Chapter 10

I have no clue how I managed to make it out of that horrible therapy session without vomiting. It had been one of those group session things you watch on reality television when nothing else is on and even though I hadn't wanted to attend, I figured that any time out of the house and away from my mother was good for me, so I went and sat and listened. It was refreshing in a way to hear how other people had been so scared with their near death experiences and all the things they had to live for. Ok, so I hadn't been scared of death and for the moment I was only trying to play the cards life had dealt me, but in a way it made me feel superior to all these people. Not only had I been face to face with the things that went bump in the dark, I'd kicked their asses too.

The only thing these people had that I didn't was freedom. I'd had tried to kill myself in search of that independence but hey, now that I thought about it, I'd gained it, hadn't I? Where as before, I did what I was told and what was expected of me, now I stood my ground. Yeah, that's right. I had nothing to lose and it had taken the bottom of a large body of water for me to realize it. Ok, so I didn't necessarily have the same freedom as these people, but I was working on it.

Had just set a goal for myself? I had taken control of my life into my own hands and my goal was to keep it there and not hand it over. Wow! One hour in a group therapy had actually done some good? I had to make sure never to let anyone know. I had a reputation to protect. Bitch is a title that is earned, unlike whore and slut, it wasn't just carelessly handed out or thrown around.

I now sat on the living room couch watching MTV's My Super Sweet Sixteen while I struggled to keep my jaw from hitting the ground. Did people actually live this way? Her mother paid how much for those candle holders? Oh hell no! Her car cost more than Jake's house!

And there I went again. Even when I wasn't trying to, Jacob Black always broke into my head. I sorta, kinda maybe missed him. I'd seen him what, a day and a half ago at my unwanted reception? Ok, so I was still angry at him but at the same time I wondered what he'd been up to. He'd probably spent his time at Maison de Leech still chasing after Bella's ass and giving doggy-back rides to her spawn. I imagined the tiny leech brushing the hair on his tail and I became so jealous that I could feel my blood boil.

Nice Leah, nice. Becoming jealous of a toddler has got to be your new low. Very mature of you. Way to hold on to that freedom.

"Lee, Jake's on the phone. Wants to talk to you." Seth walked into the room still wearing his school clothes.

Think of the devil and he appears. "Tell him I'm in the shower."

"You know he can hear you, right?"

"Ok. Then let's stop pretending and cut through all the formalities and just tell him that I don't want to talk to him or anyone else for that matter. If it's important then he can leave a message."

"She says that- oh..., aha..., ok." he turned to me with a grimace, "He says that you have patrol tonight."

"What?" I jumped off my spot on the couch and tore the phone out from Seth's hands. "You've got to be kidding me! I just made it out of the clinic and already you have me on patrol. What the hell, Black?"

"Well, since you're obviously feeling a lot better then you can go back on the schedule." his voice on the other side of the line sounded annoyed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I slammed my hand on the table.

"Oh, Jared told us about your little stint with Sam this morning, so since you're feeling well enough to-"

"What are you, middle school girls? Did he pass you a note during Social Studies? Did he pretend to stretch his back and then just drop the note on your desk?"

"We SPOKE during Woodshop actually but that doesn't change anything and if you're feeling well enough to go spit swapping with Uley, then you're good enough to go on patrol. See you tonight at eight." And he hung up the phone on me.

"Son of a cock-sucking bitch!" I slammed the phone on top of the dining room table. Seth stood behind me with wide open eyes. "What!" I snapped at him.

"Nothing." he said lifting his palms straight up in the air and walked into his bedroom where he shut the door behind him.

Now I was really screwed. Yesterday when I'd returned home from the hospital, the dizzy spell had saved me from having to talk to Jake. Today I couldn't evade the confrontation with Sam but some quick thinking had killed two birds with one stone and made me a much happier person at that, but shit, a confrontation with Jake was something I was really dreading. I was an emotional wreck. Part of me wanted to survive this whole incident and make up for all I'd missed out on since I phased for the first time but another part of me just wanted to fill up the bathtub with water and drown myself in it.

Crap! I scratched my head and tugged at my hair. See you at eight. That meant that I'd be on patrol with him. Shit! It's really fucking hard to share a brain and keep anybody from seeing your thoughts. It's right down next to impossible. That conversation with Jake was going to happen whether I wanted to or not, specially because he was one stubborn guy and he was not going to just ignore it and let it go.

"Shit!" I looked at the microwave's clock. Four o'clock. No wonder Seth was still in his school clothes. I'd even forgotten what day it was, hell, I wasn't even sure of today's date. I sat on the couch and rubbed my temples in circles. There had to be a way out of this. Come on, Leah, think.

Maybe that was my problem. I thought things out too much. Maybe if I was more like Paul life would be easier. He didn't give thought to absolutely anything and just acted based on nothing but instinct. My instinct on the other hand was to think.

I'm so screwed.

There was another reason that I didn't want to phase and that reason had nothing to do with Jake. I'd spent seventeen days unconscious and two more days at the hospital after that. Now I'd spent about two days at home, meaning that I'd spent close to twenty-one days without phasing. Twenty-one. That was almost one lunar month. Close to a month without phasing and already I was feeling the effects. A small little thing like feeling the cold but to me it was a huge step forward. Maybe if I could keep it up then other things would follow, like my period.

Somehow in the past days I had convinced myself that maybe I wasn't a genetic dead end. Maybe the absence of a period was just nature's way of keeping me going, kind of like hardcore gymnasts and athletes. They didn't get periods either because of all the stress they put their bodies through. Maybe nature had been doing the same thing to me, I mean, if I got my period as a wolf I would have been at a disadvantage, right? It sure as hell would have been ridiculous to run with a tampon string hanging out from my furry butt. Almost a month. I continuously reminded myself. If I could just keep it up for a little longer and see if my theory was right.

The time on the microwave read four thirty-seven. I had under four hours to either take a nap before phasing or formulating and carrying out a plan so that I didn't have to phase in the first place.

What if I just didn't show up? Would he leave his post to come and look for me or would he just howl, our version of texting, until somebody phased and he made them fetch me? What if I hid? No. That would not only be stupid and childish, it would scare Mom and Seth as well.

Fuck, I wish I could just sleep through the rest of this month.

That was it! I could just sleep through it. Simple enough. I turned off the television and went to Mom's bedroom to rummage through her drawers. After Dad died, she had trouble sleeping so she'd managed to get some prescription sleeping pills that knocked her out like a log. You could have played trumpet next to her ear and she'd just turn on her other side and continued sleeping. All I had to do was get my hand on those and I'd be able to pull through.

Rummaging through my mother's drawers had rendered no results and only revealed two things: she wore huge parachute-like granny panties and her clothes drawers were nowhere as neat as she had forced ours to be.

Undefeated, I turned my attention to other places in the house like the kitchen drawers and cabinets followed by the medicine cabinet above the bathroom sink. The only things I managed to find were expired cough syrup and a pack of time-released allergy pills. I turned the back of the cough syrup bottle and read that it contained diphenhydramine, an ingredient which made you sleepy. Awesome. Then I grabbed the pack of allergy medication and read the warning: this product contains diphenhydramine, an ingredient which causes drowsiness and fatigue. Do not take this medication along with any other medication containing diphenhydramine. Contact your poison control center in case of accidental overdose.

Bingo! I'd found my loot. I examined both medications for their dosage. Seeing as the cough syrup was already expired, I downed what remained in the bottle figuring that it would take all of it to render some sort of effect. It was now the allergy medication's turn. Dosage was one to two pills every four to six hours. Calculating with my fingers and taking into consideration my height, body type, weight and the fact that I was a freaking shape-shifter, I disregarded the dosage chart on the back and just downed the whole packet with a glass of juice, figuring that the citric acid would help break down through the pill's gel coating a lot quicker than water.

The time on the microwave clock was now five thirty and Mom would be home by six. Grabbing a set of pajamas, I stepped into the bathroom and took a nice, long shower. It was too bad that every single product I owned was fragrance free, another side effect of morphing into a wolf. It just wouldn't have been a good idea to prance around the woods smelling like strawberries, coconut and freesia or some dumb shit like it. By the time I made it out of the shower Mom was home, I kissed her good night and went to sleep.

Patrol at eight, my ass.

My last chapter got mixed reviews because Leah was too out of character. (T_T)

Oh come on! It's a fan fiction! I'm a fan and I wrote some fiction, don't kill me. Please? With sugar on top? Now here's my explanation: I thought that since Leah just tried suicide and doesn't have anything to lose anymore then why fall back on the same old behaviors, same feelings and same I would nevers? Almost dying is a life-altering event, nobody, including Leah would stay and act the exact same way as before, therefore I wanted to alter her personality a bit. I won't allow her to run into the woods and stay unchanged. I want her to get all her anger and frustrations out so that she can go back to being whom she was and move on. Besides, I need problems or otherwise the story is just a lot of crying with no point. I hope that as the story moves on I don't lose too many of you as readers when I continue to do some character/event shake arounds. (_)

Oh, and this story is rated M for a reason. Don't try to do the things you read here or you'll end up a) actually broken and/or b) actually dead. K?

Review? Be gentle. It's my first time.