Deidara skipped down the hallway happier than a bee in a flower shop to his lover's room. Kisame was getting pretty big now and Deidara had decided that it was his duty to make everything prepared for the baby's arrival. He loved his shark and wanted the best for him. Kisame on the other hand was bored silly in his bedroom. He decided to pull out the old diary.
Dear Diary: I found out something interesting today. ITACHI UCHIHA IS A PREGOPHILE. THAT'S RIGHT. Our loveable weasel is a pregophile. That means that he like to have sex with pregnant people. I was shocked when I found out. He actually told me. When he was eating breakfast he asked if there was a possibility that Kisame could get pregnant. I said I didn't know. Then he said to let him know if Kisame got pregnant…SO THAT HE MAY RAPE HIM IN THE ASS! HIS WORDS!
"WHAT?!"
"Hey Kisa-sempai!" Deidara came into the room with a bag.
"D-Deidara…I have to go…" Kisame got up. "I HAVE TO GO BEFORE…"
"Good afternoon Kisame…Deidara…" Itachi had just walked into the room. "Kisame, lay back down. You are not well." He went into the bathroom.
"Help me…" Kisame whimpered.
"What?" before the blonde could speak, Itachi interrupted him.
"Deidara could you leave for a minute, I need to talk to Kisame for a minute."
"No! Don't leave!" Kisame whispered.
Deidara gave Kisame a funny look before leaving the room. Kisame turned and faced his partner. The Uchiha looked indifferent and looked him over slowly. "Kisame…?"
"Y-yes Itachi-san?"
"You look different…thicker…bluer…"
"Your eyesight must be getting worse." Kisame said quickly. "M-maybe you should lay down or something."
It was quiet for a moment…then the bathroom door opened revealing Itachi frowning with his arms crossed. "Don't lie to me Kisame. I know your dirty little secret."
"What secret?"
Itachi walked over and looked him in the eyes. "You're pregnant aren't you?"
"NO!"
Itachi glared at him. "It's Deidara's isn't it?"
"Yes…" he said looking away.
"You do realize that you're my partner, not his right?"
"Yes…"
"On the bed…NOW…"
Kisame didn't need to be told twice…or what was about to happen…
Kakuzu walked into the large Akatsuki Greenhouse. Zetsu had told him he had something to tell him and needed to tell him in private. Zetsu was over in the corner tending to one of the many plants and turned when Kakuzu came behind him and hugged him lovingly.
"Zuzu-sempai! You made it!" Zetsu smiled. "You're going to be very happy when you hear the big news, Zuzu…"
"What is it?"
"We're having a little flower!" said Zetsu.
"What?"
"Dumb ass! He doesn't understand that!" the darker side rolled his eye. "Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you understood Zuzu-sama! I mean to say that I'm pregnant!"
"W-what?" Kakuzu looked shocked. "How?"
"I'm part flower silly!" Zetsu giggled. "We just found out this morning."
"About the baby?"
"We're going to go see about how they're doing." Zetsu opened up his cloak and lifted up his shirt to reveal a nice big round baby bump.
"You didn't look like that last week before I left for my mission." said Kakuzu.
"Plants tend to have their babies faster." Zetsu pulled down his shirt. "I'm not the only one that's pregnant."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Kisame-san is having a baby." Zetsu pointed out. "Deidara and Kisame have been hanging out more than usual, so maybe Deidara is the father…though Hidan or Itachi finally got the balls to rape him."
"How do you know everything?"
"I'm a spy." said Zetsu. "I spy."
Some weeks passed and the hideout was pretty busy and not with the usual mess. Zetsu was constantly trying to eat Tobi, Kisame was eating on stuff not even Fatty McGee would eat, plus he was walking funny all the time, Itachi always looked at his partner with a face of a rapist, and Konan was a nagging bitch for some reason.
"Konan, will you please shut the fuck up!" Pain yelled as he stepped into the meeting room.
"But I haven't said anything!" said Konan.
"I know." Pain sat down. "So…what the fuck is going on with you people?"
"Konan walked in on Sasori's sexy party last night and yelled at him." he giggled. "It was funny!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Sasori growled. "NOBODY IS SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THAT!"
"Too late now…" said Tobi. "It was so fun! Sasori got really drunk and started giving out pickles that vi-"
Sasori interrupted the lollipop masked man by throwing a brick at Tobi's mask.
"Oookaaay…" Pain turned to Kisame. "Kisame…I've been noticing that you've been walking very funny lately…you don't have a rash do you? You're always walking like a cowboy."
"I like cowboys!" said Tobi. "Maybe Kisame likes cowboys!"
"YES! I LIKE COWBOYS!" Kisame said quickly.
"Well stop liking them!" said Pain. "You're walking funny and Itachi I don't like the way you look at Kisame."
"I have no idea what you are talking about." Itachi said. "Kisame is walking around like that because Deidara gave him a disgusting disease."
"I KNEW IT!" said Hidan.
"I DO NOT!" said Deidara loudly.
"I've also noticed that Zetsu and Kisame have been requiring larger cloaks…" said Pain suspiciously. "Do you two care to comment?"
"No." said Zetsu blushing. "I do not know what you're talking about."
"Me neither…" said Kisame.
"Don't lie to me." said Pain. "If there is something wrong, you have to tell me so that I can fix it or least know what's going on! We're not leaving until you tell me what the fuck is going on."
"Fine!" said Kisame. "I'm…uh…I really don't know how to say this…but I'm pregnant."
Everybody gasped dramatically.
"So am I…" said Zetsu.
Everyone gasped dramatically again. Konan burst out crying.
"Don't tell me you're pregnant too!" said Pain.
"What?" Konan wiped away her tears. "No. I was just so happy that I started crying!"
"Women…" mumbled Pain. "So how shall we deal with this?"
"What do you mean by that?" said Zetsu.
"How are we going to handle two bra…uh children with all of these things we have to do?" said Pain.
"I think you mean 'how are we going to handle four children'…"
"I figured that you would say that for some reason." Pain rubbed his forehead. "Kakuzu are you okay."
"W-what?" Kakuzu was looking pretty pale. "Yeah, I'm okay!"
"How long before your children get here?"
"Uh…about a week." said Kisame. "A mutation caused it to develop faster."
"Mine is due in about a week too." said Zetsu.
"Well we do have that extra room in the back that we never use." said Konan trying to be helpful. "The kids could stay there."
"I guess they could as long as they promise that the fathers work something out to baby sit their own kids as well as train them." said Pain.
"So we can keep them?" asked Zetsu.
"Yes…as long you take care of them and do your missions…otherwise I'll eat them to my shark!"
"NO." said Kisame.
"Shit!"
A week later, Kisame gave birth to a newborn baby boy with his father's looks and his mother's blue hair and sharp teeth. He kind of looked like Suigetsu, but with blue eyes and blue hair. Deidara hugged his tiny newborn baby boy in his arms.
"He's so beautiful, Kisame-sama!" Deidara cooed over his new son. "Let's have another one!"
"NO." Kisame slapped Deidara. "I refused to be butt raped again!"
"What?"
"NOTHING!"
"…" Deidara turned back to Kaito (the boy's name). "Has Zetsu had his babies yet?"
"Yeah…he had them while you were out on your mission.
Just then Zetsu came into the room with his bundles of joy. "Look what we have!"
Zetsu was carrying two of his three day old babies while his boyfriend was holding the other one. Thw two that Zetsu was holding had Venus fly traps, yet the smaller one that Kakuzu was holding didn't.
Rose, the oldest, had tiny little Roses growing on her fly trap and had inherited her father's green eyes and looked like her father. The second child, Peach, had a Venus fly trap also with nothing growing on it and looked similar to her mother, but had her father's hair color. The youngest one, Apricot, had her mother's looks and her father's hair color and eye color.
"They're so cute!" Deidara touched Peach's cheek. She opened up her mouth and bit him hard. "OW! WHAT THE FUCK?!"
"Are you forgetting that I'm a cannibal?" Zetsu smirked. "She's harmless anyhow…"
"HARMLESS MY FOOT!"
And that's the end of Zetsu's diary. This story went all the way from one thing to another fast! I'm doing a sequel to this story called, "What has gone missing" that features their kids a little bit older, but I promise it WILL contain more diary entries in it! Remember, review and favorite please!