Stryder had noticed his target right where they were supposed to be. He had heard about a suspicious party showing up in the Lower Wards and he was sent to investigate them. It was a female turian with a pair of krogan flanking her.
Nothing too unusual by Citadel standards, especially in the Wards, but their faces were completely covered. For krogan, that wasn't unusual either, but the female turian had gone to great pains to make her gender noticeable, but keeping any identifying features completely hidden from sight.
Even that wouldn't be enough to garner more than a C-Sec stop had it not been for the symbol on their collective armor. It was the same that was worn by the group that had attacked the party on Palaven.
Stryder kept his distance from them, simply content to follow them until they reached their destination. He absently wondered what Oya had found on her own search, he hadn't heard from her in a while – not that silence from her was unusual while they were on separate missions.
He was just on edge about her since Vakarian had shown up a few weeks ago. He and Vakarian had not gotten along well, obviously, and Jane had noticed and asked him to tone it down. Hell, she had caught them arguing on more than one occasion and had gone all "Commander Shepard" on them.
It was a slight turn on to Stryder, watching her get all commanding. Vakarian had conceded like a reprimanded pup, and Stryder agreed, but he was the one following her home while Vakarian got left out in the cold.
It was a small consolation, Jane had been dreaming about Vakarian if the words she mumbled in her sleep was any indication. He wasn't too stressed about the dreams themselves – dreams were bound to happen and it wasn't something someone could control, but he was worried about her dreaming of the good times and remembering her feelings for him.
He had made it a point to try and seduce her on multiple occasions, usually whenever he was feeling less than adequate. He knew he hadn't proposed anything more permanent in their situation, but he felt like maybe it was time to try and step up their relationship.
Stryder had a couple seconds of well-deserved panic as he had momentarily lost focus. He quickly found his targets heading towards to Warehouse District and sighed in relief.
He needed to keep his head in the game otherwise he and Jane wouldn't have a relationship – he'd be kicked out of the Guards.
Oya broke comm silence then to inform him that, basically, the ship scouting was a bust and that she was uncomfortable with the situation. He relayed his own information and she stated that she was going to come to him. He told her where he was headed and cut the comm. She could figure out where he was, he wasn't expecting to be out of communication for long.
He just didn't need to have the temptation of talking to her again, he knew he'd get distracted again. He had the strong urge to simply flirt with her to throw her slightly off. Yeah, the mission was important, but he didn't feel like it was going to be any big revelation. Maybe catch some bad guys, go home, cook a cross-species fusion dish, make some love, and continue on with their lives.
Stryder wasn't counting on walking in to a seemingly abandoned warehouse where his targets had just entered. There were no other doors according to the schematic he pulled up and he walked to the center of the warehouse to get a better vantage point.
His omni-tool wasn't pulling up any life signs and he kicked the scans up a notch to see if anyone had cloaking tech activated. It was then that he realized he had made a monumental mistake and he quickly tried to shield himself.
Unfortunately it was too late, the hand cannon fired with obscene force and Stryder had the momentary thought of "modded" before he felt the searing pain rip through the lower portion of his chest. He was thrown back with the force of the blast and felt that he really had no inclination – or ability, to move.
He could feel the blood begin to drain from him and he moved his arm to reactivate his comm link when a heavy foot landed on his arm, pinning him.
"No, I don't think so turian." A krogan chuckled as the female moved towards him.
"Let us see that no-doubt handsome face of yours, Stryder." She purred as she kneeled and started working at the seals of his mask.
He wanted to have some witty come back, he wanted to try and fight them away and get himself to safety, but he knew it was too late. His vision was already splotchy by the time he felt his head wrenched side to side as she bodily tried to remove his mask.
It took a bit of finesse to remove his mask, he thought absently. He sighed a labored breath as the mask was pulled from his face. He couldn't even look at who was assaulting him, all he could think of was the future he would never get to have. Adopted babies and an old, cranky, human by his side.
He tried to laugh at the image, but the attempt stopped in his throat. His last breath came out with a gurgle and a small cough as everything faded to black.
The cleanup was fairly straight forward. They had to quarantine the area and remove the body without anyone unapproved witnessing any of the particulars. The hardest part was removing Oya from the scene as she seemed intent to stay with Stryder's body as long as possible.
She didn't react to anyone trying to talk to her or pry her away other than to increase her hold. Finally one of the medical professionals decided to sedate her. In her stupor she didn't notice when he pulled down her glove to stick the needle in to her hand. She didn't so much as tense as the clear liquid was pushed into her vein and the glove replaced.
They waited until she started to slump before attempting to pry her away again. She still tried to resist but the medicine made her resistance futile and eventually she was limp in the doctor's arms, the sedative taking its' full effect.
They cleaned the rest of the warehouse up without further issue and moved Stryder's body for incineration while they moved Oya to the small medical room in the Guard's wing. As it was, she was a risk to herself and others if she woke up disoriented, so they kept a steady drip of sedatives into her system so they could wake her in increments and judge her mental state before she was able to overpower them.
They left her out for the remainder of the day and waited until Sparatus was available to be with her when she woke. Sparatus insisted on Garrus being there as well, as additional moral support.
As it was, the ship and the group that Stryder had been following had not gotten away, but the leader had. They had the two krogan in interrogation, the ship was impounded, but the female turian must have planned for this. The information must have been purposely leaked so that they wouldn't notice her actual escape.
It was more bad news to add on to the shock of losing Tiberius and Sparatus was definiely not thrilled to be doling out this news to Jane. Both he and Garrus packed themselves in to the small room as the doctor slowly woke Jane up.
Both men were tense over what her mental state would be when she woke up, neither really looking forward to having to help restrain her if she was combative. Garrus in particular was warring with himself over the situation. It was abrupt, and more than a little suspicious. He hardly had any time around Jane and Tiberius before Tiberius had been killed, only two weeks in fact. He didn't know how to feel about the man's death other than remorse because of the way he was killed and the way Jane had reacted.
Garrus remembered a conflict that had arisen circumstantially between Tiberius and he that had initially left him furious with the other turian. It had led to them taking pot shots at one another for a few days until they made the mistake of arguing in front of Jane. She immediately donned her "disappointed Commander" mask and had shut them both down rather brutally… Though Tiberius still followed her as she walked away and Garrus was left standing alone.
Tiberius hadn't been cruel, Garrus had to admit, and he was just doing what any turian would when they were posturing for the affections of a woman. He was pointing out the differences in his relationship with Jane to Garrus' and if Garrus was being honest with himself, their relationship wasn't built in the fires of combat or under the ever looming threat of death. They had built their through long talks and working together in a completely different environment. Sure, they had seen their share of combat, but it wasn't the "balls to the wall" fighting that Jane had endured in her year with Cerberus and the following year fighting the reapers.
Garrus wasn't sure which foundation would be the best in the long run, which would demand a more solid relationship. He didn't much care now; he would still be there for her. But when he had to deal with the threat of competition it was a constant question in his mind.
Now I just have to be the one to help pick up the pieces. He felt guilty for that thought. He was relieved in a certain way – she was his. But, he didn't want her to be his because he was the only option left. Truthfully, he knew he wasn't her only option, but he felt like he had to work even harder to win her affections now. He wasn't just competing against another person; he was competing against a ghost. He was also competing against her prejudice over him and Quinela. As much as she said that she forgave him and understood, he knew that the images and vids she must have seen would be engrained in her mind for a long time.
He had resolved himself to walk through hell and back for her, if that's what it took. He would be what she needed when she needed it and not before. He wouldn't pressure her or act like she was his mate, per say. He would just be there to comfort her, to be a semblance of normal. He would endure the pain of knowing that she couldn't want what he needed, but that he could be what she needed.
He was pulled out of his internal revelry by a soft yet harsh intake of breath from the bed he and Sparatus were hosting vigil over. They both tensed again but were surprised when she just opened her eyes and looked at the faces in the room.
"It wasn't a dream?" She inquired, her voice still husky from her crying earlier. They both shook their heads and she nodded. She was unnaturally calm about everything and Garrus was about to breathe a sigh of relief until he saw her hands. She had them balled into fists and it looked like her nails were digging into her flesh.
She was struggling to maintain her calm veneer.
"Can I get up?" She asked again, her tone flatter than Garrus ever remembered hearing it and he winced as she spoke.
"Yes, but I suggest you be careful. You can go back to your room as long as you agree to be checked up on for the next twelve hours." The doctor answered, jotting down notes on his data pad. She grimaced at the stipulation, knowing that she was a high risk for self-harm in her state – at least from a medical standpoint.
She nodded and he signed some form that allowed her to leave unhindered. She stood, her legs shaky from the drugs, but she quickly regained her composure and looked to Sparatus.
"Who will be checking up on me?" She didn't make eye contact when she asked and Sparatus fidgeted a bit with the pressure of picking who would check on her. He didn't want to pick someone she didn't trust, it would make the situation worse for her to have to force a strong mask while she was weak. She was entitled to be weak once and a while and this was definitely one of those times.
He took a risk that she would be upset at his choice, he wasn't entirely sure what her relationship was with Vakarian, but the death of Tiberius could have changed it. They were both vying for her; she could take her anger out on the one left.
"Vakarian will, I will have your access panel programmed to allow him entrance." He wanted to suggest that Vakarian take the second room, but that was too much too soon. He would watch them for now. He already wanted to get her a new partner, but she needed time off to grieve. Depending on her reaction to Vakarian's presence over the next week he would decide if he needed to find her another partner or if he could shoe-horn Vakarian in to that role.
He knew she'd be itching to go after whoever was responsible for the attack on Tiberius, but he was apprehensive about putting her back in the field too quickly. Two weeks off would be a good start, he hoped it wouldn't be longer than that.
Thanks to Vakarian figuring out who Oya was, Sparatus was able to convince the rest of the Council to allow for more Guards to be recruited. It made it easier when one, or two, needed to be off the bench for an extended period.
Jane didn't argue with Sparatus' choice, and he wondered if that were a good or bad thing. He couldn't decide, but as she walked past the two of them without so much as a nod. Both were so worried about her mental state that neither commented on her lack of helmet. Sparatus swallowed hard and looked to Vakarian.
"She's going to need someone who knows her, someone who understands how she thinks and knows when to back off and when to be there." Sparatus explained. "I know things might be uncomfortable, but I need you to work through that." He added with a hint of steel in his voice. He didn't care if Jane and Garrus weren't getting along, this was more important. He needed her to be work-ready as soon as possible.
Garrus nodded and moved to follow Jane out. As much as Sparatus seemed to think that he would be uncomfortable with the situation, he wasn't. He was elated that he was chosen, though he understood Sparatus' warning – Jane might not be, all things considered.
He followed Jane at a decent enough distance that he wouldn't crowd her, but close enough to quickly approach in case he was needed. To her credit, she simply bee-lined it from the medical exam room to the apartment and didn't stop to talk to anyone.
Garrus knew she was probably barely holding together as it was. No one called her on her lack of helmet outside of the medical office as well, everyone staring in mute surprise at the human female walking determinedly to her sanctuary.
He wondered what sort of sanctuary it would be now.
Jane was keeping her mind blank on purpose. She couldn't think about what she had walked in on at the warehouse, she couldn't think of the pitiful sorrow on both Sparatus and Garrus' faces, she couldn't think about the face that everyone she passed seemed to stop talking and just stare at her, and she couldn't think about how weak her entire body felt.
All she could do was focus on retracing steps she had taken so many times before.
15 more steps until I turn left, she thought, the 20 more until a right, through the common room and then 7 steps to the door. Remove your glove and enter. You can break down again there.
It was all that was keeping her from collapsing into a pile of self-loathing and hysterics. She had brought this down on Tiberius. She had done this by mere association. Everything she touched with personal desire turned to dust. She could fix everyone but herself.
Finally she got to her apartment. It was just her apartment now. She didn't have a roommate anymore, a bedmate.
"Oh god…" she muttered as she quickly fumbled her glove off and threw herself into her room. He façade broke quickly as she fell to her knees just inside the doorway. They tears streaming down her face again as she gasped for breath.
His smell was everywhere, as was the smell of blood. She was covered in it, she noticed with horror. She tried to stand to get to the bathroom, but she stumbled so many times that after about five feet and multiple attempts she just stayed where she sat and hugged herself.
She wasn't left alone for long, Garrus had been unnoticed behind her and had only stopped long enough to greet and talk to Doran, one of the salarian Councilor's guards. Doran was concerned for Oya and Garrus did his best to reassure the salarian… when he himself had no real assurances.
Doran, understanding the situation, waved Garrus on after the preliminary report was given – the essentials that everyone knew. Stryder was dead and Oya had found him. Garrus felt a pull coming from Oya and Stryder's apartment and wasted no further time before following her.
He had expected to find her crying, but she wasn't. Not loudly at least. Tears were streaming down her face as she sat on the ground and hugged her arms to herself, trying to make herself as small as possible.
"Jane.." He said as he walked to her. She didn't look at him when she spoke, "I need to get clean. I have blood everywhere." She sounded so young to him, so much less… Well, her.
"Let's get you to the bathroom, okay? I'll help." He suggested, leaning down to help her up before he realized she might not want to be touched and stalled. She didn't protest and instead gripped his arm as she tried to help pull herself up.
They managed to get her to the bathroom where she worked the latches on her armor. She was having difficulty already and he silently helped. Finally, in her undersuit, she stopped and looked at his chest. He got the hint, she wanted to be alone.
"I'll be just outside if you need anything." He muttered as he left her to her own devices. He was willing to help her however she needed – no sexual connotations present. Not that he could think of her in a sexual way with the state she was in. She reminded him of a small child as she was and he hated seeing her like that.
He couldn't remember a time when she had been so vulnerable, when she had been so defenseless. She had cried against him when Mordin had died, she had thrown data pads over the cabin when Legion died, but she had never been so… Lost.
He sighed as he slid down the wall outside of the bathroom, he heard the shower start and pulled his knees up in to a more comfortable position and lost himself in pleasant memories of the past.
Oya, Jane, whatever she was – La Petite Belle Rouge as the Reds had referred to her in her teens, so many names for one failure of a woman, stared at herself in the mirror. She wasn't a failure to the galaxy, no she had saved them. Countless billions of lives… But never the ones that actually meant something to her.
She deftly removed her undersuit and walked into the shower. The entire wall was a mirror, it had entertained her and Tiberius on more than one occasion, but now it was just an unsightly reminder of her failures.
She stared at herself as her skin turned into a soft pink under the water. She stared at herself for such a long time that she lost track of how long she had been in the shower. Her tears were mixing with the water as she analyzed her life.
She had everything once, friends, and a future. But, then she had to make the choice that would save or doom the galaxy and all she could think was "what are you willing to give up". Three choices, three futures, and only one where she could be selfish for just one minute.
She took it, "not him" was her answer and she chose to risk an entire species and a good friend just for the chance to have a future with Garrus. She never told anyone about that selfish choice.
Then she didn't get that life, it was taken from her by a woman with unknown intentions other than to have Garrus for herself.
Jane's selfishness had cost her Garrus, but then she thought she had a second chance at happiness… A chance to have a happily ever after with Tiberius. She had lost him too, due to her own inability to save people when it really mattered. Her inability to make the right choice.
She stared at herself in the mirror as she walked a bit closer, her hand running over her steam covered reflection.
She shouldn't risk anyone else with her petty desires. She'd proven she was an ugly person time and time again. She saved others so they wouldn't look deeper into her history. She had killed, she had sold her body, and she had done horrible things in the name of survival and selfishness.
Her best gift at this point would be to allow Garrus to find someone else. Someone who wouldn't get him killed.
She stared directly into her reflection's eyes and poured every ounce of self-hate into her glare. Her fists balled and she felt her arm raise as she put all of her force behind her assault on her reflection.
Every moment of weakness, every person she had lost, every sweet embrace by Tiberius… She assaulted the mirror for as long as she could, the shattered pieces falling around her feet in red tinted shards. Her hands finally so abused that she couldn't hold the fist any longer.
Garrus had heard the muffled punches, but they weren't enough to break him from his internal reverie. It wasn't until the crash of glass shattering that he was moved to his feet to check on Jane.
He found her naked in the shower, the water scalding hot and the mirrored wall shattered. Her hands were at her side and blood was mixing with the water runoff. She was looked at the wall with a level of disdain he had never seen on her face before. She didn't even look at Kai Leng like that.
He grabbed a towel and moved to turn the water off. She didn't react to his presence in any way until he wrapped the towel around her. She jumped and nearly slipped on the slick ground, he caught her more fully and bodily picked her up and planted her on the dry ground.
She turned to face him, completely unconcerned with her nudity. Though, he had to admit that it wasn't the first time he had seen her nude and she would probably justify it the same way. She put her hand on his arm and made eye contact with him for the first time that day.
"Garrus," she started seriously and he was captivated by the determination in her eyes and voice, "you need to find someone for you. Someone who can give you everything you want and who won't be a risk to your life."
As she spoke, tears formed in her eyes as she realized what she was saying and Garrus reciprocated her stand and put his own hands on her arms. "I have." He said simply and she instantly started to shake her head violently.
"No, you haven't. I can't lose you too. You need to find someone who makes you happy who isn't a walking target for fate. I won't let you." She said with more ferocity than she felt was wholly necessary. She was determined to make him fall in love with someone, anyone else.
He knew now wasn't the time to argue with her, she was set in her traumatized way. He simply nodded and moved to wrap the towel more fully around her. She nodded herself when she felt that he had headed her request and let him dry her off.
He also worked on bandaging her hands. They weren't cut enough to warrant another doctor's visit, but he needed to preen and take care of her as part of his own mental stability.
She sighed as she walked out of the bathroom and in to her own side of the apartment. "Thank you, you know, for checking on me. I know it can't be convenient." She said softly.
"No, it's no trouble. I would have volunteered anyways. Someone's gotta keep you going." He said with a hint of humor, trying to get a laugh out of her. It didn't work, she merely looked back towards her room and sighed.
"I think I'll be ok for the night." She said in way of dismissal. He waited a few more minutes before nodding again and letting himself out. He would be back in the morning to check on her again, they both knew it.
When Garrus left, Jane dressed herself in one of Tiberius' old casual shirts. It fit her in a hilariously awkward way, but it was saturated in his scent and that made the awkwardness acceptable. She climbed into her bed and held the article of clothing to her face as she fell asleep completely encased in her memories.