Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Pain of Memory

By Gabrielle Lawson

with the generous help of Jo Burgess

Part Ten

There was some trepidation when the runabout docked. It was not often that a Starfleet vessel docked on Adigeon Prime. In fact, none ever had. The small M-class planet was a more recent affair, one that didn't really want to change that record. The colony was started by a geneticist less than a century before and had discouraged any diplomatic ties with the Federation since that time. In turn, the Federation discouraged knowledge of its existence. The colony had become a center for genetic research that exceeded the bounds of Federation medical ethics. Since the Eugenics Wars and the later founding of the Federation, genetic engineering and DNA resequencing had been illegal within the Federation's jurisdiction, except in cases of severe birth defects. As much as the Federation tried to ignore the existence of Adigeon Prime, they still knew it was here. Most people wouldn't dream of coming. They'd been educated and socialized into an abhorrence and fear of the genetically engineered. But some, with fears for their children, or dreams too big, would come, hoping for a miracle or a child prodigy.

Julian's parents had been the former, Sisko knew, which made it only that much easier to accept the doctor. However, he knew that if it wasn't for the nearly five years he'd known Bashir before he found out, he wouldn't have cared to hear the reason for the enhancements. It was Julian that made the difference, and he brought a lot of questions with him. The old assumptions were not as valid as he once held them. Julian was no monster, and if he hadn't joined Starfleet illegally, he wouldn't even have been a doctor. Was it fair? Sisko could say no, but he couldn't find an assumption to take its place.

And Sisko's assumptions didn't change anything beyond his own opinion. So there was trepidation when he docked the runabout and a security escort when he disembarked with Bashir. Sisko surrendered his weapon to them, but not his determination. He demanded to be taken to Doctor Yvretin Mdiglas. It took over an hour to convince the security forces that he was not a threat. He explained that Bashir was a former patient of Mdiglas and that he needed the doctor's help again. Bashir's hand was placed on an instrument, which Sisko was told was used for identification purposes. The security guard nearest to Sisko nodded and ordered them to follow.

He held onto Bashir's arm and led him through the crowd who had gathered to watch. Bashir watched them back with wide eyes. Bewildered was the best word to describe him, and maybe afraid. Unable to see clearly or understand speech, Bashir had to be lost. His other hand clenched onto Sisko's arm. There was no doubt in Sisko's mind that there had been much less fanfare the first time he'd been brought here. Security pushed the crowd back so they could pass. They were led to a ground transport vehicle, and Sisko was glad, especially for Bashir's sake, to leave the crowd behind.

It was waiting for them again though at their destination, and Sisko assumed that Mdiglas had been notified. A bevy of white-coated doctors met them at the door to the facility. "I'm Yvretin Mdiglas." It was a stern man who had spoken, tall with angular features and orange-tinted skin. The others around him parted so that he could approach. But he didn't address himself to Sisko. He stood directly in front of Bashir. "Welcome, Julian Bashir."

Julian's hand on Sisko's arm relaxed when he heard the voice. Did he remember Mdiglas? He'd been only six years old. But a lot had happened the last time he was here, Sisko reasoned. There was perhaps much to remember, even for one so young. Finally, the doctor turned to Sisko. "I'm Captain Benjamin Sisko of Deep Space Nine."

"Sworn to uphold the laws of the Federation," Mdiglas added, with the slightest of smiles. "And yet you come here."

Sisko bit down his embarrassment and any sense of guilt he might have. No matter that he couldn't solve the entire problem genetic enhancement entailed, he knew in his heart that Starfleet was wrong in this one case. "I need your help," he replied. "He needs your help."

"And is he a Starfleet Officer, as well?"

"A lieutenant," Sisko told them, allowing his pride to show. It was because of Mdiglas that Bashir had accomplished what he had. "My Chief Medical Officer until recently."

That raised an eyebrow. "And now?"

"And now," Sisko answered, "he needs your help again."

Mdiglas was apparently enjoying the game. He continued with questions, there in front of the door to the facility. "The Federation has given you permission to bring him here?"

So he would have to admit to acting illegally, unethically in bringing Bashir. Fine. As long as Starfleet didn't know about it. He doubted these people would turn him in. "No," he told Mdiglas. "I've acted on my own. The Federation was unable to find the cause of his present condition."

Then Mdiglas smiled, which was a decidedly odd thing, since he had no teeth. "Then I think it best we determine his present condition. Don't you agree?"

Sisko breathed a sigh of relief. There was a lot of distrust between these people and the Federation. But Mdiglas was willing to forego that. "I do."

Sisko didn't release Julian's arm, but a nurse came and took his other one, leading him into the facility. Once inside, the whole spectacle was over. It was business as usual. Sisko was made to wait in a comfortable waiting area, while Bashir was led away. The doctor looked over his shoulder fearfully, probably trying to see Sisko's familiar form. But in the sea of bodies around him, he couldn't make the captain out. He was still trying when Sisko lost sight of him.

The voice was familiar, but that was all. The room was light, and that was all he could make out. There were other voices besides the familiar one, but that one spoke loudest. It sounded comforting, but Julian was not comforted. He was afraid. He didn't know where he was or what was to be done with him. Sisko had taken him away from Jake and Chester and Kira and now had left him alone with strangers. He only knew the one voice, but he didn't know why.

People were touching him, and he was afraid that they would hurt him. His senses had betrayed him, leaving him with only phantoms to see and distortions to hear. He felt completely vulnerable and that brought memories. Memories were the one thing he could still see clearly. But the memories weren't pleasant. They were peopled by enemies, both human and Jem'Hadar. And he knew he couldn't fight either one. He was afraid and helpless, unable to see, unable to hear, and unable to understand. He sat still and did not resist when he was laid back or when things were attached to his head and body. He remained still and tried not to remember.

Sisko found himself sitting for three hours. Everyone who passed stopped to do a double-take at the sight of a Starfleet captain in the waiting room. Sisko grew bored. After another hour, he remembered that he still had Julian's small bag. He wasn't sure why he had brought it. The pad and pens were useless to Julian now. But there was something else in the bag, and Sisko pulled it out now. It was a brown, stuffed teddy bear, scuffed and worn. One of its eyes was slightly askew, and it had obviously been patched and resewn many times. Sisko remembered what Jake had said. Julian had had the bear his whole life. He probably had carried it with him on his trip to this place nearly thirty years before. Sisko tried to imagine Bashir as a simple six-year-old, unable to comprehend his surroundings. It wasn't so hard, since he'd seen Bashir here only three hours before. The bear was probably a comfort for him, and Sisko regretted that the bear was out in the waiting room with him and not with Julian to comfort him now.

He didn't expect the voice behind him. "Have you eaten, Captain?" Sisko turned to see Mdiglas standing over him. He put the bear back in the bag and stood.

"How is he?" he asked, ignoring the doctor's question.

"I asked you first," Mdiglas replied, his face written in perfect seriousness.

Sisko sighed. More distrust, more games. "No," he answered.

"Follow me," Mdiglas turned and walked with a quick pace out of the building. Sisko had to run to catch up.

"What about Bashir?" Sisko asked when he caught the tall doctor.

"Not here," Mdiglas replied, sounding a bit like Garak.

The crowds had dispersed but everyone within sight still ogled him and Sisko decided he'd have been better dressed out of uniform. But what was done was done. He just hoped it was worth the trip. Mdiglas led him to a small restaurant off the main square only a few blocks from the hospital facility. "Are you familiar with Adigeous food?" Mdiglas queried as they found a booth near the back and the waitress approached. Sisko shook his head, so Mdiglas ordered for both of them. The waitress left, and Mdiglas finally came down to business.

"Why did you bring him here?"

Sisko tried to keep his patience. He needed these people. They certainly didn't need him. "I told you. The Federation couldn't help him."

"Or wouldn't help him?" Mdiglas asked, scorn clearly echoed in his voice.

"Both," Sisko admitted. "They tried, but he's slipped back anyway." They both paused as the waitress returned with their food. Sisko eyed it cautiously. It looked like standard fair, mostly vegetables, some sort of meat. He threw away his caution and took a bite of the small purple vegetables on the side of the plate. They was good, not wonderful, but good.

"But why did you bring him here," Mdiglas pressed. "Do you enjoy breaking your laws? Do you do it often?"

Sisko didn't like the implications. "No," he said flatly. "I do not. And if this had happened naturally, I might have had second thoughts about bringing him here. What was done was illegal, as you point out. Asking you to do it again is just as illegal, maybe more so. But it wasn't natural. It was deliberate."

"Do it again?" Mdiglas repeated, but he let that go and moved on to more pertinent issues. "Deliberate? Who did this to him? The Federation? Did they punish him once they found out?"

"No!" Sisko stated emphatically. "They let him stay on, keep his post. They wouldn't harm him in any case."

"Then who?" Mdiglas asked again. "Because he certainly has been harmed. If you'd waited another three days, he'd be dead."

"Dead?" That word caught at Sisko. It hadn't even crossed his mind that Bashir would die. "How? I assumed they reversed what you did, took him back."

"He had problems as a child, but he was never like this, I assure you," Mdiglas said. "Who did it?"

"The Dominion," Sisko answered. Adigeon may not be in the Federation, but they were still in the Alpha Quadrant. They had to know about the war. "He was a test. A new way to infiltrate our ranks. Bashir was a test of its effectiveness. They used a clone. He thinks he's succeeded. I want to prove him wrong."

"So you came here not to save your doctor," Mdiglas concluded, "but to save the Alpha Quadrant?"

"I hoped to do both," Sisko argued. "Did I do the right thing?"

Mdiglas smiled. "Yes."

Sisko felt a weight lift off his shoulders. The air rushed into his lungs happily as he took his next breath. "Then you can help him?"

"Yes," Mdiglas said again, "though we won't be re-enhancing him. That's not what he needs. It has nothing to do with his enhancements at all."

Sisko ate while Mdiglas rattled off an explanation. Bashir's chemistry had been subtly altered so that the synapses which carried impulses to and from the nervous system were unable to pass along the chemical charges. Sensory input was not delivered to the brain properly, nor could impulses be sent out. It was a gradual change, which explained Bashir's downhill slump and his partially-retained abilities. But the change showed no signs of letting up. In three days, if left untreated, all the synapses would be, in effect, shut down. Sensory perceptions were a minor problem then. Involuntary muscles like the heart and the lungs would cease to function, waiting for directions from the brain.

"But why couldn't our doctors see it?" Sisko wondered out loud.

"They would have," Mdiglas assured him, "eventually. We're talking about subatomic particles and subtle changes. Right now, he's only sixteen percent off the norm. Two days from now, he'd be sixty. They'd see it then, but by then it would likely be too late. We're geneticists who go farther into the humanoid DNA than your Federation allows your doctors. We've got the equipment, the education, and the experience your doctors shy away from."

Sisko thought about that. The Federation feared genetic engineering, driving it underground. Starfleet doctors wouldn't be trained for it. "So what do we do?" Sisko asked, finishing the last of the cold, bitter liquid he'd been given to drink.

"We change it back," Mdiglas answered, waving his hand for the waitress. He made no effort to pay for the meal when she arrived, and Sisko assumed it was his treat. He was prepared though. He'd packed enough latinum for the trip to make Quark drool. He hadn't been sure about the going rate for genetic resequencing. He paid the tab and the two men walked out. "But the question remains," Mdiglas continued, "as to what you will tell the Federation when you arrive at your real destination with a fully cognizant Doctor Julian Bashir."

"I've given it some thought," Sisko said. "It depends how long your treatment will take. I padded my flight schedule a bit."

"How long?"

"A day."

Mdiglas shook his head. "It will take longer than that. Three days, at the very least."

"Then I suppose I'll have to think of something else."

Mdiglas turned to him and smiled again. "We do more here than break Federation law," he said. He handed Sisko a card. They arrived back at the facility. Mdiglas didn't offer any other explanation about the card so Sisko didn't ask. It contained a name, Inheildi Treitsig, Private Insurer, and an address. "Come," Mdiglas said, "we'll keep him here at the hospital, but I'm sure you'll want to see him, give him the bear."

Sisko blushed a bit, but of course Mdiglas had seen the bear in the waiting room. "He's had it his whole life. Something familiar."

"I remember," Mdiglas told him. "His father tried to take it away so that we could perform the treatments unhindered. But the boy wouldn't have it. He was very sad when he came here."

"You have a good memory," Sisko commented as they stopped in front of a door.

"He would be hard to forget," Mdiglas admitted. "So many people bring their children here because they want them perfected. They're fine, normal children, but not good enough for the parents. I don't do this for them. I advise the parents against it, but, I admit, they pay the bills. I do it for the ones like the Bashirs. He had many problems, serious problems, that your Federation was remiss in not seeing. His father brought him here because he very much wanted to help his child. And the boy," he paused. "He wanted very much to please his father. Talk to him," Mdiglas advised. "He might recognize your voice. He'll certainly recognize the bear." He opened the door and allowed Sisko inside, though he didn't follow him into the room.

Julian Bashir reclined on the bed too afraid to move. He couldn't see where he was but he knew he was alone now. Before there had been figures, big dark blobs that moved and made noises. They had touched him and put things on him that made other noises. They had covered his eyes and his ears. And then they all went away. One came back later and gave him some food. Then even that one went away and he was alone in the strange room that was not the station or home.

Another sound. A blob approached from the far wall. "Julian," it said, and he knew the voice. Sisko had come back. He wanted to answer so that Sisko could find him but he didn't know how to make the word anymore. "Julian, they're going to help you." More noise from Sisko, but it sounded nice. "Do you remember this place?"

Julian said nothing but squinted hard trying to see Sisko. There was only the blob against the white of the wall. "Ho--ho-ome," Bashir pleaded, struggling with the word.

"I can't take you home, Julian," Sisko's voice said. "But I brought you something." He held out a smaller blob toward Julian.

Julian, not knowing what it was or what it's purpose was, made no move to take it. But Sisko handed it to him anyway, putting it down on Bashir's arm. It was fuzzy. He picked it up, and felt it, running his hands across its fuzzy middle up to its fuzzy top where hard little buttons made familiar eyes and a nose. "Kuk--" he said, and gave up trying to make the rest of it come out. He found the bear's arms and its legs. He filled in with his memory all that his eyes couldn't see, and Kukalaka was soft and clean and as new as Bashir's earliest recognition of it.

Sisko's blob stayed by the bed for a while longer, but he didn't say anything. Bashir didn't say anything either. He just held the bear and stared at it, seeing it with his mind's still unclouded eye. He felt better now.