She should have known that his exit yesterday in the garden had been too easy, because now she can hear his voice echoing in the foyer of the manor, demanding that he be allowed to see her.
She is well and truly broken now, alternating between moods of anger, frustration, sadness, and regret. She is aware that she looks terrible, with dark circles under her watery eyes and an ill-fitting sweatpants and a sweatshirt combination that show that she hasn't been eating properly.
She hears Elliot's voice calling her name and threatening to go through every room in the place to find her. She wants to hide, so she tugs the canopy of her bed so that it is closed and buries her head beneath the covers.
She hears a door slam and Nicole's exasperated sigh, and a long moment passes before someone knocks on her door.
"Je suis mal a la tête, Nicole!" she calls out, and she really does have a headache. She's had it ever since the accident and maybe hitting her head on the dashboard caused it. Maybe the pain is simply a figment of her imagination, a sort of retribution for all of the thinking she's done.
Her door opens and, to her anger, Nicole makes her way to just outside the canopy to her bed.
"Je n'ai pas faim, Nicole!" she says, wondering if it is her cousin trying to bring her food. She isn't hungry, hasn't eaten in a while, and food does nothing for her anymore.
She hears the canopy being pulled back and she buries her head farther into the covers, curling into the fetal position with the blankets pulled tight.
She feels a hand rest on her shoulder, the sensation lessened by the all of the blankets. Still, she knows that the hand most definitely does not belong to Nicole or Tante Emilie. Her cop senses kick into effect and she prepares to deck the intruder when he speaks.
"Your cousin says you haven't been well."
Elliot. Nicole had let him into the house, into her room! She doesn't want to see him, she can't see him. Her shame from her breakdown was enough without him having to see it.
"You never did tell me what you wanted, what was so terrible that you had to cross the Atlantic to get over it. Please tell me."
His voice is somber, quiet, and it makes her heart break a little bit more.
"Can you look at me? I feel like I'm talking to a pillow here."
It is a miserable attempt at a joke and they both know it. She decides that she might as well give in. He can do nothing more to her now, so it cannot hurt more then it already does.
She slowly stretches out and folds the blankets back, carefully watching his face for a reaction.
He registers surprise for a moment before putting on that caring face again, the one that makes her feel guilty for wanting the things she wants.
"Will you tell me what terrible thing you want?"
She thinks for a moment and devises a way to avoid the question.
"I thought I was happy the past few years, you know? I thought that I would be okay living like I have lived forever. But now…now I'm questioning everything."
She hopes he will accept her lie and leave, but unfortunately he can see through her, just as he always has been able to do.
"You didn't answer the question…"
He couldn't let it go, could he? Now she's stuck answering a question she doesn't want to and she wants to go back to sleep and when did her life become so difficult? They used to be able to just be what they were without all of the complications and problems that they obviously have now. She used to be comfortable with her place in the backseat and his place with the wife, children, and family life that she had never had. Now everything was all messed up.
"Fine. I'm worried that my job suddenly isn't enough to get me through the day anymore. I've never thought that I would want to be the PTA mom or the wife cooking dinner. But the accident…and the birth of your son…suddenly I want to hug my child, my husband. But it's nothing. I'm working through it. And once I stop, I'll be able to come back."
He looks at her a long moment, with sadness, pity, and is that regret in his eyes? She doesn't know for sure. She doesn't want to know. She shouldn't have told him, she shouldn't have folded so easily, now she will never be able to face him…
"You shouldn't be afraid to want for things that are only natural in life," he tells her quietly.
"But they're not okay for my life," she reasons.
He goes to leave again, pausing at the door to say one last thing.
"Your life can change to fit what you want and need out of life. I'll see you soon."
And then he is gone, leaving her to her very confused thoughts.
XXXXX
So the response for the last chapter was amazing, so I'm considering making my new chapters longer. Please let me know what you liked, disliked, and what you all think should happen. I love suggestions, comments, criticisms anything!,