"Son, I have something to tell you," he says and then smiles despite himself. I watch it happen in a vision. I know that I shouldn't…that I am listening in on something that is not mine. But I want to know what they are saying. They must know that I can see them if I want to and sometimes if I don't want to. For example, there are plenty of things I did not need to know about my sister that I know because of this "gift."
"Wow," he pauses. "I do love calling you that. I love all of my children, Jasper. I hope you realize that you are one of them now. Edward was the first, sure. He was my friend before anything else. When Rosalie requested that I change Emmett I was not disappointed. I knew he would be her mate and he deserved to be saved. I don't regret biting the people that I did for good."
"I'm sorry, Carlisle," Jasper says. "I don't really understand the point of this."
He smiles and waves his hand as if dismissing the comment.
"Yes well, I just wanted you to know that you are very important to the family and I. Emmett loves having a brother that is less…cynical than Edward. Though I love all of my children the same I argue that you love someone here more than you will ever love anyone in the world."
He pauses as if looking at something that is not really there. If I were in his head I bet I would be seeing images of Esme in varying forms and styles float around. I know who he loves.
"I know I do," he adds.
"Yes," Jasper admits. "I do as well."
"I learned a long time ago that when you fall in love with someone you have to seize the moment because it might not be there when you come back for it. I changed Esme because I felt I had to. But she is the only one that I changed that was somewhat selfish of me. I suppose Edward was too, but he was not my choice. I did not want to see such a beautiful creature wasted. I needed to be with her. I needed to see her every morning when I got up and every night when I went into my room. I wanted to learn from her and bring her along with me."
Jasper was understanding where this was going but he was a little uncomfortable.
"I married her a few years later. Rosalie and Emmett have already been married twice. Rose likes the attention of course and Emmett doesn't mind a few more honeymoons."
They both laugh now. The discomfort subsided with a simple comment of their fellow members.
"I guess what I mean is that I think it's someone else's turn to get married."
He seems a little surprised. He doesn't want to speak, clearly. He adjusts his shoulders, pushing his hands behind his back as he bows his head in response.
"Sir I don't—"
"Carlisle," he corrects and puts his hand on his son's shoulder. "Just call me Carlisle, son."
"Carlisle…I don't know if I can do that."
I can see the struggle all over his body. He doesn't want to say it but he believes the statement to be true. I don't know why. I'll never understand why he thinks he isn't worth enough.
"Yes you can. She loves you," he says. Jasper looks visibly hurt from the statement. He turns away from Carlisle and then back to him with a saddened expression.
"You must know that to be true!"
"I know!" he says and then calms down and sighs with his hand on his forehead. "I know she loves me. I just don't want to disappoint her. I lost so much during the wars with Maria. I am not saying that I will never be okay but I am not good enough for her. I never will be."
"She doesn't see it that way," Carlisle says.
"Why?" he asks because he really, honestly doesn't know how I could love someone like him.
Carlisle laughs as if it is a silly question. He can see why I love Jasper just like so many people can. He is a lovable man. He is kind and strong and incredibly brave. He is selfless and understanding. He's willing yet gentle and smart. He is everything I need in a man or in a friend.
"You are everything to her Jasper. When she woke up…you were the only thing she saw. Therefor, the only thing she knew at all. She needs someone that needs her more than she needs him. That might sound silly but it is true of a very few girls in our time. She doesn't just want to take care of you, Jasper. She wants to be with you. You are her friend and her favorite person in the world. You are in love."
He stops for a moment so that Jasper can take in what our father is saying.
"Marry the girl!" he says.
Jasper seems to smile and look down. He looks back up and shrugs. He wants to do it but he doesn't believe that he is good enough.
"Believe me, son if you do something she doesn't like she is going to tell you. There are many things about Alice that I love but one of them is that she is loyally honest."
"How do I do it?" Jasper asks. Carlisle smiles and puts his hand on my boyfriend's shoulder.
"Like you would do anything else…with your southern charm."