I would've posted this chapter earlier, but I thought I already posted it and totally forgot about it. Sorry! I've been a little bit of a scatter brain this week.

Chapter 10

I could feel that my eyes were rudely swollen. My eyelids felt so heavy, I didn't want to wake up. Well, I didn't want to wake up at all, knowing what day it was. I rolled into a ball, trying not to cringe at the thought of today's festivities. I didn't want to cry anymore, but I had an awful feeling that crying would be inevitable.

I felt someone sit on the edge of the bed. "Bella, are you awake this time?" An angelic voice asked me. I rolled over just enough to see Edward's gold…no, dark bronze eyes. Strange, I'd have sworn they were gold.

"What do you mean, 'this time?'" I asked, completely rolling over to face him.

"You talk when you sleep. Most of what you said I couldn't really understand because they were all mumbles, but I was able to make out a couple of things." He didn't smile wickedly as if he found out one of my silly little secrets, he smiled as if he heard something that touched him.

I thought about his statement. "You know, I think Jake told me that I talk in my sleep a long time ago," I laughed at the memory. It'd been a long time since I heard myself laugh. It sounded off, but it was real.

Edward smiled. "What is so funny?" I could see more light in his eyes.

I shook my head. "Jake is just a crack-up. He's as subtle as a brick to the forehead." I leaned back on my pillow. "The first time he took me in, I woke up the next morning and he bombarded me with complaints. He didn't get a wink of sleep. When I asked him why he looked so tired, he responded with, 'you wouldn't shut the hell up!' Back then, no one had told me that I talked in my sleep. The only other person I know who does that is Becky."

"He took you in? I thought you lived with your parents?" Edward seemed confused by my usage for the term, "took me in." I clarified.

"Well, I technically did, but I never went back there often after the um…incident with Jake." I cleared my mind of all ugly topics and moved onto happier ones. "After Jake helped me out, he and his older brother Chris took really good care of me. They made sure I always had a place to stay the night, made sure I always ate dinner, made sure I attended school," Edward raised just one eyebrow, and I thought it'd shoot off his head.

"You didn't go to school?" He didn't sound angry, just curious.

I stared at him in the eyes. "I tried running away several times. When Renee or…Phil," saying his name as if it were a disease, "took me to school, they'd leave right away and not bother to see if I actually went in. Until Jake came along, I just snuck out behind the school. There was a huge park behind the school, and I'd often hide in the woods for hours, just playing in the creek, hiking up the creek all the way to the main road, catching fish, I'd always have a book or something with me to keep myself entertained." I remembered those lonely days as if they were only yesterday.

He still looked concerned. "How did you manage your grades? You are in all honors courses right now, how did you manage?" Jake asked the same question.

I smiled to myself. "I'd always tell my teachers on the very few days that I went to school that I would be gone for the next few days and needed the homework and daily work. I always attended on test days, but once my tests were finished, I snuck out. I don't know why, but I was always petrified of having Phil or Renee knowing where I was." I shivered, remembering the nightmares that I still get whenever I have a spare moment to think.

"Did you ever confide in anybody? Did your parents ever notice?"

Hell yes. They sent me to so many shrinks, I stopped counting after twenty-five. "They started sending me to a shrink when I started talking back to Renee, though I think it was one stunt in particular. I could never talk back to Phil, he would hurt Renee, and no matter how much of a bitch she is now, I still love her. But I started ignoring Renee because she treated me like shit when she had no idea that I was saving her ass. When I turned twelve, I threw all of her designer shoes and bags into the fire pit we had out back, and I 'liquified' all her gold jewelry in the blender." I smiled inwardly to myself. Classic.

Edward's eyes went wide. "You did that when you were twelve?" He seemed surprised.

"She called me a useless brat." I frowned, not one of my better days. "I went to my first shrink the next day." I don't even remember her name. I do remember calling her a narcissistic bitch, though.

"Did anything good come of that?" I caught in his tone that he already had a few guesses.

"Yes, actually. My…" I had to think hard. "I think it was my fifth shrink that reccomended I start drawing to explain my emotions. She immediately regretted that after she saw what I thought of my parents." She told my parents not to bring me back she was so freaked out.

Something seemed to click for him. "That day in the barn. Is that the picture?" I nodded. He didn't have to ask, so I flipped the covers off of me and walked over to the far corner of my room, where I stashed the horrid thing. I sat down close to Edward on the bed. Before unrolling it and exposing the nightmare, I took a deep breath.

Edward looked taken back. His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes went over my drawing. No one could see Phil in the picture, but I certainly could. In the center of the picture stood a man, his head down, he tipped his field-green baseball hat down over his devil-green eyes, but you could still see the evil smirk on his face. I made sure to include Phil's slight goatee that he'd been trying to grow for years. The man's hands were smothered with blood, coming off on his hat, rolling down his arms, splashed on his shirt, and his jeans were torn. Hovering all around him was a black mist: aura. The black fogg got darker towards the edges of the picture.

Edward finally spoke almost inaudibly. "This is your perception of Phil," he paused, trying to make the idea seem more real, "when you were twelve?" I nodded, and handed him another roll of poster size paper. He didn't hesitate to put down the drawing to pick up the other one, which I was more proud of.

I drew my perception of Renee. She sat on a bench, surrounded by the most beautiful and colorful flowers, dressed in a pure-white sundress. Her semi-long mahogany hair cascaded over her shoulders, and brought out the ivory tone of her skin. I drew her with a smile on her face, staring at a rose she held in her hand…a black rose that pricked her finger and poisoned her.

Edward got the wrong idea and frowned. Now I had the confused expression. "Is this a self portrait?"

I shook my head furiously. "No,no,no. That's Renee," I pointed to her features as I explained. "My hair had never been that short. Her eyes are hazel, mine are brown. I have more curls that I got from Charlie, but her's is almost pin-straight. Our noses are a little different, and her cheekbones aren't as high." I looked up at Edward, who happened to be smiling down at me.

"How did you capture all of this? When I turned twelve, I couldn't draw anything more than stick figures," his eyes looked wistful as he thought about it. Then he turned his attention to me again. "Did you draw this just from a picture in your head?" Now I smiled.

I reached over into my night table, where I kept the unframed photos. I pulled out one of my favorites: Renee, sitting in her rocking chair, looking down and smiling at the tiny baby in her arms. I handed the photo to Edward. His toothless smile turned into a brilliant white smile. It was so perfect, it took my breath away. He looked back to the garden picture, and his face scrunched up.

"What's with the rose?" He kept comparing the two pictures. "I don't really think the rose is a symbol for you." He looked down at me for an answer.

Those dark orbs bore into mine again, and I felt electricity shoot through my entire body. "You're right," I admitted. "That's not me. It's—," I was cut off by a knocking at the door, and I froze.

My entire body couldn't move. Edward stiffened, and I knew he wasn't expecting anybody. I managed to pick myself up off the bed and move over towards the door. I peeked through the peephole and…

I had my shoes and coat on within seconds. Edward stood up, about to walk over to the door, when I pulled him away, holding my finger to my lips for him to stay quiet. Understanding flashed in his eyes, and then they turned angry.

I ignored him and opened the window that had a sturdy tree branch only two feet away. As silently as I could, I climbed out of the window and onto the branch. I looked back into the room, where I saw Edward, still standing at the door, his hands clutched into fists.

I tapped on the windowsill to see if I could grab his attention. My panic slowly rised from my stomach. Edward turned around, and I frantically waved him over. He did a double take, trying to figure out how I ended up in the tree. He shook his head and finally walked over. I frantically climbed down the tree with outrageous speed. Edward followed right behind me.

Then I heard the worst sound possible, coming from my second story bedroom window.

"Isabella," he stretched out my name. "Bella, are you here?" I saw a glimpse of his head peek out the window, that I moronically left open.

I started to hyperventilate, and then I started to run. I knew someone would notice something off if I ran into the crowd of people that stood outside the dorms, happily greeting each other. I made a dash for the horse trails, not worrying about a horse.

I didn't notice if Edward still followed me, and I didn't plan on looking back to check. I leaped over the iron fence that lined the field, and not too far off was the woods. A few yards into the woods, the panic really set in, and I couldn't run anymore.

I craved my razors that I carelessly left in my room. Oh, God, I left everything in my room. My cellphone, pictures and paintings out. Shit, his drawing. Everything that went wrong finally settled in. Then I remembered that I was still wearing the jeans I wore last night. I dug into my pockets and found my small razor. I didn't care if I didn't have any bandages; I didn't need them. I told myself I wouldn't be so chicken. I would simply let myself bleed to death, and be happy.

I lowered the blade over the blue line that was clearly visible through my pale skin. The blade hovered over the line for a moment, before I lowered it to where it barely touched the skin.

Before I could go any farther, the razor flew out of my hand and onto the ground a foot in front of me. Strong arms wrapped around my trembling body and suppressed my arms so I couldn't reach. In a panic, not knowing who held me, I started to fight. I didn't know whether I fought to escape, or fought to reach the blade. At that point, they were one in the same.

"Let me go!" Hot tears streamed down my cheeks as I screamed and fought.

"Bella!" Edward's voice came out loud and firm. "Bella, it's me. Stop, it's okay." But I still fought. I wanted—no, needed that razor more than anything right now. Trying for it again, Edward pulled me back.

Crying freely now, I could barely get out my plead. "Let me go. Just let me go," I got out between sobs.

"No, Bella. This has to stop. You have to stop this. Doing that to yourself isn't going to help," oh, how wrong he was. My sobbing and heavy breathing made it very difficult for me to tell him why I did what I did, why I mutilated myself.

I calmed down just enough to say it without breaks inbetween words. "It will give me peace." My entire body shook with my sobs and urge to grab that blade that was just out of my reach.

Edward held onto me tightly, but not as tightly as before. I felt him rest his cheek on my shoulder, rocking me back and forth. "Shh, Bella. It's alright. He can't hurt you anymore. He won't hurt you anymore." I heard a note of fierceness in his tone that caught me by surprise. I also recognized the compassion, the determination, and…love? I couldn't tell.

I adjusted myself so that I could turn around. He seemed to take note that I wasn't trying to reach for to razor. I didn't bother looking at his face, I just turned around and threw my arms around his neck. He let me cry in his arms, like he did last night.

"He's coming for me, Edward," I whispered softly, knowing he could hear me. "He's not leaving until he gets what he wants. He's going to come after me and," Edward cut me off.

"He isn't getting anywhere near you. I won't let him." He pulled me back and looked straight into my eyes. Under normal circumstances, I would have felt very vulnerable, feeling like someone was staring right into my soul. With Edward, I didn't mind. Part of me wanted him to know everything. I wanted to tell him everything. The other part, the cautious part, told me to stop now before it became to late to get out. He wiped away the tears that sat on my cheeks and brushed away the hair that stuck to my face.

I noticed his eyes were very dark now. They startled me. The bruises under his eyes were a dark purple with a hint of black. I didn't get a chance to comment on them.

"Are you okay now?" He asked quietly. I gave him a small nod. He gave out a sigh of relief. "You gave me a real scare, you know that?" He looked at me with those curiously loving eyes again.

"Where were you?" I asked him out of the blue. "I heard you following me, but then I lost you. Then you caught up to me really fast. What happened?" His eyes tightened every so slightly, and his jaw was more set.

"Ms. Kelly stopped me to ask where you were because Phil went to her asking where you were." He grimaced. My heart rate picked up. A very immature side of me wanted to tell him, "I told you so!" The other part of me didn't want to have to say it.

"I can't avoid him forever. My teachers are going to be wondering why I'm not showing up to all my meetings. I'm going to loose…like always. He probably found everything in my room. I left it all out in plain sight for him to see. I can't call jake because I don't have my phone." I frowned in defeat and put my face in my hands. "I wouldn't be surprised if he snatched it by now. He probably took everything. My pictures, drawings, and…" my case. He never knew that I cut myself. He had no idea that I took all the pain he caused me out on my arms and wrists. Now he knew everything.

"Oh, God." I whimpered. He knows everything. He knows that I still love my mom; he thought that from my behavior at home that I'd given up hope for her. He knows that Jake is coming to get me…he probably isn't anymore.

"Bella, what's wrong?" His voice, serious, brought me back from my revelation.

"I don't even have a fighting chance anymore. He knows everything." I didn't even get a fighting chance. I've lost everything. I looked behind me to find the razor still sitting in the dirt…begging to be touched. I tried to keep my hands clasped together, but one got free. My hand hesitated, knowing full well that Edward was watching my every move. This would have to be done quickly.

Trying to be clever, I leaned backwards and sat on the ground; kneeling made my feet go numb anyway. I put my hand down on the ground…directly over the blade. I felt it in the palm of my hand. Experimenting, I lifted my hand; it stuck.

"Bella," Edward's voice sounded deep with frustration. I looked at him with the most innocent eyes I could manage. His expression didn't falter. "Give it to me." He gave out his hand. Playing dumb, I tried the one eyebrow trick and achieved success. "I know you have it. Give it to me."

I dropped the act. "Please," I said, staring at the ground where my hand rested. "This is all I need right now. It looks really bad to anyone else, but it really isn't. It helps better than any drug I've ever taken. Please, this is the last time. I swear," I finally looked back up to him.

He stood up and kneeled down to meet at eye level. His eyes were scared, but he held a steel expression. "You're right. It would be the last time because you were going to kill yourself. I'm not going to let you hurt yourself again. Now give it to me." His hand, waiting expectantly, didn't move.

"But I've lost Edward!" I hissed. "He knows I still love her. I'd rather be dead than go through that again. I can't put her in danger again."

His answer came back crisp and sharp. "Give me the razor right now. This isn't the way to solve your problems." His tone got softer. "Trust me Bella. I promise to help you. I won't let him get anywhere near you. Please. Look at me Bella," I finally looked up from my hand. His eyes told me everything I needed to know. In that brief glance, I saw his love, concern, and fear. His eyes were wide and honest. "Trust me. I will help you." I felt his hand move down towards mine, all the while keeping eye contact. I felt a couple of tears escape. I felt him reach under my palm and take my last chance for peace. He stood up, but I didn't move.

My last chance. Edward knew that I was determined to rid myself of this mess once and for all. He is going to watch me like a hawk.

Edward noticed that I did not plan on moving. He picked me up, bridal style, and started walking out of the woods. I started to panic.

I scrambled to get out of his arms. "You can't take me back there," I said in a panic my eyes grew wide as I stared at the dorms. "You can't seriously be taking me back." I heard something buzz.

Edward dug a cell phone out of his pocket. "Esme? What is it?" I heard a couple of words, and then Edward turned to me, and his eyes got darker. "She's here with me…no. Absolutely not." She said something that she said sparked his interest. "That might work. But only if I can get her back there. She isn't very…flexible…right now." A few more mumbles. "Alright, I'll tell her." He put away his cell phone and gazed apologetically back at me.

"Bella, I know this is going to sound bad, but you need to go back," his words went through one ear and out the other. These were not words that I wanted to hear. He seemed to notice this. He put both of his hands on my shoulders and got a firm grasp. "Bella, I just need you to go to one conference. Just one. Esme is my mother, your English teacher." That made sense why she got so suspicious when I walked into class that one day. I tuned in a little bit. "She will make sure you do not walk out of that room with Phil. The school wants to hear that you attended at least one conference with a parent." He waited for my response.

Taking a deep breath, I finally answered. "I can't go back, though. He'll know where to find me." Then, to myself, "he always does." I didn't mean for Edward to hear, but he did anyway.

"Esme will take you back with her."

"Back where?" To a teacher's dorm? Awkward much?

"To our place. It's not far from here. It's a couple of miles off campus, but it's secluded enough. We all spend our weekends there." Who was this guy? He pops into my life out of the blue, offering me a trip to Jamba Juice, now he's offering me a safe haven.

"Why are you doing this?" My question caught him so off guard, it rendered him speechless.