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Chapter 10: 'Tis the Season
The next few weeks flew by in a flurry of warm kisses and warm butterbeer. Hermione had even managed to enchant Snape's underground windows to reflect not only the lighting from outside but also the views from the tower windows directly above them. And so she passed her days watching the snow fall on the castle grounds, thoroughly enchanted by the season and by the warm body that lay next to her most nights.
Some nights she would sleep alone in her room – in the interest of "maintaining her independence" or whatever she told herself – but she always missed Snape's presence next to her. A few nights she would fall asleep in his bed waiting for him – and hoping he would return in one piece – and he, thankfully, was always present and healthy when she awoke. It appeared that Voldemort was mellowing due to the season as well, or more likely he was just waiting until everyone was present at the holidays to demonstrate his power, Hermione guessed. And, as future Hermione knew, things were going swimmingly for the Death Eaters, so there was really no need to risk Snape's health by torturing him needlessly.
She was immensely grateful for the peace that it brought them, but as the holidays neared, she could sense Snape getting more and more anxious. He was more withdrawn and was returning later and later at night, exhausted. A few days before the start of the winter holidays, they were both reading side-by-side in his bed, when Hermione summoned the courage to ask what was bothering him.
"Severus, is something wrong?" she asked.
He looked up from his book with a false air of nonchalance: "No, nothing – why do you ask?"
"Because something is clearly wrong," Hermione said, "I should have asked more precisely – Severus, what is wrong? Can I aid you in any way?"
He frowned at her and said icily, "I thought I was clear when I said nothing is wrong."
Hermione rolled her eyes, "Are we going to have a row about this? I can start hypothesizing reasons that may or may not mess with the fabric of time depending on what you know, so really it is in everyone's best interests that you just tell me."
He pierced her with a cutting look, but then capitulated and laughed, saying, "For Merlin's Sake, does anyone ever win an argument against you? I can't very well let you ruin the fabric of time with my obstinacy."
"No – no one ever does win arguments against me," she responded playfully, "I've been told it's one of my most maddening traits."
"I can think of a few that would top that," he volleyed back with a grin.
She glared at him, but set her book down and turned to face him on the bed, crisscrossing her legs as she waited for him to tell her what was troubling him.
He set down his book as well and turned to face her. "I must confess – when you told me that I do not survive the war, I was relieved. I had not planned on it and it was relief to know that my future, or lack thereof, had been properly anticipated."
Hermione nodded to indicate that she was listening, and waited for him to continue.
"I know – from you – that I do not break my Unbreakable Vow to Narcissa. So I do not perish for breaking it – and I successfully aid Draco in his mission. However, I am later killed by Voldemort, but I cannot understand why my death is necessary if it does not lead to his success?" Snape asked. "I assumed... I assumed that my death at his hands meant that I had erred somehow with Dumbledore's plan and… I am rather unable to figure out how the sequence of events must go."
Hermione was both impressed at his deduction skills and a tad nauseated every time he mentioned his death with such indifference. She had edged closer to him while he went on, clasping one of his hands for reassurance that he was alive at the present. He will survive, he will survive, I will succeed, I will succeed, she repeated her daily mantra to keep her from going crazy.
He finally paused to look at her searchingly, hoping that she would say something to help him understand everything.
"Severus, can you give me a moment? I need to think of what I can reveal without changing the course of what happens," Hermione responded, racking her brain for information that he would need to know at the present for events to unfold the way that she remembered.
She realized the main source of his confusion with a start. The Elder Wand – of course, he believes it to be myth and I cannot disabuse him of the notion. Or maybe I can convince him to survive based on the false notion that he becomes the master of the Elder Wand? No no, she quickly dismissed the notion, he would see right through that ruse once he knows of its certain existence.
The right thing to say came to her almost as if it was placed on her lips, "I know what I can tell you," she said after a few moments.
He looked immensely relieved and waited for her to go on.
"When everything comes to a head – when the Death Eaters are storming the castle, when Dumbledore is about to die, just wait- have a cup of coffee if you will," Hermione said.
"What?" Snape said, looking at her as if she was utterly useless.
"Have a cup of coffee, with me," she said temptingly, leaning forward to caress his jaw.
Rather than giving in to her distracting caress, Snape looked immensely annoyed. "That's it? The success of Dumbledore's mission hinges on me having a cup of coffee with you while the Death Eaters storm the castle?"
"Tea would do the trick as well," Hermione replied maddeningly.
"Forgive me if I do not find that helpful in the least," Snape said, his frown deepening.
"You will," Hermione responded, thinking of the need for Draco to disarm Dumbledore before Snape arrived on the scene. He has to be late – delayed for whatever reason. Draco, and then Harry must become the master of the Elder Wand, it cannot die with Dumbledore.
Snape just stared at her as she racked her brain for something more helpful to say.
"Severus, you will succeed. I am here to make sure of it," she said soothingly, unconsciously rubbing his hand with her thumb.
His worried expression relaxed and he murmured, "Alright." However, as quickly as his face relaxed, it speedily turned worried again.
"Hermione?" he asked hesitatingly.
"Yes?" she answered, confused about what else was distressing him.
"I – I…" he paused to find his words, his face an unusual mask of pain. He seemed unable to voice his thoughts, simply staring at her with a choked expression.
She waited for him to speak again, looking at him expectantly as she continued to rub reassuring circles on his hand.
He finally found his voice, sounding strained as he spoke, "Hermione, you came back for a dead man. And I am immensely grateful for your assistance and companionship. But I am putting you at risk - " Hermione felt her feeling of queasiness return at the words 'dead man.'
He continued, "And I cannot have you die because of me. The Dark Lord uses Legilimency to ensure that we remain faithful to him. I am not sure how familiar you are with the art of Occlumency – I myself am highly advanced at it, but I am not a perfect master of the art. I find it extremely difficult to suppress the memories of people I care about. I… I care about you, Hermione."
Hermione's stomach fluttered at his words, her heart soaring as she had long come to care for him too. But he still said he wished to die, her inner voice reminded her. Are you ready to lose another person that you care for in this terrible war? Images of Snape dying on the floor of the Shrieking Shack rose into her mind. The blood spurting from his jugular, him whispering, "Look at me," to Harry, the life slowly leaving his eyes.
She was to have no idea what he was about to say, as she felt her stomach somersault and she ran into the bathroom, promptly throwing up into the sink. She felt tears pricking her eyes as her stomach emptied itself, sensing Snape come up behind her to hold her hair back as she puked again.
"I am so sorry, it must have been something I ate," she lied. Not wanting to leave the conversation where it left off, she quickly added, "I care for you too, Severus."
He crooned something reassuring about getting her into bed, all thoughts of finishing their conversation forgotten as he scooped her up in his arms and took her through the doors adjoining her bedroom. He tucked her into bed, and climbed in beside her for the night.
For the first time, they both fell asleep together in her bed, Hermione's heart aching as he obliviously slept inches away from her.