It is Not in the Stars to Hold our Destiny, but in Ourselves

Getting The Professor out of the quarantine zone had been fairly easy all things considered. They were only met with mercs that proved to be easy enough to get through. Along the way to the Clinic they were surrounded by the smell of burning flesh. Bodies lined the streets, as fires roared from trash cans inc bodies alike. It was a bloody mess. Literally and figuratively. Garrus insisted on going in even though the plague effected turians... His argument was that he wasn't about to let a cough hold him back from helping… That this Professor had a cure, that he'd be fine. They all knew he really just didn't want to leave her alone. Reluctantly, she complied since their main goal was to find this mysterious doctor, and according to reports he did in fact have a cure. If he got infected while they were searching, it would be fine- he would be cured before any real damage was done... She really didn't like it, but she also hated not having him with her. He was the only one that she could really trust on this new Normandy. No matter how cold Miranda would be, they had a connection. She did bring her back from the dead, she had even saved Garrus, but it wasn't the same...

"Garrus if you die in there, I'm going to kill you." She threatened pointing a finger at him trying to hide her smile. Ever since they were reunited he had been even more protective of her. He had always been awfully careful with and around Shepard. Always knowing how important she was going to be to the world, to whatever was coming. But there was more to it then that. She wasn't just important to the universe because she'd be the only one to stop the inevitable return of the Reapers. He felt protective of her because he cared about her. Because he felt what it was like to live in a world she wasn't a part of anymore. And he wasn't about to ever live in a world like that again. To no ones surprise, not long after entering the quarantine zone it became clear that he had in fact caught the plague. Unsuccessfully trying to hide his coughing, there was no fooling the great Commander Shepard, seeing through his poor excuses. "Fuck. I knew I never should have let you come in here, Garrus. God damn it." Her voice was growing increasingly anxious.

"Shepard…" Let out a small cough, he spoke. "I'm fine. This Professor has a cure doesn't he?"

"Garrus! We have no idea if he's even in here anymore or if he's still alive. I never should have listened to you. God damn it!" She felt her insides begin to knot up, as she started pacing the hall they stood, biting her lip a little too hard; she tasted blood.

"Jane. I'm going to be alright." He stepped close to her slipping his hand around hers. "I'm hard to kill, you should know that... Who is this 'God' you keep swearing at anyway?"

"Garrus, please… this isn't the time for a joke. This plague is real. It's killed hundreds of turians already…" She finished licking the pool of blood forming on her lip.

"No lousy plague is going to keep me from you, Shepard. We have time." Raising his other hand to her chin, lightly holding it in place.

"If you two are finished… I suggest we continue searching for the Professor." Miranda spoke finally, her arms were crossed and her face was tight.

Forgetting that Miranda had been there, they separated and began forward again. She could still hear Garrus concealing how terrible he felt, she could tell he really wasn't doing well. For taking a week to kill, this virus sure moved quickly. She had to find The Professor, and she had to find him fast. There was no way she was going to go through everything they did to find him, just to have some stupid fever take him out. Once they found the Professor, he could help...

Find The Professor. Save Garrus.

After about another hour of searching through the quarantine zone, they finally found their destination. The Clinic had been filled with refugees, and sick or healing patients. The Professor himself was quite interesting, his mouth ran about a mile a minute proving hard to keep up with. There was some good news though, Mordin did indeed have a cure. One which he immediately gave to Garrus. She threw him a warm smile feeling their worry leave; now it was straight to business. They needed to administer the cure for the entire quarantine zone. They were instructed to go to the main venting facility, release the cure, fix the vents for disbursement... Easy enough. Only, not so easy because there were Blood Pack mercenaries waiting for them. The interruptions hadn't made their task an easy one, but the three of them finished their mission with only minor cuts and bruises. Most of which she hardly felt.

Mordin agreed to join their cause, paying no matter to the fact that it was Cerberus looking for him. He was intrigued by the Collectors and even the offer Cerberus presented. The salarian was to meet them on the Normandy after he tied up all of his lose ends on Omega. Miranda didn't feel like being a third wheel any longer, so she went back to deal with updating the Illusive Man on the success of the mission. Not ready to go back to the Normandy, she and Garrus set out for Afterlife for a drink or 2. Or 12. She could really use a mental break then, maybe she could find out what he'd been up to finally. Finding a private booth on the second level as far as she could get from the other patrons, she watched the dancers and club goers all the same. She had always loved people watching, even enjoying eavesdropping from time to time as terrible as that sounds. There was just something so fun about listening to a first date, or overhearing a complete moron talking like they knew what was what. Not only that but she enjoyed the anonymity of Omega. No one cared who she was there- not really. She got a few looks from time to time, but when didn't she? Most people still thought Commander Shepard was dead. On Omega, she could be invisible for a little bit. She could be Jane instead of the one that stopped Saren.

Feeling Garrus slide down in the space next to her, she watched him set two whiskeys in front of her. He knew she'd immediately down the first one and need another in minutes. The fact that he knew her that way, made her smile. "Ah, Garrus. You know me too well." She finished grabbing the first glass, in one motion it was gone. Feeling the warm liquid slide down her throat, hit her stomach and fan out, beckoning relaxation. "I never thought I'd say this, but damn that tasted good."

"Wait, you drink that, but you don't even like it?" He asked taking a sip of his Heat Sink.

"You're one to talk. As I recall, you're not a huge fan of that either." Nodding towards his hand.

"Touché." Garrus took another drink, looking at her closely. The air grew thick, she realized how close he had been to her. She could feel the warmth from his body on her side. Feeling that hawk like gaze looking into her, reading her like a book. Looking down to her drink, she tucked a stray strand behind her ear. She wasn't used to her hair being this long, she had kept it pretty short ever since Mindoir. There was something about the way he looked at her since she found him, she couldn't place what it was...

"I like it like this." He lifted a free hand to her hair, pushing it behind her shoulder slowly. She felt that chill run through her body again, as it had every time he touched her. Anytime he was close to her... Leaning her face into the hand that rested close to her neck. After a second she pulled her eyes up to meet his. He was still just looking at her with that same look in his eyes. "I can't believe you're really alive."

"What happened to you, Garrus? Anderson and Joker... they both told me you- I don't know... had a meltdown or something? What happened?" She was cautious as she started sipping her second whiskey.

"I didn't take your… death well." He stopped for a second taking a drink from his glass. "I blamed Kaidan for a long time… I know, it's stupid. But nothing made sense after you died, Shepard. I felt like I failed you. I wasn't there, I couldn't protect you. So… I ran away. I tried to make up for it."

"By becoming a mercenary?" Her voice was still soft, but she was concerned. She wondered what exactly he had done in his spare time.

"I'm not sure you'd call what we were being mercenaries exactly. We weren't thugs for hire… We stopped the bad people on Omega from taking advantage of the good ones. No civilian casualties, ever. That was our rule… I did learn some things from you, Shepard." He smiled, noticing his hand still on her neck lightly.

"How did you get yourself into this position, Garrus? Should we even be here?" Realizing how risky them being on Omega could have been, she looked around the room suspiciously.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it, everyone here that knew Archangel is dead… Well, almost everyone." She noticed a change in his tone as he spoke that time.

"What happened here? Where is your squad?" She questioned again, she was finally getting closer to getting some real information from him about where he'd been the last few years.

"I trusted the wrong person…" Stopping to take a long drink of his Heat Sink, pulling back from her a bit. It was clear he didn't want to talk about it.

"If you don't want to tell me you don't have to, Garrus… I can mind my own business." She looked down trying not to be offended. She had been dead for 2 years, right? Who knew what had really happened during that time. Maybe she was reading him wrong... Maybe she was reading this wrong.

Could he just want to be friends… keep things… professional? She remembered how different turian body language was from humans, oh who was she kidding. She must have been taking his behavior as something more than it was… How could he possibly still want to be with her after she spent 2 years dead. Thinking back to the possibility that maybe he had met someone. But if he had why wouldn't he leave her side? Why was he always so close to her, and saying things like that… He could feel the change around them, sliding his hand back to the side of her face, pulling her to look at him. "Come back to me, Jane." Leaning in close to her, he was only inches from her mouth. Inches from tasting her again. Feeling her shudder to catch her breath, the warmth he brought. She leaned closer… they were seconds from touching… seconds from…

"Oh, I'm not interrupting anything am I?" Aria spoke pulling them forcefully to look at who had interrupted them. Both jumping by the intrusion, they realized almost had almost gotten the better them. Again.

"Aria. Can I help you?" Quickly she composed herself taking a swig of her drink and tucking her hair behind her ear.

"I think so. Come see me before you leave Omega, will you? I have a proposition I'd like to discuss" Aria smiled at the two of them. "Nice to see the reports are false, Archangel. Oh, don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." They watched as Aria smirked, running two pinched fingers across her mouth like a zipper, locking her lips. She sent them a smile before slinking back to her throne above the crowd.

Shepard cleared her throat, she was definitely feeling the whiskey now. Feeling herself growing anxious, she shoot Garrus a concerned look. What were they doing? How could she think about a relationship right now with everything she had to deal with. Clearly he hadn't met anyone. If he had, then he wasn't the man she thought he was... But even if he was interested, this wasn't the best time to start anything. Was it? No, it wasn't... She could only believe she was herself half of the time, and she worried the look he gave her sometimes meant he saw it too. That he felt she wasn't completely right. How could she blame him though if he did think she came back wrong? She had died, then she came back looking... very different to put it lightly. Every time he scanned her face for familiar marks he'd see those new bight glowing ones, and she knew it must have worried him.

"Garrus… I know I've been gone for a long time. I know we never really… talked about any of… this. And then I died and now you're here and it's only been a few weeks for me- but it's been 2 whole years for you." She started then stopped again not knowing what she intended to say, words were pouring out of her drunken mouth.

"Shepard…" He tried to stop her, but she had to get this out.

"When I realized I was gone for two years… I just. I don't know. I had no idea if I'd ever see you again." She looked up at him, not knowing what to say next, she swallowed.

"I'll always find you." He watched a small nod leave her, as she leaned back into the booth resting her head on his shoulder.

Whatever was happening between them, it was confusing. It wasn't something they would figure out over one late night of drinking. A lot of time had passed, and even though he was there- something was off. They both could feel it. She could feel that he was both closer to her than ever, and somehow he was also so much further away. He wouldn't talk about the life he lead those years she had been gone... Whatever had happened to him, had really messed with him, he wasn't about to open up to her. Not yet anyway. Thinking about how he never had issues talking to her before, wondering if it had something to do with her. He must be able to feel it, that's why he didn't trust her anymore… She had felt strange ever since. Everything she had learned about the Lazarus Project had signaled that she was in fact the real Shepard… But what did she know? She was only meat and tubes before they brought her back. Any mark that signified it was really her in there had been erased, and his constant searching for them only reminded them both of what they had lost.

"Let's get you out of here, Shepard. The self declared queen of Omega can wait a bit." Standing he reached a hand for her to take.

"She give you that speech too?" She laughed placing her hand in his and standing. The walk back to the Normandy was easy. The two looked intimidating enough that no one dare mess with them. They were stopped by a few beggars, but eventually made it back to the ship in one piece. "Come up with me?" She asked him nervously once they reached the elevator.

He looked to her mandibles pulled in tightly, then after a moment he nodded following her inside the lift. The ride up was silent, and upon entering her cabin he noticed that the fish, models and hamster had been delivered. Realizing in that moment that having human hands did give at lease one advantage, having tried (and failed) his fair share of models, he was a little envious. He stood watching as she removed her shoes, and armor slowly. Watching as she sat on the bed in her under suit brushing her crimson hair.

"Will you stay up here tonight? I don't like being alone much anymore. I mean look at this place. For one, it's way too damn big. Plus…" Pointing up to the open window above her she continued, "Are they just trying to fuck with me? I mean come on, I literally died by suffocating in space." She let out a laugh as she put her hands in her lap, shaking her head. She may have been making a joke about it, but she really did mean it.

It had been a long time since he thought about how it must have felt for her... How dying must have felt. Many nights he couldn't stop himself from picturing her floating in the empty abyss. Or how dying must have felt. He had spent so many nights on Omega imagining what having the life sucked out of you must feel like. The idea of Shepard floating, gasping for air with no hope of survival had given him countless nightmares. It was those nights when he'd think on it for too long that he'd see her... Some nights he'd wake shouting her name. In some of his dreams he was there though. In some of his dreams he saved her. They were together, she was happy.

The sound of her clearing her throat pulled him to the present. Thinking about the design of her cabin, it probably was some play on the Illusive Man's part in attempts to keep her under his thumb. Using something like that to manipulate her into fear or submission… Knowing that she was stronger than that though. She wouldn't let any of his games distract her. He knew why she was on this ship, and he supported her.

This has to be the real… This has to be her.

"I don't mind. It sure beats sleeping in the main battery. But… I think your new crew may get the wrong idea if they see me leaving here late at night, Shepard. We don't want them to talk… or do we?" He smiled at her, mandibles light to his face purring every word. She watched as he ran a hand down his fringe and neck shifting his weight.

"Let them talk, I don't know any of those people anyway." Laughing she lay back on the bed patting the empty space beside her.

After a moment, he complied. They both were silently staring up at the empty space passing by above them. Slipping her fingers around his, she held tight. The night slipped away and the promise of sleep encased them. The next morning she woke curled in his arms. He was holding her tightly, with his head resting on the top of hers. She sat there a moment tracing the plates on his arm, enjoying this moment. He had so many new scars decorating his arms. She felt the cool rigid surface, feeling him stir- she had woke him up. "Shit." She moved her hand from his arm to cover her face. "I'm sorry." Looking up at him she gave him a huge innocent smile.

"What's that thing you humans say- 'How is one supposed to get their beauty sleep?'" He leaned his mouth to the top of her head affectionately, breathing her in.

Lavender. Jane.

She let out a laugh, reaching her arms out long in a satisfying stretch. He watched her, with eyes light, the way she moved. It had to be her… That's when he noticed she had those glowing scars all over her arms and chest. They were so strange, and before he could stop himself he had reached out running a taloned finger over one on her shoulder. She jumped at the touch, looking to where he was touching her. She could tell he was disturbed by the scars, hell she was too. What exactly was she made of anyway?

"I don't really know much about them, honestly." Sighing she looked at her arms. "Dr. Chakwas says it has to do with my cybernetics, after all I was only 'meat and tubes' when Cerberus found me." She swallowed then continued. "Apparently they'll go away if I remain positive or something."

"That shouldn't be too hard, you always were annoyingly honorable." He nudged her affectionately in the side, pulling them from their worries. "Never letting me break the rules… Always reminding me of the consequences…"

"I am not that bad… Am I?" Shepard laughed playfully pushing him back.

"Oh, you most certainly are that bad, Shepard." He really was having too much fun.

"You better watch your tone soldier." She threatened as she turned to face him, pushing him again softly.

"Or what? You gonna threaten me again? I think we both know you haven't made good on any of your threats in the past." They were wrestling about the bed, and Shepard was winning. She flipped him over and was pinning him down.

"That isn't fair at all, I was dead!" Looking down at him with his arms below her knees she held her hands on her hips.

"Excuses, excuses…" He finished sliding out out from her grasp, he flipped her over. Now he was now the one on top. He held her wrists just tight enough to hold her in place, but not actually hurt her. Feeling a chill run down her body, he was inches from her face again. She felt herself pulling towards him... wanting him.

"Commander, we've got the Illusive Man in the debriefing room for you… Oh and morning, Garrus. Did you get any calibrating done last night?" Joker chimed in over the coms.

"Mind your own damn business, Joker! EDI would you mind putting some restraints on our pilot? I mean, unless you want to learn how to fly the ship."

"Commander, it is not within my system perimeters to helm the Normandy. I only possess the capabilities to control the primary defensive systems as I have mentioned previously. I can however prevent Mr. Moreau from accessing your private communications line when Mr. Vakarian is in your quarters."

"I don't know which is worse." She heard him whispered from above her, still close to her mouth.

"Duty calls." She took the distraction to flip him back over, pinning him with her legs again smiling wide. There was no doubt that he could have gained control of the situation- but he didn't want to.

"You play dirty, Shepard. Kicking a man when he's down right distracted." Shaking his head, he watched her lift off him heading to the bathroom.

She walked in sliding the door closed behind her. He lay in her bed still not completely believing that he was back on the Normandy... Back besides her. Back to the good old days of mission after mission and the promise of many near death encounters. He really had missed it. Being back with her had given him true hope again.

She stepped out of the bathroom in a fresh under suit, her hair was clumped together, dripping wildly. "Your turn big guy, you stink." She laughed drying her hair and moving to check her private terminal. "I gotta get down there. I'll save you a seat at breakfast." Tossing him a smile, she left the cabin. He lay there for a moment taking everything in. Everything felt so easy, so normal… But at the same thing it felt strange. Like something wasn't how it used to be. Was it him or her? Why was he having such a hard time opening up and trusting her now? Garrus had always been private, but never with her. She had always been someone he could trust… Now was no different. Yeah, she had been dead for 2 years, but in a way- so had he.

Leaning up slowly in a long stretch, he stepped from the bed and walked to her fish tank. Watching them swim was mesmerizing and figuring she'd probably forget, he pressed the big red ominous button releasing food. She would for sure kill these fish with her forgetful nature… Best not let her other new furry pet die either. There was a bag next to its cage- surely that was what the little thing ate. Filling the bowl full, he watched the pellets overflowing the small bowl burying it beneath them. That sure would be enough for him for the day… Seeing the small animal was satisfied nibbling away at his new bounty, he proceeded to the bathroom.

Showering in there sure as hell beat the cramped shared space of the men's restroom. He much preferred privacy, especially since Cerberus wasn't know for being alien friendly. Well, until now... He thought long and hard about what the last few days. How it felt to be close to her again. He began to feel guilty for not talking with her about what had happened to him. He knew she only cared about him, that's why she kept asking about it. He didn't even fully know why he wasn't sharing. Maybe it was too soon… too fresh. Maybe he didn't want to admit to failing so hard, to losing everyone. Maybe saying the words out loud would really cement what had happened. The more he thought about it, the angrier he grew. He would have to find Sidonis. That bastard would pay for every life he cost him… He would make sure of that. Sidonis would pay. It was in that moment he realized that eventually he would need to ask Shepard for help. He would have to tell her what really happened on Omega. One revenge scheme replaced by the next… He sure was creating a cycle of vengeance wasn't he? Maybe the reason he felt so distant from awe was because he let himself turn into the man she always feared he would become.

"Vakarian, are you seriously still in the shower. It's been like an hour." He heard her calling from the other side of the bathroom. "We gotta get going, wrap things up in there, will ya? I grabbed your stuff." She finished, as he heard the clanking of his armor falling. "Are you gonna make your Commanding Officer wait all day? I'm sure there are rules about that kind of thing." She leaned her forehead on the bathroom door, knocking on it three times with a knuckle. Shepard jumped as the door slid open revealing a very undressed Garrus. He held a towel around his waist, and she watched as beads of water slid down his chest plates. She found herself staring, she had never seen what a turian looked like without armor or clothing on. She traced the lines of his skin where it met his carapace. Noticing he had a chain around his neck, one hand gripping it tightly. She was completely enamored. A clearing of his throat reminded her of what she was doing though, so she quickly stepped back from the door stumbling to lean over her terminal. Her face turning a lovely shade of pink.

"Is the great Commander Shepard actually blushing?" He purred from behind her. She could feel how close he was standing to her, she felt her body tingle. He wasn't sure what he was doing but he was standing very close to her. Looking down at her, he watched her leaning over the terminal, noticing the rise in her temperature and blood pressure. "I can't believe it. She is."

"I don't know what you're at, but-" She started turning around to him finger raised. She was stopped however by the realization of how close he was. Finding her heart begin to race, she pulled her bottom lip in biting it lightly. She slid her eyes down his chest seeing what he had been holding. They were her tags. "Where…"

He noticed what she had seen, quickly shifted his weight uncomfortably. Now he was the one blushing. "I… Liara gave them to me."

"Liara? How the hell did she get them?" She asked, she was now full of questions trying desperately to ignore the shirtless turian in her bedroom.

"Honestly, Shepard. I don't know. The last time I saw her she acted pretty strange. But, I mean it is Liara, when isn't she strange? That and you had just died, we all were pretty shaken up. She didn't tell me much. Just that she was looking for you on Akuze, and that she found these. She thought I should have them…" He stopped as the reverb of his voice lowered an octave, he felt himself grabbing the tags, holding them tightly again. "Now that I think about it, she was acting a bit more strange that usual… Almost like she wanted to tell me something."

"Do you think she knows more about what happened to me? How Cerberus got me? Could she be involved somehow?" She asked again, leaning back onto her desk sitting, still noticing that he hadn't moved. How he still loomed over her.

"I don't know. Our best bet would be to find and ask her. But like you said, we've already got our work cut out for us today."

"I'm just tired of not knowing who I am… If I'm right." She sighed looking down to her new scarless hands.

"Shepard, I don't know what happened to you." Thinking for a moment before speaking again. Thinking about the things that made her Jane. He had seen them all. He was seeing them now... He may have had some doubts before, but under the circumstances it was acceptable for him to be skeptical wasn't it? The smell of her skin, the arch of her brow, the smile that was only his… those things told him- The woman in front of him was undeniably Jane Shepard. "But I do know one thing: You came back right. You're you. You're the one and only Jane Amelia Shepard. Do you think some Cerberus clone could fool me?"

She made a face when he said her middle name, remembering the night she had told it to him... She wanted to ask him why then he wouldn't open up to her? Why then wouldn't he trust her? If she was right, if she was Shepard, why could she feel a space between then even in their closest moments. Deciding that this talk would be best for a different day, she wouldn't indulge her impulses. They had a mission, and they had to get moving. Already having wasted enough time, they had to get going.

"It doesn't matter." She ran a hand through her hair with a sign. "We gotta move, Vakarian. Now stop being distracting and get dressed, will ya?" She smiled standing inches from his face, feeling the warmth of his breath hitting her neck again.

"Distracting? I never knew you had a weakness for men with scars…" Garrus purred to her as she slid past him moving to the door. She tossed him a coy smile before stepping to her own armor placing each piece on with ease. He began watching her delicate movements as she placed each piece in its rightful place.

"Now who's distracted?" She joked walking to him again. He hadn't moved since she left him minutes before. "We haven't got all day you know?" With that she touched his elbow lightly leaving him in silence. As she waited in the shuttle for Garrus and Miranda, she thought about how much harder it was getting not to act on her feelings. She really was bad at emotions lately. It was getting harder not to just tell him that she hadn't stopped thinking about him since that night on the Citadel. Which, yeah, it had been two whole years for him. But for her, it was still fresh. For her, it was still very real.