Chapter 10:

Hannibal went back inside the room leaving the others in front of the door. He knew how Face hated to show weaknesses, let alone cry in front of them, but he just couldn't let him go through this alone.

"Face."

"What do you want from me now?" He was barely able to speak between sobs. Face was curled up on his side, the words muffled from the pillow he was hugging close to himself and sobbing into.

"I don't want anything. Just can't let you go through this alone."

"Had a lot of practice."

"A pillow to hug for comfort is nice, but a shoulder to cry on is better. Now come here, kid." Hannibal sat down on the bed and pulled Face into a sitting position. He struggled a bit to untangle him from the pillow but finally had him with his head on his shoulder, rubbing small circles on his back while Face was sobbing out all the anger and grief of the last week.

When the sobs stopped and Face was regaining a grip on his emotions Hannibal spoke again. "Now listen, kid. I want you to only listen now. You are wrong, very wrong. All the hurt that you had to endure made you bitter but you are not alone anymore…haven't been for a long time. Even if we are real jerks at times we would never walk out on you. Even if you tried to get us to leave we would not go. Over the years we have become more than a team, we are a family and families stick together. Yes, you will have to live through Maggie's ministrations but you are not alone, we are all here for you and the pain will let up with every day. And you will also have to listen to all of us telling you that everything will be fine because it's true. You will still be an orphan, but only on paper. In reality you have long since been adopted into our family. You will still be a fugitive but you have us and we have you and that is enough to make things fine. We are a unit kid; we may get thrown of our game sometimes but nothing can separate us. And now I want you to think about this and get some rest. You need to get your strength back. Come on. Let's lay you down again. We will talk more later. Just think about what I said and sleep. I'll be right here by your side."

Face was wiped out, both physically and emotionally and his eyes were closed when Hannibal slid him from his shoulder. He gently lowered Face down into the bed, making sure he never broke contact. Hannibal had intentionally left out the topic of Leslie and Ecuador since Face was emotionally not able to deal with that right now, but they would have to hold that discussion soon. He just hoped they would be able to convince Face that something like Ecuador would not happen again and that the damage done to his trusting the team would be reversible.

When Face woke up again the whole team plus Maggie was there with him. Hannibal was still sitting on the bed with him, keeping close physical contact. Murdock sat at the other side of the bed in a chair and held his hand and BA was also in a chair with one massive hand resting on his upper leg.

"Hey," he said groggily.

"Hey yourself, handsome," Maggie smiled. "Feeling any better?"

Face thought for a moment…was he feeling any better? They had all been there when he woke up, and that was the best medicine. "Yeah, I think I am."

Maggie went through the usual routine of taking his vitals while they made small talk and joked around. It did her heart good to hear a little life in Face's voice again; he was well on the way to a full recovery. "Okay, all I need to do now is tend to your foot and then I'll leave you boys alone for a while."

Face knew it was going to hurt and he was tired of having his friends witness his pain. Seeing the anguish on their faces as they watched him struggle only made him feel worse. "Um…guys…I have a favor to ask."

"Anything, buddy," Murdock smiled.

"You have to promise me that you won't object."

B.A. snorted. "As long as it don't involve no plane, I won't object."

Face waited until Hannibal and Murdock each nodded their agreement before making his request. "I want you to go downstairs and get yourself some real food. Maggie and I will be just fine."

Hannibal wanted to object. He didn't want Face to be alone as Maggie worked on him. But a promise was a promise. He reluctantly stood and gave the hand he had been holding for hours a reassuring squeeze before letting go. "Okay, kid. Just yell if you need us."

"I'm hoping it won't be so bad this time that I have to," Face joked. Seeing the hesitant looks from his friends, he made sure to add. "It's a joke. I haven't been able to do much of that lately...I must be rusty."

Maggie could see that they didn't want to leave. She knew what Face was doing...that he wanted the freedom to hurt without having to hide it in fear that they were hurting too. "I'll come get you as soon as we're done, alright?"

"C'mon you two," B.A. said. "I'm hungry." He wasn't really, but Face asked them to do something, and this time he was determined to help him in any way he could.

Once the room was cleared, Maggie turned back to Face and began removing the bandages. "It's quite a brave thing you did just then."

"Huh?" Face questioned.

"Don't try to con me, young man. I know you were sparing them from having to go through this again."

Face shrugged innocently. "I just thought they could use a meal."

"Sure, you did," she grinned, getting to the task at hand. "Sure you did."

Face lay there staring at the ceiling as Maggie studied his foot for what seemed like an eternity. "So, doc, am I gonna live?"

"Looks good, Face. Looks real good. No new signs of infection. However, we need to have a little talk."

"Uh-oh," Face moaned, in his experience whenever anybody said they needed to have a little talk, they would talk and he would listen. The subject was never a pleasant one either.

"I'm going to remove the glove and try to drain as much fluid as I can. This will require me to do a fair amount of 'poking and prodding', for lack of a better term. I may have to use a needle to drain the liquid...and I may even need to make some small incisions if I discover any pockets of infection that I previously missed."

Face felt his heart speeding up and his stomach turn. "Wonderful...can't wait."

"This process will most likely need to be done every day for at least three or four days." She ran a hand through her think brown mane, and sighed. "If you want me to get Hannibal or the guys..."

He cut her off with a firm "no", and she continued. "It's going to be quite painful and you will have to be completely still. You can scream...you can cry...you can sing for all I care. But, you cannot move or you risk me causing more damage."

Face nodded his head solemnly in understanding. Sure, he talked a good game, but when Maggie got started would he be able to do it? He didn't have to wait long to find out.

Maggie wanted to be as gentle as possible, but no matter how soft her touch, it wouldn't spare Face from the agony to come. She mentally tried to get herself in the zone, but it was almost impossible to block out his muffled grunts and whimpers. "If you need a break, just tell me and we'll stop."

He wanted to scream. Instead he tucked a corner of the blanket into his mouth and bit down hard. There was a moment when he thought he would be okay...it was bad...but tolerable. Then he saw Maggie reach for the scalpel. He spit out the blanket . "Wait...please wait."

Maggie stopped and turned to Face. His face had turned grey and there was fear in his eyes; fear and pain. "You're doing real good Face, we are almost done. It's just a small pocket of puss right inside the wound. All I have to do is hold your wound open and make a very small incision. After that I'll wash it out with a disinfectant and we are all done."

After a little while Maggie asked, "Ready?" Face gave a nod and she got started. Pulling the wound open was the worst part, it was so painful Face could almost not hold the screams back but he managed to keep his foot steady. Maggie was talking to him, probably telling him what she did, but he couldn't concentrate enough to make out the words. His eyes were tightly closed too, partly because the pain was just too much and partly because he had no desire to see any other tools she was going to use. When he thought it was getting a little better he felt something wet hit his foot. The wetness was almost instantly followed by searing pain and he couldn't hold back the scream any longer. Maggie had anticipated this and held his foot steady while pouring the disinfectant from a bottle with a pipe end with the other hand.

The rest of the team had not made it downstairs, just out of earshot of the bedroom. Murdock had to be pulled away from the room.

"But Hannibal, we can't let him go through this alone. It will be so much easier on him with us there."

"I know captain and I don't like it one bit, but we have to respect his wishes. Not taking him serious is what brought us here in the first place."

"Fool's as crazy as Murdock; whom does he think he needs to prove something to?"

"Let's just wait here so we'll be with him as soon as they get done and be close in case he changes his mind. He doesn't need to know we never went down."

They had lingered there for a while, getting more agitated by the minute when they heard the scream.

"Stay here." With that Hannibal was off and inside the room in a flash.

BA had to hold Murdock back. "Let me go, he needs us. You remember how he screamed in the camps and we couldn't get to him, now we can. Let me go."

"No fool, Hannibal will give us a sign. If his mind is really screwed up enough to think it's better for him to be alone now he doesn't need three friends to betray his wishes."

Hannibal rushed to the bed to help Maggie in keeping Face steady so she could finish washing out the wound. At this point it made no sense to stop only to go on with the pain a moment later. He was still screaming, his body bucking upwards. Hannibal pressed down on him.

The whole procedure was over in under a minute but it seemed much longer to everybody involved. Just a moment after Maggie stopped pouring Face stopped screaming. He was laying flat in the bed, panting and sweating with his eyes still closed. When he finally opened his eyes he saw Hannibal's concerned face and promptly closed them again. 'Great, just great. You sent them away to have a meal but screamed loud enough to even disturb them downstairs. Man up Peck, just when did you become such a wimp?'

He opened his eyes again but did not make eye contact with Hannibal. "I'm sorry. Next time I'll have a better grip on myself."

"This nonsense stops now." Hannibal was surprised by the hardness of his voice. The last week had really taken its toll on him. He made sure to continue in a much softer voice. "Don't be stupid Face. Nobody blames you for screaming, we admire that you've been able to hold back for so long. Seeing what Maggie does is bad enough…we can't even imagine feeling it. We left the room only because we made a promise to you and don't you think that this will ever be repeated. Whom are you trying to fool? We know the pain you are going through, we feel with you. Every cut Maggie has to make is causing pain for all of us. We feel every prodding and pressing and applying medicine and disinfectants whether we are at your side or outside the room. How do you think we could go down and enjoy a meal while you are up here in so much pain? You don't spare us anything by sending us outside; you're only making this so much harder on yourself. Face, you are allowed to be sick, you are allowed to feel pain and most important you are allowed to show how much pain you're in. It'll help you to share your pain with us."

Hannibal sat down at the side of the bed and once again took Face's hand. "You aren't alone, you have a family now, had one for almost 13 years. It's about time you understood that this isn't going to change no matter what happens. This includes sickness and injuries. We go through it together if it takes a day, a week, a month or the rest of your life. You are no burden to us, we want to help you. I know we have not been great at showing it lately but feel free to remind us anytime we behave like jerks again."

Face's eyes were watery and he didn't trust his voice. It was all just too much for him.

BA and Murdock who had listened outside and had decided it was safe to come in appeared in the doorway. "Yeah fool, if we put up with the fool why don't you think we can with you? One or two fools on the team, not much difference."

"Don't you ever do such a thing to us again, Face, or I may end up going sane."

"That's good, because much more of this and I may do the opposite and go crazy," Face said in a shaky voice, still trying to bring the pain down.

"It is going to get better, I promise. And, unlike these three here, I keep my promises," Maggie said with a wry grin.

"I'm glad they didn't," Face said. He looked over at his friends. "I guess I needed you guys more than I thought."

"And we need you more than we have showed lately." Hannibal figured now was as good a time as any to make amends for the whole Ecuador incident. "Maggie, would you mind giving us a few minutes."

Maggie obliged and exited the room while Hannibal, Murdock and B.A. pulled chairs up next to Face's bed. Surprisingly, it was B.A. who spoke first.

"I owe you an apology, Faceman." Face held up a hand to object, which B.A. reached over and gently swatted away. "Let me finish, man. B.A. Baracus doesn't like to say 'I'm sorry'…let me get it over with." Face nodded and smiled. "I didn't mean to make fun of your fraternity pin. I didn't know what it meant to you."

"We didn't know what Leslie meant to you," Murdock interjected.

"Yeah," B.A. agreed. "If I'd known that I wouldn't have made such a fuss 'bout flying."

"Yes, you would have," Murdock quipped.

B.A. snarled his lip at the pilot, but knew he was right. "Okay…I would have made a fuss. But maybe not as big of one."

"I'm sorry too, Muchacho. I should have seen that this was important to you."

"It isn't like I ever mentioned her before," Face said. It wasn't often that he was being apologized to and it was starting to make him uncomfortable.

"Doesn't matter, you asked us for help and we should have just given it to you without question."

B.A. slapped Murdock playfully on the back, "you actually makin' sense, fool."

Murdock slapped B.A. in return. "Chuck and I had a long talk and helped me understand what we did wrong."

B.A. shook his head. "I spoke too soon."

Face couldn't help but laugh at the banter. "Thanks guys…I appreciate it." Face looked at Hannibal noting that he was being awfully quiet.

"Guys, could you….ehm…could you give us a moment alone?"

"Ahhh, BA and I are always getting thrown out. And he doesn't even allow me into the kitchen anymore."

"BA, let him into the kitchen, it's not like there was anything edible left after his last cooking. Now out, I need to speak to my lieutenant."

The odd pair left the room but only pretended to go away. They actually crept back to the door to eavesdrop.

Face closed his eyes, everything was spinning but as he realized, closing the eyes only helped against the spinning outside the head. Anytime the team seemed normal, engulfed in the playful banter he loved so much and Murdock starting his antics, anytime he felt complete and integrated it was yanked out from under him. Why had Hannibal done it and was now standing in the room, looking out the window instead of looking at him? The silence was thick and Face did not know where was up and down again. Did they now want him on the team or not? The changing emotions made him dizzy and he really didn't know what Hannibal wanted.

Hannibal slowly turned around and, seeing the distress on his lieutenant's face came back to sit in the chair next to the bed. "I don't even know where to begin. I'm so sorry, Face."

Hannibal apologizing to him? That was about the last thing Face had expected. Or was he apologizing for what was about to come…was he finally telling him it was all over?

"I've been a complete jerk ever since you asked us for help. I feel so terrible about the things I've said and done. I did the most damage of all of us."

Wait a minute. This was Hannibal. Hannibal should never say something like this. "Hannibal you don't…"

"Listen to me kid, please. I don't know how I could have been so blind and cold towards you. In the plane you wanted to open up to me, something you do way to seldom and I just left you there with Amy. I teased you most of us in Ecuador but I did the most damage after we were back and you came here. The things I said about you not having family and dating a lot, I'm so sorry Face. If I could just turn back time…"

"Uhm… actually it is true. I don't have family and I do date a lot." Face felt very uncomfortable.

"No, you have us. We are your family and whether it's true or not, it was mean to say it. And what I said about you stealing and sleeping around that was just inacceptable. "

Hannibal stood and went over to the window again. Looking out he said "I would just never have thought an unrequited love from 15 years ago would still bug you this much. In fact I still can't really see your problem." He turned back around to be face to face with the lieutenant.

"Hannibal, but I thought…after all that happened…she was the only woman I ever loved…and I still love her."

"Look at it kid. It was a good thing she left you…."

Face's voice rose, "How can you say that? After the last week I thought you saw what she means to me. How can you be so cold?"

"Kid, let me finish. Maybe I'm selfish here but her loss is my gain. Had she not left you, you would never have quit and joined the army and I would never have met you. This team would never have existed because without you it's not complete. Maybe the three of us would be in jail by now, or would not even have survived Nam without your sniper back up. I would not have this wonderful family that I have now. Sure, we are all not blood relatives but I could never ask for anything better. Each of us has his qualities and faults and I wouldn't have it any other way. Face, I love you boys with all my heart and I have to thank Leslie for leaving you."

Face couldn't talk; could barely breathe.

Hannibal had never said that he loved him before. Nobody had ever said that they loved him before. Except for Leslie and look how that turned out.

Then he began to feel guilty. The guys were apologizing to him for not seeing what he was going through, but how could he have been so blind as not to realize how much they cared about him. He let one bad mission taint over a decade of good times.

Yes, he loved Leslie…probably always would. But the truth was that she left him, and they didn't.

It wasn't the team's fault that he was insecure; that he couldn't trust. They didn't do that to him. He stopped trusting people long before they entered the picture.

Yes, they hurt him by making him hire them and by the jokes they made at his expense. However, he now realized that they truly hadn't meant to hurt him. They thought he was in on the jokes. And, why wouldn't they…he hadn't said anything to make them think otherwise.

Face didn't let his emotions show. He kept them well hidden underneath his tan and his smile. It was a defense mechanism to protect him from the rejection he had experienced all too often. Maybe if he had just opened up to them a little more this whole mess could have been avoided.

Hannibal stood uncomfortably watching as Face lay there saying nothing and staring into space. The silence was deafening and screamed at him that he had made a giant mistake. He felt naked…exposed…embarrassed. 'You told the kid you love him, and he doesn't feel the same. Can't blame him after what you just put him through.' "Get some rest, Face," he tried to keep his tone light. "Call if you need anything."

The two eavesdropping team members scurried away from the door as soon as they heard Hannibal moving. They felt sheepish getting caught but Hannibal didn't even seem to notice them, he walked straight past them, his body language screaming defeat. BA and Murdock were at a loss of what to do. The last thing they had heard from Face was his raised voice 'How can you be so cold?' He had not said a word after Hannibal's confession. Was he just pouting or had they gone too far with their jokes to be able to repair the damage they caused. Should they go in to find out from Face or follow Hannibal to ask him, or split and do both? Before they could decide the door opened again.

Face had been so lost in his remorseful thoughts that he hadn't responded. The colonel had just confessed his true feelings toward him and he left him hanging. Face wanted to tell Hannibal that he felt the same way…that he loved him, B.A. and Murdock with all his heart. But he was too late. Hannibal was out the door before his head caught up with his heart.

'This can't be happening again." Face thought. 'Go after him.' Hannibal was the only father he had ever known, and he wasn't about to lay there and let him go.

Adrenaline got him out of the bed and onto his feet. His knees almost buckled in pain and exhaustion, but somehow he kept himself going. Every step was excruciating, but he continued on knowing that it brought him closer to his family. He couldn't rest until he said the three little words that Hannibal had just said to him: I love you.

His hand closed around the door knob and spots danced before his eyes. 'Damn, I'm never going to make it.'