Chapter 10: Escape from Hefei Fortress, Part 2
After getting all the way to the 200th floor….
Cao Cao: PANT, PANT….
Zhang Liao: Huff, huff….
Cao Cao: Argh, fuck…..WHOOH! Seriously! Who the hell could've built a dungeon this goddamn tall anyway?! What's the point?!
Zhang Liao: Huff…I don't know either…maybe it's to symbolize my army of 800 soldiers that totally owned Wu back then…
Cao Cao: But still! Sigh…
Later, Zhang He came out and met the two.
Zhang He: Hm?! Oh, Lord Cao Cao! Zhang Liao!
Zhang Liao: Oh, Zhang He- WHATTHEFU-?!
Cao Cao: ….Zhang He…what…what happened to you?!
Zhang He: Ah, right, it's absolutely saddening to see my BEAUTIFUL self ruined like this…well, I suppose I should tell you what happened…
Flashback, from Zhang He's POV
Zhang He: AAAHHH! Huh, where, where am I?! …huh, this room seems harmless enough. Oh, the sign! Hmm…800TH FLOOR?! Oh god…how can my body withstand that…sigh…okay, but first I need to focus on getting out of here. Hmm…seems the room is empty I suppose I just can walk through it like there's nothing-
Suddenly, a purple mist appeared out of nowhere.
Zhang He: Wha- cough, cough! What is this sudden purple mist?! Argh! Ugh, shit, looks like I'm turning into Guo Huai…ugh…huh?
When the purple mist clears, suddenly the entire room is full of purple butterflies.
Zhang He: Hm?! Oh my, what beautiful butterflies! Let me have some-
However, the moment Zhang He touched a butterfly, it immediately exploded, leaving a puff full of butterfly wings dusts.
Zhang He: WAAAHHH! W-what?! Agh, all these dusts!
Just at that moment, another butterfly set off, which ignited a chain reaction with other butterflies.
Zhang He: Wha-?! Owh! AH! OWH! OWOWOWOWOWOW! HOW COULD THE BUTTERFLIES CAN_ OWH! YAH! AHHHH! NOO! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!
Back to the present…
Zhang He: …and after that, I just happened to step on the switch which opened the door…and there you go.
Cao Cao and Zhang Liao: ….
Cao Cao: …that challenge is sorta lame, don't you think?
Zhang Liao: I know right. Though, if you think about it, our challenges were no less lame either…
Cao Cao: But I had to go through fire tiles, and you a monster cat! He…only had to face butterfly bombs.
Zhang Liao: But you KNOW that would be the hardest challenge for HIM!
Cao Cao: But still…
Zhang Liao: Okay, okay, that doesn't matter, you see. What matters is that now we have to immediately head towards the 300th floor! Let's go!
Zhang He: Whaaattt?! How can I even endure that?!
Zhang Liao: Take it easy, okay.
Cao Cao: But if we take it easy, we won't have much ti-
Zhang Liao: Well, how WORSE it would be if he DIES instead?!
Cao Cao: Oh, right.
Zhang Liao: Come on, we don't have much time. Let's go!
Cao Cao: Well, that was what I said earlier! Tch!
Zhang He: Aaahhh! Wait for me! Huff…god, that's one LONG stairway…I don't know how I will survive this one…
At the 300th floor…
Zhang Liao: PANT, PANT….URRRRGGHHH…
Cao Cao: WHOA! Man! Hm? Hey, speed up Zhang Liao! You're too slow.
Zhang Liao: Argh….well, try carrying Zhang He up the stairs next time! Good lord, he already fainted at the 201st floor and I was the one who had to carry him upstairs the whole fucking time! You know how it felt to carry these tall-ass bones on your shoulders while running up the stairs?!
Cao Cao: Whoa! Okay, okay, someone's coming out of that door.
Zhang Liao: Who?
Cao Cao: Hmm…ah! Guo Jia?
Guo Jia: Ehhh?! Oh, hey! Lord Cao Cao! Hehehe, hehehe….
Cao Cao: Yeah…by the way, what's with you? You look kinda…
Guo Jia: Hahahaha….oooh, what's the problem?! Nothing's wrong with me! Hehehe, hehehe….
Zhang Liao and Cao Cao: ….
Cao Cao: ….what happened to him?
Zhang Liao: I have no fucking clue!
Cao Cao: I know right. Seriously, he looks like as if he's got some crack from Zhuge Liang and Pang Tong's black market…
Flahback, through Guo Jia's POV (not told by the man himself)
Guo Jia: Ehrgh…ahhh…where am I? Hmgh….WHOA! What the…holy hot damn! There are luxurious food everywhere! And all sorts of wine! Pretty ladies!
Servant girl: Hehehe! I hope you can enjoy yourself!
Guo Jia: Whoa….hehehehe….man, this is fun! I have everything I wanted! I AM THE KING OF THE WOOORRRLLLLDDDD!
Later…
Guo Jia: drunk Gwahahaha...I LOVE THIS! Everything is mine, mine, MIINNEEEEE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Oh man…is this heaven? …whoa, wait a minute! If I'm in heaven…does, does that mean that I'm DEAD?! NOOO! What, what about the others?! I gotta save Cai Wenji and meet with the others! Pant, pant…huh? A sign! Hmm…a challenge? How in the living world is THIS a challenge?! Well, that depends on whether I'm still alive or not, but still…
Servant girl: What is it, master?
Guo Jia: Hrm…I'm sorry, this is great and all, but I can't stay for any longer. I have more important business to attend to.
Servant girl: Aw, what's the hurry? At least we can have some more fun…
Guo Jia: Gulp…w-what kind of fun?
Servant girl: Hehehe…oh, you know…
Guo Jia: Uhhh…I'm sorry, but I really can't-
Servant girl: Come on now. I know you want THIS more than any other…
Guo Jia: Gulp. I-I…
Servant girl: Just relax now…okay? Your life's too short, after all.
Guo Jia: I…huff…oh well, I suppose a little of this is alright…hehehe…
Servant girl: Hehehehe….
However, Guo Jia suddenly had his vision blurring.
Guo Jia: Ah…uhm…what, what is this? Argh, I can't see anything clearly…
When Guo Jia's vision finally clears though, he then saw that the servant girl is actually a succubus preparing to eat him.
Guo Jia: widens eyes HWAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Succubus: SCREEEEEE! swipes at Guo Jia
Guo Jia: AAAHHH! That…was close! Argh, what the heck?!
When Guo Jia looked at his surroundings, it turns out that all the luxurious foods, wine, and the rest of the pretty servants are actually human meat, blood, and more succubi.
Guo Jia: Wha….almost throws up
Succubus: GYAAAAAARRRKKKHHH!
Guo Jia: Tch! Hyah! Whew! Seriously! Who the hell designed this kind of dungeon anyway?! Wrong game! Tch!
Other succubi: GRAAAAAAA!
Guo Jia: Oh, shit! Hngkh! Hyah! Whoh! Take this! Pant, pant….fuck, they're too strong for me…not to mention that their ugly-as-fucks appearances only serve to make me even sicker…hrngh…what, what could I do…?
Guo Jia took a giant bone, a leftover from his 'meals', and used it to strike down the succubi.
Guo Jia: TAKE THIS!
Succubus: WAAAARRGGHHH!
Guo Jia: Tch…even THAT wasn't enough! What should I do?!
Then, Guo Jia took one of the torches hanging on a wall and threw it to the succubi, burning them alive.
Succubi: GRAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!
Guo Jia: Pant, pant, pant….whew! Damn! That was close…hrngh…oh, the door's already open? Okay then…
Back to the present…
Cao Cao: ….well, whatever it is, we still need to carry him along. Guo Jia!
Guo Jia: Ahah…yeah?
Cao Cao: You've read the instructions, haven't you? Then follow us. Be careful not to lose your balance on the stairs so that you won't fall down.
Guo Jia: Ahahahahaaaaa….oookkkaaaayyyy!
Zhang Liao: passes through Guo Jia's challenge room and finds human corpses on the floor …..errr….
Cao Cao: What is it?
Zhang Liao: My lord…look at that…
Cao Cao: What? ….what the?
Zhang Liao: …something….is not quite right here…
Cao Cao: …yeah. I mean, our previous challenges have been facing monsters, or mere illusions. But Guo Jia…
Zhang Liao: …yeah. He murdered ACTUAL people.
Cao Cao: Maybe those people were psycho as well!
Zhang Liao: I don't really know. Really, we just have to wait until Guo Jia gets off his crack to find out.
Cao Cao: Or maybe Guo Jia was just actually psycho…yeah…who knows that the moment's he's drugged, he went psycho and murdered those poor servants!
Zhang Liao: Could be…we have to be careful around him when he's still on that crack…
Cao Cao: Got it.
Note: Yes, the wine that Guo Jia drank was actually drugged, causing him to hallucinate and murdered those perfectly normal, human servants.
At the 400th floor
Cao Cao: Pant, pant…okay. Who are we gonna meet in here?
Jia Xu: Eh? You're here.
Zhang Liao: Em? Jia Xu!
Guo Jia: Oooohhhh! Jia Xu! Hehehe….good to see you again, buddy!
Jia Xu: Errr….hey, what's wrong with you?
Guo Jia: Ehh? Ohohohohoo….nothing? What makes you think of that? Hehe…
Jia Xu: Uhhh….
Cao Cao: Don't try to mess with him while he's high.
Jia Xu: High? And why shouldn't I?
Cao Cao: I'll tell you the details later. Just…try not to piss him off.
Jia Xu: ….huh…okay. So anyway, we're immediately going to the 500th floor, yes?
Zhang Liao: Yeah.
Jia Xu: Fine then. Let's go.
Cao Cao: Whoa, wait a minute. If I see there's a bit something…off about you.
Jia Xu: Off? I thought you guys ALWAYS think of me as 'off'. What is it?
Cao Cao: I don't know…you seem to too nonchalant about this whole thing.
Zhang Liao: What challenge did you get?
Jia Xu: Oh…that…
Flashback, from Jia Xu's POV
Jia Xu: …hrmh….oh…my head…they're spinning…ugh…hm?! Hey, where is this place? And where are the others?! Hm, it's the same like in Xiapi…oh, the sign. Hmm….oh I see. Well, this room is kinda small and looks harmless enough, so maybe I just could go through this easi-
The moment Jia Xu set on the first step, suddenly all sorts of obstacles activated in front of him. Flamethrowers, pendulum axes, flying swords, you name it.
Jia Xu …okay, maybe too soon. Hrmh….steps forward a little before an arrow flew at just a little bit away from him YIKES! Okay, I definitely have to search for a new trick. Hrmf…wait…
Then, Jia Xu used his hyper-speed to get pass through the pendulum axes the moment he saw an opening.
Jia Xu: Okay, got that one. And now, the arrows and the flying swords? Hmmm….
He created clones that shielded him from the attacks, so he passed through safely.
Jia Xu: And now, the flamethrowers….well, since I'm a Fire-type it won't be very effective against me, so oh well.
He nonchalantly walked through the flame and got out safely.
Jia Xu: …well. That was easier than I thought.
Back to present…
Jia Xu: …and now you know.
Cao Cao: What the…that was somehow even easier than Zhang Liao's challenge!
Jia Xu: What was his challenge, anyway?
Zhang Liao: I was entrusted into taking care of a cat. Then I turned it into a monster. Then I killed it. The end.
Cao Cao: Like, seriously! You're too OP throughout this whole story!
Jia Xu: Oh come on, this is the FIRST time I am ever OP, okay! No need to be so salty!
Zhang Liao: Is it because that you're the Author's favorite?
Jia Xu: What the- no! All of my abilities are canon. Unlike you, I know how to put my abilities into actual use rather than ended up making a fool of myself for trying too hard.
Cao Cao and Zhang Liao: …
Jia Xu: shrugs Oh well, I suppose I really am the only one here who knows how to use my intelligence.
Cao Cao: But that's really only because you're the Author's favorite! She made the rest of us idiots as a result!
Jia Xu: Oh, for the love of god- will you STOP calling me 'Author's favorite'?! For the last time, me being actually smart has got NOTHING to do with the Author!
Cao Cao: But this is supposed to be a Humor fic! You, as with all of us, were SUPPOSED to be made fun of for comedic effect! But the Author gave you a special treatment of being the only functional guy here! This is unfair!
Jia Xu: Then go complain to the goddamn Author instead of me! You think being an Author's favorite is fun?!
Zhang Liao: Guys, guys, could you two please stop this nonsense blabbering?!
Cao Cao and Jia Xu: Huh?!
Zhang Liao: For the love of god guys, we are all here racing against the clock to save Cai Wenji and yet you two are here arguing about the Author and stuff.
Cao Cao: But that's only because the Author has run out of ideas.
Jia Xu: Yeah…and so she put this in as a filler-
Zhang Liao: Well yes, but we have to move fast! Especially you, Lord Cao Cao! You were the one who were yelling at me to move fast and shit!
Cao Cao: Oh, yeah, sorry.
Zhang Liao: Well, then let's get going!
Cao Cao and Jia Xu: Okay, okay!
At the 500th floor
Jia Xu: Huh…hm? Someone's there.
Cao Cao: Really? …he looks sorta…shady.
Zhang Liao: Yeah. He looks creepy. We have to be careful.
Jia Xu: I know. And…what the?! There's blood dripping from his hands…
Cao Cao: Oh, shit…be careful, guys!
Everyone: Tch…
When the said 'shady person' comes close though, it is revealed to be Xu Shu.
Xu Shu: Hm? Oh, you guys!
Cao Cao: Xu Shu! You…you alright?
Xu Shu: Well…no, actually.
Zhang Liao: What…did you do?
Xu Shu: Well…you see…
To Be Continued….
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