To lightning027: oh yeah it is dot net, I'll fix it when my lazy ass gets a chance

To code ninjahinja: wow I can't believe Ichigo isn't on your likes, I love Ichigo. My favorite though are Rukia, Byakuya, Ulquiorra, Stark and Shunsui

To novicestar: I did an IchiRuki one already, but I can assure that there'll be more

Okay folks, thanks for reading this story. I appreciate the positive feedback and I hope I don't offend anyone. Guys I'm going to take a few requests in a few later chapters.

Don't Judge A Fanfiction By Its Summary

How do you guys feel about an UlquiHime request?

Chapter 10: Hanataro the Sex King (WTF?)

"Try not to pick a horrible story again." Yumichika pleaded.

Renji placed his arms behind his head. "Yeah, that story sucked some serious ass."

Uryuu rubbed his still tired eyes. "Pick one that doesn't make me fall asleep."

"Alright! I hear ya!" Grimmjow retorted.

It was at that moment that Ikkaku had finally woken up. "What's with the screaming! I'm trying to sleep!"

"Ikkaku you're awake." Ichigo exclaimed, glad his friend was alright.

"Of course I'm awake I-" He paused and finally took a good look at the room. "WHAT ARE THE ESPADA DOING HERE!"

Ichigo sighed. "Can someone please explain it to him?"

"..."

Ichigo clenched his teeth. "I'm not doing it."

"..."

"I'm really serious." Ichigo growled.

"..."

"Fine then!" Ichigo snapped and he began explaining the plan to Ikkaku.

"Oh I see, heh not bad." Ikkaku said as Ichigo finished.

"Yay! Baldy's finally awake." Yachiru cried as she snuggled onto Byakuya's head.

"Wouldn't you be more comfortable on the mattress?" Byakuya suggested. He was already annoyed by her latching on to him.

"No way! It's not as comfortable as you." Yachiru replied

"Hey Rangiku wake Toshiro up." Renji said as he noticed Toshiro still sleeping.

Rangiku smiled. "I know just the trick." She placed her cleavage onto the ice user's head.

It took a few seconds until Toshiro began squirming. He angrily pushed her away and took a deep breath. "Matsumoto!"

Kon tried to jump onto her cleavage but was punched aside.

"Have you found one yet!" Ichigo angrily asked

"Hold your freaking tits! I'm looking" Grimmjow retorted.

"Hurry the hell up!" Ichigo barked.

"That's it!" Grimmjow barked and he pounced on Ichigo. The two began rolling around in a cloud of smoke on the floor.

Uryuu sighed and took a seat on the chair. "I guess I'll carry on from here."

He clicked on a story. "Le's see this one."

The King of All

Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes. "King? So it has information on lord Aizen?"

"Aizen will never be king!" Ichigo hissed as he headlocked Grimmjow.

"You think you'll be able to thwart him with your weak powers?" Ulquiorra replied. "Do not make me laugh."

"Damn right I'll stop-" Ichigo was cut off when Grimmjow threw him over his shoulder.

Ichigo flipped himself onto his feet. "Damn bastard!" He charged in again but felt someone grabbed his arms.

"Enough already Ichigo."

Ichigo looked down at Rukia. "He started it."

"It doesn't matter, now can we act like grownups and hear the story." Rukia replied.

Ichigo jabbed a finger towards Grimmjow's direction. "She saved your ass."

"She saved your ass!"

"Just continue Uryuu." Kon said.

By HanataroIsSexylicious

Renji fell to the floor laughing. "Ahaha! What! Yeah right!"

Ikkaku was laughing just as hard. "Oh man, this girl obviously suffers from brain damage if she thinks he's good looking."

Grimmjow peered around the group. "So who's Hanataro?"

Hanataro timidly raised his hand. "I am."

"Oh," Grimmjow said and soon he was on the floor alongside Ikkaku and Renji. "You gotta be kidding me ahaha!"

Hanataro sighed.

Summary: Hanataro the smexy,-

This time it was Ichigo who joined the trio on the floor laughing. "What the hell! Hanataro? Smexy? Hahah!"

Grimmjow wiped his teary eye. "Oh man that's a good one."

"How childish." Ulquiorra said.

Hawty,-

"As if," Renji joked.

Strongest warrior-

"BWAHAHA!" The boys laughed again.

Ikkaku was holding his sides. "You! A warrior! Man there's so much wrong with this."

Hanataro slumped in the corner, which was now pretty much the emo corner. "Cmon guys."

in the entire Soul Society is living the good life.

"Yeah in his wet dreams." Grimmjow joked, igniting more laughter.

Byakuya scowled. "Need I remind you that there's a child present?"

"Byakushi what's a wet-"

"Never ask that again."

This is set a few years in the future.

Hanataro was now living in the human world and not in the Soul Society anymore. He could do whatever he wanted because nobody told him what to do anymore.

"My ass." Ikkaku said.

"I'm finding this hard to believe." Uryuu added.

"You and me both." Toshiro said.

His house was in Karakura town since he was use to that place and was familiar with the area.

He was sick of the Soul Society already anyway. Especially since he had pretty much slept with every Soul Reaper out there.

Ichigo was pounding the floor with his fist whilst laughing. "Hahaha!"

Renji was rolling on the floor. "Wow!"

Hanataro pulled his knees up in shame.

"Ew! He did not sleep with me!" Rukia yelled.

"Or me!" Rangiku added.

Ulquiorra eyed Hanataro. "Basically he's a walking virus-infected filth."

This caused many to burst out laughing even though Ulquiorra said it with no joking intention. Which made it even funnier.

No longer was he the same old scrawny twerp he use to be.

Hanataro twitched.

Now he was handsome and had the girls fawning for him.

"Not me!" Rangiku snapped.

He was very muscular and-

"No uh, he's as skinny as pencil over there." Yachiru said.

Uryuu frowned at that.

By now Hanataro was beyond embarrassed.

could lift things up with ease.

"Yeah right," Grimmjow cut in. "He probably can't even lift his own ass up to take a dump."

"No kidding." Ikkaku replied.

"Hey let's not pick on him." Orihime said.

Hanataro folded his arms behind him in content. He had just had the best night with some hot girls.

"Ya' sure it wasn't yourself you had fun with?" Grimmjow mocked

"Faced." Renji said.

"Burn!" Kon added.

"Hey get up already." Hanataro said

The sheets began rustling and soon Orihime popped her head out

"Morning baby." Orihime greeted

"What!" Orihime cried. "I would never do that with Hanataro."

Hanataro twitched again.

"Oh! No offense Hanataro."

"Offense taken."

The sheets moved again and this time Rukia popped out.

"Excuse me?" Rukia snapped.

Byakuya stood in front of Rukia and sent a massive death glare at Hanataro. "Have you lost your morals Yamada Hanataro?"

"Yeah! Keep away from Rukia!" Renji said.

"Damn right keep away from Rukia!" Ichigo added.

"Hanataro you were amazing last night."

"Pfft.. syke." Kon said.

Suddenly the sheets began moving again. Now it was Rangiku who sprang out.

"Like hell!" Rangiku yelled.

Toshiro stood up fiercely in front of his lieutenant. "What! What's wrong with you Hanataro? You perverted freak!"

Hanataro was now shaking erratically. As if he were possessed.

"Um... are you alright?" Orihime asked.

No response.

"I never knew you were this good in bed Hanataro." Rangiku said. This was definitely her best night. She had gotten laid before. She had already slept with Gin, Aizen, Byakuya, Komamura, Toshiro Yamamoto,-

Ikkaku whistled. "D~amn."

"How dare she portray me in such a degrading way!" Rangiku hissed.

"That's gross!" Ichigo spewed. "You slept with two traitors, Byakuya, a fox, an underage kid, and an old guy."

"It's not true dumbass!" Rangiku retorted.

"So there are two virus-infected filths among you." Ulquiorra said.

"Bite me!" Rangiku snapped.

"Hold up there's more," Uryuu cut in.

"Incredible." Yumichika murmured.

Kon,-

"YES!" Kon cried out.

Rangiku banged her head on the wall.

Shuhei, Kira, Kenpachi,-

"And the list goes on." Renji joked.

Grimmjow chuckled. "I think it'd be a shorter list if they had just named who you didn't sleep with already."

This caused a chain of laughs to occur.

Rangiku continued banging her head on the wall, as if to suppress the story.

"Rangiku please stop, you're hurting yourself." Orihime said.

Mayuri-

"Ew!" Rukia gagged.

Rangiku kept on banging against the poor abused wall.

Shunsui, Ukitake, Tetsuzaemon, Keigo, -

(An hour later)

The president, the mayor, and the Rukon district.

"I think it's done." Uryuu said.

"Is it really done?" Ichigo asked while the entire group (except Rangiku who had long since passed out from the head bangs and Hanataro who was still shaking like a zombie) played Monopoly.

"Hey you landed on my property Ichigo! Pay up you broke bastard." Grimmjow yelled.

Ichigo turned to the game. "Oh crap, how's about I make you a deal. I'll- "

"It's done," Uryuu cut in. "Come back."

"You got saved assbag." Grimmjow muttered as Ichigo placed the board game away.

Everyone went back near the computer.

But Hanataro was definitely the best of the best for her. She had a lot of experience so she knew what she was talking about.

"Believe me we know." Uryuu said.

"I'm good at everything baby." Hanataro replied

Ikkaku snorted. "Sure you are."

Hanataro hissed quietly like a ravaging snake about to lunge at his pray.

"Um guys, I don't think Hanataro is okay." Orihime warned but nobody paid attention.

"Yes you are." the girls said.

Hanataro rose from the bed and stood in front of the room.

He flexed and made sure his ladies gawked at his hawt naked body.

The males in the room momentarily stopped to throw up in the corner.

"Okay ladies I'm going to put my clothes back on."

"Nooo!" They cried.

"Don't worry ladies." Hanataro said as he put his clothes back on. "I've got a treat for you girls."

"What?" They said

"Since you were all good last night I'm going to award you with a striptease-

"CUT!" Ichigo shouted. "I think that's a wrap people."

"Thank goodness." Uryuu mumbled.

Ulquiorra mentally thanked his precious lord Aizen.

"Why would anyone write something on such an awful, bad-fashioned, and ugly person like Hanataro?" Yumichika asked.

Again Hanataro twitched uncontrollably.

"Yeah he's so ugly not like you Byakushi." Yachiru added and she embraced him tighter, much to his irritation.

Hanataro dashed to the kitchen in search for a knife (since his sword only heals), but again nobody paid attention.

Yachiru finally dropped down from Byakuya's shoulder (VERY much to his pleasure) and paced around. "This story was so dumb."

Rukia sighed sadly. "Are all these stories really this bad?"

Ichigo gave her a small smile. "Don't tell me you're giving up already Rukia?"

Rukia shook herself out of her daze. "No, no I'm not. We've only just begun and- OH MY GOODNESS HANATARO!"

Behind Yachiru was the dark looming shadow of Hanataro with a machete in hand.

"Holy hell!" Grimmjow shouted.

"What're you looking at?" Yachiru asked, oblivious to the psycho behind her.

"This is for calling me ugly bitch!" The crazy Hanataro yelled.

Renji and Uryuu tackled him to the ground and tossed the machete away from him.

"Hanataro's lost it." Kon squealed.

Renji managed to tie him onto a chair. "Well that should hold him."

"Mmmmphh!" Hanataro muffled through the tape on his mouth.

Yachiru ran onto Byakuya's shoulder. "Did you see that? That was so scary and weird." She snuggled closer to the elder Kuchiki. "Now I'm never leaving your side Byakushi!"

"Joy." Byakuya thought.

Through this whole insanity moment Ulquiorra hadn't batted an eyelash and Rangiku was still unconscious.

Author's Notes

Yes people, Hanataro is going through a mental breakdown right now. Will he be able to cope through it?

Like I said some stories are pre-written already, but I WILL take requests soon. So send some if you'd like.