Chapter 10: Beneath the Scars
Liara was relieved when she and Shepard finally opened the hatch to their suite and stepped in, blissfully alone with one another. Upon entry, the spectre limped to the bed and sat down with a sigh. As the maiden began to stow the gear from the carryall she'd hauled from the Normandy, she observed her unexpectedly quiet bondmate.
Shepard's head was hung in her hands, elbows leaned into her knees, her back slumped pensively. Liara eased next to her, resting her crest on the spectre's shoulder and reached out to rub her back. The spectre welcomed her company, pulling her close, kissing her freckled cheek, her gray eyes half-lidded.
Liara smiled gently. Her intuition was on high alert, realizing that the sentinel had been waiting for them to be alone. "How are you doing, Shepard?"
"Honestly." Knitting her brows tightly, little furrowed lines webbed from the corners of the spectre's eyes and her lips compressed into a grim smile as she glanced to the maiden. "I don't know. I wanted to handle this on my own. Thought I could work through it."
Cupping the tension filled jaw, Liara brushed the soft skin with her fingertips, observing the mix of emotion in her bondmate's face – admiration, always love, but beneath it were layers of suffering. The asari drew a deep breath, drawing her fingers meaningfully to the spectre's temples. "Shepard, are you in pain?"
Sighing, the sentinel turned her head and directed her steady gaze into the maiden's eyes. "Not doing a very good job of hiding it, am I?"
"Maybe from everyone else, but never from me." Liara assured her as she pressed a soft kiss to her lips. Carefully, she embraced her perplexed lover and pulled her to the mattress, face to face, their bodies close. As they settled, the asari cradled the spectre and asked gently. "Are you ready to talk to me?"
"Liara. You know that I don't ever want to hide anything from you. But, this... this is ugly. Worse than any nightmare." The spectre's stormy eyes filled with shame. "And you've already been through so much. I've put you through so much."
The maiden continued to read her lover's face and saw the grief etched into her features. As she stared even deeper into the sentinel's gaze, she realized that there was something accompanying it, something she'd never seen there before – fear. Pressing herself closer, she surrounded the human with her arms, brought her face close and stroked the silky, dark hair behind the woman's ears.
She whispered, "I'm your bondmate, Shepard. You once told me that this is what bondmates do." She felt the spectre tremble, so she gathered her head to her breast, caressing her neck, trying to soothe and comfort her. "Please, love, tell me why you're so afraid."
The spectre glanced up, her eyes pleading, brows knit. "I'm afraid that you'll hate me when you see what I've done. I hate myself for what I've done." She pressed her face back to its soft, resting place and whispered desperately. "I can't stand the thought of losing you, Liara."
The asari understood that whatever secret Shepard had been keeping, she'd kept to protect her. She had no doubt that whatever it was, it was violent and sad, and very likely, terrifying. But, it was tearing her up and the maiden knew that they would never be able to keep the open honesty of their bond if the spectre couldn't let her deep into her mind. She didn't know what to expect, but she knew that there were very few things that her Commander feared.
Filling her lungs, the maiden held her lover and reassured her. "Then if you trust me, you have to let me in – you have to let me all the way in." Cupping her lover's face once more, she guided their foreheads together. "We'll take it slow. Let me help you... show me."
Liara felt Shepard's mind open, reaching for her. She drew a cleansing breath and tenderly pressed her dark lips to the spectre's. Then, she submerged herself in her lover's thoughts. "Embrace Eternity."
Liara entered and as always was stunned by the bright beauty of Shepard's mind. The woman had an almost inhuman ability to keep her thoughts intact and ordered, even under duress, and an incredibly strong will. But, she detected the seething darkness that waited at the deeper levels. The maiden immediately began to project images of comfort and encouragement. As she began to close with the tumult below, she felt her lover's resistance rise.
"Don't fight me, Shepard. Try to relax. Let me in. I'll be gentle."
"I trust you, Liara. I'm not worried that you'll hurt me - I don't want to hurt you. Don't want this to hurt you."
"You can't protect me from your pain, though I know you want to. I will feel it. Not because you inflict it, only because we share it... and that's the way it is supposed to be. Focus on my love for you. My faith in you is absolute. Know that I will never leave you. Just let me do the work, okay."
The asari's mind watched as her Commander sighed deeply, then surrendered the barrier she was defending, letting the maiden pass to the dank cave holding her memories of the last hours of the Battle for Earth. As Liara relinquished her own emotions, she took on Shepard's and saw and felt the toll of her experiences.
Heart aching, mind on fire, Shepard ordered the Normandy away and glanced back once, her heart in her throat as Liara was whisked away. Running across the battle zone, sweat poured as she scrambled to the Citadel beam. Shaking, bleeding she pushed herself up in the wake of Harbinger's deadly blast and forced her body to keep moving to her objective. Armor piercing ammo ripped through her left shoulder and upper chest as she returned fire, killing the last reaper, a marauder, that attempted to stop her.
Blinding light flashed, then darkness prevailed. She woke on the Citadel to the stench of decaying flesh and the grisly work of the Keepers making their rounds, preparing bodies for processing. Hope flared as Anderson commed her and once again she forced herself up, struggling to reach him, limping through a reeking, body-filled chasm up a ramp, coming face to face with the Illusive Man.
Liara felt Shepard pull back. The spectre spoke to her in a whisper, "This is hard, Liara. I don't know... not … sure..."
The maiden surrounded the spectre' thoughts with warmth and affection and pulled her closer still. "I've got you, love. We will be alright. We can do this together."
Liara steeled herself, already feeling the overwhelming pain and exhaustion that Shepard had felt in her push to the Citadel. As the Commander admitted her to more of the memory, her eyes filled and her own body trembled as the lovers held each other. Liara deepened the meld, pushing further into the cave, becoming one with Shepard.
Burning anger, then resentment flared, along with a nearly indomitable will, as The Illusive Man tried to exert control over her mind. Shepard reeled under the weight of the grief that shook her as she realized that the madman had enforced his volition on her body enough to force her to pull the trigger of her gun, shooting Anderson. She saw her beloved mentor stagger, still trying to fight alongside her, still trying to give her an edge. Concern for the Admiral threatened her ability to focus, but she bore it and succeeded in wearing the Illusive Man down. As he pulled the trigger of his own pistol, against his own head, she felt the control drop and was riddled with conflicted emotions about his demise.
Relief washed over her as she stepped to the Citadel controls, opening the arms for the Crucible. But it was swiftly replaced by the return of terrible anguish. As the prothean weapon docked and a bright view of Earth stood in the Citadel opening, she witnessed the last moments of Admiral Anderson's life and was overcome with sorrow and shame as he told her how proud he was of her and took his final breath.
Her own wounds throbbed, her arms were coated with blood and she tasted the metallic tang of the injuries to her face as Hackett called her name. Head swimming, body racked with pain, she crawled, trying to get to the controls and fell into darkness. She awoke to the face of a ghost, the child she saw killed in Vancouver, and the memory pierced her. In a resounding voice, the child lectured her, giving her thee choices as to the future of all civilized life in the galaxy. Liara's sense of justice was appalled at the audacity of this entity as she witnessed it force Shepard's hand. She felt the spectre's determination grow as she staggered up the ramp to destroy the abominations loosed by the Leviathan, and felt the tremendous guilt she had already begun to bear for its consequences. She shared her lover's anguish and condoned her decision as she fired the shots ending the reaper's reign of terror.
Shepard's emotions washed over Liara like a tidal wave, forcing her to push through the last of it. Drawing deep on her own reserves she dove into the last layer of resistance, struggling to project her own light, her own unconditional love into the darkness of her grieved lover's mind.
An explosion, as the tube ignited from her pistol shots, then a million broken shards of glass, splintering, piercing her exposed flesh. Sudden searing heat, blinding her, tossing her like a rag doll. Falling. EDI, Legion, Anderson flashing through her mind. Guilt. Remorse. Liara's own image appeared and she felt the desperate, dying Commander reach for it. Admiration. Respect. One moment of beauty – one more second to remember love, before I am nothing. I would die for you – live for me.
That final plea broke Liara's heart. As her thoughts swam to the shallows of the meld, she saw one last image that tore her apart. She found herself looking in the mirror at the new scars her body bore and she hated them. She'd done her job, but her integrity felt stripped from her. These scars represented grief, not valor – disgrace, not honor. How could Liara love her? How could she ever want me to touch her mind or her body bearing these?
Liara opened her eyes only to find that she was blinded by the river flowing from them. She felt Shepard's wet cheeks in her hands and pulled her face to her own, pressing her lips to the spectre's eyes, forehead, temples and mouth. "It's over, love."
Leaning up, the maiden pulled her shirt over head and removed her bra, throwing them on the floor. Liara pressed into the spectre, begging, searching for some way to heal her lover's wounded soul. "Shepard, I've ached for you. I want you. I need you. Please... please, touch me."
The fervent plea moved the Commander. Sitting up, she tentatively explored, sliding her hands down the asari's soft ribs, across her pebbled back, then cupped the soft mounds of her full breasts leaving trails of raised blue flesh in their wake. Taking the maiden's mouth into her own she suckled the lower dark lip and pressed kisses to the maiden's throat and neck folds. Arms encircling the maiden's supple hips, she rested her face against her stomach, hesitating, her eyes brimming.
Reaching for Shepard, Liara gripped the hem of her BDU shirt and felt the flare of shame that washed through their light meld. She pulled the spectre to her and held her, whispering urgently, tracing the folds of her ear as she spoke. "They're mine Shepard. If you would die for me, then every scar on you belongs to me. I will claim them... even if you won't. Let me see them, love."
The maiden stood, guiding her lover up with her. Reaching out she freed the sentinel's torso from her shirt and stepped into her, kissing the hollow of her throat, running her fingers over the firm flesh of her chest and back. Shepard grasped her face and pulled her into a deep, sensual kiss, caressing Liara's lips with her own, gently probing her mouth with her tongue. But, Liara felt the lingering fear in it and she wanted her uninhibited lover back.
Nerves flaring, the asari stepped back, dropping her pants and underwear in one swift movement, then reached for the uniform buckle at Shepard's waist, opening it, her hands glossing over the tight muscles of the spectre's abdomen, ghosting to her covered flanks. Gently, but firmly, she propelled the spectre to sit on the edge of the bed, then kneeling removed her boots. Lightly running her hands over the sentinel's shoulders and ribs, she pulled the sentinel back up and pushed the trousers over her hips to pool at their feet.
As they stood naked, face to face, Liara drank in Shepard's body. To her, it was still the beautiful, sculpted body she loved. The sentinel was, in fact, covered with scars and pink-fleshed wounds, but to the asari they were tokens of devotion - not to be abhorred, but to be admired as marks of strength. Somehow that observation released an almost feral desire in Liara to be taken, completely taken. And she knew Shepard would never be the same unless she regained the confidence to fulfill that wish.
Shepard had been responsive, but uncharacteristically timid, and the asari could still feel the self-loathing reluctance in her mind. If it took driving the spectre mad with her mind and her body, that was what she would do. Gently, she pushed the sentinel down, guiding her toward the headboard on her back. Then, she straddled her hips, the heat of her azure beckoning the flesh beneath.
Leaning over the spectre, she ensured that her breasts were tantalizingly close to her lover's mouth, but just out of reach as she whispered. "Do you trust me, Shepard?"
The sentinel swallowed hard and drew a heavy breath, "Always, Liara."
Through the meld the asari knew it was true. Seductively, she exhaled behind her ear, "You will be able to break my hold on you, but you will have to really... really, want to." Glowing with blue light, she put a light stasis hold around the spectre's hands and wrists, binding them to the bed. Whispering lightly, she asked, "Are you comfortable?"
Shepard's eyes were wide, but she nodded. "I am."
Starting with the spectre's face, head and throat, Liara mapped her body – fingertips, then lips delicately tracing the thin lines of the scar through her eyebrow over her nose and past her jaw, hands drawing over the balls of her shoulders, gripping her upper arms as she kissed the yellowing bruises under the spectre's eyes. "These are mine, Shepard." Drawing the sentinel's bottom lip between her own, she caressed it with her tongue, lightly biting as she drew her body against Shepard's, her heated breasts and belly sliding down the spectre's torso. She could sense the sentinel's hunger beginning to build quickly as she felt her frame shift under her weight.
Feather light she nuzzled the sentinel's neck, tenderly kissing the hollow at the base of her throat, trailing her lips over the starburst shaped scars near her left collarbone and just above her breast. "Mine too." Caressing her lover's breasts with her palms, she moved deliberately, slowly, to trace the long, white surgical scar forming next to the spectre's sternum with her mouth, her breath flooding over the smooth skin as she lightly nibbled first one, then the other, erect nipple. "This one belongs to me."
Her own body burned with need as she proceeded, yearning for the spectre, letting her passion permeate the meld, teasing her body to action. She felt Shepard arch into her touch as desire began to blaze in the spectre's thoughts, her grief beginning to drift and recede. For every nick, bruise or scar she found, the asari soothed it and made it her own. For every one Liara claimed, the spectre surged into her healing touch, accepting her love, nerves heightening with each movement.
The maiden continued her quest. Her fingers roamed over Shepard's ribs to the plains of her flanks, her tongue trailing liquid fire across the muscled belly, stoking the flames in the human's mind. Delicately, she cupped the soft flesh between the spectre's legs as her lips wandered the edges of the light wrap over the last remaining open wound on her lover's body. Nibbling the expanse of her inner thighs, she heard Shepard groan and felt her hips bear into her hand, the heat searing the pads of her fingers. The spectre's mind reached for her, begging for the maiden to deepen the meld, to enter her needy body. Determined to persuade her lover to action, the maiden pressed on.
Opening her mind further, Liara fully exposed the sentinel to her own urgent ache, allowing her scorching need to flood Shepard's senses as she began to explore the soft folds of the spectre's sex with her mouth, massaging the wet fronds with her lips, darting over the emerging bud with her tongue – teasing, tasting the drenched, silky opening beneath, but stopping just short of satisfying the building desire. She felt Shepard buck and quiver with need, her own desire overwhelming her. The strategy provoked the sentinel rapidly, and Liara smiled as she felt the biotic manacles on her lover snap at the same time the spectre's mind surged to take what she wanted. "Mine." Shepard growled through the bond. "I love you, Liara. You're mine."
Scars forgotten, Shepard pulled her up, embracing her, and reversed their positions. The spectre took her mouth in a deep, thrilling kiss, their tongues dancing, their lips gliding, as she pressed her heat into the asari's azure. All reticence vanished as her fingertips penetrated the folds on the maiden's neck, pinching the nerves to life as she followed each crease, stroking the underside of the maiden's sensitive crest with each pass. Liara gasped under the press of her lover's weight, flame playing through her belly, a deep abiding skin hunger ramping her need, making her brain buzz.
The maiden's hands latched onto the sentinel as she dropped her mouth to her breasts, suckling each dark, erect nipple, vigorously devouring the soft flesh. Strong fingertips migrated over the maiden's shoulders to the hollow of her back pressing into the divots of her spine as they dropped to grasp the firm mounds of her supple buttocks. The feel of Shepard's hands gripping her, wanting her, and the unleashed desire to reclaim her, made her cry. Pleading into her lover's neck she whimpered, "Take me, Shepard."
The spectre swiftly obliged, bringing her fingertips around the asari's leg, stroking through the pooling wetness of her azure, driving into the silky depths of her body. Liara's hips thrust greedily into Shepard's hand and she felt herself surge to the edge of the cliff as she drank in her lover's stormy, starving eyes. Dropping her lips Shepard suckled Liara's erect arch, lashing relentlessly with the tip of her tongue, driving the asari to the brink of madness. Determined to push the maiden into the waiting storm, the spectre fully opened her mind, all self-doubt scoured away, replaced by the fierce passion the maiden set free. "Come with me."
Body on fire, Liara panted for breath as her lover plunged into her depths, her fingertips delivering glancing blows to the sweet spot inside, her lips and tongue searing her with each pass. Seeing a starfield, she hungered for release and dove into the spectre's waiting mind. Shepard surrendered to the maiden's primal need and together they began to fly across the landscape of their joined minds, fire encompassing them, cleansing them as they arced and plummeted together, the impact merging them into one.
What started as an aftershock rapidly became a pounding need as Liara pulled Shepard's face to her own and locked onto her swollen lips while driving her own fingers into her lover's needy, pulsing body. Feeling the spectre's thumb immediately sparking her arch, fingers still braced against her inner walls, stretching, coaxing, she reached toward the sky. Again, they burned and arced, colliding into each other, all logical thought gone, wrapped in pure emotion.
Liara felt Shepard wrap her in her arms, and roll onto her back. Clinging, joyously tearful, she sighed in contentment as she pulled her lover's face to her own, engaging her in a deep, languid kiss. Settling into the soft pillows, they relaxed into the shallows of the meld.
"Pretty tame for us, wasn't it?"
"We had to start somewhere. Maybe now we'll get more practice."
"I could get used to that idea, beautiful."
"Do you know, Shepard, that you are beautiful too?"
"I adore you, Liara. But, that doesn't seem possible."
"Then look – I'll show you what I see" The maiden opened a window within. She showed her lover the radiant light of a star gone supernova, the cool tide-pools of her home in Armali teeming with life, and the moonlit, amethyst mountains she'd climbed on Palaven as a small child.
"Wish I could do that."
Liara laughed. "You have. Look." Opening another view, the maiden showed her spring rain on an emerald green meadow with two willows twined in the bank of a stream, the flare of light in a perfect sapphire, and a tiny quail nestled in the palm of her own hand.
The spectre groaned. "You must think I'm crazy. The baby bird is..."
The maiden pressed a kiss to her cheek, as she snuggled deeper into the spectre's arms. "I know all about the little bird. Those tiny ones meant a great deal to you. You want to protect me, like you protected them. That doesn't offend me, love. And... of course, "little wing" means something very special to me."
Caressing the maiden's freckled cheek, Shepard gazed into her sapphire eyes. "I always want to protect you. I would die for you."
Turning to her stomach, she propped herself onto her lover's chest and sighed deeply. "Shepard, I'd rather you focus on living with me. Preferably for a long while. Okay?"
The spectre soundly kissed her dark lips. "I think that sounds like a great idea. I'm all for giving it a try."
As Liara released the meld, her omnitool began to chirp incessantly. Irritated, she pulled herself to the edge of the bed and hitting the audio only control, answered it tersely. "Dr. T'Soni."
"This is Javik. I believe I have discovered something very important. Something that may be of great value and of great interest to you. I wish you to see it."
Shepard leaned up caressing her shoulder, kissing her neck as she asked him, "What is it? Can it wait?"
"No. This will not keep. It is an ancient prothean glyph."
Liara's voice rose an octave. "You found an ancient prothean glyph on the ship?"
"Yes. It is complicated. But, if it is what I believe, it is one of the signs."
Intrigued, the maiden rose to her feet, the Commander close behind already looking for their clothes. "What signs, Javik?"
"Signs that lead to Lucen's Gate." He announced decisively. "I am on the bridge. Are you on your way?"
Excitement sparkled in the maiden's eyes. "Commander Shepard and I will be right there."
Shepard studied the maiden closely. "Do you know anything about this thing? What is it?"
Liara put her arms around the Commander and beamed. "If it really is Lucen's Gate... it is exactly what the galaxy will need right about now. Come on, I'll tell you about it on the way to the bridge."
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The End
(...Of the Beginning...)
A/N - Cheers to all who have read along, and many thanks to those who have favorited and followed! Special thanks to Wyles77 and OriginalAlcy for the encouragement and PMs! And a special shout out to SherryE for sharing your thoughts and ideas, and to Spectre117 for just being your wonderful self. If you've enjoyed "Blue Grit" be on the lookout down the road for the followup, "Quest for Lucen's Gate". My best to all! Happy reading and writing!