By: Jamie Sommers
Email: jamiesommers23@hotmail.com
Rated: PG 13
Synopsis: The final chapter of Landon and Jamie's life spent together as husband and wife.
Special thanks going out to Andy and Brian, both of whom provided me with the passage that I used while writing this. And to my mother for teaching me "What a Day That Will Be." Thank you mommy!
Chapter 9: Forty-two
"You sure this is cool?" Landon looked over at Eric's big, fluffy dog Sam, as he walked right over to where Jamie was sleeping and laid his head on her lap--waiting patiently for her to stir.
"Yeah, man. Don't worry 'bout it. Besides, I'm leaving soon anyway."
"That's right. When do you go?"
"Wednesday."
"Wow. Kinda hard to believe, huh?"
"Yeah….college." Eric looked over at Jamie and asked, "So, how's she doing?"
"All right," he shrugged. "She's got good days and bad days. The doctor increased her medication about a week ago and ever since she's pretty much slept the whole time."
"That must be hard, man."
"What?"
"Just watching her like that…"
"Sleep? Nah…" Landon shook his head.
"No…I mean…" Eric looked down at his feet and then back up at his best friend, "…watching her…just watching her die. I don't think I could do it." His voice was thick with emotion as he looked towards Jamie once more.
"Yeah…well…" he cleared his throat, "…I guess…" Landon looked at his wife roll her head towards them and saw her eyelids flutter, then close again. "You know what?" He looked at Eric and gave him a peaceful smile. "I'd rather spend a hundred years watching her sleep, just knowing she's here, then live one minute without her."
Eric stood there, uncertain of what to say…what to do. He heard the doorbell ring.
Landon knew it was hard for some people, especially his young friends to accept Jamie's fate the way that he did. It took a long time for Landon to accept it himself, but now that he had, he was determined to make these last few weeks of Jamie's life as normal as he possibly could.
" 'scuse me Mistuh Cahtuh, but Missus Cahtuh's doctuh is here," LuAnn poked her head out of the sliding doors and spoke to the two young men.
"Oh, sure." Landon
looked at Eric and said, "Sorry man, but…"
"Oh, yeah…I gotta go anyway. Got a lot of packing to do."
She could hear voices, but she wasn't sure who they were. One was Landon--she smiled. The other though… She tried to open her eyes, but they were so heavy. She felt the dog's head on her lap and knew instinctively who the other person was.
She could make out a few things that they were saying, 'college…leaving Wednesday…sleeping…watching her…just watching her die…then live one day without her.'
They both turned their heads when they heard a soft exclamation, "Sam. What're you doing here?"
"I brought him by," Eric said as he walked over towards her. "Landon said you two would keep an eye on him for me since I'll be leaving soon."
"Mmmmm," she ran her hand across the dog's matted fur and smiled, "We'd love to. Thank you for thinking of us."
"Good morning Jamie. Landon." Jamie's doctor walked out onto the patio with LuAnn behind him carrying a tray with Jamie's medication on it.
"Well," Eric said, "I should be going." He leaned down and pecked Jamie on the cheek, "I'll stop by before I leave, 'kay?"
She smiled up at him and said softly, "That would be nice."
"Landon slapped his hand on Eric's back and said, "Come on man. I'll walk you out to your car."
As she watched Eric leave his words kept echoing through her mind, 'sleep…watching her die' and she knew what she had to do. Her doctor began taking out the blood pressure cuff from his bag, LuAnn was preparing several small plastic cups--filling them with a variety of pills--chatting away to the doctor about Jamie's progression as though she wasn't there. Jamie laid a hand upon each one's arm and gave them a knowing look.
Landon walked Eric to his car and they made plans for Eric to stop by on his way out of town Wednesday. He was waving him off and turned to walk back inside when he noticed Jamie's doctor leaving. "Hey? What's up?" He knew that there wasn't much they could do for her now, but he usually spent more time than this with her.
"Mr. Carter…I think you need to talk with your wife."
Landon looked down at the ground and said dejectedly, "How long?"
"I don't know. A day…maybe two. Landon, I never expected her to last this long, but…" He gave Landon a nod and laid a passing hand on his shoulder as he headed for his waiting car. Turning around with one last thought he said, "Landon. Your wife's a very lucky woman. God bless."
He walked in his house and saw LuAnn heading for the closet, removing her suitcase. "Leavin' huh?"
She smiled at him and said, "Jamie's ready Lahndun. This time here's for family, not for doctuhs and nuhrsus."
He swallowed the lump in his throat and looked through the sliding glass doors at his wife. "Thank you, LuAnn. For everything."
"Hey."
"Hey," she turned her head to look at him.
"So…"
"So…" she said absently stroking Sam behind the ear, "…I'm sorry Landon. I just don't want to take them anymore." She was referring to her medications. "I don't want to spend my last days with you…" she looked down at her wedding ring. It was too big now and slipped down her finger. "…I don't want you to just sit back and…watch me die."
He knew she must've heard Eric's and his conversation, "Jamie…"
"No Landon, don't say anything. Just listen, okay?"
"Okay."
"When I take these pills," she gestured towards the bottles that were left on the small table, "I do nothing but sleep. They make me dizzy…nauseous and when I do finally wake up, I don't know where I am half the time or who's around me." She laid her hand on his leg and said, "I don't want you to sit back and watch me die, Landon," she smiled into his eyes and said, "I want to live the rest of my life--with you--not sleep it away."
"Jamie," he said gruffly, "you're going to be in so much pain."
"Pain can be controlled. You'll just have to help me keep my mind off of it." She squeezed his leg and said, "So…what'd ya wanna do today?"
He let out a slight laugh, and said, "I would've been happy just watching you sleep."
"Mmmmm, but I'm awake now Landon."
He looked down at her hand that was resting on his thigh and pushed her wedding ring back on, "How about we finish reading one of Rothman's books?"
Jamie's eyes flew open as she felt the searing pain go through her body. She reached out for Landon and shook him. "Landon. Landon."
He jumped up in bed, heart racing--something's wrong with Jamie. "What is it? Jamie?"
"It hurrrrrts." She was slowly curling into a fetal position.
"Shhhhh." His arms came around her, his lips pressed up against her ear. He whispered through her hair, "Shhhh…it'll be okay. It'll be okay." His mind raced, what do I do. She doesn't want any painkillers then her words came back to him. 'Pain can be controlled. You'll just have to help me keep my mind off of it.'
"Jamie, do you remember our trip to Hawaii? It was right after the kids left for college, we thought we deserved a second honeymoon." He took in a deep breath when he heard her wince in pain. He continued stroking her arms and whispering his tale in her ear, "We had rented one of those bungalows with a private beach. The sand was white and the water was so blue you could see straight down to the bottom of the ocean's floor. Our days were always filled with excitement. We would go swimming, snorkeling…" he could feel the tension slowly leaving her body, "then there was that really bad foray into parasailing. Remind me never to do that again. But at night…oh, it was so peaceful at night. We would take walks along the beach letting the water flow over our feet, our toes would squish in the sand." He looked down at her closed eyes and asked, "Do you remember?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"We sat against a rock and let the water splash all around us and we watched the sunrise from the balcony of our room. I kissed you…"
"Mmmmm. Do you remember that cave we found that day? I seduced you in that cave," she said with a flirtatious grin.
"My how times have changed over the years," he laughed softly in her ear. "Feel better?"
"Mmmmm hmmmm." She took a deep breath and noticed the sky beginning to get lighter, "Landon? I know it's not Hawaii, but," she turned her head to look up at him, "would you like to watch the sunrise from our balcony?"
"I'd love to." He stood up and went to pick her up, but she stopped him.
"I think I can walk."
"You sure?" She hadn't been able to take more than one or two steps without losing her balance for weeks now.
"Yeah…I'm feeling surprisingly good right now."
They walked out onto the balcony and watched as the sun slowly rose over the trees, Jamie's back leaning up against Landon's front. Their arms entwined around her waist.
She watched the sun and said, "Just think, somewhere out there a rooster is crowing, children are getting out of bed," she looked at him over her shoulder, "families are getting ready for church…" She turned slowly in his arms. He was so beautiful. His eyes were always so full of love. She raised her hand and cradled his cheek in her palm, "I might kiss you."
Their lips smiled against each other as they welcomed in the new day.
Landon and Jamie were surprised to see Landon's father and his wife at their church this morning and decided since Jamie was feeling so well, they would invite everyone over to spend the day with them. Landon's mom suggested they all go out for a quiet lunch then to Landon and Jamie's afterwards. They had spent the day together, eating, laughing and playing pictionary.
"Daddy! That's cheating!" Jamie had said of the symbol he had drawn on his piece of paper.
"I prefer to call it, playing creatively." They all laughed.
"I think she's right Sir. No symbols allowed."
She smiled a sweet smile and said, "Thank you Landon."
Reverend Sullivan looked over his shoulder at his "teammate" and said, "Landon? Sometimes I miss that rebellious young man." The laughter got louder then came to an abrupt halt. "Jamie!"
She gasped and held her hand out for Landon to grab.
He raced over to her side and sat behind her, rubbing her arms and speaking softly in her ear.
His father had run into the living room and grabbed his medical bag, immediately going for a syringe full of morphine to ease her pain.
Landon held out his hand to stop his father from giving her the shot and continued whispering, "...she looked so beautiful Jamie. She was wearing your wedding gown. Tommy sang as she walked down the aisle. The flowers were in bloom and the sun was shining…"
The incident passed and Jamie apologized to everyone, "I'm sorry for ruining the fun."
"You didn't ruin anything baby." Landon said putting her mind at ease, but the laughter was scarce during the remainder of their game.
It was getting late. Dinner was eaten, coffee drunk, dishes cleaned and put away and now it was time for goodbyes.
"I still can't get over how good you look today," Landon's mom said. "I'll call you tomorrow, maybe we can plan a barbeque for later in the week?" She kissed Jamie's cheek and gave Landon a squeeze. "Good night."
"You take it easy young lady," came Landon's father's warning. They looked at each other like they had shared some sort of secret. Something the others didn't know, or didn't want to know. "Don't overdo it."
"I won't. I promise." She placed her arms around his neck and hugged him, whispering in his ear. "Take care of him for me."
He pulled back and nodded. "Landon, why don't you walk me out, son?" They walked into the living room where his father's medical bag lied open. Taking the unused syringe of morphine out Landon's father said, "I'm assuming you know how to administer this for her pain."
"Yeah, but dad she won't use anything for the pain."
"She may tonight." He placed it in Landon's palm along with some alcohol swabs and said, "Just in case she changes her mind."
Landon looked at the needle and nodded, "Yes sir." He took a deep breath and hugged his father tightly. "Thank you for everything, dad."
Jamie had been tired, but she wanted to walk her father to the door, "Are you sure you want to go, daddy? You don't have to, you know. You could stay here. We have plenty of room."
"No, sweetheart. You two don't want an old man like me hanging around." He smiled at her, his heart full of hope and said, "I'll see you in the morning. Breakfast, right?"
"Right." She hugged him tighter than she normally did and kissed his cheek just a little longer. "I love you, daddy."
"I love you too."
She watched him walk away and said quietly to his back, "I'll miss you daddy. Good bye."
Landon watched her as she said her farewells and asked, "You ready for bed?"
"Not really. I was wondering. Would it be okay if we laid on the hammock for a while?"
"Sure." He put his arm around her waist to help her back outside.
She looked down at his other hand and asked with her eyes, 'what's that?'
"My father thought you might want to use something for the pain tonight."
The corners of her lips lifted and she said, "Maybe later."
They lied on the hammock---Sam beneath it--looking at the night sky. They talked about their past and the path that led them to each other.
"You looked so cute in your costume."
"I don't even remember what I was that year."
"I do. You were a vampire. You had blood covered fangs," she said with a crinkle of her nose.
"Oh, yeah," he smiled at the memory of that fateful Halloween and remembered her saying, 'when I grow up I'm gonna let my kids go treat or tricking whenever they want…just don't tell my father.' And his response to her, 'It's trick or treating not treat or tricking.'
"The day you came up to me and asked me for help with your lines," they both chuckled at the memory. "You looked like you'd rather go through a root canal then be seen with me," she laughed.
"Hey," he said, "I had a reputation to uphold."
"Oh, yeah," she laughed at the memory. 'I need help with my lines…hey Eddie Zimmerhoff deserves the best…please, Jamie.'
"Granted it was a really stupid reputation, but…" he shook his head back and forth remembering her response to his plight, 'I'll pray for you…you've never asked for help before…you've got to promise not to fall in love with me.' If only he'd known then what he knew now, he thought, I wouldn't change a thing.
"So when you said that my dad was 'cool' with you asking me out…what really happened that day?" She smiled as she listened to the uncut version of what really happened between Landon and her father.
"…I pretty much threw myself at the mercy of the church with that one and since he is the Reverend and all…" he shrugged, "He really didn't have much of a choice but to give in." He laughed and thought back to their first date. 'I can't believe you asked my father's permission,' and thought, you were worth it, Jamie. You were worth it.
"He was so angry that night he caught me kissing you in front of your house."
"Well, he was afraid you were trying to take advantage of me."
"ME?" he said with feigned innocence. "I would never…"
"Oh yeah, right!" She laughed. "So tell me…that night in the cemetery, the night you gave me my star, were you really trying to seduce me?"
"What'd you think?" He asked looking at her with a flirtatious light in his eyes.
"I think it's a good thing we got married when we did," she giggled and laid her head back down on his chest. "I don't know how long I would've stayed unseducible."
"You wouldn't have given in to me?" He looked down at her and said with raised eyebrows, "Would you???"
She replied with a teasing grin and a lilt in her voice, "Guess we'll never know."
He shook his head in astonishment. This woman--his wife--never ceased to amaze him. He remembered the feeling that came over him when he gave her, her star. 'This is wonderful…I love you.' The same feeling that still comes over him whenever she says those words.
"You told me you loved me for the first time that night. I didn't know what to do. I still don't know what to do," he chuckled. "Do you know what happens to me every time you tell me you love me? I get this feeling…this…it humbles me, Jamie."
"I know."
"And when you told me your number one, I thought, I'm gonna make that one come true too."
"I know."
"You did?"
"Mmmmm hmmmm."
"How could you know I wanted to marry you, even back then?"
She shrugged her shoulders in reply.
"So is that why you said yes to me when I proposed?"
"Nope."
"Then why'd you say yes?" He quietly asked.
"Because," she lifted her head off of his chest and bestowed upon him a smile that made all the troubles in their world disappear. "We really had no choice. It was in the Lord's plan."
They were holding onto one another and watching the stars shine when the wave of pain hit her. It was devastating--the shock of it stealing the very breath from her lungs. "Lahhhhnnnnnn."
"Shhhh, baby," his arms tightened around her, "Shhhh." His mind raced trying to come up with something to occupy her thoughts but he knew nothing he said would be able to ease this torture. "Jamie?" His voice was so calm. "Would you like me to give you something for the pain?"
"Yehhhhhsss."
He got up and grabbed the syringe full of pain reliever, he wiped the area where he was going to place the needle with an alcohol swab, then gave her the injection--his hands never faltered. "Just give it a few minutes, it should work pretty quickly."
"Lahhhhndon. Lie with me," she reached a tremulous arm out to him and clenched her teeth.
He climbed in the hammock and cradled her against his chest. He said softly against her hair, "It's our 65th wedding anniversary. We're at the restaurant were we had our wedding reception watching our grandkids dance and our great grandkids run around the dance floor driving their parents nuts. The band is playing your song…our song. We look around at all our friends and family and we know…we've lived a long and happy life together." He could feel her breathing ease, her body was starting to relax--the medication was working. "I was looking at you and I just kept thinking how you looked just as beautiful to me as you did the day I first kissed you. So beautiful. Jamie…my Jamie." He placed a kiss against her forehead. What will I do without you here by my side, he thought to himself.
Jamie took a deep breath and released all the tension, letting go of the pain. As if reading his mind she answered his silent plea, "I'll always be with you Landon. All you have to do is look around and I'll be there." Her head was getting light, her pain melting away with every breath. "Do you know what the best thing I ever did in my life was?" It took so much energy to lift her head to look at him.
"What?" He said, cradling her face in the palm of his hand.
"Number forty-two."
He drowned in her eyes, letting her love wash over him. Humbling him.
"I love you, Landon."
"I love you, Jamie." Their tremulous lips touched, their eyes remained open. He tucked her head under his chin and wrapped his arms around her in a tight embrace. "I'll always love you," and they slept under the stars, with the moon shining down upon them and Sam curled below their hammock.
There is coming a day
When no heartache shall come
No more clouds in the sky
No more tears to dim the eye
All is peace forever more
On that happy golden shoreWhat a day
Glorious day that will be.
There'll be no sorrow there
No more burdens to bear
No more sickness
No more pain
No more crying over there
And forever I will be
With the One who died for me
What a day
Glorious day that will be.
What a day that will be
When my Jesus I shall see
When I look upon His face
The One who saved me by His grace
When He takes me by the hand
And leads me through the promise land
What a day
Glorious day that will be.
What a day
Glorious day that will be.
The church was packed. People were crowded in the pews, squashed together standing against the walls. Landon looked around the room as he made his way to the pulpit. He opened the book before him and said, "This is from Romans 5:1-11
Peace and Joy," he cleared his throat and began. "1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
He closed Jamie's bible and looked once again at the room full of people. "Some of you may not know this, but when Jamie found out about her cancer she made up a 'To Do List' for her life," he chuckled and looked down before addressing everyone, "I was number forty-two. Now, it's not what you think," he laughed again, "She didn't have written down, marry Landon Carter. Number forty-two was befriend someone you don't like." He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat.
He looked to the side then focused his eyes on Jamie's father. He was staring at the picture that was placed on her casket. He looked around the room again and noticed many people staring at it as though she were in there. "She's not in there you know? She's not in that casket." People began to focus their attention on him as he let them in on his secret. "The only thing in there is the empty body that once carried the soul of an angel." He looked at her father's wavering eyes and said, "She's here," he pointed to his heart. "She's in you," he turned and looked out at the crowd again, "She's in all of you. She's…" he smiled as the tears slowly ran down his cheeks, "…she's everywhere. All you have to do is look."
His eyes closed as he inhaled deeply. "She's the smell of fresh flowers in the air. She's the sound of children's laughter. She's the wag of a dog's tail. The beam of sunlight that wakes you every morning. A glass of sweet tea on a hot summer's day…a dance in the moonlight…the star that shines brighter than all the others…the rain that falls from the sky…the whisper in the wind. She's hope. She's faith," he paused. "She's life," he said thickly. "Don't morn her death, because she'll live. As long as we remember to celebrate her life, she will live." He looked once again towards the picture on the casket then lifted his head and said softly to the heavens, "Thank you Jamie. My life began with forty-two."
Coming soon:
The Epilogue