Okay, so I am using the idea from the show to inform Clark of Alec's past. This episode was one of the best of the new season, at least to me, and I thought it would be a good way to enlighten Clark.
Clark had to restrain himself from super speeding through the Lex's lab. He had gotten a call from Lex a few minutes earlier that had nearly stopped his heart. He stopped short when he spotted Lex. "What's going on, Lex? What happened?" Lex sighed and motioned Clark forward into the lab. Clark swallowed when he caught sight of who he came here to see. He walked over to Alec and knelt beside the cot he was lying on.
"An accident happened when he came to see me." Lex said.
"What kind of an accident?" Clark asked, pushing some of Alec's hair off his face.
"A pipe was ruptured and some chemicals were released. Someone died because of it. I think we both know why Alec's still alive." Clark turned to Lex but didn't stand up.
"You know, don't you?"
"Yes." Clark turned back to Alec and took his hand.
"And your not going to...?"
"To what?" Lex asked mildly. "Cut him open to see how he ticks?" When Clark looked back at him, Lex raised an eyebrow. "I called you, Clark. I'm just as worried as you are." Clark said nothing to that but he seriously doubted the statement. Lex walked around to the other side of the cot and Clark saw something flash in his eyes that he hadn't seen in a while.
"Think what you want about me, Clark. But I am trying to help." Clark closed his eyes for a second before opening them and looking down at Alec. He nodded and looked over at Lex.
"What do you know? Why isn't he waking up?" Lex nodded back and even let out one of those rare smiles before he spoke and it slipped.
"He was hit with a chemical that would kill a normal person, especially with the amount he was hit with. But since he's not normal...Clark, I've had my doctors look over him. It's sort of like a coma. In fact," Lex stood up and Clark did as well, "their not really sure why he hasn't woken up yet. We were doing some experiments in the lab and the chemical he was hit with..."
"What?" Clark said, apprehension welling.
"They think maybe he's trapped. This was one of my earlier experiments, Clark. One that was basically scrapped."
"What kind of an experiment?"
"One of the ones that I had going to retrieve loss memories." Clark's lips tightened a little.
"Lex, didn't you learn you lesson on that? You've almost died so many times because of these experiments."
"Some times it's worth the risk, Clark."
"Even if it's not you your risking?" Clark asked, glancing back at Alec. "How did you mean he's trapped?"
"It was one of the side effects of the experiment. The reason it was scrapped in the first place. I think he's basically trapped inside his own memories, in his own mind."
"But you said it would have killed a normal person." Clark said, frowning.
"How much he was hit with, yes. In fact, I'm not really sure that the normal dose would have done anything at all to Alec."
"So, how do we wake him up?" Lex sighed and walked over to look down at Alec.
"Well, I'm not sure about all of Alec's genetics. He might wake up on his own."
"But he might not." Lex turned to Clark and his eyes darkened for a moment.
"I'm sure you know by now that Alec's past isn't exactly all sunshine." Clark nodded.
"He told you about his past." Lex gave what Clark thought might have been a fond smile.
"Not really, but he did let a few things slip. The point is, Clark, the worse the memory's the harder it will be for him to dig himself out. We might have to pull him out ourselves."
"How?" Lex walked past Clark and put a hand on his arm.
"Follow me."
"What is this?" Clark asked, looking at the machinery.
"Another project." Lex said, stepping up beside him. "It was developed for the military for interrogations. It basically allows one person to go into another's mind." Clark stared at him for several moments, trying to get the words to register.
"Wait. You want someone to go into Alec's head?"
"No." Lex said. "This was shut down because people died from it. It's dangerous. I'm not going to send some stranger into Alec's head anyways." Lex looked Clark in the eyes. "I'll do it." Clark was taken aback for a moment by this.
"No." He said. "You can't."
"Look, Clark. I know you don't trust me-"
"It's not about trust this time." Clark cut him off. "You said it yourself, you already know about Alec. You also just said that you've tried this with normal people before and they've died."
"If you've got a better idea, I'm all ears, Clark." Clark let out a breath, and looked down.
"I can do it." He said.
"And how is that different from me doing it?" Lex asked, raising an eyebrow. Clark shrugged and looked up at Lex.
"I-I think I love him, Lex. I'll do what I have to. If you do this you could both end up dead. I can't let that happen."
"Clark-"
"Look, wouldn't I be better for this anyways? I can reach him, Lex." He didn't meet Lex's eyes. "And I can't let you die either." Clark met his eyes again, silently pleading with Lex to agree. Lex looked a little surprised for a moment at the last statement.
"Alright, Clark." He finally relented at the look Clark was giving him. "But, the first sign of trouble and I'm pulling you out."
Clark closed his eyes on the metal table next to Alec and opened them in a hallway. He walked slowly down it, looking around a little. There were stone walls and doors on the left with bars on the tiny windows. With a chill he realized that this was probably what Manticore had looked like.
"You shouldn't be here." Clark spun at the voice and was met with the sight of Alec.
Clark had always thought that Alec was, well, adorably hot in the mornings just after he woke up with his hair a mess and his clothes slightly wrinkled. Mostly, though, it was because Alec was just so neat about his appearance most of the time. The person standing in front of him was in stark contrast to that.
He was wearing a pair of scrubs with no shoes. His hair was a complete and utter mess and slightly longer than Clark was used to seeing on Alec. There was even slight stubble covering his cheeks. He looked a little younger, too. Maybe only a couple years. His appearance wasn't the only thing that was off, though. He looked slightly jumpy and his eyes, which Clark noted were a little bloodshot, kept darting around the room refusing to completely land on him.
"You shouldn't be seeing this." Alec mumbled, fidgeting a little. Clark came forward and put hands on his shoulder and noticed the way he tensed.
"I came here for you."
"I'm not the one your looking for." He said, meeting Clark's gaze briefly. Clark frowned at him and he flinched a little under Clark's gaze. "I didn't want you to see, Clark."
"See what?" Alec turned his head to the door beside them and it opened. Clark swallowed nervously and walked hesitantly into the room. He stopped short at the scene in the room, though.
There was a child there with a shaved head and Clark knew who it was before he saw the big dark green eyes. He watched horrified as two men who looked liked guards dragged him back and strapped him down to a table. He stood frozen as they readied some machine. When he heard the first screams, though, he turned and ran from the door.
When he got back out in the hallway, he had to push back tears and noticed that Alec was still there. He was sitting down by the door, hugging himself with his arms. Clark knelt beside him but he still wouldn't meet his gaze. When Clark reached out a hand to touch his shoulder, he sprang up.
"Don't feel sorry for me, Clark." He said. "It wasn't the first or last time I was on that table." Clark looked down and felt the tears again but he forcebly pushed them away. He felt guilt too for invading these memories but he could think about that after Alec was okay.
Alec pointed to the door again and Clark looked through the barred window to see a much older Alec, one about the age of the person in the hallway with him being dragged between two guards. Clark could see that his face was a mess of bruises. His eyes, though, they looked so empty.
"Alec." Clark turned back to him. "I didn't come here to invade your memories like this. I came to help you."
"Not me, Clark. The one your looking for, he's a little buried beneath all this. Come on." Alec grabbed his hand and pulled him to another door. Clark pulled away and shook his head.
"I'm not going in there."
"If you don't, you'll never get what your looking for. Be careful when you get out the other side." Clark hesitated for another moment, not sure how much more he could take of watching Alec suffer. But Alec had actually lived through all this. And it was the only way to bring him back. He had to do it.
When he opened the door he tried not to look at the scene that was playing out, but it wasn't like a TV screen in the background. It was impossible not to see. Some experiment this time. Alec was just a child in this one too and they were experimenting on him.
He raced out the other door and out into the hallway again and leaned a hand against the wall. He felt nauseas and wondered idly how he could feel that way if he wasn't in his body. Then again he thought anyone would no matter what after seeing all that.
"I should kill you." Clark spun again and was met with another, equally different part of his boyfriend. As haggard as the other one had looked, this one was the complete opposite of that. Wearing military issue clothes and his hair cropped short. Again it was his eyes that caught Clark off guard. They were empty and cold.
"You made me weak." Clark shook his head as Alec started towards him. Not wanting to deal with this side of Alec, Clark bounded towards the nearest door and opened it.
If the last scenes had made him want to be sick, these ones stopped him in a whole new kind of horror. He watched as Alec, his face emotionless, strangled a man to death. The scene shifted and he watched Alec snap another man's neck. He watched him pull the trigger of a gun aimed at someone's head. Clark raced for the door.
"You shouldn't have seen that." Clark's head snapped up and there was Alec. His Alec that he had spent so much time with. Down to the faded grey leather jacket and the smirk. "Hey, Clark."
"I've...I was looking for you." Alec nodded.
"Yeah, guess you didn't like what you found." Clark was still reeling a little bit from everything that he had seen.
"You-" He shook his head, unable to even say it.
"I've killed a lot of people, Clark. That guy you met before? He's my mask. He's the one I used back at Manticore. I lived my entire life doing what they told me and thinking they were right. And, really, it wouldn't have mattered anyways. You saw a piece of what they did to me when I didn't follow the rules." Clark nodded and Alec turned from him and Clark realized that the doorway he was standing in was open. "The entire time, I never questioned them, until her."
"Her?" Clark stepped up to him and looked into the room. There was a pool with a large house in front of it. Clark watched the scene in front of him as Alec came up to the girl, as he kissed her. He looked over at Alec who had a sort of sad, wistful expression on his face.
"Alec, why are you stuck here?" Clark asked, glancing back at the scene.
"I loved her, you know?" Alec said, not looking at Clark. "I killed her." Clark froze and watched as the scene change. He watched as Alec put together a bomb. Watched as he actually changed his mind at the last minute. Watched as he tried to warn the girl, Rachel. Watched as the people from Manticore set off the bomb anyways. Watched as Alec was taken back.
"That's enough." Clark said, taking Alec's arm and dragging him out of the room just as the guards in the place were beating another version of Alec for his failure. He turned Alec to him as they got out in the hall.
"You were afraid to tell me?" Clark said. Alec looked up at him.
"I killed the last person I loved, Clark. I killed her. If it wasn't for her, I'd still be that guy," he pointed back, "and I killed her."
"You didn't push the button. You tried to warn her."
"Your right." Alec said calmly. "You really think that matters? I planted the bomb, Clark. I got close to her. She fell in love with me. Told me she loved me and I did this. And then there's all the other people I've killed. You saw it, didn't you?"
"I did." Clark said. "But I also saw what they did to you to make you do it. I also saw what they did to you when you even tried to fight back."
"Clark..."
"Alec, I know that it's not easy. I know you can't just forget all this. But I need you to know that it doesn't matter to me. It doesn't change anything for me."
"What?" Clark leaned in closer, trying to make his words stick.
"I need you to know that even with all this, I still love you. I love you, alright." Clark pulled him close and hugged him tightly. He closed his eyes and squeezed Alec reassuringly. "I love you."
He heard Alec whisper "I love you too," before he woke up on the table in Luthorcorp.
I really really hope this was okay. I know parts of it was kind of sappy, but hey, I kind of heaped a lot of hurt on Alec through this story I thought he could use a little sap. Next chapter will be my last in this one. I'll get that one out soon.