Parody of the Caribbean: Dumb Man's Composition
Will Turner Lost in a Fight with Fish Stew
The Black Pearl has arrived at the lobster claw rocks. There is a half sunk ship chillin' among the reef.
Will: That's the Flying Dutchman? That's rather pathetic if you ask me.
Jack: I didn't. And you might want to wash that big GULLIBLE off of your forehead.
Will: Oh. Sorry.
He goes below and comes back just as gullible.
Jack: Right. What're you going to do then?
Will: I'll go over there find your key and kill anyone in my path.
Jack: Nice. Have a nice life, I mean time.
Ragetti: Your chariot awaits sire! It's a bit leaky but that's all we've got.
Jack: If you get caught say that Jack Sparrow sent you to settle his debt. Might save your life. wink wink
Will rows over to the "Dutchman" while the rest of the crew wonders at his stupidity.
Jack: Douse the lamps and keep quiet.
Will explores the "Dutchman". There are lots broken things and lots of dead guys, including ONE WITH NO FACE!!!!!! Will totally didn't listen to Gibbs when he was telling the story.
Half Dead Guy: I can't stop pulling the rope! It's gonna catch us!
Will: You're on a reef.
Half Dead Guy: But there's still ocean all around us!
Will should have though about that before. The Flying Dutchman, for it is SO obvious that this piece of crap wasn't the Flying Dutchman, explodes out of the water.
Will: Shit.
He is surrounded by crew members/ shellfish stew. It is rather creepy. The half dead guys just whimper and go quietly but Will, oh no, Will does not go quietly. Or smartly.
Will (with an eighteenth century lightsaber): C'mon y'all! I can do this all day!
Fish Man: Shut up.
Will is smacked in the face with a sword and knocked out.
Davy Jones, part man, part squid, part lobster, comes up out of the water. The half dead guys whimper. Will's face says "Oh shit". He did not bargain for this. Jack Sparrow totally tricked him. He should have seen it coming. Everyone else did.
Davy Jones: How many?
Sharkface: Five still alive, the rest have moved on.
Davy Jones taunts the poor half dead guys.
Half Dead Religious Guy: Don't listen to him. You'll all go to Hell!
Davy Jones: Well, you might.
Sharkface slits his throat.
Davy Jones: So, will you serve or do you wanna join the Church Lady down there?
Other Half Dead Guys: Our souls are yours!!!
Davy Jones walks down to Will.
Davy Jones: You're not dead. Why're you here?
Will: JackSparrowsentmetosettlehisdebt!
Davy Jones: What did you say?
Will: Jack Sparrow sentmetosettlehisdebt!
Davy Jones: I'm sorely tempted to accept that offer.
Jack is being a nosey little dork and comes telescope to eye with Davy Jones, who looks PISSED. He is suddenly standing right in front of Jack and all of the crew has been taken hostage by fish stew.
Ragetti: Ew! I'm a vegetarian.
Jack: Well hi there.
Davy Jones: You've been captain for thirteen years. It's time to pay up.
Jack: But I was mutinied! Give me eleven more years, please!
Davy Jones: Not my fault.
Jack: WAHHHHHH!
Davy Jones: Shut up.
Jack: But there's already one soul over there.
Davy Jones: You're worth more than he is.
Jack: Well that's obvious.
Davy Jones: You need ninety-nine more souls, plus him, before I'll let you be free. You're got three days. But can you live with yourself?
Jack: Hmm. Yep. I can do it. But Elizabeth will castrate me. Maybe I'll recondsi—
Davy Jones: Tough luck. And gimme my spot back.
He tentacles Jack's hand and the spot vanishes. Davy Jones and his crew dematerialize.
Davy Jones: Thhhhrrreeeeee dddaaayyyssss...
The rest of the crew wets themselves.
Jack: I feel sullied and unusual. Gibbs, is there anymore rum?
Gibbs: Sorry.
Jack: We need ninety-nine souls in three days. Hmm.
Gibbs: Tortuga?
Jack: Tortuga. Though I have a bad feeling about this. I hope there's no more slapping involved.