A/N: You ever swear you posted something only to realized days later you hadn't…me either…asking for a friend…Le sigh. Muh bad.

A/N 2: First day of Spring…Winter Advisory in Kentucky….Then I'm going to do a Christmas story. This will take place off camera between Santa Claus and the Third Dimension. So can we be honest, I think we all feel that the first half of season 3 killed the show. While there was some character growth, there were many other ways to do it. (Marc Vun Kannon's nine2five season one comes to mind). Season 3 was "Chuck can't become a spy because I'll lose him." We're going to address that today, in the way that can only be done by Grace and me. Today's story has been co-plotted by Grace Carner. Ch 10, Christmas Miracle

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck, and apparently if I did I'd of hired some of the fanfic community to write Season 3 on…let's be honest, part of season 2 as well…

Chuck walked into his apartment, it was empty. He looked around for her, but he couldn't find Sarah anywhere. Everything was gone that wasn't his. All the furniture they had gotten together, all of her weapons, workout equipment…it was gone. Casey walked in with Forrest.

"What'cha doin' numbnuts?" Casey asked.

"Looking for Sarah," Chuck said.

"She's gone," Casey said. "Since you're killing people she decided to be with a real man since you don't have that 'special something' anymore."

"What?" Chuck said panicking.

"Don't worry, Kid, we got you Carina," Casey said.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Chuck screamed sitting up in bed and lashing out. He hit Sarah in the arm who had come in to surprise him with her Mrs. Claus outfit, but had snuggled up against him and fell asleep. When his arm hit her, she reverted back to training. She grabbed him, and flipped him onto the floor, crashing him onto his back. He looked up at her surprised face, looking down at him wearing the outfit. "Wha' happened?" he mumbled.

"I think you had a bad dream and hit me," Sarah said.

"I'm so sorry," Chuck said, wondering if his back was broke.

"It's my fault," Sarah replied. "What were you dreaming about?"

"You left," Chuck said, tears in his eyes. She scrambled off the bed and held his head in her lap, brushing his hair. "I had killed a man, and you left." Sarah tensed.

"In self-defense?" she asked.

"No," Chuck said. "He was a member of Fulcrum and I killed him, because he would hurt us if I didn't."

"You mean like you set it up for me do the actual killing?" Sarah asked.

"No," Chuck whispered. "I shot him. You wouldn't leave me if that happened, right?"

"Chuck, we need to talk about this later, but I have to take care of something, I forgot about," Sarah said, gently placing his head on the floor, but basically fleeing.

"Sarah?" Chuck asked.

"I'll be back, don't worry," she said. "I just need….I got to take care of something." She put a coat on and left the apartment quickly. Chuck laid there, not sure what just happened. She ran across the courtyard and banged on Casey's door.

"Hold your shorts, I'm coming," Casey grumbled opening the door. He saw Sarah, with the coat wrapped around her, and tears in her eyes. "Oh, hell," he mumbled.

"John I need your help," Sarah said.

"I hear it happens to all guys," he said. Sarah rolled her eyes.

"CASEY!"

"Sorry, come in, let me run off the troll," he said, trying to get his bearings.

"No, I think we need him," Sarah said, surprising herself. "Casey, he dreamed he shot a man and I left him because he became someone else." Casey stared at her, and Morgan who had come in during the discussion looked confused.

"So you left him when he dreamed that?" Morgan asked.

"I haven't left him!"

"Uh, you are standing right here, and he's over there, probably confused and thinking it's over," Morgan said.

"Maybe the old Chuck, but he's changed," Sarah said.

"He basically got a guy killed," Casey pointed out. "You think he's not reverting back to his old ways?" Sarah stared at him. "Let me ask you something, numbnuts-"

"What?" Sarah said.

"You're right, my bad, you don't have nuts," Casey corrected. "Moron, that's the better word for you." Sarah stared at him in shock. "He loves you, right?" She nodded. "You've killed people."

"That's different," Sarah said. "He loves me in spite of it."

"And you can't do the same for him?" Casey asked.

"It's not that simple, he'd change," she said. Casey gave her the "has his stupid rubbed off on you" look.

"You changed?" Casey asked. Sarah nodded. "Why?"

"Why? I didn't have anyone, I didn't have a support system, I didn't have anyone who cared….Oh." Sarah just stood there, it dawning on her.

"Do you think that perhaps the person to share all of these lovely lady feelings with is, oh I don't know, BARTOWSKI WHO'S OVER THERE BY HIMSELF!" Casey yelled. Sarah turned, opened the door, and walked back over to her apartment. She took a deep breath and opened the door. Chuck was sitting on the couch with a hurt look on his face.

"I'm sorry," she said. "For the record I didn't leave you, like I'm never going to see you again, I just had to talk to someone because I don't know how to do this. I'm sorry."

"If I killed someone would you leave me?" he asked softly, his eyes filled with worry.

"No," she said softly, crossing the room and grabbing him in a hug. "I would never leave you. I didn't have anyone when I was forced to kill. I didn't have anyone who cared. I hope it never happens, but if does, I'm here, and I won't leave to have someone explain it to me, because I understand now. You see me, the person underneath all the crap I dealt with over the years, and Chuck I'll always see you. My Chuck." Chuck stared at her for a moment.

"You literally just spiraled and ran out didn't you?" he asked, a grin growing. She nodded, tears in her eyes.

"I don't know how to do all of this, but I will figure it out," she said. "I will figure out to be what you need. I will always protect you, physically and emotionally."

"I made a man die," Chuck said. "And I'm not sorry for it, because he would have gotten Ellie, Awesome, Morgan, and you hurt." Sarah nodded.

"And you don't think that's right, you think you should feel something," Sarah said, not asked. Chuck nodded, feeling sorrowful. "It's called making the choice to protect those you love. I've done it too many times. It feels like something should have broke inside, but it didn't, and because of that, you wonder if you're broken." Chuck's eyes lit up.

"That's exactly how I feel," Chuck said. "How did you get over it?"

"I didn't," Sarah said. "I tried talking to my partner once, but all he did was shrug, make up some dumb excuse, and flee."

"Luckily my partner's smarter than that," Chuck deadpanned. She swatted him lightly on the chest.

"I'm sorry," she said, snuggling in to him. "I'll listen to anything you need to say."

"Maybe later," he said. "After talking, I feel better now, but if it comes back.."

"I'm here, Chuck, I promise," she said. Chuck nodded and looked down at her, grinning.

"Well, I'd like to know more about that outfit," Chuck said. Sarah sat up smirking.

"Well, that's more action then talking," Sarah said.

"Let's try that for a while," Chuck said, grinning.

}o{

A few hours later, Chuck was in the kitchen getting things ready for tomorrow's big Christmas Eve bash. Sarah came into the kitchen, dressed in jeans and a simple shirt, but Chuck thought she looked beautiful. He smiled at her, but she gave him a look.

"You okay?" he asked.

"No," she said, honestly. "We're going to try something new, honesty."

"We did say no secrets, no lies," Chuck replied. Sarah nodded.

"There's a second reason I ran this morning," Sarah said. "I was trying to figure out how to deal with something that happened yesterday, but I was too worried about how you were dealing with Mauser being killed. I didn't do what was best for you, I did what was easiest for me. I love being with you, I love how we've grown, but I was taken by surprise yesterday, and I reverted, and then this morning with that question you asked, it was too much. I didn't run away, but I did run. It was just across the courtyard, but I did run." Chuck put his hands on the outside of her arms and looked in her eyes.

"Sarah, we're both dealing with a bunch of new things, so it will happen," Chuck replied.

"Yeah, but your boyfriend didn't drop a bomb on you by telling everyone around you that he's in love with you. I had to hear it with everyone else, and I may have wanted that to myself," she said. Chuck's mouth dropped.

"When…I didn't…uhhh.." he stammered. Sarah picked up a remote and hit play.

"It's her dad, General," Chuck said. "She loves him, and when is it enough? When is the giving for this country enough? General, I love her, and how could I do that mission knowing it was going to hurt her." Sarah stood there, a proud smirk on her face. Chuck looked over at her, and grinned. He hugged her with everything in him.

"You finally figured out how to use the footage and stream it to the big TV, I love you," he said. She pushed him away and swatted him.

"Oh, that's why you love me?" she asked, faux anger on her face, but her dancing eyes told him it was anything but anger. Chuck took a second to take in the love of his life standing in front of him.

"No," he said softly. "I love that you have overcome one of the worst possible childhoods to be a warm, caring person. I love that you will protect anyone, but what you do for me and my family is next level, and don't even give me that it's part of the job. I love that you protect me emotionally as well as physically. I love that you care for me even though I'm a big goofy nerd and don't even try to act like I'm not. I love that you are trying everything in your power to be what you think I need. I do need you to know you already are what I need, all I need is you, Sarah. I love you. The woman that ignored all the orders, and took care of me, not the intersect, that's who I love." Chuck looked around. "There's that sound again…" He saw something in her eyes he'd never seen before, but he prayed then and there he would see it every day for the rest of his life.

}o{

Some hours later he was messing around at the tree.

"Hey, it's not Christmas yet," the playful voice came behind him. He stood up, smiling, and spun around, a gift in his hand that he extended towards her. "Tomorrow," she said grinning. Chuck shook his head, like a child. He gave her a puppy dog pout, she rolled her eyes, but took it. She opened the present, and her jaw dropped.

"So that was my mom's," he said. "I wanted you to have it." Sarah looked up at him, tears in his eyes, and she launched herself into his arms. He thought he might pass out from the lack of oxygen when he heard a banging on the door. The lips finally released him, and oxygen flowed back in. The black spots left his vision, and he saw the grinning blonde in front of him. There was the banging on the door again. Chuck walked over to answer it, looking a little disheveled. He opened the door, and there stood Ellie, looking a little irritated. She took a look at Chuck, glanced over to see Sarah, who was beaming, and saw the bracelet on her arm. She squealed, and Chuck thought his ribs would break. "Ellie," he choked out. "I. Can't. Breathe!" She let go, and Sarah and Ellie met in a hug that Chuck thought would blow off the apartment doors. When they finally let go, they both turned to look at Chuck, who slowly backed away.

"Nope, stay, Baby brother," Ellie said. "I have been waiting on this since Jill left and I am going to enjoy my Christmas present."

"Ellie I got you a nice-" Chuck began.

"Don't care," Ellie said, cutting him off, her eyes filled with tears. She turned to Sarah. "You promise me you'll take care of him?"

"Always," she answered without one ounce of hesitation. Ellie turned to Chuck

"Promise me you'll take care of her?"

"As long as she'll let me," Chuck answered. "And even then I probably will, although it will probably break the terms of the restraining order." Ellie and Sarah faux glared at him.

"Okay," Ellie said, taking a deep breath. "I'm here to invite you two to watch me to get Casey agree to come to Christmas tomorrow."

"Uh, Ellie, all you can really do is invite him," Sarah said, confused. She saw the amusement on Chuck's face, and the smirk on Ellie's.

"Wanna bet?" Chuck asked, rubbing his hands together.

They followed Ellie across the courtyard, Chuck saw the determination in her eyes, and felt sorry for Casey. She calmly knocked on the door, and Casey answered. He stood there a minute and took in the sight before him.

"Huh," he grunted. "I can't decide if I'm about to deal with two or three Bartowskis so I don't know if this is about to be two or three times the fun." He was grinning at Sarah, getting his dig in for having to deal with so many lady feelings earlier. Sarah straightened, and looked him straight in the eye.

"Since we know math isn't your strong suit, just go with three, that way you'll be ready when it's official," Sarah said. Ellie's face threatened to break from the grin. Chuck picked his jaw off the floor and slowly turned to Sarah, who didn't say a word, but simply winked.

"Focus, Baby brother, mission," Ellie said gently.

"I AM FOCUSING!" Chuck choked out. "My parameters may have just changed though." Sarah looked at him.

"I never fail a mission, Chuck," Sarah replied. Chuck's eyes nearly burst out his head. She nodded toward Casey. He slowly turned back toward Casey, but his mind was D, U, N, done. Ellie steeled herself, a grin on her face.

"John Casey," she began.

"Oh, Christ," he muttered.

"Tomorrow is the Bartowski Christmas celebration," Ellie began. "Since you've been here, you have forced your way into our life," Casey cringed. "You have monitored our activities," Casey turned a little pale. "You have watched us, protected us, and done what is best for us, kind of like Morgan Grimes." Morgan popped up behind him, smiling. "That makes you family, and tomorrow you WILL be at my apartment to be heartwarmed and to enjoy Christmas."

"Ellie," Casey began.

"You have your orders," Ellie barked. Casey stiffened.

"Don't make me come get you," Sarah said softly. "I'd hate to see my sister upset on Christmas Day." Chuck and Casey both stared at her in shock.

"Chuck me," Casey whispered.

}o{

Sarah sat on the bed, scared. It was the evening of Christmas Eve, and Sarah knew what she had to do. She was all-in, and Chuck couldn't be, not yet. Not until he knew everything. Chuck walked in the room and saw her face. He walked over, sat beside her, and took her hands.

"There are things I need to tell you, things I don't know how," Sarah said, tears streaming down her face. "No lies, no secrets, yet I keep keeping them."

"Sarah, I know there are things you can't tell me," Chuck said.

"I can't even say three little words because you don't know me, and I can't let you know me until I say the words," Sarah spat out, frustrated.

"I know you love me," Chuck said, rubbing his thumbs on her hands. She looked him in the eye and made a decision.

"Sit back on the bed," she said, patting a place and making him lean against the headboard. She stared at him. "Chuck, I am giving you my most precious secret, so you need to understand what this means." He nodded. She smiled sadly at him. "You don't, but I think you will. Kieran Ryker." The flash hit him, and when it was over he stared at her.

"The baby girl?" he asked.

"She's alive and Emma, my mother, has her," Sarah said. She took a deep breath, leaned in, took his hand, and whispered in his ear. The flash began, he saw her life, laid out by the CIA. Taken in at 17, Harvard, CAT Squad, wetwork, Graham's Wildcard Enforcer, he saw it all, and tears ran down his eyes as the flash continued. She lay her head on his shoulder. It broke his heart to see all she had been subjected to. The pain, the scars, the injuries…both physical and psychological…she truly was Sarah Freakin' Walker. When it ended, he ignored the headache, turned to her, and gently took her tear covered face in his hands. He gently kissed her.

"I love you," Chuck said. "I don't know what to call you, there's so many choices, but all I know is, you are never alone again."

"Sarah," she said. "That's how I met you, and that's how I end my career." There was no doubt in Chuck's mind by the look in her eyes what that meant. "The next time I change my name…" she let it hang, not ending it, but the grin on his face told her he knew exactly what she meant. "I love you, Chuck," she whispered. "I love you." They held each other until they fell asleep.

A/N: I'm not saying I cried the entire time I wrote that last part…I'm not saying I didn't either…..Next time, Jeff finds a grenade in the Buy More, and hires a security team to protect his favorite musical performer….no, I'm not kidding. Hope you enjoyed it…Til next time!

DC