WOW!!! My tenth quickie! This calls for some celebration! Now we're so happy, we do the dance of joy! Excuse me while i go find Balki to help me with it...



Explanations/Disclaimers: If back in the 1700's people were named after their jobs, like Mike Carpenter was a carpenter, and Harry Smith was a blacksmith, what in the hell did John Handcock do?



Quickie #10: Do you like scary quickies?



ANNOUNCER: "I have nothing to say..."

Our favorite trio has just crossed the boarder into Lavender Town. "Hmmm..." Misty muttered, looking around the extremely gloomy and creepy town, "Cheery place, isn't it?" she said.


"Well, it could always be worse... remember that time we stayed at that hotel?" Ash reminded.


***SCENE CHANGE TO BATES MOTEL...


"Ash..." Misty says clinging to the young man's arm, "I REALLY don't think we should stay here... I have a really bad feeling about this place."

Ash scoffed and laughed, "Oh Misty," he said, chuckling and stepping over a body bag and opening the door to the motel room, "You worry way too much."

Misty jumped when she saw a knife sunk deep into the bed, "Ash!" She cried, "I told you somethings weird about this place!"


Ash picks the knife up, "Yeah, that is weird... instead of a complementary mint, they gave us a complementary knife... hmmm... good quality... too bad its stained with raspberry jam."

Misty just paled more.

"Awww Misty, relax, why not take a nice hot shower to calm your nerves?" Ash said walking to the door.


Misty paled even more when Ash opened the door and said, "Oops, excuse me ma'am... hey, is that another complementary knife for us?"

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...


"Speaking of hotels..." Brock spoke up, "We really should find a place to sleep tonight... seeing that it is Friday the 13th, and it looks like rain, and that 100 years ago today there were those mass murders in this town... plus this is the exact location where they filmed 'Mortal Kombat 2."

Ash and Misty shuddered in disgust and fear.


"Your right Brock," Ash agreed, "So does the guide give any good places to spend the night?"


"Well," Brock said reading, "There seems to be two places... there's Camp Painfuldeath; an old camp turned into a hotel that was built on an authentic Indian grave site. Interesting story, it seems that the bones of the dead were actually dug up, ground into powder, mixed with grave soil and used to make a giant monument with a large plaque hung up on it, reading, "Whatcha going to do about it? Curse us? I'd like to see that". It also has free cable, and is close to a Denny's"


Misty and Ash just shot each other a silent glance. "Okkkkkkayyyyyy...." Ash said, "And what's our other choice?"

"An Econo-Lodge." Brock read.


***FIVE MINUTES LATER...


Our favorite trio enters the lobby of Camp Painfuldeath and Ash says, "Welcome to the lessors of two evils."

The trio examines the small wood paneled room. "You know," Ash says looking at one wall, "Its not every place you visit that has its own ax collection."

"You know..." Misty says, "Something about this place gives me the creeps."

"Really?" Brock asks, "What?"

"I just cant put my finger on it." Misty says looking at a wall filled with the stuffed heads of animals on plagues. Three plaques are headless, and they read "Teenage victim #1, #2 and #3."


"Must just be your imagination." Brock says looking at a picture of a man in a hockey mask holding up a large cleaver, underneath it reads, "Camp Painfuldeath's Worker of the Week"


"Hmm... he must be the chef." Brock says examining it.


"Yeah, that must be the point!" Ash chimed in.


"But it's dull work." Brock retorted.


"How sharp of you to notice that." Ash replied.


Before they could get off and running, (Sorry, all you pun fans, all 3 of you will have to wait for another episode), Misty rang the bell sitting on the front desk.


"Youuuuuuuuuuuuu Rannnnnnnnngggg?" the large clerk asked lurching in from the back.


"He sounds familiar" Brock whispers to Ash.


"Yeah... that's Eeyore's voice, isn't it?" Ash replied.


Misty bowed slightly to the clerk, "Actually you can help, we were hoping to stay the night."

"Okayyyyyyyyyy." The man replied slowly, and handed Brock a set of keys, "Here you gooooo."

After leaving the main office they started heading towards the cabins. "Hey Brock," Misty asked, "What number did we get?"


Brock checked the key and replied, "Cabin #1"


"Number one?" Misty asked, "I figured the way our luck was going, our room number would have been 13!"


"See Misty?" Ash said, "Its not as bad as it could have been."

The short little road that they were walking on suddenly split in two with a sign in the fork.

***Cabins 2 - 13 Left. Our trio looks down the left fork, the route brightly lit and only about 10 meters long, finally leading to a brightly lit, and very contemporary looking lot with modern cabins.


***Cabins 1 - right Our trio looks down the right fork, which leads into a deep dark scary forest with no end of the road sight.


There's a moment of silence until Misty breaks it saying, "Oh, you've gotta be Fbeeping kidding me."


Without any hesitation at all, Ash started walking down the right route. "Come on guys! We've got a cabin all to ourselves! I bet we'll just rest in peace there."

Brock and Misty exchanged a glance, and reluctantly walked and joined up with Ash.


After about a quarter of a mile of dark road, our trio made it to the cabin. "Wow!" Ash said cheerfully, "We're really out in the middle of nowhere! I bet we could scream bloody murder out here and no one would hear us!"

Again, Brock and Misty exchanged a reluctant glance.


Upon opening the door, Ash let out a great big sigh and plopped down on the bed. "Ahhhh, this feels good" he said, "Man, I am dead tired! I'm so tired I feel like the walking dead."

Again, again, Brock and Misty exchange a reluctant glance.

As they started unpacking Ash got an idea. As long as they were in such a creepy setting, might as well have some fun! Ash said grinning wickedly, "Did you guys hear about the legend of the ghost lumberjack that dwells in these woods?"

Misty just stuck out her tongue, "Nice try Ash. You're just making it up and I'm not falling for it."

Suddenly, a howl echoed from the woods. Ash tried again, "Uh oh... sounds like Werewolves!"

Again Misty just stuck out her tongue, "Nice try Ash, that's just a Houndouer. You know, I'm pretty hard to scare."


Ash thought for a moment and then grinned and said, "Hey Mist, did you hear that Shaq is making a new movie?"

Misty let out a loud shriek and yelled at Ash, "Stop it!!!"

Brock stepped in, "Alright Ash," he said, "That's taking it too far, we're all going to have nightmares tonight!"

Ash bowed his head, "I'm sorry, I was just joking Misty, Shaq isn't making a new movie..."

Misty sniffled a little and said, "Well that's not even funny Ash, you shouldn't joke about something like that..."

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," Ash said ashamed.


Brock sat down on a bed and turned on the TV. The screen was nothing but static, but there was a large ring on the screen. "Hey guys," Brock said, "What do you make of this?"

Misty squinted at the screen, then stood up, and walked over to the screen, took out her handkerchief and wiped the screen... the ring came off. "Poor housekeeping..." Misty replied.


Ash laid back on the bed, and said, "You know guys, something about this place really gives me the creeps."


"Really?" Misty asked, "What?"

If you look carefully, the headboard on the bed isn't made of wood, its in fact a headstone reading 'here's lies the future victim of a horrific murder'. "I dunno," Ash replied, "I just can't figure out what's bothering me about this place."

"Meh," Brock said, "You're probably just tired."


Misty rummaged through a bookcase full of video tapes. "Oh my gosh," She said.

"What is it Misty?" Ash asked.


"Take a look at this... I think this is the video that kills you if you watch it..." She said handing it to Ash.

Ash read the label, "I still know what you did last summer." and shuddered, "Yeah, I know about this... my friend watched this and it sucked so bad he died!"

"Yeah," Brock said scoffing, "He got off lucky, he got to leave the movie early."

Ash handed the video back to Misty and she put it back in the bookcase.


"Wait a sec." Misty realized, "If he died, how'd he tell you about how bad the movie was?"

"Well..." Ash said thinking, then replied in a British accent, "...he got better..."


The door burst open and in walked Jason and Freddy Kruger. Kruger grinned and then said in a British voice, "And now, for something completely different..."

Brock looked at Ash and said, "You know... something about this place really gives me the creeps."

Ash nonchalantly replied, "Really? What?"

Brock didn't get to reply because the two villains took a step towards them, Jason brandishing a cleaver and Freddy waving around his razor claws.


Misty and Brock backed up nervously, but Ash remained confident. "Come on guys," he said, "there's a really good chance that this is just Jessie and James in disguise."


Jason threw his clever which imbedded itself in the wooden panel just an inch from Ash's head. Ash sweatdropped and said, "Ok... I'm convinced... RUN!!!!"


The trio dodged past the lethal blows and ran out the door into the woods. "Alright," Ash said optimistically, "I'm sure we'll be safe now, I mean, what bad things have ever happened in the woods?"

Misty and Brock exchanged a reluctant glance. After getting a few yards away Misty tripped and fell.

"Damnit!" Misty cursed, "Its TRUE what they show in horror movies!"

Ash and Brock helped Misty up and continued running. After running for a minute the trio stopped and caught their breath. "Man guys," Brock said, "This is worse then the time we went to the movies!"

***SCENE CHANGE TO THE MOVIE THEATHER...


The movie has just ended and the lights came back on. The Blair Witch Project's credits played on the screen and murmurs in the audience grew about how creative the movie was and how good it was. "That was pretty scary!" Misty said.


"Yeah!" Brock agreed, "I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight."

Misty and Brock started to get up and walk away, but Ash just sat there staring at the screen his eyebrows scrunched.

Then very loudly, Ash yelled out, "What the Fubleep was that? Where's the witch????"

Misty grabbed Ash's arm, "Ash!" She scolded, "Don't make a scene, lets go!"

Ash stubbornly shrugged off her arm, "No way! There's no god damned way this movie is over, this has to be a fake ending. Where's the fbleeping witch???"

***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY


"I was so embarrassed." Misty said shaking her head.


"But there was no witch!!" Ash insisted.


"Ummm guys," Brock said, "Perhaps we can continue this conversation another time?"

Ash and Misty turned to Brock to see that he was being held down on the ground by Michael Myers, a large knife in his free hand.


Before Misty and Ash could make a move, Freddy grabbed Ash and Jason grabbed Misty and pinned them up against trees. "Oh man..." Ash said, "This is bad!"

???: "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"


???: "Yes and make it double!"

In a cloud of smoke, Jessie, James and Meowth appear.


"To protect the world from... ... oh mY GOD!!!!!" Jessie screamed when she saw what was going on.


Our favorite villain trio stared at our favorite hero trio and their supernatural antagonists. There's a pause. "Well then..." James said taking a step back, "We see your busy right now, we'll just catch you later."

And our favorite villain trio takes off running into the night.


Meanwhile, our favorite family are off to another wacky adventure...


Homer: "The Simpsons' are going to Cleveland!"

Bart scoffs, "Yeah, that's exciting as all hell..."

"WHY YOU LITTLE!" Homer said as he starts choking his son.


But none of that was important to our story in any way shape or form...


"Since your always dreaming about pokemon" Freddy said inching towards Ash, "Maybe you'd like to see my Slash attack!"

With that Freddy leapt forward and slashed at Ash's face. Ash ducked underneath it, and Freddy instead slashed a tree truck, with a soft "clink" noise. Freddy started screaming in a high pitched tone and doing the 'potty dance' yelling, "Oh noooo Oh noooo, i broke a nailllll... oh phooey!"

With that Freddy just sulked off into the night, everyone staring at him in disbelief. "Well that's one..." Ash said, backing away from Jason, "But what do we do with Stabby McGee here?"

Brock then got a bright idea, "Hey Ash!" he called out, "This is a really high pressure situation, i suppose you might say, we're really under the knife!"

Jason and Myers stopped moving forward and let out a groan. Ash saw the plan and replied, "Yeah, but we're going to take a stab at beating this monster!"

Brock quickly added, "And if we fail, what the hell, it was still a real slice!"

Jason dropped his knife and grabbed his ears moaning. Michael Myers just shrieked and ran off into the woods.


"Yeah, and if we fail, we're going to out in a blade of glory!" Ash replied.


"Isn't that the point?" Brock asked repeating an earlier joke.


Jason sunk to his knees moaning. Ash grinned and said, "If we win we'll probably be ax'ed to go onto that famous show... Leave it to Cleaver!"

"Wow!" Brock said, "You're really sharp witted!"

Surprisingly Misty yelled out, "Yeah, except you get us stuck in all these sword-ed situations!"

Everyone stared at Misty shocked that Misty punned, Jason fell off his knees, let out a cry, and then blew up spraying goo all over Ash Misty and Brock.


"We won!" Ash cheered, "Hurray!"

"I cant believe i said that" Misty said embarrassed.


"Don't fret!" Brock said, "That was a real cutting remark!"

"Oh jeez." Misty replied giving Brock a friendly little push.


Suddenly the camera goes fuzzy and we hear our favorite trio scream. The camera then tips over to the side so we cant see anything and the screaming continues for a second then stops. Then we fade to black...


THE END


In the showing room where Ash Misty and Brock were watching the preview of this quickie, the film has just ended. Misty leans to Brock, "That was really good, that was a real surprise ending."

"Yeah!" Brock agrees, "Really makes you think!"

There's a moment pause and then Ash yells out, "What the Fbleep was that??? That sucked! THIS is what happens when you hire non-union immigrants to do the camera work!"

Misty and Brock just shake their heads in disbelief. Suddenly, on the giant screen, the video from the Ring plays. After it ends, Brock Misty and Ash just stare at each other, completely unfazed, "Well, anyway, Wanna go get a burger?" Brock asked.


"Sure!" Ash and Misty agreed, and the trio left the studio. Suddenly the phone rings. With no one there to see pick it up, it just keeps ringing. Then the answering machine picks up, we hear a voice say, "Hello? Hello? Come on, pick up. I know you just watched the movie, so pick up. ... ... ... hello? Oh jeez, come on, pick up already, I KNOW your home. Look, i cant curse you if you don't pick up the phone, so just pick up! Fine, look, call me back, my number is 555-Ring, or you can email me at Mymoviesucked@yahell.com. Damn inconsiderate bastards, they can kiss my rosy red ass as far as I'm concerned. Did i hang up? SHIT!!!! *CLICK*


THE REAL END


Alright quickie #10 is now done, and I had a lot of fun doing this one, and a little preview for the next one, it will also be based on a horror movie, (based on one of my favs too). AND as far as i can tell, it'll be even funnier then this one! So keep a look out for quickie #11, cause it'll be coming to a computer screen near you soon! Oh, and also, thanks for taking the time to read my story, and feedback is ALWAYS greatly appreciated. Hope I made you laugh, have a good one...,

...oh, and beware of the things that go bump in the night. It COULD be Shaq making a new movie! (insert horror movie scream)