Author's note: Sorry for the long delay. I've been a little disheartened about writing this story. Plus I spend most of december massively depressed. It's kinda hard to write when all I want to do is crawl in a hole somewhere and disappear forever. Anyway hope you enjoy and remember positive reviews encourage Sig to write the next chapter faster.
Abby stood in the doorway of the Commander's quarters with a small smile gracing her lips as she watched her daughter cuddling with the Commander she once thought was heartless. Lexa was laying with her head on Clarke's chest while Clarke absentmindedly stroked Lexa's hair. They were whispering quietly and exchanging tender kisses. They both had content smiles on their faces. This was the side of the Commander Clarke fell in love with the one no one but her was meant to see. Looking at them you would never guess these two young women carried the weight of known civilization on their shoulders. They just looked like two girls very deeply in love.
Abby was about to leave them to their privacy when she heard a sound she thought she'd never hear again. Clarke was giggling and it made Abby's her heart swell with relief and gratitude. She hadn't heard Clarke laugh since Jake was floated. Had in fact worried her daughter would never truly be happy again. Then Finn and all the things Clarke had been forced to do happened and she thought Clarke was even more lost to her but Lexa had managed to bring that piece of her little girl back. As much as she would never have chosen this path for Clarke, would never have chosen the Commander as Clarke's partner she was glad Clarke had Lexa.
She was so lost in watching them she didn't notice Octavia joining her until she spoke.
"Told you those two are made for each other."
Abby hummed her agreement. "How old is Lexa do you think?"
"I'm not sure exactly. She was sixteen when she became commander so she's got to be twenty or twenty-one.
Abby glanced back at the two curled intimately on the bed and sighed. Both way too young to have so much responsibility thrust upon them and so much blood on their hands. Understanding washed over her. They understood and supported one another as no one else could because no one else would ever understand the decisions they made. She vowed silently to do everything she could to always support and protect the two of them.
Turning to look at Octavia she noticed a sadness in her eyes. "What happened? Is Lincoln...?"
"No. He's fine. Him and Indra are settling the horses. Things didn't completely go to plan. I'll tell you all together."
Abby went to walk in the room but Octavia pulled her back. "Trust me Abby, you don't want Lexa to know you saw her like that."
With that they moved out of sight just as Lincoln and Indra walked up. Indra taking the initiative of announcing their arrival. "Heda, Wanheda we have returned from Arkadia."
They heard one of them sigh and shuffling as they moved to more respectable positions before Lexa called for them to enter.
They all entered the room to see Clarke was now sitting on the sofa and Lexa was sitting up in bed no traces of the softness they were displaying moments before. "Indra what news do you bring?"
"We freed our people from Arkadia's walls." Indra hesitated and Octavia sent an apologetic look to Abby and Clarke.
"But? Indra what happened?"
"Kane helped us and he was captured." Abby and Clarke both gasped a feeling of dread overtaking them. Indra paused swallowing hard. She had grown to respect Marcus Kane a great deal. "He was executed yesterday. The camp was too secure we couldn't get him out. He made a speech before he was shot hoping to sway skaikru."
Lexa nodded processing the information. "You made the right decision. Kane will be missed. Hopefully his sacrifice with help skaikru see sense."
Clarke who had been silent this whole time straightened her spine and put on her leader mantle. "Nothing can be done to save Kane but we can try to save the rest of our people. Octavia, mom, we leave for Arkadia in the morning. It's time we end this."
Lexa smiled internally at Lincoln who was hanging back in the doorway clearly uncertain of where he stood with his Commander. "Lincoln, I promise you are safe. You will not be harmed here." She paused while Lincoln approached the bed. "I banished you to protect you. I was not sure how others would react to your actions and thought you would be safer with Octavia. I'm sorry that was not the case."
Relief washed over Lincoln's face. "Heda, you are not angry I disobeyed you and turned my back on our people?"
"How could I be? You were protecting someone you love. You followed what you heart said was right. Unfortunately I could not do the same that day." She paused thinking a moment. She needed people around her who she could trust and who shared her vision. Lincoln was the first to believe peace was possible. "Actually I have an offer for you if you are willing to accept. Titus cannot be trusted. He remains stuck in the old ways. You are and excellent warrior but I know you take no joy in being one. I would like you to be the new flamekeeper. Help me forge a new and better life for all our people"
Lincoln just stared for a minute in shock. "Heda, I am honored but.." He glanced at Octavia.
Lexa brow furrowed in confusion before understanding hit her. "Many of the ways of our people are outdated. I think you can serve your people perfectly well and love also and Octavia would make and excellent personal guard to myself and Clarke."
Octavia nodded her agreement at him. "It that case, Heda. I hope to serve well."
Everyone started to leave the room to get some much needed rest before their journey but Clarke stopped Abby by the door.
"Mom, I'm so sorry. I know you cared about Kane. I could tell when you came here for the initiation ceremony."
Abby swallowed her tears. "It's not your fault. He wasn't your father. No one could ever really compete with him but I could have loved and been happy with Marcus." She could see the sorrow and regret in Clarke's eyes. This was going to be yet another thing weighing on her daughter's already heavy conscious. As much as she wanted to she couldn't take that pain away. The only one who could ease it was laying just feet away. She gently kissed Clarke's forehead instead. "Get some sleep. You're going to need it." She closed the door behind her and headed to her own temporary bed.
Clarke stood staring at the door lost in her thoughts until Lexa broke her out of them.
"What you're thinking. It's not true, Clarke."
Clarke spun around towards Lexa. "Isn't it?"
Lexa felt her heart constrict. Clarke's normally bright eyes were filled with shadows. "Come here, ai niron." Clarke hesitated feeling she didn't deserve Lexa's comfort. Lexa's eyes softening further would have been enough to convince her but her whispered please made it impossible to resist.
Clarke shuffled over to the bed carefully sitting beside Lexa facing her. Lexa gently held one of Clarke's hands in her own while cupping her cheek with her other forcing Clarke to look at her. "It's not your fault. Pike is the only one to blame."
"But if I hadn't of left none of this would have happened. Kane would still be alive. Your army wouldn't have been massacred."
"If it wasn't Pike it would have been someone else or something else. Our peoples don't trust one another and that is understandable given our history. You have sacrificed much for your people none could fault you for taking a little time to come to terms with that."
"You never abandoned your people even after Costia you stayed."
"True but I was trained from a young age to serve my people above all else. I was prepared for what that meant. You were just dropped in a situation and yet you became a great leader to your people. You were wise enough to know you weren't what they needed at the time so you left to become yourself again. Now you will return and lead them again."
Clarke sighed and looked away from Lexa. She didn't know whether she should speak her next thoughts aloud but ultimately decided to. Lexa would never think less of her. She didn't have to be Wanheda with her. "I'm not even sure who I am anymore. What if I'm not good enough"
Lexa gently guided Clarke's eyes back to hers. "You're Clarke kom skaikru, ambassador of the thirteeth clan the most stubborn person I know. You've got a kind heart, kind enough to forgive and love me even though I don't deserve it. You're passionate. Anyone who knows you would follow you anywhere no matter how dire the situation. You're smart, stunningly beautiful inside and out. You're stronger than anyone I know."
Clarke scoffed at that. "You're telling me that miss grab a sword with my bare hand."
"Yes, most wouldn't be able to do the things you're done and go on."
"You've done similar things if not worse."
"Yes, but like you they weren't done maliciously but out of love for my people. You're not a monster, Clarke. Just being with you makes me a better leader but more than that you make me a better person."
Clarke smiled and leaned in to give Lexa a loving grateful kiss. She pulled back keeping their foreheads pressed together. "How do you always know just what to say to make me feel better."
"I know you, Clarke. That's how."
They stayed there pressed together contentedly for a few moments when Clarke let out a little giggle. Lexa pulled back confused and with a question in her eyes.
"Sorry, I was just remembering when you told me love was weakness. Who would have thought the great commander would be such a romantic sap."
Lexa just shrugged. "I was wrong. I've never felt stronger than when I'm with you."
"Me too."
Lexa smiled and let Clarke go. "Come, ai hodnes you should sleep."
Morning came too soon and Clarke blearily opened her eyes and smiled at the sight before her. Lexa was lying on her side facing her and the morning sunlight was shining on her face. It was the most beautiful sight Clarke had ever seen. She longed to grab her sketchpad and capture this moment to hold her over for however long they would be separated.
Before she could though Lexa opened her eyes and smiled. "Morning, ai hodnes."
"Morning." Clarke was leaning in to give Lexa a kiss when there was a knock on the door forcing a groan from her instead.
Lexa gave her a quick kiss before bidding Indra to enter.
Indra stopped a few feet from the bed bowing quickly to both of them. "King Roan of Azgeda is here to see you, Heda. Also, Titus is demanding to see you. Wanheda, your horses and provisions are ready and waiting on you."
"Thank you, Indra. Bring them both to the throne room. We'll meet them shortly. Please fetch Octavia and Lincoln and have them meet us here in a few minutes."
Clarke waited until Indra had left before turning to Lexa. "Are you nuts? You were shot just days ago. You shouldn't be standing let alone walking to the throne room."
"What would you have me do have a meeting in here while I'm in bed? I cannot seem weak in front of Roan. My position is fragile still."
"Because of me."
"No because I am trying to change things for the better. Not all will accept it right away. Change is not easy for most. You know I have to do this. I'll just lean on you until I get there. It'll be fine."
"Fine but if you reopen your stitches I'm not going to be gentle fixing them."
They dressed as quickly as possible and slowly walked to the throne room Lincoln and Octavia behind them with the same thought in both of their minds. What now?