[time: 5 days ago]

"Isn't it enough that I surrendered?" Bill asked.

She was lying on her back on his couch, pale, exhausted and gaunt, covered by his blanket. Her one hand held a planetary survey at eye level, the other hand played with his hair. Bill sat on the floor, his back against the couch, memos on a possible supply location neatly arranged on the floor around him. He relaxed into her touch, the shadow of a smile on his lips.

"I just play the cards that are handed to me," she countered. The subject at hand was her desire to sleep on top of him.

"And those would be?" He unhurriedly moved his head so that her hand could reach the other side of it too.

She ruffled his hair in response. "You should count your blessings, Commander. It could have been worse."

"Hardly," he said wryly. At least she'd kept their new balance confined to his quarters.

But his was only the token resistance. She could lie anywhere she saw fit, if that made her happy, as long as it was near him. Her desire for frakking had diminished as her energies waned, but she'd continued to come to him at night. If she occasionally initiated lovemaking, he took his time with her, drawing his satisfaction from pleasuring her. And as one of her pleasures seemed to be to have him cry out her name in the throes of passion, he didn't suffer much.

"What about this planet?" He handed her a sheet of paper over his shoulder.

She brushed his hand when she took it and held the memo where she could see it.
"Right direction, right gravity, right resources," she cataloged. "This seems the most promising of the lot."

"I agree."

"Let's do it." The fact that she had problems standing up for more than ten minutes at a time didn't for a second diminish the ease with which she wielded her executive power.

He walked over to the phone and told Tigh to change course.

When he turned he found her appraising him. He frowned, knowing the look she gave him was an overture, and feeling trepidation.

She'd become far too economic in her gestures. He was almost certain that her pain had risen above her medication levels.

It wasn't something she discussed, however. Bill deduced that her reticence was partly to protect him from her pain and partly to protect herself from his pity, to keep her dignity now she had to shed so many other protective barriers.

Whatever her reasons, he couldn't help seeing her suffering and he couldn't imagine how frakking could possibly be on her mind. Not for the first time he wondered if she saw it as the last proof that she, at least for the day, was still alive. He very much doubted she was up to it though, and he was unsure how they could go about it without him inadvertently hurting her.

When he didn't move, she patted the couch next to her.

He shook his head.

A fleeting look of vulnerability crossed her face before she turned her head away. She was even more conscious of the changes of her body than he was. Clothes hid some of her new fragility, but naked there was no escaping the progress of her illness. Bill belatedly realized how she could have misunderstood his response. When he saw dismay creep up her features, he walked to the couch.

"Move over." He tapped her hip. When she complied, he opened his jacket and stretched out alongside her, using his hands and knee to lift her on top of him. She repositioned herself until she'd found her comfortable nook, pulled the blanket back over them both and then levered herself on her elbows to search his face. One of his hands slid around her waist, the other cupped her butt.

"Sudden change of heart?" Her body melted against his nicely enough and her knee had opened negotiations of its own, but her tone spoke volumes of intolerance to any feelings of pity he might harbor.

He contemplated several answers while he opened his legs a bit to allow her knee room to maneuver.

I love you.

In the end, he settled for the condensed version of the truth.

"I don't want to hurt you."

She studied his face and seemed to sift through the layers of his answer. Whatever she found there made her briefly close her eyes and rest her forehead against his chin. She tapped his chest soothingly. Without looking up, she relaxed against him, her head in the niche between his chin and collarbone, her breath warm against his skin.

"Just hold me, Bill, and we'll take it from there."

Afterwards he carried her to his bunk. She found her nook on his body again and they settled in for the night.

He stirred when he felt her body tense in little shocks. He slid his arms around her in support, rubbing her back soothingly.

When she woke up, gasping from a particularly large shudder of pain, he closed his eyes, evened out his breath, feigning sleep.

Laura rolled off of him with small strained movements, grunting softly and fighting further tremors until she was clear of him. Once she was away, she turned her back and curled in a ball. Spasms racked her body. The minute muffled whimpers that accompanied them left him with little doubt of the pain that wracked her.

She was still well within his personal space, close enough to touch, but the effort it had cost her to move away from him stopped him. His hands clenched to fists, he waited, trying to hold it together, fighting his urge to intervene, to offer comfort. Having to watch her helpless like this, shook him.

For the better part of an hour they lay there; together, both trembling and both alone; a replica of that night on Kobol. They seemed to have come full circle; he dreaded where they would be going from here.

It took another half hour before she was able to push herself up on her elbow and reach for the water. Her teeth clattered against the glass.

Bit by bit she worked herself up to a sitting position and, after a long moment, she got up. Cautiously supporting herself against the furniture, she collected her scattered clothing and slowly dressed herself, sitting down on the bunk whenever she could.

Fully dressed, she turned to look at him and started slightly when she found him awake and watching. She caught his eye. Her smile was tired but genuine.

"I have to go now," she said softly.

He nodded, not trusting his voice

He realized she would not come to his bed again.

She had returned his gift.

Again.