She used to be strong. Before she could have kicked the ass of everyone in this room that snickered when she dropped to the ground. Twenty-three falls ago she was strong enough to get up and try again. She used to run. She used to be able to run miles every morning. Now she didn't even have the strength to run out of this damn room. "Some saving grace, she sinks faster than the Titanic." She heard Santana say as she sat there. Noah reached out to help her up whispering ever so quietly "Here babe." She just pushed him away.
"I don't need any help." She snapped as she started to get up. By the time she was standing there looking around there was tears in her eyes. "Looks like you win Kellogs." She said as she looked at Santana before walking out of the choir room. She made it down the hall and around the corner before she lost it. She was so mad, she punched a locker. She was so upset, she just dropped to the floor and cried. She used to be strong.
He stood there looking at the door that slammed in his face for a moment. "Aren't you going to get her?" Finn asked him as he stood there. He didn't know what he could do. He vowed to protect her and his stupid ideal had her hurting.
"We don't need her." He heard Santana say as he turned around. "Someone who can't even keep their selves up is not meant to be lead. She will be just fine in the audience where she belongs." He wanted to punch her so bad. He would if she was a boy. But, by the looks of I he didn't have to worry about that.
"Have you absolutely lost your mind? No one in this room is as good as her. She would have gotten the dance down eventually." Kurt practically yelled as he walked towards the cheerleader. He would like to think that was true. But, each time he watched the right leg quiver before collapsing at the same point each time.
"No she wouldn't." He said as he looked at Finn. "I shouldn't have pushed her. I am such an idiot." He said before walking out the same door she slammed in his face.
He stood there watching as one ran out, then another, and another before someone finally said something worth listening to. "This isn't right." It was Finn standing in the middle room speaking up to the room after watching Quinn chase after Rachel and Puck. "Glee is supposed to be fun. A place where everyone is accepted. A home for the socially homeless." He paused for a moment. "For a group of people who want nothing more than to be seen as equals … you sure have a funny way of showing it. You don't know her. You didn't try to know her. You would have loved her. This would have been a great home for her. It's a shame, I was really liking this club. You have no shot at sectionals without her." When Finn's eyes met his he didn't know what to do. Then within seconds the door slammed again for the fourth time. The fighting started again as the silence faded away. He just sat down at the piano bench better looking up at the teens.
"Go home. We have had enough of this for one day. Go home cool off. Think about how you are all acting. I will see you here tomorrow." He said as he looked at them before following in the footsteps of the four that had stormed off before. He didn't give two thoughts about that accident or what it could have done to her. He just wanted her in glee so that they could win. He couldn't help, but blame himself for the disaster that was that practice. As he turned the corner and saw Noah Puckerman punching a locker he could tell that he was feeling the same way. He walked up and opened his mouth but no words came out. Noah just nodded at him before dropping to the ground.
"You told me once if I needed to talk I could always come to you. Can I cash that offer in now?" the boy asked as he looked at him.
She wasted the better part of an hour driving around the damn town and the answer was right in front of her face. Well, technically it was parked in the drive way of the Puckerman household. She let herself in with the spare key that Puck's mother kept under the mat. Three steps in the house and she had found who she was looking for. "Really, it only took me an hour tops to find you and you already have three buckets of laundry done. What the hell are you super woman?" She asked as she leaned up against the doorway watching Rachel fold laundry as she watched the television.
"Noah never takes the time to fold his close. Throws them in a bucket right out the dryer and forgets about them. He has done that the whole time I have known him." Rachel answered as she looked up at her. She seemed numb. Like she was a robot or a zombie. "Do you watch Doctor Who?" She asked after a second of silence. "Noah and Hannah just love it. I think we are to the ninth Doctor, but I think you can keep up." She said as she patted the seat next to her.
She knocked on the door as she looked down at the text again. Smiling at the thought that Puck was behind that door and she had won. She had scared off man-hands. That all came crashing down when Finn answered the door. "Is Puck here?" She asked as she looked at him.
"You think you are so clever don't you? Did you stop to think for one moment that he might have left his phone here? No, Puck isn't here. I needed to talk to you. It just helps that he would lose his head if it wasn't attached." Finn replied as he held up his best friend's phone.
"The whole lot of you have lost your mind." She said as she turned around.
"You came all the way hear, don't you want to hear what I have to say. Don't you want to know why we have lost our minds?" Finn asked as he looked at her. "Don't you want to know why you will never win this one? Four people stormed out of that room today because of you. Aren't you interested at all?" He asked her. Two seconds later she was walking inside of the house.
The laundry was up. It was just two… well as weird as it sounded two friends sitting there watching Doctor Who. Quinn had all, but downed a bag of gummy worms that they found in one of the buckets when they were still folding the clothes. "Is this really what you want to be? A house wife?" Quinn asked as she looked over at her friend. Did she? She had to think about it. She just reached for the remote and turned the television off.
"Everything I love I can't do anymore. Expect for take care of my family. The accident took away a lot of my physical capabilities, but it will never take away how much I can love. No one and nothing can take that away from me." She replied as she looked at the slutty cherrio who was turning into a friend. "So, yes this is what I want to be." She paused for a moment as she thought about the room down the hall and the assignment that the councilor had asked her to do. She loved her family. She loved every one of them. Even the silly, smelly ones like Finn. She loved her family enough to try to move on for them. Even if it meant going back in that room. "I need to run some errands do you want to come?" She asked as she looked at Quinn.
He just sat there waiting for something clever to come out of his mouth. He wanted to talk this time. He didn't want to be freezing anyone out. Hell, this time he asked to talk to . Yet, here they were just sitting there in silence. "I shouldn't have asked this much out of her. I should have gone along with the story Quinn was trying to sell and I should have sent her back to Dayton that night. She was doing well there. Finally starting to move along. She could have been just a normal teen there. She could have forgotten about it all and just kept going, but I pulled her back here. I should have seen this coming. I should have known. She shouldn't be thinking about raising another woman's child or how I need her. I just should have done it all differently." He finally said just letting everything going on in his head come out of his mouth. He had no other choice. Fighting with himself mentally could only do more damage.
"I don't know anything about fatherhood or a loss like you guys went through or the whole Quinn drama. In reality I don't know much in this world. I am sitting here in the same position you are just trying to adapt to a new life. For me it's a life with a baby and responsibly that I thought I was ready for. You on the other hand are ready for this. You and Rachel are doing so unbelievably well with all of this. But, I know something about young love for sure. The way she looks at you. She would have come back no matter what." Mr. Shue said as he looked at the boy sitting next to him.
"She was taking classes at a local college. She wanted to be a historian. It was her … I don't know… fourth back up plan, but she was convinced that it wasn't settling. Now with the new baby and everything … I can't guarantee that we will have money for that. She wouldn't just be settling for second best. This life is like the crumbs left at the bottom of the cake pan." He felt like weeping at the thought of making someone as special as her settle for the bottom of the barrel or cake pan.
"Maybe it's not. I think you need to talk to her about these fears of yours. Maybe she is more ready and excited about this than you think. Maybe this is the icing on the cake, best thing to ever happen for her."
He had the boxes of 'evidence' sitting out in the living room and a plan in his head of how this was supposed to work. However, he felt numb as he tried to go through with his plan. He knew he was going to have to reopen wounds by doing this. But, he also knew that if he got Santana on his side it would be a hell of a lot easier to get the rest of the club. "Can we hurry up with this already?" She said as she sat down on the sofa. This was the last place she wanted to be. That was pretty freaking clear.
"You need to go easier on Rachel. More than easier actually. You need to apologize to her." Finn said as he looked at her.
"Have you absolutely lost your mind? Man Hands is a wreck plus she stole Puck from me." She said as she started to stand up.
"You stole him from her. Well, more like he was on lease, but the point is she had him first." He said as he pulled out a stack of pictures from one of the boxes handing them to her. "They have been together since middle school." He replied.
"So what they were together before?" She said as she looked at him.
"There more than just that." He said as he looked at her before picking up an old newspaper that his mother had hidden in the bottom of a box.
It only takes so long before you get bored of the paint section at a hardware store. And yet, Rachel, made it seem as if she could live there. Two hours to end up with three gallons for Bee a Friend yellow paint and a painting for dummies kit. "Yellow is good. Noah will like the yellow, right? Yellow is very neutral." She was amazed by the fact that she could go on and on about PAINT. Never in her life had someone talked about paint so much.
"I am so sorry there young ladies. My grandson used to help me out here but he went off to college." An older man said as he came out from the back room. Suddenly she was smacking herself for not just driving to a Lowes.
"Oh its fine. We were just taking our time picking out some paint." Rachel said with a smile. God she was too freaking perfect. "Are you looking for someone to replace him?" Rachel asked the man as she watched him scan her items.
"I have had that help wanted sign in the window so long it has faded. No one wants an after school job. All these teens just want to twext and myface it. All the older workers gravitate to that new Lowes they put in. If you ask me they are selling there soul to the devil. Those big corporations they don't get it… they lost the ability to care for their workers." He said as he looked at the girls. "That will be twenty three dollars and seventeen cents." He said as he looked at the screen.
"Do you have an application?" Rachel asked as she handed him her money.
He stopped on the way home and got her a bunch of daisies. Sure they weren't much. Just a three dollar bunch of gas station flowers. But, he knew that she would just love them. Quinn texted him hours ago letting him know that she was with Rachel at his house. It seemed right pulling into that driveway next to her truck. It seemed right yelling "Honey I'm home" as he hung up his jacket in the entryway. It seemed right walking into the chicken to find her cooking as Hanna did her homework at the kitchen table. "I got something for the most beautiful girl in this room." He said as he held the flowers in front of her before kissing her forehead.
"Thank you." She said as she took the flowers from him.
"So can you explain it to me again why I can't touch the food?" Quinn asked as she came back in the room.
"Dietary laws. Mama P will not eat anything prepared by a non-Jew in her home." Rachel replied as she held a spoon full of soup up to her mouth.
"I don't know where you found this one. She never had lintels before." Hanna said as she pointed at Quinn as she got up.
"You're homework?" Rachel asked as she looked at the younger girl.
"It's all done." Hanna said as she looked down at her books. "You don't have to act like my mother." She muttered out as she walked out of the room. He just smiled as Rachel rolled her eyes at him. Before he knew it his sister had her arms wrapped around his girlfriend's waist. "I missed you." She said as she looked up.
She used to feel proud of being like she was. She was a grade a Bitch and she knew it. But, she wanted to smack herself for thinking that as she sat there watching the home movies that Finn showed her after explaining everything.
"There she is." Finn's voice came from off camera as a car pulled in front of them.
"Give her so space Finn." An older woman said as she came into the fame. "She is still weak and upset." The picture went up and down making it known that Finn was nodding. Noah got out of the car first. He opened up her door and lifted her out of the car. She just looked down. As everyone followed behind them.
"Turn that camera off." She muttered weakly as the older woman opened the door. "There is nothing about this moment that I want to remember." She was crying.
"Ray your alive." Puck whispered to her.
"I don't want to be. I should be carrying a baby into this house. Not you carrying me. So turn the damn camera off." She spat. The picture cut out.
She just looked over at Finn who was trying to conceal his tears as he looked at the floor before the picture came back up.
There was a bunch of guys piled into the Hudson's backyard all wearing football jerseys. It was clear that it was a party of sorts. Mrs. Hudson was working the grill. Suddenly everything stops as the image focus on the gate. She was wheeling herself in as Puck held the gate open. She was wearing a worn out old jersey, even though it was clear she was not playing. The guys around her started clapping as she moved along. She even smiled for a moment. "There she is the comeback kid." One of the guys yelled out.
"We are sure going to miss you busting our balls out there this year!" Another one yelled out to her.
"Camp just won't be the same." Another one said as he walked up to her and hugged her. "But, seeing you is great. Maybe next year." Her face dropped at the words. "Did I say something wrong?"
"The doctor says that Rachel can't play anymore. He seems to think that…" Puck just stopped there.
"Go on and say it Noah." She said as she looked at him. "Tell them all about it. Tell the whole freaking world that my legs aren't going to work again. Say it all you want. Just don't piss yourself when I prove you wrong." She started to storm away.
"That's RayRay for you." Finn said before the camera cut out again.
Finn just picked up the remote and stopped the video. "The next scene is the end of the summer. Hanna's birthday party and then saying goodbye to her before she left for Dayton. I can't watch anymore of this. I lived all the hard moments before. They used to be great. They are finally getting back to that." He said as he picked up another DVD. "You needed to understand how much this was to them. Rewind back to the year before."
"Tina and Kurt are looking for help with costumes." Quinn said as she looked at her phone as the four of them finished up dinner. "I probably should go."
"Tell them to come over here. It would be fun to help." Rachel said as she looked at her.
"Seriously?" Puck asked her.
"I used to support you by washing uniforms. Now I will bedazzle your glee costumes." She replied with a smile.
She watched the tapes and saw why everyone was so crazy about that girl. She had mastered stage performance and their love showed when they were together. "What do you have planned?" She asked as she looked over at Finn.
He loved how she seemed so much better sitting there working on the invitational costumes. It was like a three hundred and sixty turn from the practice earlier. They had the radio that sat on the kitchen table playing as they worked. The others complained about her station at first. But, his Rainbow always was defensive of the radio. "Living on love, buying on time…" She sang softly along with the radio.
"Without somebody nothing ain't worth a dime…" Noah added as he hugged her.
"Never once did I see Noah Puckerman as a country person." Quinn said with a laugh as she looked at the couple.
"He didn't have much of a chose. I gave him my heart in exchange for the radio dial." Rachel said as she smiled at him.
"Awe." Kurt squealed. "You two are so cute." He heard the door open and got up to see who it was. It wasn't time for his mother to be home, but Finn was good at letting himself in. "Where is the bathroom?"
"It's the second door on the right." Noah said as he pointed down the hallway as he saw Finn hold the door for Santana. "What are you doing here?" He asked her.
"I wanted to apologize to Ma… Rachel." She said as she looked at him.
"What are you up to? Whatever it is we are not buying it?" He said as he looked at her.
"She knows. I told her everything. She really wants to help." Finn said as he looked at his friend.
"I hate to bother your moment, but I need you right now." Hanna said as she ran to her brother's side. She pulled him down the hallway and his heart broke when he realized that the second door on the right was open. But, it wasn't the one he meant to tell Kurt about. He blocked it out of his mind for so long that it didn't exist anymore. Inside of the little blue room stood the other boy taking pictures of the paintings on the wall.
"I was just looking for the bathroom." Kurt explained as he looked at the two standing in the doorway. "I promise I won't tell anyone that Rachel is expecting."
"She's not." Noah breathed before Rachel started down the hallway.
"Where is the … get out!" Her mood changed in an instant. "You have no reason to be in this room." She said as she started to cry. Before pushing the other boy out of the room. She just looked at Noah before dropping to the ground.
Finn was standing at the end of the hall when Kurt was walking back. "It's not you. The room is a sensitive subject for them." Everyone in the house was standing in the living trying to figure out what was going on. "Maybe you all should just leave." Finn offered.
"No." Quinn said as she looked at them. "Friends are supposed to stick by friends."
"She's right. There has to be something that we can do." Santana said as she looked around the room.
"For what? If she is pregnant there is nothing we can do." Kurt asked as he sat down on the sofa.
"She's not pregnant." Quinn replied. "He would have been a little over a year old." She replied as she sat down next to him. "They are hurting. They probably will always hurt. But, there has to be something that we can do."
She just cried as Noah held her. They didn't need words. They understood each other that well. But, though the sobs she couldn't help but mutter "I used to be strong."
A.N: The song is Living on Love by Alan Jackson. Please let me know what you think.