Disclaimer: I asked for the rights to Naruto for Christmas. We'll see how that turns out.

Christmas was the most dreaded holiday in the Akatsuki hideout. For one thing, Hidan inevitably went on a religious rant every. Single. Year. It was supremely annoying, and there was generally a lot more sacrifices than usual involved. For another, Tobi insisted on starting the celebrations about five months early.

Thus, when Christmas actually poked its head around the corner, everyone was heartily wishing it would just go away so that they could return to their plans of world domination. Especially Madara.

Unfortunately, Christmas (along with Easter and Valentines Day) was one holiday that Tobi refused to give up.

Which still didn't explain why the mass muderer/hyperactive lollipop lover was standing in a doorway waiting for someone to kiss him.

"Tobi. Nobody wants to kiss you," Madara growled.

"But – but Tobi's standing under mistletoe!" Tobi protested. "That means someone has to kiss me!"

"No, Tobi. It really doesn't." Madara wanted to walk away from the doorway. Unfortunately, he'd already tried that. About seventeen times in the past ten minutes alone. So far, Tobi had just regained control and skipped back. "Why do you want a kiss so badly anyways?"

Tobi considered Madara's question – the only sensible one he'd asked so far. "Why not?" he finally replied, childishly tilting his head to the side.

Ignoring Tobi's immediate protests, Madara slid the mask off and ran a hand though his hair exasperatedly. "Because I don't want one," he growled.

"Madara-sama doesn't have to – wait."

Madara groaned. The orange mask was still held loosely in his hands. He didn't want to know.

Tobi bounced on his toes and clapped his hands together, letting the mask fall to the floor. "Tobi has a wonderful idea!"

No, he really didn't want to know, Madara decided.

"See, Madara's standing under the mistletoe too, since he always follows Tobi around," Tobi started, before Madara cut him off.

"No, Tobi."

"But –"

"I refuse to kiss you."

Tobi pushed his lower lip out as far as it could go and tried really, really hard to make his eyes look like Bambi eyes. "But… Please? Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar and ice cream and cherries on top?"

Madara blinked crossly and bent down to pick up the mask. "No means no, Tobi. Besides, I can't kiss myself. Especially since I don't want to."

"But you'd be kissing me," Tobi said, puzzled, staring at the mask he now held in confusion. When had he picked that up? "Not Madara-sama."

Madara contemplated committing suicide momentarily. After a few seconds of this, he regretfully decided against it. No one else was capable of looking after the other idiots here, after all. Pein was far too preoccupied with Konan to be of any use whatsoever. Besides, he wasn't a quitter.

Lost in thought, the multiple-personality disordered man didn't notice when Hidan, dripping with blood from a recent sacrifice, stomped down the hallway. "What the –" the silver haired maniac wanted to know as he stared at Madara/Tobi. "What's with the mistletoe?"

"Oh! Hidan-sama!" Tobi grinned happily up at him. "Madara-sama won't kiss Tobi."

"I don't care."

"So will Hidan-sama do it?" Tobi continued, happily oblivious at Madara's look of horror.

"No," was Madara's immediate response.

"Huh." Hidan stared at him. Madara stared back. Tobi grinned hopefully before Madara schooled his expression back into one of complete and total indifference mingled with infinite hatred.

And then, without warning, Hidan grabbed Madara by the collar of his cloak, yanked him forward, and gave him a very thorough kiss. When he finally let go, it was only severe self-control that kept Madara's face impassive.

"Enjoy your stupid holiday, heathens," Hidan drawled as he sauntered off.

Silence.

Then: "Aw, Madara-sama got a kiss. Lucky!"

More silence.

"Um, Madara-sama?" Tobi persisted, hugging the mask to his chest.

"…What."

"What did Hidan-sama taste like?"

Madara's answering growl did not deter Tobi from asking cheerfully: "Why did Hidan-sama kiss Madara-sama?"

The resounding groan that followed that remark was, really, only to be expected.

A/N: Merry Christmas! In half an hour. :) So. Um. Yeah. I have no idea where this came from. With any luck it amused you. Again, merry Christmas, and I might actually get a oneshot up for New Year's. We'll see.