Gaara's Journal
Chapter 10 – Alcoholic
A lot of time had passed since Naruto or Gaara had encountered any whack jobs. "I wonder if everyone is okay…" Naruto said, finally breaking the silence.
"I'm sure they're fine. Well, my siblings are anyway. You're pathetic comrades must be dead by now." Gaara exclaimed.
"Alright dude. What is your problem!?" I mean this whole time you just sat there and made fun of everyone!" Naruto yelled. Gaara sighed as they both came to a stop.
"Listen blondie, I have a lot of issues and I know that you do too. So the next whack job that we face, he's mine alright?" Gaara said, hoping that this mission would soon come to an end.
"Fine." Naruto simply replied. While they were arguing, they didn't notice that the endless forest had actually come to an end. They were standing in a large, wide open field. However, they weren't the only ones standing in it.
"So this is the last of the sound ninja 5 eh?" A boy said. From Gaara and Naruto's point of view, he was standing to the left. Dressed in nothing but spandex, his hand was up as if gesturing his opponent to come towards him, and the other held behind his back.
"Hey, I thought that there were only 4 of these sound peoples." Naruto whispered. He and Gaara were still in one of the trees.
"I don't know. Why are we sitting here like rocks anyway? We should be helping him." Gaara said. The look Naruto was giving him!
"D-Did you just say that we should help him?!" Naruto asked, his voice almost became a whisper. Lee and the last of the sound ninja stared in their direction.
"So, it looks as though we have some spies." The sound ninja said. He smiled an evil smile. "I suppose I'll just have to eliminate you all."
"Gaara! Naruto! Sup guys? I don't really need your help! Go and bring back Sasuke eh?" Lee explained.
"Didn't you just have surgery? Nope I'm staying." Gaara said. He walked over to Lee and stood in front of him.
"Alright. I'll go get Sasuke." Naruto said, disappearing once again into the endless forest.
"This is Kimimaro," Lee began, "he uses bones to attack from his own body."
"Bones? Bwahahaha! Don't make me laugh. I will crush them. Well Kimimaro, prepare to die." By the time Gaara had finished that statement, Kimimaro began to attack with one of his own bones. He must be a fish because you would die without bones. Who the hell does that!? As Gaara blocked the bones from Kimimaro's fingertips that had came flying at him like bullets, Lee pulled out a bottle and drank the liquid inside.
"What are you doing?" Gaara asked turning around. Lee was on the ground along with the open bottle which lay next to him. Lee appeared to be sleeping. Kimimaro caught Gaara off guard and tried to attack Lee. He was about to impale Lee with one of his bones, but as soon as it came within a foot of Lee's face, he sprung up and drop kicked Kimimaro in the head.
"Gottcha eh?" Lee said standing up wearily. He was all over the place.
"Dude I got this!" Gaara called back, blocking Lee from Kimimaro. The enemy looked bored. He stood at a distance, exchanging evil glances with Gaara. Alas he put off the battle.
"Would you prefer to just wait until he is sober?" Kimimaro asked sitting down. Gaara nodded and did the same. While they were waiting, Gaara recalled his journal that was still with him. There wasn't really anything to do and he hadn't written in it in a while.
Entry 9, Alcoholic
Damn. That green dude is drunk. You know, Lee "of the Mounties" as he calls himself. Kimimaro (the enemy) and I are just going to wait until Lee is not drunk anymore. I could really go for some cookies right now. Sam I am definitely raiding your kitchen later.
Gaara put the journal in his gourd. All of a sudden, his cell phone went off. Gaara had one of those Nextel phones. You know the walkie talkie ones. "Dude, why the hell do you have the sponge bob theme song as your ring tone?" Kimimaro asked, backing away slightly. Gaara said nothing and answered his phone. Kimimaro couldn't help but listen to the conversation.
"Sponge bob this is Sandy. You are not raiding my cabinets later. I have real kunais." The person said from the other side. It sounded like a girl's voice.
"Sandy this is not a good time." Gaara said. When "Sandy" said "I mean it Gaara!" he hung up without a reply. I am Sandy by the way. I has shurikens too so Gaara can't half ass my cabinets like he did the other day. Now back to the story. Kimimaro gave Gaara the "what the fuck?" look. "Long story." Gaara said.
"Ugh what happened eh?" Lee asked, walking toward them. Kimimaro and Gaara finally stood after what felt like a painfully long time.
"Never mind that." Said Gaara. Once again, his phone rang. This time it was a song sung by Miley Cyrus. Both Kimimaro and Lee backed away. "SHUT UP!" yelled Gaara as the other two giggled.
"Gaara report back to the village. This is serious." The other voice said. It was Baki and he sounded seriously pissed off about something. Gaara hung up the phone and turned toward the others.
"I'll be back. Don't fight yet. I need to do something!" And with that, Gaara left. Kimimaro signed heavily and sat down again.
"Why the hell did I even bother to go on this mission?" Kimimaro mumbled. He looked over at Lee who still smiled even after the fact that he had to wait until Gaara got back to fight. Probably thinking about Guy in that spandex again… "What is your name kid?" Kimimaro asked finally.
"Oh, I am Rock Lee of the Mounties eh!" Lee replied.
"You got any more of that medicine?" Kimimaro also asked. This was going to be a long wait.
"Yeah sure here is the other bottle eh!" Lee replied. When Gaara arrived at his rebuilt home back at Sunagakure, he met Baki in the kitchen Temari and Kankuro sat at the table. They didn't look too happy either.
"Explain this." Baki said, holding up a piece of paper. There were a few TV show titles, each with prices next to them. In the top left corner it said "Comcast on Demand".
"I don't know what?" Gaara asked. Baki slammed the paper on the table causing the other two sand ninja to flinch.
"THIS!" he yelled pointing at the "Girls Gone Wild" title.
"It was Kankuro's fault!" Gaara calmly replied. Kankuro jumped up from the table.
"Nu-uh! It was him!" Kankuro shouted and pointed at Gaara like a little kid.
"ENOUGH!" Baki shouted. He sounded aggravated now. "I will find out who did it later but for now, the two of you owe me four dollars. Two each!"
"Thanks Gaara." Kankuro mumbled with a scornful look on his face. Gaara shook his head reluctantly.
"It's not really my fault cat man. I did not know that the program contained pornography, which I am not particularly into, unlike you." Gaara explained. Temari gasped and recoiled from Kankuro.
"You are the one who has been looking up porn on the internet! Kankuro how could you?! That is just plain sick. You know what; I just might burn that computer in case. I don't even want to know what you did in the chair. As a matter of fact I'll burn that too." Temari said her voice fading as she walked into the living room.
"Yes as a matter of fact, I saw Kankuro laughing out of the corner of my eye." Gaara said, smirking.
"WHAT? You were screaming and covering your eyes how could you?" Kankuro was about to say more but Baki silenced him. They both wound up paying the bill anyway. Gaara was about to go into his room and tune everyone out by blasting his ipod which had all of his favorite Disney music on it (oops did I say too much?), but then recalled the mission that he had not completed yet…if you even called it a mission.
Meanwhile back at the open field, Kimimaro and Lee totally lost it. Lee was rolling around on the ground in his underwear, and Kimimaro was singing Hillary Duff songs, holding a stick in his right hand as if it were a microphone. After a while, Kimimaro started to come back to his senses. He looked around to see if anyone was there. Didn't a boy say that he was going to return? Kimimaro looked over at Lee who was actually asleep this time.
"Sakura...yes I will go out with you if you promise me that you aren't really a guy." Lee said. Kimimaro laughed to himself softly. Suddenly, a boy emerged from the tall green trees on the opposite side of the field. Yes, it was the same boy as earlier. He had actually returned. Kimimaro unsteadily rose to his feet. Gaara looked over at Lee first, but when he saw Lee in his pink underwear that said "Youth" on the butt, Gaara almost hurled. Great, another mental scar. Just what I needed. Gaara thought.
"So are we going to fight now?" Kimimaro asked, yawning then looking at Gaara. Gaara studied Kimimaro from afar. He decided that his sand would probably crush Kimimaro's bones. Gaara also noticed that he was pretty quick on his feet. Maybe that was the solution…. Yes, Gaara would definitely persuade him into that.
"How about I make a deal with you." Gaara said. Kimimaro's eyes drifted to another direction, then he nodded and gestured Gaara to go on. "I've noticed that you are quick on your feet. How about we play a game of dance dance revolution. If I win, I get to crush you with super ultra mega sand coffin, also known as sand tsunami. If you win, you get to go do whatever you like. Bowl cut and I will not interfere. What do you say?" Gaara explained. Kimimaro seemed to take interest in his deal. He smiled.
"I accept. Let's do this." Kimimaro replied. Gaara frowned at the fact that Kimimaro just stole his line, but he went on with the deal and they began to play. Gaara went first. It was mostly perfect because Gaara has funk power (as seen on "The Naruto Abridged Series" on youtube). Gaara wound up having a four hundred note streak at the end and a very high score. Now it was Kimimaro's turn. Gaara could see that he was a little nervous. The game began and Gaara watched as Kimimaro had a good start, but towards the middle of the song, his skills went downhill. He failed to hit a few arrows, and in the end, his scored wasn't even close to Gaara's. Kimimaro turned in his direction, seeing Gaara's hand rise, preparing to kill him on the spot.
"Oh shit…" Kimimaro said, trying to run away. The whole forest was smothered in sand. Kimimaro lay in the middle of it all, a mere ant from Gaara's point of view.
"SUPER ULTRA MEGA SAND COFFIN!" Gaara said clenching his hand into a fist. The earth shook for a moment, and then it was all over. Lee appeared behind Gaara (fully dressed now), and frightened him with a simple hello. Gaara was somewhat glad to see the alcoholic still alive. They both agreed to go find Naruto as soon as possible. Lee was actually still in shock that Gaara was going to help instead of attempt to kill him again. Gaara sighed. With all of this shit I could write a novel. He thought.