"Oh, Lily dear come in." Mrs Potter ushered me inside the small cottage. She had not wanted to live in such a large house after first losing her husband and then her son, despite our protests she knew that she would not have enough company to keep her sane in such a large house. House elves could only do so much.
She brought me in for a quick hug and then released me guiding me into petite kitchen.
"Would you live a spot of tea love" She asked.
"Yes thank you that would be lovely" I said as I hung my black leather jacket on the hooks on the door.
"You look dreadful dear, are they working you too hard at the ministry, because if Alastair his giving you a hard time you just tell me and I will sort him out." She said grabbing my face in her hands and looking me dead in the eye trying to determine whether I would lie or not. I could tell that she was serious about 'sorting them out', she may be small but everyone knew not to mess with her, even Dumbledore and Moody. Apparently my visit had triggered her 'mother hen' mode.
"No Annie, there not over working me. I just haven't been sleeping very well lately; I've been having these really bad nightmares." I said folding my arms over on the table and then laying my head onto of them.
Annie resumed making the tea. "Go on" she said. I was glad I still had Annie to talk to, after my own parents it had been hard for me to open up to many people including James and Tanie, but Mrs Potter wouldn't have any of that. She stayed by me, listed to me and helped to nurse me out of my depressed state. We had been really close ever since so I found it easy to talk to her.
"Well it's the same thing every night. I'm at Aaron's funeral only this time it's at night and everything's dark and then all of a sudden James appears." Annie turns around with the tea set on a floral print tray and sets it on the table. I pull my china cup off the tray and add one cube of sugar and a small amount of milk. I take a minute to have a few sips before I continue.
"He's pointing his wand at me and saying all these unforgivable curses and I know it's only a dream but it feels so real. The pain feels so real." I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes as I let all of my built up emotions bottle out.
Annie grabs my hand from across the table and squeezes it hard.
"You feel this" She says, nodding to our joint hands. I nod my head. "This is reality, this is now. You need to stop dwelling on the past and trying to predict your own future and just let it all flow out naturally. Live in the moment. What happened in your dream is only going to happen in reality if you let it, if you let James overpower you. Anyway despite who he is now, I doubt he would have the heart to do something like that to you, he loved you way too much." She said.
I smiled a watery smile at her, "He loved you so much as well Annie. But I don't know if that's true. People change all the time and their feeling towards others change as well. I don't know that our love would have lasted this long."
Annie stared at me for a moment.
"Follow me there is something I want to show you" she stood up and led me into her bed room. I sat down cross legged on the neatly made four poster bed and watched as she walked over to a small, intricate jewellery box. She shuffled things around a bit before coming to sit next to me with a small wooden carved box in the shape of a lily.
"He asked me to keep this safe for him until the time was right, though he never got the chance. I know everyone says that there is no turning back for him, that he's too far in this mess to make it back out in one piece, but I know in my heart that that isn't true. I know that my James would never stop loving those around him and I need you to realise that too Lily. I need you to realise that there is a chance for him too." She handed me the little box. I had a vague idea of what might be in here and if indeed I was correct I wasn't sure I wanted to open it.
I wasn't much just a simple sliver ring with three diamond attached to it. I couldn't look at it. It had taken me so long to get over the idea of James and I being apart, being over that I couldn't stand to look at it. To look at this glimmer of hope made me feel sick and it made me feel even worse knowing that half of me wanted to act on it.
'NO' I couldn't think like that, I had a mission to complete and I COULDN'T let emotions like these get the better of me. I slammed the lid shut and handed it back to Mrs Potter. She sighed sadly and delicately put the box into the pocket of her dark blue jeans.
"I'm sorry Annie but as far as I'm concerned there is absolutely no hope for James Potter."
"I understand" She said and we headed back into the kitchen.
I didn't stay long after that. I finished my tea and made the excuse of having to go shopping with Tanie.
As I went to put my cup in the dishwasher I saw Annie out of the corner of my eye retrieve my bag and jacket from off the door. She looked fondly at the jacket and whispered, "Maybe there is hope yet." I knew what she was talking about. That was one of James Jackets, his favourite one and I had never had the chance to return it to him. I had thought about burning it, but If you could see it you would know why I didn't (It was his favourite jacket for a reason).
As soon as I arrived home I was thrilled to find it empty, I threw my bag and jacket onto the kitchen table and stripped down for a nice hot bubble bath.
It felt good to just soak up the water and the bubbles, I felt relaxed and without a care in the world until I heard the front door slam.
"Lily I'm home, where are you, I have great news" Tanie called out.
I groaned. "I'm in the bathroom" I called back.
Only seconds later the bathroom door slammed open and an excited Tanie walked in and sat down next to me on the floor just next to the bath tub.
"Well" I said.
She smiled. "Well me and Sirius Finally found the place we want to move into"
"What. Oh my god Tanie congratulations. Have you guys been to check it out yet?" I asked.
"Yeah we went today and its absolutely perfect. I was hoping that you would come and help me start decorating the next day you have off. Though I completely understand if you are going to be too tired from the missions." She said.
"No Tanie of course I'll help, you know how much I love decorating" I said jumping up out of the bath, wrapping a towel around myself and giving her a great big hug.
"Thanks Lils, it means a lot, now common I need help with dinner. Go get dressed" She commanded.
"Yes Madam" I said giving her a salute. She laughed.
I changed into a pair of Pyjamas and put the closest thing I could find to a jacket, which turned out to be one of my work robes on.
Just as I was walking out of my room Tanie called out to me, "Hey Lilys can you set the dinner table please, dinner won't be too long now."
"Yeah sure" I called back. As I walked towards the table I notice that when I had thrown my bag down on the table half of the contents had fallen out. I began grouping the together and throwing the back in when something caught my eye.
It was the little wooden lily box with the ring from James in it. Annie must have slipped it in my bag when she went to get it.
The sound of the door slamming for a second time that night gave me a fright I hadn't been expecting it. Quickly I pocketed the jewellery box in my robe and turned around to greet none other than Sirius carrying a large cardboard box.
"Don't you have your own home Black" I said trying to cover up my nerves.
"Nup sold it today, I am officially temporarily moving in with you." He said smiling like a mad man.
"Ahh, Tanie make it go away" I called out walking back into my room.
"I' sorry I must have miss heard you, did you just call me an it?" He called out to my retreating back.