10. Valentines day
As children we get taught about monsters. We get taught about fear, why it's important, but also that it's necessary. Fairytales were meant as a way to manipulate children into behaving. 'Don't act out or the witch will bake you into a pie.' No one ever really considered how being taught to be fearful could be a weakness. That it could be debilitating. We teach our kids our own fears and in the process we take something away from them too. You're afraid of wolves so you don't go into the forest to hear the birds sing. You're afraid of heights so you don't take that balloon ride over the city to see how the earth meets the sky. I don't want my kids living in fear of the witch, i'd much rather teach them how to survive if they ever do run into her.
A scream tore through the apartment. It was three AM, just moments before it had been dark and peaceful everywhere except for inside Arizona's head. She had been ravaged in the grasp of one of her infrequent nightmares, jolting awake as her own shriek disturbed her ears. Sitting bolt upright she clutched her residual limb as she willed her breathing and heart rate to return to normal. She had stayed over at Callie's that night in an innocent attempt at reintroducing intimacy into their lives through sharing a bed, something that they had been doing occasionally over the passed three weeks. They were taking things very slowly with each other only recently finding the ability to be comfortable in each others arms again. They had fallen asleep Arizona on her back and Callie draped over her side, head resting on her shoulder and arms wrapped around each other; their legs resting inconspicuously separate. But now as she sat, she found that she was alone in her bed. Callie rushed in moments later looking frazzled. She perched herself beside Arizona looking intently at her face.
"Are you okay? Is it your leg?" She fussed.
"Uh yeah. No, i'm okay. I just had a- another nightmare. It's okay, i just-" she winced at her leg through deep breaths. "I just need to calm down."
"Is there something i can do? I can massage it for you?"
"Um okay, sure. Thanks, Callie." Arizona hesitated before pulling the sheet up to uncover her leg and allowing Callie to start a slow rhythm.
"Do you want to talk me through your nightmare?" She asked quietly.
"Yeah, but um first- where were you? Why weren't you in bed?"
"Huh? Oh i was just getting some water." Callie shrugged, looking intently at the limb she was massaging.
"Oh, did you leave your glass in the kitchen? Do you want to go get it?"
"No, no. It's okay, i finished it." She smiled up politely. "So was it the same one, or a new one this time?"
"It, uh- it was a new one." Arizona said, running a hand through her disheveled hair.
"What happened in this one?"
"I was uh, back in the woods and..." she narrowed her eyes, trying to recall it all. "I was standing across from the plane, just staring at it. Lexie, and Mark and um- Meredith, they were on their haunches, kind of guarding it. They stared at me with these dead eyes and then they started growling." Arizona sniggered. "I sound ridiculous." She rubbed her face with her right hand.
"Hey, no. You don't, you sound like you had a really horrible nightmare. Come on, what happened next?" Callie soothed, unconsciously adding slightly more pressure to her massage.
Arizona nodded, "Um, they were growling at me. Like i was invading their territory so i tried to tell them it was me and they could calm down. But they got more aggressive and then all the rest of them- Christina and Jerry and um, Derek. They came crawling out from the plane and started growling too and they all stalked into like this formation. Like wolves. And then i just, in a split second i knew they were going to attack so i started running through the trees. I ran as fast as i could but they were faster." Her voice had become a hollow whisper.
"One of them caught me by the leg and i fell forward. And they started dragging me backwards; tearing at me. Everything went black, i couldn't see, or hear, or smell; i could just feel them dragging me back to the plane. I tried to get away, i was screaming so loudly and pleading with them to recognize me but..." She closed her eyes. "Then one of them pounced on it." She lay her had flat on her thigh. "That's when i woke up. The pain felt so real." She whispered, tears prickling at the corners of her eyes.
"Oh, honey." Callie gathered her up into her arms and rocked her gently. "Everything's okay now. I've got you, It's okay." She whispered while Arizona clung to her.
###
Dr. Torres ran into the ambulance bay, pulling her blue hospital-issue jacket more tightly around her to fend off the pre-dawn chill. She stopped beside Dr. Bailey just as the sirens became audible.
"What happened?" She asked.
"A man was found half-buried in the park. Multiple breaks and moderate hypothermia. Ambulance called in en route." Bailey responded.
Dr. Torres nodded, retreating to the automatic doors and throwing her jacket inside as the paramedics wheeled the patient out of the back of the rig.
"Patient Dan Smith, mid-twenties, received warmed fluids and 5mg of morphine en route." Matthew informed them.
"We tried to keep him as warm as possible, but he keeps talking about his sack of oranges-" the other EMT spoke with increasing hysteria.
"Woah there- Patrick," Callie leaned forward to read his name tag as she grasped his shoulders to stop him from following Bailey and Matthew into the hospital. "Are you new?"
"It's my first day." He replied, continuing to look anxiously after the patient.
"Okay. Yeah, okay. Patrick look at me, now." She said forcefully. "The patient-"
"Dan." He interjected.
"Yeah, Dan. He's going to be just fine. You said he has hypothermia, you know delirium is a symptom of that right?"
"Wha- yeah. Yeah i do know that." He nodded.
"Good. So his sack of oranges is just the cold talking. We're gonna warm him up and he'll be just fine, okay?"
"Okay." He said more soberly now. "Dammit. I told myself i was gonna keep it together and here i am falling apart at the first case of hypothermia i see." He covered his face.
"Hey. Hey, now. That's how this goes, we always remember our first patient. They always stand out. Things get easier, you get used to it. But you helped this guy and you're gonna help another one after this, okay? Focus on that. You're gonna do great, okay?" She made sure to wait for the calm reach his eyes before she ran in after Bailey.
"Okay, how does he look?" Dr. Torres asked as she walked into the trauma room.
"LODOX shows breaks in both ankles and wrists as well as some internal bleeding." Dr. Bailey responded. "We're gonna have to get him to an O.R. Right away to get his injuries under control."
"Okay, let's move." Dr. Torres said, guiding the bed from the room.
###
Callie stood in her office, examining the scans for her knee patient's surgery later that day. Turning back to her desk she began going over her notes as the door opened and Arizona walked in.
"Hey." She grinned as she took in Callie's form before warm brown eyes glanced up to meet her own.
"Hey, how's your day going?" Callie smiled and returned to her patient's chart.
"Good, i had a few minutes before my next surgery so i thought i'd come visit you. You left really early this morning?"
"Oh yeah, sorry i should have texted. An emergency came in just after you got back to sleep and by the time we finished working on him i was so beat i just decided to take a nap in an on-call room."
"Yeah, no i heard. Buried alive? How did they even find him?"
"Well, apparently, whoever buried him left his head above ground, but they broke both of his wrists and ankles so he couldn't dig himself out. Police think somebody was trying to teach him a lesson."
"He's lucky they got him out in time before he froze to death out there."
"Yeah, i don't know. He seemed terrified when i went to check on him earlier, but the police are gonna move him somewhere safer this afternoon as soon as his temperature's up."
They lapsed into a comfortable silence, Callie returning to her notes, for a few moments.
"So I know it's a little cliche but i made you a mix-tape." Arizona paused for a second, crinkling her nose. "Well mix-cd, because nobody uses tapes anymore." She laughed lightly. "I uh, i noticed your taste in music has changed a little so i thought i'd play into that for you. It took some research, i don't know if i did it well, but you know, hopefully the thought counts." She smiled nervously down at the jewel case in her hands. "But i also wanted to remind you of where we've been and how far we've come. So half of the tracks are our songs." She extended it forward.
Callie turned the case over to read the back. All the track names were written in Arizona's own pretty font. Doctors usually had horrendous hand writing, Callie's own was testament to that, but Arizona's always had a sweet flow to it. Looking at the words Callie noticed that the writing was slightly different, the letters were perceptively smaller and closer together than they used to be and her letter 'a' was more traditionally formed, losing it's characteristic flourish. It disheartened Callie slightly, just another reminder that Arizona wasn't the same.
Sing to me- before their eyes
Until the day i die- story of the year
Bones and joints- finger eleven
Wake- between two seas
Breathing- seven channels
Some will seek forgiveness, others escape- underoath
Someday- David Aldo
Open your eyes- andrew belle
The universe and you- k.t. Tunstall
Little pieces- gomez
Make it without you- andrew belle
Morning, noon and night- ryan shaw
"Research?" Callie asked, smiling softly down at the case.
"Um, well Alex helped me." Arizona smiled sheepishly. "Admittedly i mostly chose track three for the title, but all of them are songs that made me think of you."
"This is really sweet of you." She kissed her cheek. "Thank you." She whispered.
"I um, i actually wanted to talk to you about something." Arizona said tentatively.
"Oh? Okay." Callie said cautiously, nodding for Arizona to continue.
"Um, okay, so we've been back together for three weeks now and i know we've been taking it really slow but i also know how you get." She gave Callie a pointed glance. "So i was thinking, since we both have tomorrow off, maybe we could drop Sofia at daycare and uh, have the house to ourselves..." She brought her shoulder to her chin endearingly.
After a second of narrow-eyed confusion, Callie caught on.
"Oh, you mean-?"
Arizona closed her eyes pointedly, accentuating her nod.
"O-okay, well um, are you sure? I mean, it's not too soon?"
"I'm ready, Callie. I want you back, all of you. Let me show you how much i've missed you."
Callie stared wide-eyed, mouth ajar, merely able to nod her consent.
###
"Ooh, two surgeries together in one day. It's like General/Ortho christmas." Dr. Bailey said as Dr. Torres walked into the O.R., accepting her surgical gown and gloves.
"Yeah, i'm just glad you're back on your feet after that whole MRSA incident. For a while i thought we'd never work in the same O.R. again."
"Ha, you and me both." Bailey chuckled. "But then i realised that i couldn't let one horrible thing keep me from doing a thousand more good things. Like helping this man right here with his injured kidney."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Mhmm, it was Ben who helped me see that."
"Bet you're glad you listened to me and went out with him in the end, huh."
"Yeah, yeah. You and your big old interfering Cupid arrows."
Dr. Torres chuckled.
"You know, Ben just finished his intern year, got a 89 on his test to boot."
"Oh, nice. Tell him i say congratulations."
"Boy, did he do an excellent job as an anaesthetist here before he went down to L.A. I bet his talent translates over the fields."
"He sure did." Callie agreed.
"You know how i'm always saying you can never have enough residents-"
"Bailey, why do i feel like you're pitching Ben to me?"
"Okay, just consider the idea of letting him transfer here to finish his residency, you know, think about how great it would be to have an army of residents to do all your busy work while you continue winning prizes and blowing them away at the TED conference."
"You want me to hire your husband as my lacky?"
"Okay, no i don't. I just thought you could consider him so that if his application does comes across your desk in the near future you would have already made up your mind about wanting him here."
"I see."
"Oh, don't gimme that Torres."
"What? How else am i supposed to respond to this strange hypothetical conversation you're trying to have?"
"Why you so quiet today?" Dr. Bailey asked, crinkling her nose.
"What, i'm not quiet, i'm just concentrating on my patient."
"Oh please, you could replace a knee in your sleep. And you always have an opinion no matter how hard you're 'concentrating'. What's the matter Torres?"
"It's... Well. No, you know what, It's nothing i'm fine." Callie nodded to herself.
"Alright then." Miranda shrugged. "It's probably for the best anyway, i know you well enough to know that you're only ever this quiet before you-"
"Arizona wants sex."
"...Blurt out something inappropriate about your personal life!" Bailey continued with an accusing tone.
"Well if you didn't wanna know, why'd you ask?!"
"It's starting to look like i'm a masochist. Either that or i'm just stupid."
"Aw Bailey, it's so cute how afraid you are to show that you care about me." Callie teased.
"Yeah, yeah. Sunshine and rainbows and hugs for everyone." Miranda said bitterly. "Now are you going to get on with your story or are you going to wait until later before you disturb my sanity with the rest?"
"Well that's just it, she wants sex." An edge of panic lacing her words.
"I don't see what the problem is. In fact, i remember a time when you two were so sex-crazed i had to be careful where i went in this hospital lest i walk in on you all doin' the nasty."
"Yeah." Callie sighed. "But that was all before the crash. I mean we had only just started to rebuild our sex life right before things fell apart again and now it's been so many months. It's giving me anxiety. Too much anxiety. I shouldn't be scared to sleep with somebody i've slept with so many times before." Callie's eyes were wide above her scrub mask.
"Sounds to me like maybe you and Arizona ought to sit down and talk about this before you go putting things in places where things shouldn't be put and then i end up walking in on it when all i wanted was to take a nap before rounds." Callie's pursed lips were obscured behind her scrub mask, but her cocked eyebrow made her feelings very clear all the same.
"Hmm." Callie huffed, staring at Bailey just a few seconds longer to make her point. "Arizona says she's ready. She insisted actually, i mean i have to trust that she knows what she wants, right?" Callie pondered for a moment. "I don't know, i guess you're right maybe we should talk- what is this?" She implored, completely switching her attention back to the knee she was working on.
"Wha- what's the matter?" Bailey asked, doing a double take from where she was working.
"It's this- well it looks a whole lot like a ligament but the problem is: people don't have ligaments here." She indicated the cord running on the outside of the knee joint, just above the LCL. "Have you ever seen this before?"
"No, i can't say that i have." Bailey replied slowly, meeting Callie's perplexed glance. "But it doesn't look like it's doing the man any harm. I say you leave it to it's business and get on with your own." She reasoned before returning to her position over the man's abdomen.
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right." Callie nodded. "You know what, let me just get a few pictures of it, otherwise it's going to drive me crazy. Nurse?"
###
"So Callie helps with your nightmares?"
"Yeah, she held me until i fell asleep again." Arizona had a lop-sided smile. "She sang to me, under her breath. It was this spanish lullaby that i know she likes to sing to Sofia sometimes."
"You've made quite a lot of progress separating Callie from her perceived role in the loss of your leg. It doesn't make you anxious anymore, seeing her there at the moment you wake up, before you've found your faculties?"
"No, she isn't even one of the monsters in the dreams anymore. She hasn't been for quite a while, but she isn't usually there when i wake up either. It was only last night because she heard me scream so she came running to the room. But every other night that i've spent with Callie, whenever a nightmare wakes me up, she hasn't been there and i usually just try and calm down on my own. I thought she was just sleeping on the couch because she hadn't adjusted to me yet but this morning, i mean she looked really tired, but she didn't look as if she'd been asleep at all."
"So the behaviour she was exhibiting before you got back together hasn't changed then?"
"No, i don't think it has. I don't think it's gotten worse but i'm just seeing the full extent of it now that i'm spending more time with her."
"Have you tried talking to her about it?"
"I- well, in a way. I've asked her about a few things, but she's always avoidant and i don't want to push her too far in case i haven't earned back that place yet."
"You're her person, no matter the state of your affairs, I would hazard to say that she needs it to be somebodies place. Everybody needs somebody looking out for them."
"I guess, but what do i even say? How do i even start the conversation? What conversation are we even having? 'Oh hey, Callie, you've been acting kind of weird. What's that about?'. I mean there's nothing concrete about anything she's doing. It's not like, 'oh you're taking drugs, lets go to rehab.' Oh god, you don't think she's taking drugs do you?" Arizona implored.
"Well changes in behaviour like this can be an indicator of many things, some of those thing of which can be very bad. But it could also just be a build up of stressors from the past eighteen months. I don't know for sure because you haven't managed to convince her to come talk to me yet. You know her best, what do you think is going on?"
"She keeps telling me it's nothing, but it's not, it's just- it's bubbling under the surface."
"So give her a push for it to boil over in a controlled environment?"
"No. That could be a disaster. No, i'm going to make her feel loved. I'm going to get her to trust me again so we can work through this together."
"Okay, do that. But i recommend staying vigilant, judging on how erratic you say her behaviour has been, she just might boil over anyway."
###
"Arizona?" Callie called as she walked into the apartment after having dropped Sofia off at daycare. When she had left that morning Arizona had still been fast asleep, but Callie had been out for a few hours and she was sure to be up now. "I brought breakfast." Her voice jingled in her attempt to quell the anger she knew was due for having left Arizona to wake up to an empty apartment.
"I got doughnuts, your favourite. And coffee." Callie continued when she received no response. "Arizona?" She called one last time before entering her bedroom to find her, fully-dressed, and sitting on the edge of the bed looking completely unimpressed.
"You really think doughnuts are gonna get you out of this one?" Arizona raised her eyebrows.
"Okay i know should have left a note or something but i was only taking Sofia across the road, i thought i'd be back before you even woke up but then i got side-tracked at the hospital and time just got away from me and i screwed up. I'm sorry." Callie blurted out before hanging her head.
"Callie, i thought this was supposed to be our day. To find us again. And you just went to work instead, how is that supposed to make me feel?" Arizona's voice was smaller now.
"If it helps i didn't do it on purpose. And also i have a really good reason." Callie grimaced, kneeling down to be eye-level.
"Oh, it better be one hell of a reason." Her voice had readopted it's sharp edge.
"Well, it turns out i kind of, may have, discovered a new body part."
"Excuse me?" Arizona muttered, dropping all pretense to look Callie in the eye. "How is that even possible?"
"Well i was in surgery with Bailey yesterday. Just, you know, repairing a knee. When i came across this ligament i've never seen before. So i made a few calls and it turns out that nobody else has ever seen it before either so i ended up laying the foundation for a research project this morning to find out if this guy just had mutant knees or if i actually have something here. I even came up with a name for it; the anteriolateral ligament. I mean i thought about calling it the Torres ligament but that seemed a little cocky even for me." Callie chuckled, grinning up at Arizona in anticipation of her reaction.
"Oh my god, Callie!" Arizona squealed. "How is it possible for you to be this incredible?!"
"It was really nothing but luck." Callie giggled as Arizona joined her in kneeling, throwing her arms around her neck. "So does this mean i'm not in trouble anymore?" She said hopefully.
"Yeah, it turns out discovering new body parts is an automatic get-out-of-jail-free card." She replied before pressing her lips warmly against Callie's, taking her by surprise.
###
They lay panting atop the covers, Callie on her back staring hollowly at the ceiling; Arizona with her head resting on Callie's shoulder, her leg draped over her partner and her hand tracing contented patterns over Callie's stomach.
"That was amazing, Cal." She said breathlessly. "You were amazing."
"Yeah." Callie replied, hoping that Arizona would mistake the saddened ache in her tone for equal breathlessness. "Amazing."
Arizona kissed her cheek tenderly, increasing the area of the patterns she was tracing to include Callie's chest. She moved her hand up to cup Callie's cheek as she swung her body back on top, preparing to return the favour, her thigh between Callie's. She leant down and initiated a sensual kiss, letting her tongue glide tenderly across Callie's before breaking away and trailing sweet kisses down her neck. Sensing that Arizona was leading to that magic spot just above her collar bone that usually made her moan so gratefully, she pressed her eyes tightly together and sighed heavily, "oh you know what?" Callie muttered suddenly, as Arizona began to pucker the flesh to suck.
"Mmm?"
"I, um- i forgot about this thing." Arizona suddenly stopped and pulled away to look her partner in the eye. "This um, patient. I need to check on a patient." Callie continued as she made to get up.
Arizona furrowed her brow, "Just have an intern take care of it." And she ducked back down, trapping Callie in a deeply more powerful kiss.
Callie pushed her back slightly, "No. i uh, i cant trust an intern with this. Its um, above their skill level. I'll just go do it quickly. It wont take long."
Arizona realized Callie was trying to get away from her so she backed off, her heart sinking along the way as she watched Callie dress hurriedly and rush from the room.
###
Callie sat on the cold, hard ground. Winter was just around the corner, but she barely noticed the chill. She had a cup of coffee in her hands. She clutched it more for something to hold than for the warmth.
Her back was pressed against icy stone, the cold was good for her right now. She craved it in a sort of masochism, letting it leach into her, imagining that it had a numbing effect on her mind.
She felt the type of sadness that becomes so familiar that you don't notice it as it grows inside you. It lives with you. Somehow it comforts you. It was the type of sadness that clung to Callie so closely that she often forgot it wasn't supposed to be there.
Today it owned her, paralyzed her so completely that she wasn't even sure she could cry anymore. She found herself resenting the brightness of the day, yearning for a shadow to throw itself over the sun because somehow she felt that she had lost the privilege of the light."
"What am i gonna do Mark?" She looked sideways, almost expecting to see him there. "Crap. Crap, what am i gonna do?"
Callie sipped her coffee and took a few deep breaths in a bid to calm down.
"She's been perfect, you know, i never thought it was possible. But somehow... You know, it's like when you're an intern and you get to perform your first procedure on your first patient and you're so nervous but somehow you pull it off. You fixed them just right. You're on top of the world, i know i was that first time. But you don't see the little mistakes, the details that you didn't realize you were neglecting and then over the years you get better and you see all those details you missed. You see how you pulled too tightly on the sutures. Or how each stitch wasn't in line with the last and you wonder how you ever thought it had been perfect before. Everything's suddenly put into focus. God, i thought that she was perfect before." She gave a sniff of laughter.
"She's really impressed me. You know, her friend Nick finally died and i thought thing's would get difficult again, because that's what she does when she's hurting; she runs away. But this time she didn't, she's been telling me how she's been feeling and considering how i feel too. She's really starting to get better, but she's different now. Hell, i've even changed. This whole thing has definitely changed me. I wish i could go back. I spend so much time just wishing i could go back to before things were this hard. How is this going to work if i don't know how to be with her anymore?"
She looked imploringly at Mark's name, etched neatly before her.
"I'm still so in love with her, but the problem is i... It's like i'm completely detached from this whole thing. It's like i'm not even here. I can't feel it when i'm with her, i can only remember how it used to feel and how it will never be that way again. I just feel so alone." She dropped her face into her right hand and then the tears finally came, hot rolling sobs that wracked her entire body.
"Callie?" She looked up to see Arizona walking slowly towards her, but when she noticed the tears she began jogging the rest of the way. Arizona was too far away to have heard, Callie had spoken too softly.
"Oh Callie, sweetheart." She folded Callie into her arms after lowering herself to sit beside her. "Whats the matter?" She rubbed her back with one hand while cradling Callie's head to her own shoulder with the other. Callie didn't answer, her sobs merely redoubled.
###
After a time Callie was able to calm down, her roiling sobs finally soothing with the consistent stroke of Arizona's hand. She moved her hand from Callie's head so that when she rose a patient tissue was awaiting her. She took the offering and blew her nose before raking in a few chilling breaths.
"How did you find me?" She asked calmly.
"Where else could you have been?" Arizona replied gently.
"The hospital." Callie replied drily.
Arizona chuckled, "we've never really been very good at hiding anything from each other."
"Yeah." Callie rested her head back down onto Arizona's shoulder.
"It was to soon for you."
"Yeah."
"What did i do wrong?"
"No, you didn't... It was great, at first and then suddenly i..." She replied tentatively before shaking her head.
"Oh Callie, why didn't you tell me to stop?"
Callie just shrugged her shoulders, unable to come up for a reason why.
"Maybe it was a mistake planning it. Maybe it just needs to be something that happens in it's own time. I guess this was me trying to cut another corner and you got hurt again."
"No, Arizona, this wasn't your fault. This was my fault, don't blame yourself."
"Dont be so hard on yourself, Callie. This isn't me taking the blame. This is me taking responsibility because i could see that you've been anxious but i was hoping that this would reassure you about how i felt. I was wrong and i should have spoken to you about it. Im sorry."
"I should have spoken to you too."
"Yeah, but it's okay. We're still learning, now we know for next time. Starting with now."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that i can see that there's something bigger going on here, you haven't been yourself and i thought it was just because we were trying to find our groove again but that's not it, is it?"
"Im fine, what are you talking about?"
"When was the last time you slept?"
"Last night, you know that, you were there."
"I was there, but you weren't, Callie. You disappeared in the middle of the night and i didn't see you again until you walked in this morning with doughnuts. Is it me?"
"No, Arizona. You're fine. We're fine. I've just been a bit restless is all and i thought i'd try and tire myself out."
"No, Callie. This isn't working. I think we need to talk."
"Seriously? You're gonna break up with me because i can't sleep? On Mark's grave of all places?"
"No, of course not. I'm not breaking up with you, my feelings for you haven't changed. Im just worried and there are some things that we haven't discussed yet. Dr. Weaver thinks we need to do it before it becomes to late. And quite frankly i'm worried about you too. I just wondered if maybe you would come to therapy with me, so that we can have a session together? I know you said you didn't want to have your own sessions. But maybe you'll do it with me? I think that might help you."
"Arizona, i'm okay. Really, we're just figuring this out. We knew it wouldn't be easy."
"Okay." Arizona said, forcefully, dismissing Callie's words. "Callie i've made a lot of mistakes lately. Bigger mistakes than i think i've ever made. And i made them because i forced myself to believe i was okay when i wasn't and you let me. And that's not your fault." Arizona raised her hand, cutting off Callie's reply.
"I'm not blaming you, you did the best you could. But let's learn from my mistakes. You're not okay, and that- that's fine. It's okay to feel broken, Callie. The only thing that will change once you accept that will be that now i can help you get better. Will you please just let me help you?"
Usually fear is just a reaction to the things we don't understand. Oftentimes that fear can deepen into contempt and an overall need to destroy what has taken our sense of safety. All too often people are too afraid to face their fears and take their lives back. Too often people forget that they can and in the process they forget themselves. And so many times we become too caught up in instinct to realize that somewhere along the way, we began destroying ourselves.