Jack sat silent for a long moment. To think about what Ennis had proposed? Or to give him time to rethink his decision? Jack could tell that he was scared; he had said as much. And what happened at the hotel was part of the reason why Ennis was so scared right now. Jack had had all week to think about that moment in his hotel room. He wished he had gone about it differently, but he hadn't been able to resist his desires. Was it obvious how much Jack wanted Ennis? And now that Ennis had suggested they stop, his want for the young man grew even more.
"Is that what you really wanna do?" Jack asked, the silence feeling heavy now that he spoke. "Because I don't think it is. You can tell me that I'm just sayin' that because of the way I feel about ya. And you'd be partly right. There's somethin' here, Ennis. And I know you feel it to. I know it's new and scary, but I promise if you'll stick with it, it'll be worth it."
"I can't keep livin' like this," Ennis said. "It's easy for you. No one knows ya in this town. My dad? He expects me to be somebody. If he finds out, he'll kill me."
Jack was starting to get tired of Ennis's father and knew something had to be done sooner rather than later. "No one's gonna find out," he said. "It's nobody's business but ours."
Ennis grabbed up his backpack as he got to his feet, shoving his things into the bag. He slung it over his shoulder. "I know where I'm expected to be," he said. "I can't get there, the longer this goes on. I'll make up an excuse as to why I've gotta drop the class." He turned and left the room without another word and without waiting for a response from Jack.
Jack got to his feet and hurried after him, his instincts telling him to just let Ennis go. It was what Ennis wanted. Jack needed to respect his decision, but there was more than just Ennis's feelings on the line here. Jack wasn't going to let himself become miserable just to make sure Ennis got back to the life his dad wanted. The way Ennis was living now was unhealthy. True, there wasn't much of a life with Jack if they had to keep it a secret, but at least Ennis wouldn't have to worry about getting beat whenever he disappointed his father.
"Ennis!" Jack called down the hall, coming to a stop when he saw Ennis stop and turn around. "I'd hate to see ya leave the class. I'm only here a couple of months and I would like to see you. Once I'm gone, you can get back to whatever life you think you need to be living." Speaking like this outside of the classroom wasn't the smartest thing to do, but no one else besides the janitor was here at the school today. And the janitor had probably already gone on home.
Ennis was obviously thinking something similar. The look on his face said he was worried that the janitor was right around the corner. He walked down the hall and stopped in front of Jack. "So it's just a one time thing, right?" he asked, keeping his voice low.
Jack hated the possibility of never seeing Ennis again after he was through here, but he nodded. "One time thing," he confirmed. A couple of months wasn't a long time, but he was going to make the best of them. "Can we get back to the room now?"
Ennis didn't say anything and just walked past Jack and back to the classroom.
Ennis walked into the classroom, wondering why he had even decided to come back. Had it really been that easy for Jack to talk him into staying? Or was it because, deep down, Ennis knew there was something here between them? He couldn't deny the attraction he felt toward Jack. And that alone should have kept him running away from what was happening here. Ennis hadn't really thought he had a rebellious side, but being with Jack brought it out.
And going against what his dad told him to do was really what Ennis wanted.
Jack walked in behind him, closing the door without a word. He walked over to stand in front of his desk, sitting down on the edge, looking at Ennis. "I wanna talk to ya about your daddy," he said after a few minutes more of silence.
Ennis dropped his backpack to the floor by his own desk and sat down. "Ain't nothin' to talk about," he said, not wanting to get Jack mixed up in his problems. If he told Jack everything that went on in his home, he was afraid his dad would know just by looking at him. And Ennis didn't think Jack was the type to keep quiet and do nothing if he knew.
"Ennis, you walked into that hotel bruised up," Jack said. "Is that all he does? Push you around or beat you?"
Ennis knew what he was asking. "There ain't no sexual abuse goin' on," he said, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. "And, yeah he beats me a time or two if he's mad enough, but that's all. If he didn't beat me..." He trailed off and looked away.
"Sexual abuse could explain why you're so afraid of any kinda intimate relationship," Jack said. "But clearly that's just from the ideas these folks drill into ya." He crossed his arms. "What do ya think he'd do if he didn't beat ya?"
Ennis had never even admitted this to himself. He would rather push it to the back of his mind and forget about it. Act like it wasn't a thing because to admit it meant that his dad knew no other way because a man showing any kind of affection was frowned upon. "If he didn't beat me..." he started, looking down at his hands on his desk. He looked up at Jack. "If he didn't beat me, it'd mean he doesn't love me."
Jack didn't say anything for a while. Ennis could feel Jack judging him, but then knew that Jack wasn't like that. "So your daddy loves ya by givin' you bruises and whatnot?" he asked. "If he loved ya, he wouldn't hit ya. That's not how love works."
"It's how my dad works," Ennis said. He didn't really know how to imagine a father loving him with words instead of fists. His mom wasn't even that affectionate. The only time he had ever felt real affection was when he was with Jack. There were also moments with Alma, but all she can think about was sex. "Before KE died, I got nothin' from 'im, so I'd take this over that any day."
"You can't sit there and tell me you want him to hurt you."
"I don't want it," Ennis said. "But if it's all he'll give, I've gotta take it. I need a daddy and he knows what's right for me."
"Ya mean what's right for him."
Ennis shrugged his shoulders. "It's the same thing," he said then regretted saying that. He knew Jack would tell him why it wasn't the same thing and he wasn't really in the mood to hear it. "It ain't gonna change. I'll just have to live with it."
"You shouldn't have to," Jack said. "You should be able to live the life you wanna live. Not the life your folks expect you to live. Do what makes you happy, not them."
Ennis had thought about that a lot. He had dreams of moving away, living the life he wanted to live. But that was all they were: dreams. "They need me here," he said. "The farm is too much work for me to be thinkin' 'bout leaving." He shook his head. "So when me and Alma get married after school, we'll be takin' care of the farm and my folks. The way my daddy did for his parents and so on. I can't change."
It looked like Jack wanted to say more, but he didn't. He obviously didn't want to argue. Ennis hadn't wanted to talk about it in the first place, but saying something did change how he felt about it all. He could picture his life from Jack's perspective and understand Jack's feelings about it. It wasn't the best way to live. And he did wish it was different all the time, but nothing would change.
"Ennis, come here," Jack said after a few minutes of silence. He gestured for Ennis, who stood and walked over. Jack grabbed him and pulled him in for a hug. It was awkward at first, but then Ennis relaxed. He wasn't used to hugs. Especially from other men. Men didn't hug. But as he stood there in Jack's arms, Ennis was starting to realize how much he needed a hug like this. How much he craved a hug from his own father.
A moment later, Ennis found himself clinging to Jack and sobbing. Jack never let him go. It was a small glimpse at what Ennis's life could have been if his dad wasn't so hard on him all the time. Ennis might have been a different person entirely if only he had gotten hugs from his father. But it was too late now. As Ennis had said, it wasn't going to change. He would have to love his father the way he was no matter how many times he didn't want to.
When Ennis had finished crying, he stepped back away from Jack, wiping his face with the back of his hand. Jack placed his hands on Ennis's sides, keeping him from getting too far away from him. Ennis lowered his hand, feeling a bit embarrassed for crying like that. Jack just gave him an understanding look. There was comfort in that look. Ennis was free to be him in Jack's presence. He didn't have to pretend. Ennis wasn't able to admit it out loud, but he felt like Jack was right for him. He was what Ennis needed in this time of his life.
Ennis moved back forward and pressed his lips against Jack's, his body fitting against Jack's. Almost instantly, the kiss grew heated. Ennis clung to Jack in an entirely different way. Jack scooted his ass further back on the desk, wrapping his legs around Ennis to pull him tighter against him. Ennis didn't know what to do with his hands, so he just held on to Jack, letting the older man lead the way. Jack just seemed content with this for the moment.
Then Jack broke the kiss, looking into Ennis's eyes. "Is this something you want?" he asked. "Me and you? I'm not ready to let you go, but if you really don't want this, we can end it here and now. Just don't ask me to not be your friend."
Jack asking meant a lot to Ennis. It was more than what Alma was willing to do. She would rather fuck first then ask questions later. He wasn't even sure she really cared how he felt about her. He was just the only person she knew well enough to try sex with. Of course, Jack had done something similar back at the hotel, but had let Ennis do what he wanted. Even if Ennis decided to end this, he knew he would always rather choose Jack over Alma.
"I wanna explore this more," Ennis said. "There's still a lot of things I don't know and I really wanna learn it from you. Whether it's in class or out." He hoped his cheeks weren't turning too red from embarrassment as he said that. Being open about this even in private was still a bit too much for Ennis, but he was already more relaxed than the first time he was in a room alone with Jack. "But I might have to do something else as well."
"Like what?"
"Date Alma," Ennis said. Jack didn't seem to like that, but he understood what was happening with her and Ennis. "It might not even work out. But it's somethin' I gotta do to help the farm. If I don't, they'll take back the horse we need. So there might be a lot of times I can't get away from plans with her."
"We'll still have Saturdays," Jack said. "She can't take those away from you. Let's just wait and see how things turn out. In the meantime, I've got some things to teach ya." He gave a small grin then pulled Ennis close again and kissed him.
Author's Note: Cliffhanger! lol Sorry it's been so long since I've updated this. I've been focused on another story of mine and couldn't find the time to write this. Thank you to all who still read this and still enjoy it. :)