Nasuada had left the room after explaining some things to me and it made me even more upset. Murtagh was really planning to marry her but for what did he need me then? I decided to clear it all up. I had to talk to him.
He was obviously thinking the same because he came to my room just few moments later. Or maybe he read my mind. It was really frustrating to feel so exposed to anyone who had that ability.
Maybe we weren't meant to be. How could I be with someone who knows everything I do and feel? But then again, it didn't bother me while I was blindly in love with him. Was I still in love with him? After all that?
"We have to talk." he looked very serious. Wow, a miracle! He actually realized we had to talk! I was impressed…and mad. Really, really mad. And I so hoped he was reading in my mind in that moment.
"Would you mind telling me what are you doing?" I asked.
"It's not your business." he said like he didn't care at all "I came to tell you you'll have to stay here alone because I have to go…"
"What?" I was shocked "You want to leave me here?"
"Maids, guards, they will all be at your service." he said "I'll be back in a week or two."
"No." I said "I'm leaving too."
"Where? It's not safe yet to return to your home!" he said.
"Then I'm going with you." I said. His face darkened.
"No, you can't." he said, looking at Elisabeth who was playing with something on the bed. I wondered was he trying to find a good excuse.
"Why? Because you're going with that woman?" I yelled, tears forming in my eyes already.
"Don't be jealous!" he suddenly said "Nasuada is the leader of the Varden. She needs to come with me so we can bring peace."
"Jealous?" I was furious "How can you say that?"
"I know you don't like her but…" he said.
"No, that's not true! Why wouldn't I like her?" I said "She's really nice, but that's got nothing to do with this!"
"Then what's the problem?" he asked like he really didn't know. I opened my mouth to say something but I didn't. For some reason he wasn't reading my mind or he was making a fool of me. It was hard to tell.
He acted like I hadn't heard the fact that they would be getting married! I stared at him. I wasn't imagining it and it wasn't a dream. I didn't know what he was thinking.
"Well, you surprised me." I said. I was completely calm and I smiled actually.
"Why?" he asked curiously.
"You're talking about leaving me here like I'm someone who means something to you! You're saying I'm jealous on Nasuada like I'm your wife…" I laughed bitterly "But you don't mention the fact that you're getting married with her! Now tell me, why do you want me here? Tell me, what about us?"
"I told you I'll be back." he said coldly "This with Nasuada is not your business, like I told you already. It doesn't have anything to do with you."
"So, you're not getting married?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Even if I am getting married…so what? You're married too." he said "And that doesn't seem to stop you from…"
"But…I saw how you were looking at her!" I said. I got nervous because he really did have a point.
"I saw you kissing your husband…and you were probably doing more…" he said "And now you ask about us?"
"I…" I didn't know what to say. He was right. I sank to the floor, resting my back on the bed. Tears were going down my face. But no, I couldn't let him distract me this time.
"Do you love me?" I asked "Do you love me or you just want me to tell you what will happen? Just tell me truth and I'll try to do whatever you want. Don't lie to me, please."
He looked at me for a moment. But I really meant what I said. I wanted it all to be over. I couldn't stand the pressure any longer. It was killing me.
Before I could realize what was going on, he was standing just an inch away from me and then he kissed me passionately. In that moment I forgot about everything. I just wanted him to stay with me. I wanted him.
Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my head and everything went black. When I opened my eyes again, Murtagh was holding me in his arms. He looked very worried. I tried to smile but then the pain came again. I screamed.
It was Lily. I really hated her way of sending messages to me. The room was blurry and it seemed to me like she was standing in the corner of the room. She pointed at Murtagh and disappeared.
But someone appeared there instead of her. He was walking closer to me. I got scared. He was looking a lot like Murtagh, but it wasn't him. Then I realized it was Morzan. I guess Lily tried to tell me again Murtagh was just like his father.
I took a deep breath; the room was again clear in front of me. The vision was gone.
"Are you alright?" Murtagh helped me to get up.
"I guess." I said and said something that didn't seem like my words "It's just pregnancy…"
"Oh." he said and moved away from me. I sighed. Lily had too strong control over me sometimes. She almost made me forgot what I was trying to find out. But I knew I didn't get the answer on my question. Did Murtagh even know the answer?
"I'm leaving." I said "You don't love me. There's no reason for me to stay here. I'll find another place to stay."
"It's dangerous." he said.
"I have some relatives near…I'll be fine." I said.
"Ok, then. Do whatever you want." he headed for the door. Just like that. I was shocked. My hands were shaking and I had that choking feeling in my throat again. I closed my eyes for a moment. Seconds seemed like forever, but it was now or never.
I forgot about Lily, forgot everything…it was my life. Who was she to tell me what to do? I wondered if she could stop me.
"It's yours!" I yelled desperately after him. He stopped and turned around to look at me carefully.
"What?" he asked surprised. I realized I was biting my lip. Okay, so maybe it wasn't a good idea. Maybe I really didn't know how to take care of myself. However, it was too late.
"It's yours." I repeated, tears going down my face. If he wanted to kill me, he could. But at least I told him. I could have gone without telling him and if something happened to me, he would never know. I was fair, even he wasn't.
"What are you talking about?" he asked.
"The child…it's yours." I cried.
"No, it can't be!" he almost laughed. I've never seen him like that before; he seemed nervous and he didn't know what to do. He was confused just like I was and it made me smile.
"I just thought you should now." I said "But it doesn't change anything."
"How did you…Why…I…" he got closer to me and I would have made one step back if I could. He stared into my eyes for a long time and I was too afraid to do or say something. He was looking for his answers in my mind probably. I thought about Lily; I wondered did her spells still work.
"I'm going to kill that woman!" he suddenly said. I jumped. Oh, so it stopped working after I said it. I wish I knew it before. Lily was obviously too sure that I wouldn't tell after everything I've been through. She simply thought I'm not that stupid; and I was.
Of course, I regretted saying it. Wasn't Lily supposed to stop me from saying it? But then again, was that really possible? Maybe I just chose the wrong words. If I had said something like the child is yours in one whole sentence, maybe she would have stopped me. Even Murtagh didn't know what I was talking about at first.
I sighed; I wanted to disappear. Murtagh was looking at me and I was afraid he was thinking of a good way to kill me. Elisabeth started to cry. I didn't dare to look back at her.
"Please…" I whispered, even I wasn't even sure what I wanted to do.
"Go." he said quietly and moved away from me, shaking his head a bit. I wasn't sure what he meant. Was I supposed to leave or just go to calm down Elisabeth? I realized it didn't really matter. I took Elisabeth in my arms and she was suddenly smiling at me.
"Eli, my baby." I whispered to her "Everything will be just fine."
I wasn't trying to convince her it would be okay; I needed to convince myself. Again. But she was smiling at me so nicely that I almost forgot all my worries.
"What now?" I asked after a long time of silence "I really hope you're not going to kill Lily."
"Lily?" he raised an eyebrow. Oh. I wish I knew what exactly Lily had done to my mind.
"Umm, the woman who wanted me not to tell you?" I hoped this wasn't too much information.
"I don't understand it. Who is she?" he asked.
"No one important." I said.
"Right." he said "Why didn't you tell me before?"
"Why didn't you tell me you have other plans?" I said "Besides, I've told you already. I don't want to…I mean, I can leave…forever."
"What are you talking about?" he was puzzled.
"I don't want anything from you. No one has to know the child is yours. I'll take care of everything…" I said it like that was easy thing to do.
"No!" he got upset "No! I can't let you do that!"
"What are you going to do then?" I asked nervously.
"I won't let you leave." he said, his eyes shining like fire.
"Your future wife wouldn't approve if I stayed." I said "You can't hold me here. I know my husband will come home soon. He will want me back, especially because of Elisabeth and because he thinks we're going to have our second child."
"Something might have happened to him." he said darkly.
"No! Don't say that!" I knew he wouldn't mind hurting my husband just to get what he wanted "You could never be the king if you get involved with a married woman…you know what people would say. They know I've been here before…and they'll be suspicious…and the child…I don't want to think about it."
He didn't say anything; he was probably considering everything I had said.
"You would never bring peace…do you want to be another Galbatorix?" I said "Or will you give up the power for me?"
In that moment I knew I said the stupidest thing ever. I just let my emotions take over me. Of course he wouldn't give up the power he got just because of me! This was his moment; he deserved it. No matter what he has done, I would always find a way to justify him.
He stared at me for a long moment. He wasn't sure what to do and I wasn't sure what to do about my life either. Could I really go back to Dorian like nothing had happened? Could I endure the rest of my life with him?
It would be better for Elisabeth to stay with her father. I couldn't ruin her life. But what about my unborn child? What about the faith of that child? Maybe I wouldn't be able to lie anymore about the father after some time. What if my child will look too much like the father?
I didn't know how smart was to stay with Murtagh. Lily tried to warn me about the danger. Many times. But I loved him. I probably hated him in the same time too but I didn't believe he was evil. I just couldn't.
Maybe it was better for me to leave. Leave Murtagh, leave Dorian…but I knew myself. I could never make it alone. I needed someone with me, no matter who. I needed someone to take care of me, to love me, to protect me.
"Do you love me?" he suddenly asked me.
"I do." I whispered.
"Then you'll do what I tell you to." he said coldly.