Dealing Hearts:

Boys and girls! Welcome to yet another chapter, the tenth one at that. Can you believe it? I remember starting this story like it was yesterday (though it was in fact very, very long ago since my updating isn't the fastest!), and now it's in double figures. Bless it. I wonder if it's birthday is any time soon… I think it's around November time… I'll have to check that out and throw it a party…

Sorry.

Yep this is my life. That is what it's come to. Please don't judge me too harshly!

Anyhoo I'd like to say "on with the story", but there's a few little bits and pieces I want to address first. Feel free to skip it!

It's come to my attention that there's been a bit of drama in my reviews following the last chapter. If I could email these people I would give much kinder, in depth responses, but since this is public I'll keep it generic.

Fanfiction is made up and I will write about whatever I want, even if it goes wildly against what is cannon. I usually ship Knuxouge, and like Shadow and Rouge as co-workers and reluctant friends as much as the next person, but often delve into Shadouge for fanfiction purposes for the simple reason that I find it gives me more leeway to create my very own story arc.

Please try and keep insulting other reviewers to a minimum! There's always a chance that they will respond and a back and forth argument will begin and I really don't want to feel like my fanfics are causing anyone any upset!

Anyhow- now that's all dealt with- on with the story!

Chapter 10: Vodka

(Shadow)

It felt like an eternity before I finally managed to kick everyone out and close the club. Rouge never came back, which likely meant one of two things. A: she and Knuckles had made up and they were having intense make up sex that had, by some ungodly miracle, lasted the past three and a half hours, or B: the fight had gotten worse and she was flying around aimlessly in a mental firestorm of anger and sadness. Truthfully, I wasn't sure which one I was more concerned about.

I tried not to let it bother me, I tried to push the whole situation to the back of my mind. It was Rouge's drama, not mine. I had my own things to worry about.

No matter how much I tried to distract myself, the subject kept working its way back into my mind. Where was she? Was she lonely, cold, upset… even afraid? Not knowing was the worst part, yet even though I hadn't a clue what was actually happening, I still felt a dire need to comfort her, to make sure she was safe.

Oh how times had changed. There were times when she would vanish for weeks and I wouldn't bat an eyelid. There were times when she'd go AWOL during a mission and not a single worry would enter my mind. We were always friends, we just weren't always close. I couldn't pinpoint the moment our relationship had shifted, but it was probably after I'd made a conscious effort to let go of my past and look to the future. Taking that life changing step had been even bigger than I could have thought. As the anger ebbed away, layers upon layers of the walls I'd put up began to melt into nothingness; I could let people in again, if I so chose, I could be better. Rouge had been a big part of helping me change, she'd always believed in me.

So maybe that was why I'd found myself unable to stop thinking about her from the moment she'd left the room. Maybe I was just somewhat comforted by her presence.

And maybe I was outright kidding myself.

I shook my head, a gesture designed to declutter my mind. I wanted to slap myself for what I was thinking; it seemed vile and ungrateful considering I'd just managed to secure a relationship with Amy. But just… what if? What if my feelings for Rouge- the way I admired her every move, missed her whenever she left, would defend her to the ends of the earth- had all meant something more all along? And that kiss… that kiss that had somehow seemed more passionate than every time I had ever kissed Amy combined. What if? If I'd been looking in on this situation from an outsiders perspective, I would have thought I was just overthinking things. I was still adjusting to the idea of being in a relationship. For the first time in my life I was actually taken, unable to display any affection for another, and my best friend was… well, really very attractive.

But this was me. And as my luck would have it, by the rules of 'Sod's Law', it would probably turn out that I'd fooled myself into being with the entirely wrong girl.

I was a terrible person. And I was also very, very tired. I decided I'd think about this with a clearer head in the morning.

By the time I managed to lock up the bar and finally crawl into bed it was well past 3am. With the advantage of my super speed, I'd managed to clean and tidy the entire place within a matter of minutes, but damn was it difficult to rid myself of those last few drinkers! I'd worried I would be unable to sleep as a result of my continuous overthinking, but it'd all been for nought. As soon as my head touched the pillow, I drifted peacefully into dreamland.

I awoke from a deep sleep what felt like many hours later, but when I rolled over to look at my clock, it glared back the numbers '4.45'. I'd barley been out for fifty minutes.

Feeling dry and groggy, I stumbled sleepily down the hallway to the kitchen in search of a glass of water. As I passed the staircase that lead down to the club, I had to do a double take. The light in the downstairs hallway was on, and I knew for a fact that I had switched it off before ascending the stairs. My first thought was that Rouge had come in earlier and forgotten all about it. Yes, surely that was it.

In order to prove my theory, I quickly dashed to her room- now far more alert- and quietly inched her door open, expecting to see her snuggled up in her queen sized bed.

Nothing.

No one was there. Her desk lamp was on, but that was most likely down to nothing but her pure laziness. She never turned the lights off; it grinded on my last nerve.

I quickly scanned the rest of the apartment in search of her, only to find empty space. I decided to check downstairs.

Cautiously, I pushed the door to the club open, unsure of who I'd find on the other side. As much as I hoped otherwise, a horrible, nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach convinced me I'd find Silver, cackling maniacally in a destroyed club, ready for round two. The door wasn't locked, only further worrying me. I had locked it myself that very night when we closed, and I didn't make mistakes. I kept a brave face. I was Shadow the Hedgehog, after all: ultimate lifeform, chaos blaster extraordinaire. I could deal.

I was about to call out, when I saw a familiar form sitting at- or rather on- the bar. Their lack of silver fur and quills was immediately comforting to me, and I breathed a quiet sigh of relief.

As I'd initially suspected, there was my teammate, facing away from me, a bottle of expensive vodka in one hand and her phone in the other. Immediately I prepared to deal with the worst; Rouge didn't drink a lot, unless it was red wine in which case she could easily drain two bottles in an average night. She sure as hell didn't drink spirits neat, especially from the bottle and especially vodka. She hated vodka. I could tell she was crying by the way her shoulders shook harshly up and down, her small frame shuddering with every breath.

Hearing me enter, the bat turned to me, mascara dripping down her face as it mingled elegantly with her tears. I was speechless; I could only recall a handful of times that Rouge had cried in my presence, and all of which had been in life threatening situations. She must've been really down on herself, and I couldn't stand to see it.

"Rouge… I…"

"Don't freak out hedgehog, they're angry tears," she said, her words slurring a little as she did. She sounded unhinged, unpredictable, as if she'd finally been pushed over the edge by all the crap she'd had to deal with these past few weeks. I walked closer to her. Her eyes looked glazed over and vacant, and as she swivelled herself round to face me, she almost slipped off the bar.

"How much have you drunk?" I asked, concerned, moving closer so as to be ready to catch her if she fell again.

"What does it matter?" she replied, "since I'm not 'girlfriend material' I feel I have no one to impress."

"What does that even mean?" I asked, "surely every girl is capable of being a girlfriend? Thus, every girl is surely capable of being girlfriend material?" Usually, Rouge would chuckle playfully at my social obliviousness, but today she was quick to roll her eyes and scoff.

"Should've known you'd take that as literally as possible," she responded, her tone bitter. She paused for a while to take another swig of alcohol, her dainty features scrunching up in distaste as it scolded the back of her throat. So she did still hate vodka.

"I meant…" she finally continued, "… a certain echidna thinks that making us an item was a big mistake, because- and I quote, by the way- 'clearly I crave more attention than any one man can give'. Crazy right? I guess going out in a nice dress that made me feel good about myself just qualifies as attention seeking in his eyes. Just what I wanted to hear. Thanks so much for telling me to go see him, it's been so good for my soul."

Part of me wanted to hug her, it wanted to ease all the pain she was feeling and make her feel like she was worth something again. But that said, she was placing blame on me where blame wasn't deserved, and I wasn't having it, no matter how down she was.

"You chose to go!" I countered, "you would've gone with or without my permission and you damn well know it! I was just assuring you I could handle the club on my own. I only wanted you to go so you could get some closure, so you could finally see that he's a shitty person, and he never deserved to be with you anyway."

She didn't react as I'd hoped. In fact… she didn't really react at all. The alcohol had her in an enigmatic state: she was happy then sad, angry then eerily calm, but always somewhat vacant. I'd be surprised if she remembered any of this in the morning.

"Oh," she suddenly giggled, "I just remembered something hilarious!" My bets were that it really wasn't all that funny, and would probably only add to my already burning hatred for Knuckles.

"My dear 'Knuckie' seemed to have a bit of in issue with you and I being friends," she continued. She was becoming harder and harder to understand, her words being interrupted more and more frequently with sudden outbursts of giggles. "he…*haha*… he thought… *haha*… he thought that you defending me, meant you wanted me for yourself… *haha*… oh! OH! AND… *haha*… he thought you and I snuck off to like… I dunno make out of something… at the restaurant, when I stormed out and then Silver showed up. He was so angry, he didn't even believe I was in hospital until Amy convinced him a couple days ago! Can you… can you believe?"

As her speech had gone on, her laughter had begun to fade, making way for the deep sadness that had set in. Her words, by now, were almost monotone as the truth of what had happened slapped her in the face. I didn't know what to say, I could only stand and watch as she continued to break into a million tiny pieces before my eyes.

"After… after everything I've been through these past few weeks… he hasn't been baiting me like you said, he hasn't been playing hard to get like I'd hoped… he was already done with me…"

Fresh tears began to form in her eyes. I tried to reach for her arm, to stroke it in a comforting gesture, but she backed away, jumping clumsily off of the bar and increasing the distance between us. Her voice cracked as she continued.

"He called me a slut Shadow. The person I wanted to be with for so long, the person that at a time I thought I might've loved called me a slut. That's what he thinks of me, that's all I am to him. Ironic since he was oh so keen to sleep with me for the last chaos only knows how many years…"

My blood was boiling, I could feel my muscles tense up as if preparing for a battle. If he were here he wouldn't leave the room alive.

"I just…" she continued, slumping down onto a bar stool, defeated. "I feel so useless. I can't help thinking about how stupid I was to ever believe this would work.

"I'll kill him." I blurted out, rage overcoming me. In truth I'd barely heard what she'd last said, all I could think about were all the awful things he'd said to her reverberating in my head. "If I ever see him again, I will kill him. He can't talk to you like that, I won't allow it."

Rouge let out a little sigh of annoyance. I was confused. Surely she should've been happy that I was on her side.

"What?" I questioned, genuinely dumbfounded, though my anger made it sound more spiteful than intended.

"This is exactly why he didn't want us to be friends," she replied, after another lengthily swig of vodka. I was considering taking the bottle away from her so fast she wouldn't even see it happen, but decided it'd be best not to anger her further in the situation.

"You always jump straight in," she continued, "defending me even when I don't need it, being crazy overprotective. And, Shaddy, I know you care about me, I know that and I love that but you're so quick to jump the gun whenever anyone says a bad thing about me, people are getting… suspicious."

"And by that I suppose you mean Knuckles is getting suspicious?"

"Knuckles is people…" she defended, "… sorta."

"Not in my books."

She chuckled a little at this, but her laughter soon made a smooth transition into heavy, uncontrollable sobs. When she reached for the vodka again, I quickly swooped in and picked it up, taking a long drink from the bottle myself. Rouge looked at me in sudden amusement, eyeing up just how out of character the action had been.

"I'm stressed," I defended, "I'm stressed because you're stressed." Feeling the weight of everything pressing down on my shoulders, I took a seat next to her at the bar, placing the bottle down between us.

"I'm sorry," she apologised, resting her head on her arms which were folded casually on the surface of the bar.

"For what?" I asked.

"You know… for being a burden, for wearing you out." I could think of a million things that Rouge did to me, but those two- while true to an extent- were not the ones that often crossed my mind.

Before I had a chance to reply she cut in and continued.

"On the bright side, at least you have Amy," she said, "I know she's crazy, but she's kinda the good crazy right?"

I couldn't help but sigh, remembering my plaguing thoughts from earlier that early morning. I warred with myself whether I should tell her about any of it: that I didn't feel for Amy like I'd hoped I would, that as much as I wished I could, I couldn't stop thinking of the girl sat right next to me.

"Wanna know a secret?" I uttered. She suddenly perked up, and raised her head to listen to me, her eyes full of hope. What was she wanting me to say? Or was she wanting me to say anything at all? Alcohol made her crazy.

"Things with Amy aren't… they aren't quite what I hoped," I admitted. I felt defeated. It wasn't easy for me to drop the façade of the 'perfect life' I'd been living recently, but in front of Rouge, my walls always tended to come down in the end.

"Really?" she asked, "h-how? What did she do? What did you do?"

"Nothing," I chuckled, taking another drink, "nothing like that at all. It's just…" I took a moment to carefully consider my words, knowing that the slightest slip up at this point could give everything away. The bat was too perceptive.

"I feel just as empty now as I did before," I continued, "and I know, deep down, that I should feel more. Instead, I'm still just as angry, I'm still forced to stare at everything I loathe about myself. Maybe I'm just beyond help. Maybe nobody, no matter how intrinsically good they might be, can save me. It's just like in Dorian Gray…"

"Dorian who, what now?" Rouge responded.

"Dorian Gray," I chuckled, "that book I've been reading since… well since all this dating craziness began really."

Something in Rouge's eyes gave away that she was finally on the same page. I didn't know about her, but I vividly remembered when she snatched the book from my hand, wrestled with me, teased me, kissed me…

"You know," she began, thankfully cutting off my train of thought before it got too deep, "we kinda threw that whole bet outta the window…"

She was right. I'd completely forgotten the bet in light of recent events. I couldn't help but laugh, and it wasn't long before she joined in.

"True," I agreed, "well I guess it worked- we both managed to secure relationships with our desired person within the set time, though you beat me to it."

Rouge sighed at the mention of her time with Knuckles, and I suddenly wondered if I'd crossed a line. She was fragile in her drunken state after all.

"Honestly," she said, "I'm almost kinda disappointed." As she spoke, she pointedly looked away from me, eyeing up the various liquors on the shelves behind the bar instead. My heart rate increased at the thought of what she might say next; it beat so loud I was surprised she couldn't hear it.

"Why's that?" I dared to ask, fighting with all my strength to keep my cool.

"It's gonna sound dumb…" she warned, awkwardness growing and causing her to take yet another drink.

"Try me."

She signed before continuing.

"I dunno, I just kinda hoped we'd end up with an excuse for you to take me out, we always have the best times. I've missed you over these past few weeks."

"But I've always been here, Rouge," I assured her, a little confused as to what she actually meant. Was she… was she admitting to liking me? In that way?

"I know, I know, but it's not the same, you don't understand! I guess I didn't realise how much I needed you until you had someone else to give your time and attention to, you know? It sounds so selfish, but it was always 'Shadow and Rouge', 'Rouge and Shadow' and now we're just separate entities with separate lives. I miss going out fun places, just the two of us. I miss nights in together, I miss staying up really late watching TV with you. And I know my relationship with 'He Who I Will Not Name' was a big part in us distancing recently but you've gotta admit: you and Amy see each other a lot. And that's a good thing, that's so so good for you. But there've been nights where I've been sat alone, just staring at my phone and wishing you were there to hold my hand because, honestly I don't think I've ever been so hurt before…" she trailed off, wiping away a tear. "This all sounds so stupid."

"It's not, I-"

"And you know what I kick myself for the most" she cut in. "Dear Chaos you're gonna hate me for this… and if you do, I'll like… move out or something, I dunno." She was rambling, the strange things she was saying indicating how much alcohol she had consumed. Honestly, I was starting to get a little concerned about the state she was in, but yet simultaneously I was so interested in what she had to say.

"It's just…" she finally continued, "…I can't stop thinking about when we… when we kissed. Shadow, I've kissed a fair few guys but… it was just different you know? I didn't want to leave, I wanted you to pull me close again so I could feel as safe and warm and whole as I had in that one short moment. And I know we're friends- we're co-workers for crying out loud- and I know you have a girlfriend and up until a couple hours ago, I had a boyfriend but… I wish I didn't feel this way but I do… and it's done nothing but hurt me… damn you're staring at me… I've scared you, you're scared…"

I chuckled, breaking myself out of the trance her words had put me in.

I wanted to throw back a witty response to lessen her stress and paranoia. Telling me what she had had taken a lot of courage and a hell of a lot of vodka. Really, it was only right that I came clean about what I'd been feeling too, even if I didn't have everything figured out yet.

But sitting across from her, watching her as she looked so adorably, innocently awkward, I couldn't bring myself to do it. She was so beautiful. I'd known from the day we met, and honestly I felt proud to be seen with her, to be considered a duo wherever we went. More than that, she was strong, she was fierce, she was utterly spectacular. The dim lights of the club grazed her face in just the right way. She looked so… pristine. Perfect. Perfect like she always did.

It wasn't until I regained focus on myself that I realised I was holding myself back. From what exactly, I wasn't sure, but every part of me wanted to reach out for her, to feel her soft skin on the palms of my hands and draw her to my chest. I wanted to make her feel like she had described; warm, safe, whole.

Because in truth, she made me feel the exact same way.

Before I even realised what I was doing, I gently reached out and caressed the underside of her chin with a single finger, tilting her head up towards me. She looked so… well, honestly? Utterly irresistible. I tried to recall if another girl had ever made me feel that way, ever brought out that primal instinct that I saw myself as being above. Amy didn't, that was sure as hell.

"What?" she asked, a smile slowly spreading across her tearstained face.

I shook my head a smiled back, a rare, genuine smile.

"Nothing," I confirmed, "nothing I didn't already know… deep down." My finger still rested on her chin, we were so close, our noses almost touched.

You have a girlfriend, Shadow, don't be that person.

But hell, I was that person. I was so much worse than 'that person'. I'd destroyed cities, tried to destroy the planet, and I'd be damned if I wasn't gonna let myself have this one thing. The one thing I knew would bring me happiness.

And besides- it was beyond clear that Amy was still hung up on Sonic anyway. But still…

"Um… I'm not gonna force you to do anything…" Rouge whispered, her breath caressing my face as she spoke, sending shivers down my spine. I needed to back away, but I somehow couldn't make myself. "… but, don't leave me hanging."

She was so close. Her perfume was musky and all-consuming. I could almost feel the warmth of her body against mine already…

I couldn't think straight, I couldn't reason, I could only want.

"Damnit Rouge," I almost growled as I used my other arm to slide her off the bar stool and drag her even closer to me. Without another moment's hesitation I slammed my lips onto hers, closing any and all distance between us.

There was that feeling again- that electric shock beginning at any place she touched and shooting all through my body. The truth of the matter was: Rouge and I had a connection, and hers was a space that Amy could never fill. I wrapped both my arms around her- she wasn't going anywhere.

She kissed me back so passionately, so desperately that I could tell she too had been waiting far too long for our lips to come together again. It was so worth the wait. It was worth every painful moment of denial, every second I had to watch her with somebody else.

She was so soft, and delicate, and warm, and such a good kisser. Kissing Rouge made me forget everything, even who I was. All that existed were her lips, and her tongue sliding into my mouth, and her body… I couldn't stop thinking about it.

She gasped as I lifted her up onto my lap, positioning her so she was straddling me. I leaned back against the bar, pulling her down with me. She pulled back for a moment before kissing me down my neck… so good. So so good. I could almost feel my eyes rolling into my head as she bit down on a spot right between my neck and shoulder. Why hadn't we done this sooner? So much wasted time.

She pressed herself against me even harder than before, and began sucking on the spot she had bitten.

Do. Not. Moan. You are the ultimate lifeform, you're above-

"mmmm…"

Rouge giggled, impressed she'd drawn a reaction out of me. I was in a daze, a blissful daze of hormones, adrenaline and total accomplishment. It was as if she herself was like a drug, just as intoxicating as the vodka, if not even more.

"You think that's funny?" I asked smugly, my voice deep and husky. I brought her face back up to mine and kissed her on the lips… then trailed down her jawline… then across her neck… then up to her ear…

"Get on the bar." I whispered. She looked up and smirked back at me playfully… this was gonna be one hell of a night.

Yes I know they're OOC at times, let me be! I really struggled with this one and I'm really not 100% happy. The way the next chapter starts will shed more light on how this one ends! I just needed to break it up.

Until next time! xo