This chapter is dedicated to S.R., who - when we were children - once told me that holding water was possible. It took me years to finally learn how, and by then it was too late - he died in '99 before I could tell him. This chapter is for him. Thank you for the inspiration and years of friendship.
"Hey, everything's warmed up," Reno said to Cloud from the kitchen. He had already set the table for two and was waiting for Cloud to join him. "Cloud?" he called once more to the blond. Getting up from his chair, he walked to the bed and found Cloud sleeping again. A smile spread easily across his face and he gently nudged his lover.
The nudge came to Cloud from far away but he did not stir, and he finally realized in his lucid dreaming that Reno had walked away. He felt like he was floating again, lost in the darkness of his dreams.
"Sephiroth."
He was dreaming of his cousin. Or, rather, the absence of him. Cloud was at the Forgotten City in his dream. He sat by the edge of the water, dipping his hands into the cold, crystal-clear water. Placing both hands side-by-side, he scooped the water into his upward-turned palms. Try as he might, he could not hold the water in his hands. Drops kept slipping through cracks between his palms. It wasn't until he sniffled that he noticed the tears that were falling from his eyes and mingling with the water in his palms that he tried so desperately to hold.
As a child, Sephiroth had tried to teach him how to hold water in his palms. Cloud was never able to do it. It was only one more thing on the extensive list of things that Sephiroth could do that he could not. In part, he felt so envious of his cousin. He had joined SOLDIER as a way to prove himself to his family that he could be just as good as Sephiroth. This, too, did not happen - In his mind, Sephiroth was still the best SOLIDER that he had ever known.
If only they had known you, Sephiroth. The real you. The you that taught me how to ride a chocobo when I was no more than a child - the you that sent me letters while you were in training at Shinra. I miss you. So much. Am I the only one in Gaia who does?
He forced the water from his hands, throwing it into the small pond. He stared down into the water, seeing his reflection look back at him. He felt a presence behind him but did not turn around. He didn't need to turn around to acknowledge the man walking up gracefully behind him.
Sephiroth sat down beside him quietly. Cloud still did not turn to look at him, only spoke to the reflection of the man in the water. Their eyes met in the reflection, and Cloud wiped his tears away angrily with the back of his hand.
"Why did you leave me, Seph?"
He was still met with silence, and only then chose to look at his cousin.
Sephiroth looked the same as he always had. His silver hair glowed in the moonlight, and his eyes seemed despondent as he stared into the water. His face lacked emotion, and Cloud couldn't tell what the man was thinking. "Sephiroth, talk to me," he urged, thrusting his hand out in frustration. "Why did you go?"
Sephiroth turned slowly to look at Cloud. Immediately, Cloud regretting getting angry at him when he saw the sudden pain in his own eyes reflected through Sephiroth's. He dropped his eyes and looked away. "I'm sorry," he told Sephiroth.
"Always apologizing. Typical," Sephiroth finally spoke. "You should try being selfish for once," he added and laughed. Cloud let himself relax and chuckled softly. "Heh. Not in my nature," he said. They let their voices be carried in the wind across the water and sat in silence once more.
"The Lifestream is a funny thing, Cloud. Dying is the easy part of the process. However, what leaves with the spirit energy and what is left behind on this planet is a strange thing. There are certain essences that stay on the planet and never get absorbed completely into the Lifestream. You carried a part of my energy within you all these years. The scar is proof of this," Sephiroth said. Cloud raised a hand to his chest. Through his thin shirt, he felt the slight remainder of scar tissue from a wound that had been inflicted by Sephiroth when Cloud condemned him to death.
"When I died, part of me was absorbed into you through your wound. The other part joined the Lifestream. In actuality, I am not a complete soul - not at the moment, anyway," Sephiroth said.
"How is this possible?" Cloud asked. Sephiroth shook his head. "I don't know. What I do know, though, is that all things are possible on this planet. Never doubt that."
Cloud was confused now, and he didn't like feeling that way. It reminded him too much of his past and the events that ultimately took his uncle and his cousin away from him. Thinking of this, he said, "I'm sorry I hurt you."
"There you go again with the apologies."
Cloud blushed. "Sorry."
"Ah- stop. I don't want to hear another apology come from your mouth," Sephiroth said, using a tone of voice that made Cloud want to do as he was told. "I'll try," he told Sephiroth, giving him a crooked smile.
"Your Geostigma is gone now. Do you know why that is?" Sephiroth asked, interested to know Cloud's opinion of the strange illness. Cloud glanced down at his arm. "I don't know," he said, then slammed his fist into the ground. "Damn it, there's too much I don't understand. I don't like not knowing things, especially when these things are affecting me. Why was it just me with the stigma? Sephiroth, was it you?"
Sephiroth shifted slightly and averted his face. "Yes."
Cloud's face turned a bright red; he was angry now. "Why would you cause me pain, Sephiroth? Why would you cause me to almost lose my life? Why?" he shouted. Sephiroth turned his face slowly toward Cloud and lowered his eyes. "Do you really have to ask that?"
Cloud was taken aback when he heard the words that his cousin had spoken to him. It had never occurred to him that a part of Sephiroth's soul had held a grudge. Cloud had killed him, of course, but it had just never occurred to him that Sephiroth would even care. He figured the man understood the reasons why he did what he did.
"Sephiroth, there was no other way. You had to die. You know that," Cloud said. Sephiroth shook his head. "No, no I didn't. There could have been some other way. Nevertheless... I am dead, and regardless of my actions during the events that led to my death, you must know that I have always cared for you and your well-being. However, you had never admitted aloud that you were sorry for my death. With the threat of Geostigma ending your life, you were finally able to speak the words. This is what the stigma was meant for, Cloud," Sephiroth said. "I just wanted to hear you admit it to someone else rather than going your whole life keeping it locked inside your heart. I just wanted you to know how it felt to look death in the face."
"That was just wrong, Seph. But... thank you," Cloud said, but he finally understood. Sephiroth had only caused the Geostigma in order to help heal Cloud from his on-going battle with emotions inside of himself. Pushing Cloud to the edge of his own death made him reveal the truth, and in turn it had lightened his heart.
He couldn't hate Sephiroth for helping him.
"You've got to go back now," Sephiroth said abruptly. Cloud wrinkled his forehead in thought. "Wait, what do you mean 'go back'? Where am I, Seph?" he asked. "You're in a dream, of course," Sephiroth said, raising an eyebrow. "Where did you think you were, Cloud?"
"Nevermind. It's... nothing," Cloud said. "Will I see you again?" His heart ached to know that he would not have the connection with his cousin as he used to. Sephiroth nodded his head and said, "Yes. I'll... be around." With that, the vision blurred and Cloud found himself waking up with a cold chill. He felt the scar on his chest again and cringed. He got out of bed and joined Reno at the table.
"Hey, you're finally awake. What's up?" Reno asked, lifting his chin at Cloud and smiling. Cloud shrugged. "I had a dream about Sephiroth. It felt completely real, though - not like any other dream that I'm used to having. It was like he really was there, and I honestly think he was," Cloud said, and went on to explain the dream to Reno. Reno sat quietly in thought, absorbing the information that Cloud was sharing with him, but he had nothing to say - and Cloud didn't mind too much. He was just happy that Reno was there for him when he needed to talk, and was blissfully aware of the fact that they were beginning to grow more and more comfortable with each other.
Only a few things remained that puzzled Cloud about Reno, and one of the mysteries was the story of the tattoos on Reno's cheekbones. Reno had never offered any explanation about the red marks, and Cloud just felt like he would be intruding on Reno's past if he asked about them, so he never did. Tonight, though, Cloud saw an opening and decided to go for it.
Chewing on a piece of the utterly delicious steak that Reno had cooked for him, he swallowed and took a sip of soda. He cleared his throat and looked at Reno. Opening his mouth to ask about the tattoos, he suddenly closed it when he found himself staring at Reno, his heart on fire for this man sitting across from him at his table. Reno was concentrating on cutting his steak just the way he liked it, his blue eyes shining. A wisp of red hair hung loosely down the side of his face and the tendril curled just past his cheekbone. Cloud stared, unable to take his eyes away from his beautiful lover.
His heart nearly stopped when Reno lifted his head and their eyes met directly.
Cloud had heard once before that eyes were the windows to the soul, and he knew now that whomever had said that was telling the truth, for as Reno gazed back at him, Cloud could see all of the love that Reno had for him. In his eyes, he saw heaven. In his eyes, he saw life.
Time slowed and stood still as they stared at each other. After what seemed like ages, Cloud stood up and went over to Reno. They embraced in a tender hug and Cloud sighed contentedly. With his eyes closed, Cloud felt Reno's gentle yet strong hands pulling him closer to him. Reno shifted to let Cloud have enough room to sit on his lap, and Cloud found himself abruptly threading his fingers through soft red hair and eagerly awaiting the moment when their lips would meet.
Reno slid his hands underneath Cloud's shirt and ran them along his bare back. Cloud shivered and leaned further towards Reno. "Gaia, I love your hands on me," he told Reno. His hands were like angels' wings: soft and gentle, bringing peace and serenity to his soul. He sighed as Reno lifted his shirt over his head and kissed the scar on his chest, then traced a path from the scar to a nipple with his tongue. Cloud was blushing now, his skin heated by passion and urgency. He placed his hands on either side of Reno's head and lifted it to claim his lips. The kiss began slow and hot, but eventually turned into something animalistic. Gasping for breath, he pulled away from Reno's mouth and moaned as he felt Reno slip his hand inside Cloud's pants to grasp his hardness. With slow but stong strokes, Reno quickly brought Cloud to the edge and left the blond squirming in his lap. Chuckling softly, he easily lifted Cloud and took him to the bed.
Cloud let himself be undressed by Reno, and watched with glowing eyes as Reno shed his own clothing. "Beautiful," he said, and watched as Reno moved closer to him. To Cloud, Reno was like an angel. Their lips met again and Reno easily shifted Cloud onto his back. Reno paused for a moment to look down at Cloud. This man, this beautiful man beneath him, was his. The thought sent him into overdrive and he swiftly entered Cloud. They both moved at an accelerated rate, and Cloud kept his eyes on Reno's eyes while quickly fisting his erection.
Reno came first, which sent Cloud into his own spiral of orgasm. Their eyes never parted once, and when it was over and Cloud was comfortably settled against Reno, he said, "Thank you." Reno didn't reply - only kissed him on the forehead and held him tighter.
It had been such a long time since Cloud had felt such inner peace, and he was truly grateful to Reno... and to Sephiroth. He went to sleep then, eagerly awaiting the next day, when he could finally ask Reno about the tattoos.