the bold suggestion.

"Go to him, Usagi-chan. This whole thing isn't going to resolve itself if you don't talk to him."

"I can't just go, Minako-chan! I don't even know where he lives!" she weakly rebutted.

"Usagi-chan, we can find his address. You need to go to him and sort this out. He's got to be hurting too, you know?"

"I didn't think of that," she admitted quietly.

"Go, Usagi-chan. There is nothing but you holding you back."

And she did. She ran back to her parent's house and scraped together what little money she had to buy a ticket to Hiroshima. The trip was lengthy, and felt ten times longer due to the anticipation of seeing him. All she could think about was if he even wanted to see her and what he would say when he did. Minako texted her his address mid-way through the trip, saying that she got it from Motoki. In the back of her mind, she wondered what was developing between the two of them, but her nerves pushed the thought into the back of her mind.

Now here she was, standing inside a luxurious building in front of a private entrance to a penthouse, staring at him. The look on his face, the frozen, shocked look, scared her. Did he want her there? Clearly, he was dressed up and about to go out. Swallowing her fears, she asked "can we talk?"