December 22, 2010
After the dinner from hell, I find it hard to focus on the reading I have to get done before the start of next semester in a room that is a shrine to my old life with Bella. I find myself drifting in memories both good and bad. She has me tied in knots, and I read the same paragraph three times before I sort of understand the meaning. Grad school is fucking hard, and there are at least nine words in this paragraph alone I don't recognize.
I wonder where Bella disappeared to after I left her alone on the roof.
I whack my head rhythmically against my desk both as an attempt to dispel thoughts of Bella from my brain and to punish myself for my inability to do so.
Emmett finds me like this.
"Holy shit," he bellows from the doorway, causing me to falter in my head whackery. "Don't damage that big brain of yours. Chicks dig nerds."
"What the hell do you want?" I ask, trying to sound angry but coming off as whiney instead.
"I haven't seen you in a couple of days. Just though we could have a brotherly chat," he replies, plopping dramatically backwards onto my bed. I mean Bella's bed. Shit, this is weird.
Sighing heavily, I slouch over to the bed and lay face down next to my brother. "I don't feel like fucking talking," I mutter into the pillows. Bella's pillows.
"How are you doing?" Emmett's tone is soft and serious.
"I don't even know," I reply.
"She slept at your place last night." It's not even a question, and although I know he isn't judging my decisions, he assumes we fucked again and is concerned.
"It was blizzarding. I couldn't let her drive back to Boulder in that ancient truck of hers," I say, sounding defensive.
"And I'm guessing she didn't sleep in Ben's bed," Emmett says. His correct assessment of the situation is a little shocking. When did my brother get so perceptive?
"Nothing happened," I say petulantly.
We sit in silence for a while, and I wonder what Emmett's thinking.
"What are you thinking?" I ask.
"Just don't want you to get hurt, bro."
"I'm not going to get hurt, because I'm done with her."
"I've heard that before."
"I mean it this time."
"Like you meant it when she got you punched out and did all that coke? Like when you tried to date someone else? Like when she screamed at you in the hospital sophomore year? Like when she left you that one summer?"
"I mean it this time," I repeat lamely.
"I'll believe you when I motherfucking see it," huffs Emmett, clearly irritated with me.
"I thought you liked Bella."
"I do. Did. Do. Whatever. She's a funny motherfucker, but unstable. She's fucked with your head for years, and this time she's gone too far."
"You can't be a dick to her, Em," I say seriously, remembering my conversation with Bella in the car. "Ignore her, whatever, just don't be cruel to her. She's hurting too."
"Fine. I can't control Rose, though."
"I'm not asking you to. Bella can handle Rosalie."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. Can we not talk about this anymore?"
"Fuck. You're right. The mood in here is morbid as fuck. We need to go out."
"Emmett…" I groan, knowing that my brother is as stubborn as Alice or I when he gets an idea in his head. I really don't think I can handle whatever he has in store for the evening.
"No arguments. Rose and Alice have tickets for some girly opera or play or some shit in Denver. Tonight is the perfect boys' night!" he declares, whipping out his phone. "Are you up for all the fellas?"
"You mean like Garrett and Jake and Sam? Hell no!" I reply in horror. All I want to do is sit and have a personal pity party.
"Okay, okay. Keep your lab coat on. Just Jazz then." As he finishes talking to me, he pushes a button on his cell and lifts it to his ear.
Across the hall I hear an electronic version of "The Yellow Rose of Texas."
"What up?" I can hear Jasper answer in his bedroom and roll my eyes when I realize exactly who Emmett called.
"Dude. What are you doing?" Emmett asks.
"Chillaxin." I am hearing this conversation twice, in real time and through Emmett's phone. How can this pair of morons be my best friends?
"Same. You should come on over to Edward's room— shit. I mean the stranger's room, and we can plan our night."
Stranger. He's calling Bella a stranger.
"Dude, I'm comfortable. Let's just continue this conversation where we are," suggests Jasper.
Emmett and Jasper plan our evening via the phone while sitting less than twenty feet from each other. I roll my eyes and silently judge their obscene laziness. I have no hope of saying no to both of them.
We end up bar hopping on Pearl Street, as is the norm for them. They pour alcohol down my throat and don't let me talk about Bella. They try to keep me from thinking about her too, but they aren't very successful in this goal.
I've lost track of how many bars we've visited and where we are now, when I give in and finally talk to a girl - mostly because Emmett makes me.
"Tell me, Kitty," Emmett says loudly as he leans on the bar and slings an arm around my shoulder. "My little brother here is well on his way to being a doctor. What do you think about that?"
"I think I like a guy with a brain," Kitty titters, touching my shoulder and batting her eyelashes at me. She has light hair and blue eyes. She's too tall, and her boobs are too big. She wears tight, shiny clothing. Her hair is slick, and she wears too much make up. I don't particularly like the heavy scent of her perfume. But she is like the sixteenth girl Emmett has foisted upon me, and I'm tired of fighting.
I give her a forced smile that feels like more of a grimace and go back to staring into my beer. I've had at least eight tonight and several rounds of shots, so I can't even really see this girl's face. Emmett has paraded a plethora of girls in front of me tonight, hoping one of them will catch my eye.
He is failing, and I'm brooding.
"Your hair," she says, running her fingers over my scalp, "is such an unusual color. It's awesome."
"Uh…" I really want her to stop touching me, but I've lost the motor skills to wrap my tongue around the proper words.
She continues to touch me inappropriately while I stare at Emmett and Jasper across the bar. Jasper shakes his head, looking both amused and chagrined. Emmett glares at me and makes lewd hand gestures, indicating that he wants me to both get with the girl and that he'll beat me if I don't.
So I let the foreign woman's tongue invade my mouth and return her kiss with lackluster enthusiasm. It's too sloppy, moist. I'm more focused on the sound of Emmett's applause and Jasper's whoop than poor, unappealing Kitty.
Who's named Kitty these days, anyway?
Her hands run over my chest, down my waist, and I feel a bit like I'm going to puke. It just feels wrong.
Once upon a time, I tried to get over Bella this way. Right after she left, I let Emmett take me out on the town. I went as far as taking the girl home, but I really only felt worse in the morning. I didn't talk to anyone for a full week after that whole fiasco.
I would not be repeating that mistake.
So I pull away from Kitty.
"What's the matter, baby?" she coos, batting her eyelashes at me. I put a hand on her shoulder to keep her from leaning back towards my lips.
"Excuse me," I mutter, attempting to be polite. Without looking at my roommates, I rise from my stool and make my way to the exit.
I only get a block before they catch up with me.
"Dude," Emmett says, slapping a hand on my back. "What the fuck? She was hot. With two t's!"
I just shake my head and attempt to walk in a straight line. I feel myself wobble, but I'm pleased that I'm making such quick progress towards home. Towards Bella.
"Leave him alone, Em," Jasper says in his low, calm, Texas voice. "He's had a rough couple of days."
"Thank you, Jasper," I say, surprised that my voice comes out so loud.
"You need to get laid," Emmett continues as we walk at a furious pace.
"I could very… easily… get laid." Though I talk loudly, my speech is disjointed and slurred. Damn it, Emmett. I think of Bella, who is probably asleep on our couch. It would be so easy to bring her to bed and lose myself in her beautiful body. Fuck the complications. I want her.
"That's horribly unhealthy. She's horribly unhealthy. You need a new woman," Emmett booms as I almost fall off the curb.
"How the fuck would you know what I need?" I ask, getting belligerent.
"You don't need Bella," Emmett says, pissing me off and making me even more irrational.
"I always need Bella," I reply, shoving him off the curb.
"Alrighty, fellas," says Jasper, forever playing the peacemaker and stepping in between the two of us. "That's enough of that. Edward, neither of us thinks going to Bella is a good idea, but we know you're a grown-ass man more than capable of making your own decisions."
"Thank you," I mumble.
"What the fuck ever, Jazz."
Unsurprisingly to everyone, I set off to find Bella the moment I get home. She isn't on her couch, though I do find an empty bottle of wine. Jasper and Emmett look at me with pity as I basically drag myself up the stairs using the banister.
She's in my bed, and it takes very little convincing to lay my body over hers. She cries in my arms, and I tell her I love her.
I fall asleep feeling like every move I make is a mistake.
January 29, 2005
EPOV
"So do you know what field you want to go into? In med school?" Kate asks me as she absently stirs the hot chocolate in front of her. Our date has been going fine, I suppose. I don't really have a lot to compare it to, but fine seems like an accurate description.
We ate dinner at a Mexican place on Pearl Street, the walking mall in downtown Boulder. After dinner, we browsed a bookshop, but Kate doesn't have much interest in books so we ended up at the Laughing Goat, a coffee shop a few blocks away. It turns out Kate doesn't really drink coffee either. Nor does she like tea.
Bella would have ordered a Venetian cream, had she been with me. She calls the sweet soy drink the "nectar of the gods". Except the weather is cold, so she might have opted for a nice green tea instead.
Goddamn it, I have to stop thinking about Bella. It's very difficult, being as the last time I saw her, she had her lips wrapped around my dick.
"Uh… I think I want to go into surgery," I reply, admonishing myself for not focusing on my date. I do like Kate. She is sweet and kind. I like that her pale hair is so different than that of my obsession. I like that she is a genuinely nice person who is very focused on school.
"Oh really?" she asks with a slight frown. "What makes you want to go into something so time consuming and… bloody?"
I laugh a little, thinking she is joking. I don't know how she expects to be a doctor without some exposure to blood, but the look on her face tells me she's serious.
"My dad," I reply, after my awkward burst of laughter. "He's the chief of surgery in my home town so I have spent a lot of time with him, seeing how it works. I think I would really enjoy it. What do you think you will go into?"
"I'm not sure," she says, taking a small sip of her drink through puckered lips. "Maybe optometry. Or dentistry."
"Eyes or teeth, huh?"
"Yes," she says with a smile. She really is quite pretty. Not Bella drop-dead sexy, but very good-looking. I mentally berate myself for comparing the two. Bella and her stupid blowjob make it impossible not too.
Kate starts to talk about the wonders of eyes and teeth while I zone out. Thinking back to earlier in the week, I picture Bella's face as she smiled up at me from in between my legs. I remember the warm and wet and the overwhelming sensations when she first took me into her mouth. It freaked me out, being in the library, but the danger of discovery only added to the pleasure. Never before had I experienced anything like that.
I really love her, so much.
Goddamn it.
And now, just thinking about it has inspired an uncomfortable situation growing in my pants, so I clear my throat and focus on what Kate is saying.
Though there are many awkwardly silent moments, overall I have a good time. Kate and I really do have a lot in common. We are both total science nerds and are from tiny towns no one has ever heard of.
"So, what are your plans for tonight?" I ask as we wait for the Skip Bus that will take us back to campus.
"Oh… uh… nothing," she says, looking embarrassed. "I didn't make any plans."
"Right. Well, my brother is having some people over to his house tonight. For like a party type thing."
"That sounds fun. I'm sure you'll have fun," she says brightly, shuffling her feet. I am trying to invite her to come with me but am obviously failing. This is unbearably awkward.
"Yeah, probably. Did you want to come with me?" I ask, messing my hair.
"Yes!" she says enthusiastically, causing us both to blush and grin. "I mean, sure. If you want me to."
"I do," I say with a smile.
Forty-five minutes later, we walk through Emmett's front door to the sounds of music playing and laughter. Bella appears to be entertaining everyone with a story, but words don't make sense to me when she looks that beautiful.
She sits on the couch next to Alice, smiling and gesturing with her red cup. Her hair flows freely around her shoulders, and on her delicate neck are several silver chains. Her black jeans hug her curves as she crosses her legs, and her low cut grey shirt makes my mouth water.
I shake my head to clear it of the Bella-induced fog and focus on Kate as we loiter awkwardly on the periphery of the living room.
"Edward!" Bella says, smiling. She is the first to spot me, and immediately she is on her feet, staggering over to me and throwing her arms around my neck. "Yeah! You're here!"
I hug her back and chuckle, forgetting once again about my date. Her hug lasts longer than is appropriate, and I clear my throat as I release her.
"Hello, Bella," I say, glancing nervously at an unhappy looking Kate.
"Hi," Kate says, taking a step closer to me and greeting Bella.
In a very tense moment, Bella's eyes harden as she slowly turns her head to look at my poor date. I pray that Bella behaves herself. There is really no reason for her to be jealous. She doesn't want me, but she doesn't seem to want me to want anyone else either. It happened last Thanksgiving, and I hope it isn't about to happen again. It's really not fair to me. Or Kate.
"Hi there, Katie," Bella says, her voice shocking friendly. Almost terrifyingly so. "You're looking lovely tonight. It looks like you need a drink."
And with that Bella grabs Kate's hand, dragging her to the kitchen.
Blinking in surprise, I turn my attention to the rest of the people in the living room. It really is a small get together tonight, and I prefer it that way. I don't like huge parties with a lot of people I don't know. They make me uncomfortable.
Tonight, it's just the regulars.
Jasper, high as a kite, has his arm around Alice, who is talking ardently with Angela as Ben watches on with a goofy grin on his face. I wonder if the two of them are officially a couple yet. Rosalie is perched on Emmett's lap in an armchair, and they are own little world. Lauren is flirting outrageously with Emmett's roommate, Garrett. The remnants of some drinking game are laid out on the coffee table before them.
"Come here, little twin," Alice says, beckoning me with a finger after she finishes her conversation with Angela. I do as she asks, sitting on a vacant loveseat next to her.
"Hey, big twin," I say as we do our secret handshake. It was developed when we were kids and is our secret signal that we have something to discuss in private. Alice initiates it tonight, so I lean forward, letting her whisper in my ear.
"How was your date?" she asks as I roll my eyes. This is hardly secret handshake-worthy.
"Fine. Kate is really nice," I reply in hushed tones as the rest of the room laughs around us at who knows what.
"Are you going to go out again?"
"I don't know." I think about Bella and how badly I need to get over her. "Probably."
"Do you have any chemistry?"
"Chemistry?"
"Yeah, you know. Spark. Electricity. Attraction. You know, chemistry."
I remain quiet, thinking about Bella and the shivers.
"Oh, baby, what did Bella do to you?"
"What do you mean?" I ask, guilty and blushing.
"She did something. Recently. Since the last time I saw you."
"I have no idea what you are talking about, Alice," I say, sitting up straight, indicating the end of our little discussion. I am saved from further torment when Bella and Kate reappear, both smiling, much to my relief. Kate makes a beeline for the spot next to me. Bella saunters in, handing me a drink before she sits down next to Angela.
"Whiskey and soda," she says with a wink. "On the rocks."
I smile at her, nodding in thanks as I take a long sip, smacking my lips in contentment. Bella knows what I like.
In more ways than one.
Damn it, I need to stop thinking about the library incident.
More people I don't know trickle in, and I find myself deep in a football discussion with Emmett and Jasper. I am not a big sports guy, but Em and Jazz seem to delight in educating me.
I listen with half an ear, managing to nod and agree at appropriate times. My attention is firmly on the makeshift dance floor. Bella has put on some ridiculous oldies from the 50's and is dancing sock hop style with Angela and Alice. She twirls around the room with her eyes closed, singing along at the top of her lungs. Bella really isn't that graceful, but she is still gorgeous as she stumbles around.
Great Balls of Fire comes on, and I somehow find myself on the dance floor, laughing as Bella shakes her hair in my face and does that jazz hands thing. She manages to get me to move like I am Grease Lightning. People really get into the old school music and everyone dances exuberantly. I try to help Bella out a bit, pulling her into my arms and attempting to swing dance with her. But she is so damn bad, and I'm laughing so hard that we fail miserably.
"God, you suck at this," I yell in Bella's ear so she can hear me over the music.
"Fuck you, ginger," she laughs back, tossing her hair around and snapping her hips from side to side. Miraculously, she is staying on her feet without my assistance for more than two minutes. "I look hot and you know it."
She does a disco move and promptly trips over her own feet, falling forward into me. Both flushed from the pack of bodies and movement, I feel so warm and happy. The alcohol makes me forget I'm not supposed to be touching Bella, and I lose track of Kate.
Eventually Bella pulls me out the back door, and we let the winter air cool our heated skin.
"Peeps really like their oldies," Bella says, lighting a cigarette. "Everyone is so into it!"
It's true. Usually, when Emmett tries to throw a dance party, he ends up the sole person on the dance floor, looking like an idiot. Tonight, people are really letting lose.
"That's all you, Isabella," I say with a laugh as I close my eyes and the world spins. "You were having so much fun, people gravitate towards you."
"People like you."
"Right. Unfortunately."
"Unfortunately," she agrees with a solemn nod. "Hey, how was your date?"
I blink at her for a moment, not having any idea what she is talking about. Then, I remember Kate, and I feel so guilty for neglecting her.
"Good. It was good. A little awkward, but good. We have…. some stuff in common."
"You don't sound overly enthusiastic there, ginger," she says, elbowing my side and almost making me tip over.
"No. I mean yes. I don't know. She's just so…" I can't think of the right word to describe Kate.
"Vanilla?" Bella suggests.
I laugh and nod because as usual, Bella is right.
"Well, I think you should go for it," she says, breaking my heart a little. Part of me wants her to get jealous and throw a fit, but she is acting perfectly supportive, just as a friend should.
"Really? Why?"
"You are both dorks, that's why. Really, flippin' hot dorks. But dorks, none the less."
"Dorkism as the foundation of a relationship," I murmur thoughtfully. "Nice."
"It makes more sense than the shivers," she replies, puffing on her cigarette with renewed vigor. Though I don't condone her bad habit, she sure looks sexy with the narrow stick in her small hands. She brings it back to her luscious lips, reminding me of something else she recently did with her lips, and I have to look away. "I'm no good, Edward. Date Kate."
I follow Bella inside when she finishes her smoke, feeling quite sad. The moment I step through the threshold, I make eye contact with Kate, who looks so unsure and worried. I make a point to spend the rest of the evening close to Kate. We don't talk much, but at least I am there.
February 25, 2005
"Dude," Ben laughs as I swipe my key card that to lets us into Hallett Hall. "I have never seen someone fall down so much playing tennis."
"It's a gift," I agree as we tromp up the stairs.
"Can sucking be a gift? It really seems more like a curse."
"I've never played before! We don't have country clubs in Forks." I am normally pretty athletic, but something was just not working as I ran around the court.
Lately, I've just been feeling off.
It might have something to do with Kate and our break-up. We dated casually for a couple of months. As hard as I tried, I really wasn't that into it, and she sensed my disconnect. She was jealous and suspicious of my friendship with Bella. I can't really blame her. Though nothing is going on with Bella, we are very close, and my feelings for her have not changed. Kate finally had enough and dumped me. Though I'm not really too broken up about it, I feel guilty for basically using her to get over Bella and hurting her feelings.
The whole situation just has me feeling uncentered.
"I played for my high school and the Y, you idiot."
Ben and I continue to give each other shit until we reach the common room, where I see my dark angel asleep on the couch. It's a Friday night, so typically she would be out and about, destroying herself with booze, drugs, and sex with strangers.
And as sick as it makes me, I can't help but feel anything but love for her in this moment.
Her face rests on her hands, and her sweatpants-clothed legs are pulled to her chest, which moves rhythmically with her breath. She looks peaceful and young. I remember how much I enjoy watching her sleep.
"Damn," Ben says, shaking his head at me. "You've got it bad."
I don't bother denying the truth. It is painfully obvious to everyone, Bella included, that I remain crazy in love with her. I probably should be embarrassed because it is so damn pathetic, but I'm not.
"I'll see you later, man," I say, waving to Ben as he turns left to walk down the hall to the boy's side. When I hear the door shut behind him, I crouch down next to Bella, running my fingers through her hair and tucking it behind her ear.
"Hi," she says, blinking the sleep from her eyes rapidly. Feeling guilty for waking her, I pull my hand away, but Bella reaches up, grabbing it with her own and keeping it pressed against the side of her face.
"Sorry," I apologize, though I'm grinning like an idiot so I probably don't look genuine. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"S'okay," she says, her voice slurring with sleep.
"What are you doing out here?" It's pretty late, and she looks so tired. Why isn't she in bed?
"Sexiled," she explains, and I nod in understanding. Several times a week, Jasper and Alice kick one of us out of our rooms. Though it is disgusting to think about, Bella always hangs out in my room or I in hers while they get it on. Sometimes, Bella even sleeps over (in Jasper's bed, unfortunately), or I sleep in her room (Alice's bed, equally as unfortunate). But without being sexiled all year, Bella and I wouldn't be as close as we are.
It is really no wonder that Kate dumped my ass.
"How long?"
"Hours. It's goddamn ridiculous. I was gonna go to the library, but it's so cold and snowy, I just didn't have the energy." Bella sits up as she speaks, stretching her arms above her head and causing her shirt to ride up. The pale skin of her exposed stomach entrances me for longer than is socially expectable.
"You look like you need to sleep," I say, running my thumbs under her eyes as I worry about how much she is partying. Since the cocaine incident and blowjob incident, she has barely been around, and I assume she is living her wild life without me to drag her down. Bella seems distant and lost, but I am powerless to do anything about it.
Plus, every time I see her, I feel the memory of her lips on my cock, and I turn into an incomprehensible idiot. But now, it seems like we are getting back to normal. I can't decide if I am pleased or not. I desperately want our relationship to change, but I am terrified of losing her. There is the ever-present fear that I will push her too far, and she will be gone.
"Can I crash with you?" she asks with an unsteady voice and wary eyes.
"Of course."
We enter my room in comfortable silence. Bella and I don't feel the need to fill the quiet with useless words. Our silence has never been awkward, and it feels good just to have her around me.
She looks so sad, and I feel so helpless.
I retrieve a sleeping bag from my closet. I keep it there for these occasions. Bella refuses to sleep on Jasper's "danky-ass sheets." She's a smart girl. I straighten Jasper's hastily made bed and lay out the sleeping bag. I fluff the pillows, wanting her to be comfortable. She often teases me for being such a neat freak, but I can't help it.
"There you go," I say, turning to look at Bella, who is lingering by the door. She eyes the bed with distaste. "What?"
"Nothing," she says with a shrug.
"I'm going to brush my teeth," I tell her, grabbing my toiletries and heading for the bathroom. And, as is usual these days, I try not to picture her going down on me.
She hasn't slept over since the blowjob to end all blowjobs. In the library. Of all places. But I know Bella well enough by now to not expect anything in the future.
Though it might not have been the blowjob that kept her away. I think she was trying to respect my relationship with Kate, if you could even call it that.
I brush my teeth and wash my face, returning to my room in less than ten minutes. I expect Bella to be all tucked in and halfway to dreamland when I open the door, but instead she is sitting cross-legged in the center of my bed. The overhead light is turned off, and the small bedside light cast shadows on Bella's face. She looks so small and insecure.
"I'm not going to give you a BJ," Bella says in a rush as I close the door behind us.
"Okay…"
"You like sleeping with me, right?"
"Uh…"
"I mean, you like holding me? Do you sleep okay that way?"
Sleeping together without doing anything sexual is becoming our thing, apparently. And though I would love the sexual component, I just really want to be close to her.
"Yes. I sleep great that way."
"Me too." She shuffles under my blue comforter, rolling off to the side and scooting to face the wall. I remain immobile at the end of the bed. She is so confusing, but I want to do nothing more than what she asks.
In my haste to get in bed with Bella, I nearly faceplant when my foot catches the edge of my dresser, but somehow I make it without injury. Crawling in next to her, I struggle to keep my penis under control and to maintain some space between our bodies as I bring the covers over us. But Bella is having none of this. Sighing dramatically, she grabs my hand and brings my arm around her. I scoot closer to her body and hold her in my arms, as per her request.
There is no chance I am going to ever be over her. I am a moron.
She relaxes with her back against my chest as she brings our joined hands to her chest. We both sigh in contentment, despite the fact that she doesn't love me, and that my hard-on is digging into her back.
"Goodnight, Edward," Bella whispers.
"Goodnight, Bella," I reply.
As I fall asleep, I can't decide if I will be stuck in limbo with Bella forever or if I am actually making progress with her.
"WAKE UP, DARLINGS!" my sister screeches, violently waking me in the morning. During the night, Bella had turned in my arms. Her head rests on my shoulder, her hand lies over my heart, and one of her legs is between my own. I was having one steamy sex dream, and I have probably been rubbing myself all over her inappropriately. But I have no time to process anything, because when I open my eyes, I am met with the sight of Alice sitting on the end of my bed, shaking her head knowingly.
"Alice," Jasper says from across the room where he is digging through his closet. "You're being creepy. Leave them alone."
"I'm so not being creepy," Alice says, indignant. "I'm never creepy."
"You're always creepy," Bella huffs from under the blankets. When Alice appeared, she had squeaked and hid under the comforter. She is blushing furiously, and it makes me smile.
"Do you remember what we are doing this morning, little twin?"
"No, big twin. Enlighten me," I reply.
"Breakfast and then house hunting!" she says, clapping her hands together in delight as I groan. It's going to be a very long day. Emmett, Alice, and I agreed that we all want to live together next year. Joining us, of course, will be their significant others. Though it will be a little weird for me, living in a house with a bunch of couples, I don't think it will be that bad. Jazz and Emmett are definitely my closest friends. Alice and I practically share the same brain. And Rosalie… well she is fine, I suppose, as long as I don't have to be alone with her for prolonged amounts of time.
Alice starts babbling about all the places we are seeing today, and I glance down fondly at Bella at my side. She is so beautiful, especially when she blushes.
"What are you doing today?" I ask quietly as Alice continues to flit around the room and chatter.
"Nothin'," she says with a smile. "Want me to save you from the wackos you'll be living with next year?"
"Yes, please."
"Fine. You've convinced me. I'll come."
We meet the rest of the gang at Lucile's for breakfast. It's a couple blocks from Pearl Street and in the general neighborhood where we are looking to live next year. Bella convinces me to split an order of beignetswith her, even though I don't normally like anything sweet in the mornings. I owe her for agreeing to come, though, so I don't mind.
"Please tell me that she's not living with us next year," says Rosalie when she and Emmett arrive. "Edward I can handle, but she is a no go."
"Nice to see you, Rosalie Lillian Hale. You're looking particularly hag-like this morning," Bella drawls with a fake smile.
"Seriously," Rosalie says, filling a cup with coffee as she sits down. "What is she doing here? I thought we are only looking at three bedroom houses. What - are she and Edward going to share a bed? That is going to kill the poor guy when she brings home her random dudes."
Bella rolls her eyes, and I clench my fists under the table.
"Oh please," Bella snaps back. "You have had way more random fucks then me, so you can take your superior I-have-a-serious-boyfriend-now-so-my-past-slutting-doesn't-count attitude, and shove it where the sun don't shine."
"That's enough, you two," Jasper interjects with his freaky ability to calm people down. "I thought y'all were getting along much better now."
"She started it," Bella says petulantly as I chuckle.
"Relax, Rosie," Emmett says, kissing her cheek and keeping her from snapping back at Bella. "It's just the five of us."
"Where are you living next year, Bella?" Emmett asks after we all order.
"In Hallett," Bella replies.
"You're living in the dorms as a sophomore?" Rose says with an evil laugh. "Ew."
"Actually, I'm RA'ing," Bella replies smugly to the general shock of the table. Bella has already informed me that she is going to be a residence assistant next year, and I am not surprised she got the lucrative gig. RAs are paid in room and board, so Bella will be able to live in the dorms next year without Renee footing the bill. Plus, Phil is quite proud of the responsibly Bella is taking on, so everyone is happy.
"You're going to be an RA?" Rosalie asks skeptically. "You're going to bust little freshmen for smoking pot? Who the hell gave you that job?"
"I can be very charming, Rose. You know this," Bella sighs. I'm glad Bella will be an RA next year. It means that she has more responsibility and therefore less time to party. Although, I do worry that I will see less of Bella next semester. We have no classes together and will be living farther apart, but I try not to dwell on it.
"So if you aren't living with us," Rose continues with narrowed eyes. "Why are you here?"
"Well, Lucile's is my favorite breakfast place, and I was invited," Bella replies, reaching up to mess up my hair, causing me to grin.
"What does Edward's girlfriend think about this?" asks Rose.
"I never had a girlfriend." Kate was never really my girlfriend. Just a girl I was seeing as a distraction from the one I really want. If I was smart, I would eradicate Bella from my life completely with the hope that it would help me move on, but she is basically my best friend. I can't imagine my life without her.
"Fine," Rose huffs. "What does Kate think about this?"
"I have no idea," I reply with a shrug. "I haven't talked to Kate in a couple weeks."
Bella blushes, and I try not to stare at the pretty color in her cheeks.
"Why didn't you tell me, Emmett?" Rose yells. "Now I look like an idiot."
The pair continues to argue as Bella and I silently communicate how ridiculous they are until our food arrives.
After breakfast, we tromp all over downtown Boulder. It snowed the day before, but in typical Colorado fashion, the sun is out in force this morning, and all the snow melted away by eleven. If we were in Forks, the snow would linger indefinitely. This is much better.
Even so, Bella uses the wet ground as an excuse to hold on to me. She links our arms, her mitten-clad hand resting on my forearm. We walk along in our own little world. Bella makes me laugh with snide little comments about my future roommates. I make her smile when I tell her how beautiful she looks with her cold-induced rosy cheeks.
It feels like we are as much of a couple as Em and Rose or Jasper and Alice. But, we're not, and I have to just live with it.
Alice is a little drill sergeant, marching us around and asking each real-estate agent a million questions. We look at three houses in the downtown area that are okay before heading to Goss Grove, a neighborhood just north of campus that Bella claims is her favorite part of Boulder.
All six of us walk into the first house we visit on Goss and immediately fall in love. It's a three bedroom, three bath with a backyard and a large basement. Rosalie likes the two-car garage. Alice is attracted to the wooden floors and all the wall space she longs to decorate. Jazz and Emmett plot to turn the basement into a game room. My favorite part of the house is actually the large back deck that is surrounded by trees. Bella, whose opinion doesn't really count to anyone but me, runs her hands over the appliances in the spacious kitchen. Though it is slightly out of our price range, the five of us come from painfully wealthy families, and it is not hard to convince our parents that this perfect house on Goss is worth every penny.
That afternoon, we sign the lease. Next year, the Goss house will become home. I pray that Bella will frequent its walls as well.
Thanks for reading.
Well? What did you think?
Things get juicy next chapter!