CHAPTER 10

The Nightmare

I don't know how many times the song has been playing before I finally drift into unconsciousness and dream. I know that it is a dream I'm seeing. Something is familiar with this reverie. I'm in an elegant room with beige walls, cream carpet for the floor, yellow heavy draperies on the windows, and elegant mahogany tables with Tiffany style lamps on them.

I feel weird and heavy to be in that place, as something tells me that I will learn something I won't like. As I enter the room, I see lots of people, everyone wearing black, and their faces are all turned away from me. I can't recognize anyone because I can't see their faces. Whenever I try to ask someone what they all are doing there, I am just being ignored like I was never there. I will try to turn them to face me, but they will turn their backs on me so fast that all I can see is a blur.

Then, it dawn on me - I know why we are there. It is somebody's funeral. I can see the coffin at the opposite side of the room. I don't know whose funeral it is, as there's no other clue that gives me who can that be. I have made a decision to see who it is. I start to walk towards the other side of the room to where the coffin is.

As I am getting closer, my heart seems to race faster. It seems to be a long walk, or I'm just being so slow. But finally, I reach my destination - the coffin. The body is not placed in a way that you can see the dead body from a distance, as one really has to go near and take a peek down into the coffin to see the person. So I make the move to see who it is, regardless of the fact that I'm shaking in fear. As I find myself by the coffin and try to have a look-see at the body, my own body freezes in the sight of the person inside…in the sight of him…

How could this be? I asked myself. It's impossible! He couldn't die! He couldn't be in there! Is this a joke? Is this a cruel joke? Is he really that desperate that he would go that far so that I wouldn't get anymore hopeful that I could still be with him someday? No! This is not happening! This is not real! It's only a dream! I'll wake up soon! Bella, wake up! Wake yourself up! Wake UUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPP! God damn it! Wake the hell up!

The more I stare into him, the more panic-stricken I get. And then in an instant, just like a volcano waiting to erupt, I explode!

"Edwaaaard!" I finally scream.

"No…no…no! Edward…please no! Get up, Edward! You're not dead! You're not! How can you be dead?"

"YOU KILLED HIM!" I hear someone behind me say this. I turn around to see who it is…it's Esme! And by the way she's looking at me, I can tell that she's angry!

"What? What do you mean I killed him?" I am baffled by the sudden turn of the events.

"Yes, you! It was you who killed him! You let him go! You let him die! You're not supposed to be here! You don't even deserve to cry! You don't deserve to mourn! You don't deserve him at all!"

I become so confused! I don't know what the heck she's talking about! He's the one who left me! He's the one who left me for dead in the woods…not me! But I can't think about that now…I have to go see him again…his lifeless body! And with another glimpse of Edward inside the coffin, another wail comes out of me…

"!"

I suddenly jump out of my skin and fall off from the couch into the wooden floor. I am finally awake! Thank God! I don't want that dream again. I may hate Edward for leaving me and never coming back. I may despise him for lying to me about his feelings toward me. I may loathe him for even trying to think that I can easily forget him.

But no matter how much animosity I feel, I cannot still deny the fact that I still love him…just like before…even more than ever. And there is not so much hatred in the world, in any lifetime for me to want to see him lifeless…that is just plain hell! I never ever want to see that image again!

I'm still breathless and dizzy from my nightmare, thinking of how I can erase that picture from my memory, when suddenly the phone rings. I get up to walk to the small shoji table at the corner where my telephone is. I stumble along the way as I still feel giddy.

"Hello?" I'm panting as I answer the call.

"Good morning Ms. Swan. This is Jimmy. I'm calling for your morning wake-up call. It's already 6 am, ma'am!" It's my doorman. Everyday at 6 in the morning, he serves as my human alarm clock.

"Thanks Jimmy! I'm already up. By the way…um…around 8:30, Andy, my driver, will pick me up. Can you please just let the new doorman know to call me just once, and I will be down shortly? I don't want him to be calling me several times." Jimmy's shift is only until 7 in the morning, and the new doorman, who started about 6 months ago, doesn't seem to remember special but simple requests being handed to him.

"Don't worry Ms. Swan. I'll remind him."

"Thanks." I put the phone back to the receiver.

Whew! I feel a little better after I talked to Jimmy. It's like I'm back to reality again, and what I experienced just a while ago is nothing but a silly dream! It's a new day and today, I will be busy.

Two more days until the mini-concert and I have to be in full condition for the day. I should not waste another minute and start getting myself into that perfect condition…