Finally a new chapter. My writer's block was killing me for a few days, then I got an idea on how to re-write this and by the time i finished the re-writes, I had some inspiration! Hope y'all like it.
I work quietly in the kitchen with LuAnn, Gemma and some of the other ladies. My gaze keeps falling on Jax and Filip. They're laughing and getting along but I can see the look in Jaxson's eyes. He's still angry and I can tell he's still unsure of how to handle the situation. Filip's nervous glances my way make me uncomfortable. Gemma pushes into me and hands me a joint.
"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" she asks
"Just wish my brother and Donna were here. I hate seeing him so miserable." It's not a complete lie.
"I know baby. She's just gotta work through this like we all did. It's hard when your husband does time. You question everything and your biggest fear is doing it all over again." She tries her best to reassure me. I keep busy chopping vegetables for the salad without an answer.
I turn around when I hear the door open again and my dad enters the kitchen. He comes straight over to me and places a kiss on my cheek.
"Hi daddy." I greet him as I'm chopping.
"You tell your brother about tonight?" he asks as he looks around and notices Opie's absence.
"Yeah pop, he's spending the night with Donna and the kids." I tell him, not meeting his eyes.
"That boy needs to grow a pair." He shakes his head before staggering over to the table. Great, he's already been drinking. Clay hands him a beer and I roll my eyes, a little more than irritated.
When we sit down to dinner, Jaxson insists that I sit between him and Filip. I shoot him a glare and he dismisses it with fake innocence. Dinner is delicious and the house is filled with laughter and conversation. I make small talk a few times but Filip can tell I'm distant. After dinner, Jaxson pulls me aside.
"Where are you going?" he asks
"I was planning on going home but I rode with you so you're gonna have to give me a ride." I tell him, a little more irritated then I intended. The thoughts of our earlier conversation, his doubt of a possible future echoing in my head; it's frustrating.
"Wanna get a drink? You look like you could use one." His voice softens and I know this is his way of apologizing.
"Yeah, I do. Let's go." He puts his arm around me as we sneak out the door without a word to anyone. My phone vibrates in my pocket almost instantly.
What's going on?
Filip is antsy but I feel like making him wait. I don't want to face what's going on right now. I hold on tight as Jax flies through the streets to the bar. We park out front. It's not as busy tonight but I'm ok with that. There are a few drunk women singing sloppy karaoke and I realize why the bar is a bit empty. As soon as I sit down at the bar, Jax orders a couple of shots for each of us. Apparently we're on a mission tonight. I down both shots before ordering a Whiskey and Coke.
Where are you? I'm at your house.
Another text. I turn the phone off and throw it on the bar. Jaxson grabs it and puts it in his pocket.
"Here's to ignoring our problems like healthy adults." He winks at me as we both down another shot.
"What am I gonna do Jaxson?" I ask.
"You're gonna forget about that right now. You're gonna have fun and drink with your brother. Then I'm going to laugh at you tomorrow morning while you're suffering from a major hangover." He jokes. I nod in agreement.
Over the next hour, Tig and Bobby join us in my little pity party. Neither of them needs any reason why I'm drowning myself in alcohol. They're both happy enough watching me do it. The three of them take turns buying my drinks and shots, while we laugh at the horrible singing on stage. I'm definitely feeling no pain; until the door swings open and Filip strolls in. The angry look on his face is quickly replaced with a fake smile that fails to reach his eyes.
Jaxson turns to see him walking toward us and walks over to greet him in private; apparently picking a time when we're all drunk to have this conversation. I order another shot. Bobby taps me on the shoulder and I glance over at him.
"We're up." He nods toward the stage as I groan. The guys love making me sing in public. I love to do it but tonight isn't the night. Never one to back down from a challenge, I follow Bobby to the stage. I almost burst out laughing when I see what song he's picked out for us. Growing up, I had a slight crush on John Mellencamp and now whenever they can get me to sing "Hurt So Good" they take full advantage.
Tig moves to a table front and center, practically drooling. Jaxson and Filip watch us carefully from where they are near the pool tables. Jaxson's face broken into a full smile but Filip looks like he's in pain. I shake off the urge to run to him, comfort him and enjoy the rest of the song. When it's over, Bobby stays on the stage for "Fools Rush In" my favorite Elvis song, while I head back to the bar.
Another shot is waiting for me when I reach the bar and I'm starting to feel the full effects of the hard and fast drinking game we're playing tonight. Jaxson makes his way over to me while Filip joins Tig at a table.
"Having fun?" he asks, leaning over the bar next to me.
"I was." I say, taking another sip of my drink.
"You want me to have him leave?" he asks, I search his face and realize how serious he is.
"No Jaxson, I love that you want to protect me but I brought this on myself. I guess I didn't realize how stupid I was being until we talked earlier." I tell him.
"You're not stupid. You just didn't want to be lonely." He says, putting his arm around me.
"It's more than that Jaxson. I really do like Filip. I may even be in love with the man. But what am I supposed to do with that?" I ask. He freezes, his arm tightening around me. I look up at him but he's looking behind me. I turn over my shoulder to see Filip there. My head drops and I burn a bright red.
"You coulda warned me." I whisper to Jax.
"I didn't know until after you said it." He whispers back, still not letting me go.
"Give me a minute?" I ask him, looking up at him with my best little sister puppy dog face.
He glares at Filip as he walks past. I climb onto the bar stool and avoid looking at him as he leans in next to me.
"What's going on Bree?" he asks, I can feel his eyes all over me.
"Just having a little pity party." I tell him and take another drink. His hand travels to the small of my back and he leans in.
"I know you." His voice is haunting. I bite the inside of my cheek, choosing my next words carefully.
"Jaxson found out. We talked. I listened to myself tell him all the reasons we can't be together and all the reasons it would never work. I get it now. We have no future so why continue?" the words rush out of me.
"You think you love me." He's not asking, just repeating my own words back to me.
"Would it make a difference if I did? Would you move in with me, make me your old lady? Seriously Filip, what does it matter?" I can't help the frustration. My liquid courage is egging me on.
"Is that what you want?" he asks.
"It's not about what I want anymore. You think that Piney and Opie will care what either one of us wants? What about Gemma and Clay?" I turn to face him. He leans close, staring into my eyes. My liquid courage is quickly fading and I momentarily forget why we're talking and not kissing. Stupid hormones.
"No offense sweetheart, that's a cowardly answer." He says, I wiggle in my chair uncomfortably without a word. "I'm not leaving until I get an answer."
"Maybe it is what I want." I whisper, looking down at the space between us.
"Maybe?" he asks. I shrug.
"Yeah, I guess what I really want is for that to be an option. The sex is amazing, more than amazing. Granted, I don't have much to compare it to. But it's not all I want. I've known you forever. You've always just been there and when I finally saw you, it was like a light switch. You want honesty?" I look up at him finally.
"Yeah." He says.
"I am falling in love with you and I'm afraid that if this continues, my dad or my brother or anyone else is gonna mess it all up. Or maybe you just won't feel the same way. I know how things were with your wife. Maybe I'll never be enough." I tell him.
"Christ." He says running his hands through his hair. My defenses fly up.
"Hey you wanted to know." I tell him, pushing him away.
"Knock it off." He grabs my hand to stop me from leaving. "Aubrey, I've wanted this since that day I fixed yer car. I haven't stopped thinking about yer lips, yer voice, yer angel eyes."
"Now what?" I ask, staring at him. No one is more surprised than I am when he leans down and kisses me, long and deep. His hand caresses my cheek and everything else around us is suddenly gone. Until Jaxson pulls Filip back.
"What the hell? I thought we talked about this. It's not a good idea." He is seething at me.
"Brother, it was me, don't get mad at her." Filip says.
"Oh I know, I'll get to you next." He says through gritted teeth before turning back to me. "Wait until I tell your brother." His eyes are wide.
"I'll tell my own brother thank you very much. I'll also tell my dad. And anyone else I feel needs to know. I love you Jaxson, always will but I need to see how this goes for myself. I'm a big girl." I tell him in a calm voice. Bobby and Tig are at Jax's side watching the exchange with confused looks.
"What are you telling your brother?" Tig asks.
"She's not. I will." Filip says rubbing his hand up and down my back. Bobby realizes what is going on before Tig and laughs. Everyone turns to stare at him.
"Hey, it's about time. I'm sick of watching the two of you do this dance. Chibs watches Bree like she's some kind of angel. You really surprised by this Jax?" he asks through his chuckles. "Let them figure it out."
I'm suddenly beyond grateful for him. Jaxson's face is still livid. Bobby pulls him away and whispers in his ear. Jax nods and the two of them leave with Tig. I look up at Filip.
"Now what?" I ask.
"Let's get you home. We'll lock the door and deal with all that tomorrow." He says.