Loki had eventually returned from his walk, especially since he had no where else to go, but he just sat at the kitchen counter, not much wanting to return to bed, since Darcy was most likely still there. He still liked her, but without the intoxication affecting his judgment, he knew that he could not continue to toy with her since she wasn't whom he wanted.
All his dream/memories were telling him that he was in love with Thor. In love with a man that was his brother. If that wasn't sick, wrong, or sad enough, there was also the fact that he had been treated as an outcast his entire life, even by his own father. The person he felt he had only wanted attention, or perhaps even a little bit of praise from.
What had he done to try to get this attention? That was the last thing he most desperately wanted to figure out. It was at this point that Darcy came downstairs, and with it now being morning, she looked a little shyly at him as she took a seat next to him, saying, "Hey. Interesting night, huh?"
Loki was now uncomfortable, knowing he had to deal with the whole situation, so he just kept looking at the counter and replied softly, "Indeed."
Darcy finally let out a sigh when things got awkwardly silent in the room, and then she spoke soothingly, "Look, I'm not expecting anything out of what happened, okay? I get it. We were both just having a bit of fun. We don't have to go get married or anything."
Loki then turned to look at her in surprise, and he found her giving him a small smile. He knew that she wasn't just saying this for his benefit since there wasn't any sign of distress on her face, and this caused him to let out his own sigh of relief, and he said, "This has been a difficult time for me. I thank you for your support."
She gave him a light clap on the shoulder and said, "No prob. But I'd watch my ice cream if I were you."
When Loki's eyes widened a little in surprise, she just laughed and gave him a wink. When he realized it was a joke, he gave a weak smile, still not very good at picking up on her humor, but struggling to keep up with the rest of them.
Her expression then turned a little more serious as she said, "So…you figured out you're Loki…the god of mischief, right? I was trying to read up on all that stuff, and that's one thing I remembered."
She gave him a small smile as she added, "I tried to read more on him, since from the beginning you seemed to like him. No wonder."
Loki said nothing to that, now turning his mind back to the last disturbing memory that had come to him. After finding out that he was not truly an Asgardian, what did he do next? This question had continually been haunting him after the memory surfaced, but he had no answers and no way to find out.
No way except wait. He knew the right thing to do would be to distance himself from the three people here kind enough to take him in, because he felt as though he would only end up bringing them pain when the memories all came back, that he would feel completely alone again.
But how could he really save himself when he knew that whatever he remembered would not be good? Perhaps he should tell them whatever he knew up to this point and stop hiding information fro them, but he was afraid. He didn't want to do the right thing because then he truly would be left with nothing and no one.
He looked at Darcy one more time and this made him hold his tongue. He didn't want to be alone. He was slowly realizing that was the way his life was up to this point, and he didn't want to continue that pattern. When the memories all came back, then he would go, when there was no other choice for him. For now, he would wait.
Days passed by and Loki was glad to find out that Darcy had kept her word about expecting nothing more from him or their relationship, as he was even more hesitant to get even closer Darcy, Jane, and Erik for the inevitable breakdown of everything. There was no question in his mind that they would hate him and that he would be left with nothing again.
He tried to put this out of his mind as Jane suddenly spoke to him over the breakfast table, "So, Darcy tells me that you've been able to remember more about yourself. That you think you're Loki, the god of mischief?"
She was smiling at him in a friendly way, and that made Loki strangely feel more guilty about everything. Loki swallowed the feeling though, not allowing it to show on his face. No need to let them on to his worries for the time being, deciding to deal with the ultimate fallout when he had his full memory back.
He finally nodded and said, "That is what the memories that have been slowly returning have implied to me."
Jane thought for a moment before responding, "Well, if you are able to get back all of your memories, maybe we can find out what happened to Thor after he left. There seemed to be something really serious happening, especially with how he was almost killed here before he went. I just want to find out if he's alright."
Loki sucked in a slow breath to keep his own emotions under control and said, "I will give you all of the information I can once it returns to me."
Erik was just silently listening to the conversation up to this point, but he finally piped in, "You know, there might be a way for you to get the memories back faster."
Loki looked at him and he pushed down his urge to tell him that he didn't really want the memories to return in fear of what he might remember, instead saying, "Is that right."
Erik nodded and continued, "I've heard of meditative techniques being used in cases where memory loss was an issue. Since the memories seem to be returning slowly as it is, this could be a way to bring them back a bit faster."
Loki nodded one more time, "I will take this under advisement."
Erik smiled and got up from the table, saying, "Well, time to get back to work."
Jane and Darcy also stood up and Darcy said, "I guess we have some work to do. We'll be back later."
Loki acknowledged and said, "I will be here when you all return."
The three of them then said goodbye and finally he was alone. In his time in this house, he realized that the times he was completely alone were few. He needed to make use of this time and finally get to the bottom of everything. Figure out once and for all who he really was and his past. He could not hide from it anymore, especially not after everything that Darcy, Jane, and Erik had done for him.
He went up to his room and took a seat crosslegged on the bed and closed his eyes. There had to be something he could call up on will…some inkling of a memory…hopefully something that would lead to more, no matter what that was. He needed all of himself back, and only then would he be able to make a decision of what he was to do next.
He tried to clear his mind and relax himself, hoping that would bring something to the forefront of his mind. There had to be a way he could access that part of his mind. He was certain that he had not suffered any kind of physical trauma as a result of his fall, so there was only the emotional trauma that caused him to block the memories.
He had to bring the wall down in his mind and get there. Nothing was forthcoming, so he decided to think about what he knew already, hoping to jog his memory that way. Thor…thinking about his so called brother stirred the strangest emotions within him, and there was no denying that those feelings were the root of many of his actions that brought him here to Earth.
He wouldn't deny he was scared, but the truth was more important. He knew it was, and so he considered everything he knew. He loved Thor, obviously in a way that wasn't exactly appropriate to love a brother. He also knew beyond a doubt he hated him with everything he had, since Thor received everything that he ever wanted. His father's love, their peoples' regard…he knew that in spite of his love for Thor, he just wanted the acceptance he never knew his whole life more than anything else.
And if his last recovered memory meant anything, it was because he wasn't his parents' true child…wasn't Thor's brother. And he…he had done horrible things due to that…he knew it. What he saw here in New Mexico hinted that to him without a doubt. Letting himself sink a little further into his mind, a memory began to surface. He didn't fight it, hanging on to the thought that the truth was the only thing that mattered.
Everything was going according to plan. Loki was able to summon Laufey to Asgard with the seduction of killing Odin himself, but he didn't allow it. He waited for the right moment to finish Laufey off himself, so that his father could clearly see his savior. He might be a Frost Giant, but he wasn't raised that way. Whether he fit in with them or not, he was forever Asgardian, and so he would now prove his worth.
Killing Laufey wasn't the only thing he had in mind. He wanted to prove to everyone that he would be able to finish what both his father and Thor had started once and for all. His train of thought was broken when his mother rushed forth to hug him on stopping his father's would be killer.
"Loki, you saved him!" she cried as she held him close.
His mother was always so loving with him and he was so thankful for that. She provided him with warmth when all he got from is peers was rejection. He wasn't only doing this for himself. He was doing it for her too, to prove to her that he was just as worthy of her pride as Thor was. He knew his mother loved him regardless, but he wanted more. He always wanted more than he got.
"Mother!"
Loki's attention was drawn to the other side of the room by the last voice he wanted to hear. He was certain that the Destroyer had done its job when he'd sent it after Thor on Earth, but obviously his dear brother had somehow found a way to escape. Deep down, he felt a bit of relief that Thor wasn't dead, but he couldn't have him showing up here, not now.
He let his mother run to Thor to welcome him home and he once again felt his brother steal the attention from him, right under his nose. Right after he'd saved his father from certain death, she would still run to Thor? The feeling of bitterness and jealousy at this just strengthened his resolve. He would not be stopped, not even by his brother. When he was done, no one would deny his worth.
When Thor finished hugging his mother, he turned his accusing eyes on Loki and said, "Why don't you tell her how you sent the Destroyer to kill my friends, to kill me?"
Loki felt a sensation of guilt shoot through him at that, but he schooled his face into one of indifference. He always doubted himself, always second guessed. The time for all of that was over. He had to see his plan through, otherwise he would forever be considered the failure of a younger brother and a child he always was. He would not stay in the shadows any longer. It was his time to act, no matter the consequence.
Thor was unbearably dear to him, but all of this was far larger than his surely misplaced feelings. Feelings that had no chance of being returned anyway. Giving Thor a mock innocent look, trying to ignore his mother's look of shock at Thor's words, he responded coolly, "I must have been enforcing Father's last command."
Thor just gave him a hard look then that made his heart clench and Loki knew he wouldn't be talking his way out of this as his brother said, "You're a talented liar, brother, you always have been."
With Thor, it never was just talk. It was always fighting and action and glory. Well, this time, Loki didn't plan on disappointing, since he was sick of just laying down and letting Thor overshadow him and take what he felt he deserved. No matter his true lineage, today he would prove that he was Thor's equal and deserving of all the love and respect he never was able to garner before this time.
It was with this in mind that he flippantly responded to Thor, turning the Odin Spear on him, "It's good to have you back. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to destroy Jotenheim."
Before Thor could respond, he blew him straight out of the wall and moved to secure his destiny.