Hey guys. I just wanted to say that I am really sorry about the wait for this chapter. I've had a very...emotionally draining last month and still am but it's not excuse to keep you waiting. So I am very sorry about that. I do also want to apologize for this chapter; I've been having the worst case of writer's block and my descriptions (especially emotional descriptions) are way out of wack. Please bear with me; hopefully I'll get out of the lull before next chapter. Please review, and thanks to all who read and especially those who review, I wish I could give you all a cookie!

Disclaimer: I do not own Artemis Fowl.

"I was once was drowned in a river/
She made me swim even deeper/
She filled my soul with heavy breath/
She held me down with love like lead" ---" Orchard" by Juniper

Chapter XIV

"Stop, stop, stop!" Holly yelled, wrenching her hands away from Artemis' head. She realized that she was sobbing; sobbing for him. She was weeping for everything that she had done to him, everything that he had done to her, everything that he had done to himself. Her body was racked with such violent trembles that she had to close her eyes just to keep from making herself nauseous. But as soon as she closed her eyes images, unbidden, unwanted floated in the darkness before her. Blood, Artemis' blood. The scarlet, that contrasted brilliantly with his pale white skin, ran down his skin and onto the floor. Artemis' blood flowing from self-inflicted wounds. The suicide note, his parents' faces when Artemis had deemed himself a hopeless case, and foremost, his face when she had left.

Holly's knees hit the soft ground without her even realizing that they had given out. She felt a hand on the upper part of her arm, attempting to assist her back to her feet, but she jerked herself away. Artemis' gave up and, instead, fell to his knees as well so to be on her level.

"Holly?" His voice was concerned and urgent. He had just showed her his deepest, darkest memories and recesses of his mind, most of which involved his elaborate plot to commit suicide, and he was concerned about her? Holly took a second to appreciate just how messed with the whole situation was before Artemis' voice broke the moment. "Holly, please open your eyes." Holly did so, finding Artemis' face directly in front of hers, not three inches away. Her breathing was still ragged, so much in fact, that she couldn't speak through the tremors that shook her. "Holly, you need to breathe. In… out…just like that. Keep doing that, slowly." His voice was gentle, instructing her as he kept his icy blue and hazel eyes glued to hers. They were red-rimmed from both shed and unshed tears. Gradually, her breathing calmed, although the occasional shudder did still cause her shoulder to shake and her breaths to hitch.

"That might have been too much for you to take in at one time." Artemis observed. If Holly had been her normal self she probably would have replied with a 'duh', but under the circumstances, she just nodded.

"I…you are…how could-"

"Holly, if you are going to continue to stutter at me, this conversation will be pointless." Artemis said, visibly straining to be patient. Holly gulped and inhaled deeply one more time before trying again.

"Suicide?" Holly said, her voice still shaking a little. "That's what this whole thing was about?" Artemis didn't say anything, just closed his eyes in a painful manner. His silence spoke words. Words that Holly was afraid of, words that Holly didn't want to hear.

"When you left," Artemis started, "Everything became hard. Simple, everyday tasks meant nothing when accomplished. It was all pointless. I didn't want to be a genius; I didn't want to show off my vast amounts of knowledge. I just…didn't care anymore. Because no matter what I did, I wasn't saving the world. I suppose that's what I have gotten used to and when tasks didn't measure up to that, none of it seemed worth it. Then with my family," He gave a humorless laugh, "They did their best. But they didn't understand, how could they? They tried to help me but all it did was push me closer to the edge. I began to get bitter. I saw how great my father was with the twins, how my mother was always willing to do things for them, and I remembered; I never got that. They thought that because I was as smart as an adult meant that I should be treated like one. By the age of four they had me studying ten hours a day. I was always the one who had to stay up late into the night, just so that I could get the chance to speak to my father once that day, I was the one who had to stay strong when my father disappeared and was presumed dead, I had to take care of my insane mother for God sake!" He was shouting by the end with tears cascading down his face. He tried to brush them away but there were too many, too fast to even make progress.

"Artemis…" Holly put a hand on his shoulder, but he brushed her off as if she were just another tear on his face.

"If they hadn't been absent half my life, I would have grown up decent Holly. I wouldn't have been what I was. If only I had grown up, "Artemis lamented, "With the parents that my brothers have. I would never have met you or the People. You would have never left. None of this would have happened! If only…if only." He blamed his parents just as a toddler blames his sibling for causing a fight. It was childish, but it was true. Just knowing that broke Holly's heart. She had never fully understood just how hard it must have been for Artemis to grow up in the environment that he did. She had always assumed that because he was gifted and wealthy, that everything had been great up until his father's disappearance.

"Artemis, it doesn't matter what could have happened. Think of everything that you've done for the People, everything that we've done for you. If things had not happened exactly as they did, Opal could be running Haven right now, an entire race of could be destroyed, fairies could have been found by humans. No matter what the LEP or the Counsel say, you have helped us more than any one person. And it's because your parents weren't there that it all happened."

"But then you left." Artemis said darkly, "You were gone, the People were gone, almost half my life disappeared when you left. You made me what I was then you abandoned me, leaving nothing but who I had been before I met the People. No calls from you, no annoying intrusions courtesy of Foaly, I would even have welcomed a visit from Mulch. I had nothing to prove that any of it actually happened. Butler destroyed all of the fairy equipment and weapons that we had because he thought it would help me cope. But in reality, those were the only things that kept me sane. They reminded me that all the adventures, all of the conversations, all of the emotions did happen and were not just figments of my overactive imagination. Without them, I began to forget. I would wake up days on end, and wonder if it had all really happened. I began to lose myself." His shoulders shook with dry sobs, the shudders causing his voice to shake. "When I did remember that it was all real, I was so scared; scared that I would forget again. I was scared to sleep, scared to do anything that would get my mind off fairies because I was convinced that if I let you out of my mind for two seconds, you would never come back. You had already deserted me in real life; I couldn't let it happen in my mind too."

His vulnerably startled Holly. Artemis had never before spoken about fear to her, especially his fears. Holly had never thought about how deep of an affect the People had had in his life emotionally.

"Quite cliché, is it not? The young genius with the questionable childhood, loses everything, can't fit in, and is then driven suicidal by his own isolation." He spoke in a low monotone, without emotion. Holly didn't know what to say. His tears had ceased, leaving nothing but salty tear tracks.

"You're going to get killed for this." Holly said quietly. She had known it all along, she even knew now that it had been Artemis' plan all along, but saying it out loud was different. It was like the full impact had just hit her. In a few hours, Artemis would most likely be gone forever. She wouldn't be able to see him, talk to him, or even exchange irking banter with him. This realization hit her so hard that her breath was physically ripped from her lungs.

"I know." Artemis said, looking morose. "But didn't I just tell you-" He never got the chance to say whatever he was going to next. Holly (for reasons that even she didn't know) had stood on her tiptoes and was now kissing Artemis gently. She could tell he was surprised when he stiffened but then he relaxed and began to sink into her kiss. His hands slowly wound their way around her waist, pulling her into a close embrace. She could taste the hunger on his lips and immediately knew that he had been waiting for the moment for a long time. They stood, losing themselves in the other, for many minutes. The need for air suddenly overcame them and they broke apart. The stood there for a few moments, just looking at one another, trying to guess what the other was thinking. Finally Holly broke the silence.

"What are we going to do?"

"We?" Inquired Artemis, his tone light yet confused, a small smile playing across his lips that was mostly likely in response to the kiss. Holly forced herself not to roll her eyes.

"It doesn't take a genius to know that I still have feelings for you Artemis." Holly said rather curtly.

"Well I did get that impression. I wouldn't expect someone who loathed me to kiss me as passionately as you did." Artemis joked flippantly. His sudden change of mood startled Holly. One minute he was dark and the next, light. It was enough to make her head spin.

"Is this really the time for you develop a sense of humor?" Holly asked incredulously. "It doesn't matter what I feel for you, what you did to me deserves death. I can guarantee you that you will be executed for what you did and I might still be the one who volunteers pull the trigger.

"I know that Holly, and I am fully ready to accept the consequences for my actions." Artemis said, the smile fading from his lips and the dead look reappearing in his eyes.

"So you're still suicidal? You don't even want to fight for life? You don't even care?"

"Did you think that because you kiss me, that I would turn around and love life again?" Holly didn't answer. The truth was that she had thought that if Artemis' knew her feeling for him that it would change his outlook on life at least a little.

"Holly," he said her name as if he were reprimanding a three year old. "It doesn't matter whether or not I want to live. I've already sealed my fate. There's nothing you, or I, or I doubt even the Commander can do about it. I planned this Holly, never forget that. I will see to it that my plan plays out in its entirety."

"You are so…" Holly struggled to find the right word.

"I'm a genius Holly." Artemis supplied. "I have succeeded at everything I've ever done. I have discovered a new race, delved so deep into and understand so much of the human mind that I am practically a mind reader; I have even mastered quantum physics. I have defeated everything in my life worth defeating, except one thing; death. The only way to conquer death is suicide. Since I have nothing to live for, it seems, to me, to be the perfect opportunity to master the ultimate conundrum of life."

"You speak of death as if it were just another problem on a page." Holly observed, as she tried in vain to keep her voice steady.

"Isn't it?" Artemis asked, his clear icy eyes revealing just how sincere his question was. Holly's throat closed up once again, making it hard to swallow. His indifference was as heartbreaking as it was terrifying. Holly felt more tears threatening to escape her eyes but she blinked them away, thinking that she had already cried enough to last a lifetime.

"Artemis I..." Holly didn't know what she was going to say. A thousand things that could have sprung to her lips, died in her throat as though they weren't even thoughts at all. Every subject that she could have started flashed through her mind in shining icy blue letters; love, hate, depression, suicide, reasons, offers, questions, whys. Nothing seemed to fit the situation. A sudden desire to laugh and cry at the same time came over her but she was saved from having to overcome the feeling when Artemis swore loudly.

"Hellfire!" Artemis was looking at his gold Rolex. "We should have gone back to the Manor five minutes ago."

"Why?" asked Holly blankly.

"I'm not sure if you are aware of the fact Holly, but you are part of a hostage situation. The exchange is in a few minutes and if we don't get down there, they bio-bomb the Manor with both of us in it."

"Right," Holly said, her head suddenly pounding with the prospect of having to face Artemis' death. It didn't matter that he was suicidal, she had to stop it. If only there was a way. If only…She stopped suddenly, halfway through getting up. Artemis shot her a quizzical look but she didn't explain. Her mind was reeling as she thought of the possibility. Could it work? "Artemis, I might have a way."

"A way for what Holly?"

"A way that you could be spared. I'll have to check the details with Foaly but I'm pretty sure, by law, that I can get you off in court without so much as a jail sentence. You just have to surrender yourself."

"No." His response was unusually quick and rough. "I told you Holly, I planned this, and I will see to it that what I started will be finished."

"So you would give up your life just so that your plan can succeed?" Holly gaped at him. Could a man be so stubborn that he would be willing to die just so that his pride would not be tarnished? Her only solace was found in the fact that maybe, just maybe, she could stop it.

"I'm going to respond to that as if it were rhetorical." Artemis replied. "Come Holly, we need to go." Somehow his arms suddenly found themselves wound around her waist, half carrying her back to the house as they walked. Holly noticed the contrast in their skin tones, mocha on ivory. It was only a physical example of their differences. Species, personality, height, age; they all were differences, too big to overcome. Their short fling all those years ago had taught her that. But he was still her comrade, her friend, and she would not let him die without a fight.

Artemis glanced at his watch again as he redoubled his pace. Holly had trouble keeping up, especially with his arms awkwardly jarring her with every other step. Artemis seemed reluctant to let go when she attempted to disentangle herself from his thin arms, but he gave her up after a moment sensing her struggle. They had entered the Manor by this time and both had automatically slowed their pace. Neither seemed eager to part. They made their way together, neither one talking, until they got to the front room. When Holly glanced out of the window, she could see nothing except for green grass and something that might have been a heat spot. She knew better.

"Do you have everything?" Artemis asked, his voice suddenly formal. He and Holly both looked down at his shirt that she was still wearing, striped and stained with both mud and blood. The grimy garment hung loosely on her shoulders, making her look almost as morose as she felt.

"We don't have time for my jumpsuit but Foaly will kill me if I leave my helmet. Where did you put it?"

"My study. Take that hallway and two doors down on the left." He pointed to the hallway adjacent to them. Holly sprinted across the jet-black carpet as she counted two doors down. She flung open the study door and, after a minute of searching, found the helmet amongst a pile of LEP gear that were strewn across the desk. Holly didn't even waste time in wondering how Artemis had obtained all of the equipment; she accepted the fact that she probably never know. She grabbed it by the top with both hands and darted out of the door, kicking it closed with her foot. She ran jogged along the midnight carpet, strangely noticing the lack of shadows on the dark fabric. Their absence made her shiver though she didn't quite know why.

"Please hurry Holly," Artemis called, his voice dead sounding again, "We need to get out there before-"

"Nothing's going to happen." Holly said firmly before Artemis could finish. She skidded to a halt in front of him. "I'm going to fix this, Artemis."

"Of course you will." Artemis said, smiling a smile that didn't reach his eyes. He didn't believe her, that much was obvious. But whom did Artemis Fowl believe, other than himself?