Author: LadyFromPoland

Disclaimer: I don't own "Merlin". It is a TV show which belongs to BBC.

Warning: SLASH

English is not my mother language.

I know that it's short and I'm late. I'm so sorry! I'll try to write another chapter much sooner.

Home for their hearts

Chapter 10

"A burden"

Arthur didn't sleep that night at all. There was a part of him that wanted to tell Merlin everything. However, the other part wanted to keep it a secret. Nothing seemed truly right. There was no good solution to his problem. He was afraid that by making this one decision, he could ruin everything.

Another thing that worried him was Merlin's absence. He didn't notice it at first but in the middle of the night he realised that Merlin had been absent for a few hours. Arthur didn't know him very well and he had little experience with human behaviour but it seemed odd and he couldn't help that.

"Kilgharrah," Arthur said, shaking the sleeping dragon. "Kilgharrah, wake up. Merlin hasn't come back yet. I'm worried."

The dragon opened one eye. "Calm down," he murmured. "Give him some time. Perhaps, he needs some time for himself."

"But what if something bad has happened to him?" the prince asked worryingly. "I would never forgive myself if Merlin got hurt."

"You're forgetting something," Kilgharrah replied. "Merlin is not defenceless. He's got magic. He'll be fine."

Arthur sighed and gave up. Kilgharrah was probably right. There was no need to worry. Merlin was not a child. He could take care of himself.

Then the prince smiled to himself. It was true. Merlin was not a child. He deserved to be treated as an adult. He deserved to know the truth. Arthur finally made up his mind. He was not sure where it was going to lead him but it was final. He was going to tell Merlin about his curse.

The sun was rising in the east, when Arthur couldn't bear the tension any more. He got up and decided to find Merlin. They didn't have much time left and he wasn't sure if he was brave enough to tell Merlin the truth straightforwardly.

However, Merlin was nowhere to be found. Arthur started getting more and more worried when after half an hour he saw a familiar silhouette on the horizon. Arthur was so happy that he immediately rushed towards him. He was ready to tell the truth. Merlin needed to know it.

"Merlin, we need to talk," he said, smiling at his friend. "It's important."

Merlin, however, didn't smile back. He looked tired and angry. Arthur did not understand that.

"Merlin?" the prince asked, his voice filled with worry. "Has something happened? Are you all right?"

"I'm perfectly fine," Merlin barked at him. "Why are you so concerned anyway?"

"What? I don't understand..." Arthur was utterly confused. Something was very wrong with Merlin and it hurt him deeply. "I just need to tell you something."

"And I don't want to hear it. Again," Merlin hissed.

"Again?" asked Arthur. "How can you know what...?"

"I heard you last night," said Merlin, looking Arthur in the eyes. "I heard enough. Spare your tongue."

"You h-heard me?" the prince asked in a trembling voice. "So you know?"

"Oh, yes. I know," said Merlin bitterly. "How did you put it? Oh, yes... who would like to spend his time with a monster?"

"I hoped it wouldn't matter to you," said Arthur shyly.

"You did?" Merlin snickered. "Surprise, surprise... it does matter to me."

Arthur was devastated. He didn't know what to do or say. He had thought about many scenarios but in none of them Merlin was so cynical.

"So that's it?" Arthur finally managed to say something.

Merlin looked at him coldly. "That's it," he confirmed. There was nothing warm or kind in his voice. That tone did not belong to the Merlin he knew and grew fond of. Merlin was a completely different person at the moment. He was colder and much more bitter than ever before.

"I thought you were different," said Arthur.

"That's funny. I thought you were different too," replied Merlin and looked towards the castle. "Here they are."

"What?" asked Arthur and looked in the same direction. He saw a few horses trotting towards them.

"Your future," said Merlin coldly.

Arthur didn't know what to do. Their journey was over. His friendship with Merlin was an illusion. He finally understood that. All he had was the future with Lady Morgana. There was no other possibilities. His dreams were silly but it was always good to have them. Now he had only tough reality. His life was planned for him. End of story.

When the horses came closer, he noticed two beautiful women surrounded by a small group of knights. One of the women had curly blond hair and was slightly older. The other woman had long dark hair that beautifully contrasted her pale complexion. Arthur couldn't help thinking that she looked as Merlin's sister or even his female version. However, there was something nonchalant in her green eyes. Merlin, despite his coldness and bitterness, had never had such a look on his face.

"You must be prince Arthur, the son of Uther Pendragon," said the dark haired woman when her horse stopped in front of him.

"Yes, my lady, I'm Arthur Pendragon," he confirmed. "You must be Lady Morgana."

"Indeed, I am," she said. "And this is my sister Morgause."

"I'm glad I can finally meet you, Lady Morgana and Lady Morgause," said Arthur. His words were empty and artificial. They meant absolutely nothing. He was speaking as a royal, not as Arthur.

"As are we," said Morgana.

Morgause remained silent this whole time. It was not her place to talk. She was an observer. She didn't need words to play her role.

"I hope my intentions are clear, prince Arthur," Morgana continued. "I've been looking for a perfect husband with whom I would rule this land and share the burden of life. Then I heard of you and I thought that our union would bring prosperity to the people of this land. Do you agree with me, prince Arthur?"

"Indeed, I do, my lady," Arthur answered.

Morgana smiled slightly but there was nothing warm in her smile. It looked nothing like Merlin's beautiful smile. Arthur sighed inwardly. He needed to take a grip of himself. Merlin was not meant for him. He had never been. Morgana was Arthur's future and he needed to focus on her.

"Then we shall get married as soon as possible," said Morgana. "What do you think about tomorrow?"

"That's an interesting proposition but what about today?" asked Arthur.

Merlin kept himself at small distance but he could hear it all and it pained him. He had heard Arthur the previous night. He knew what the prince thought of him. The word monster explained it all. However, hearing that Arthur wanted to marry Morgana so soon made him feel even worse.

"Today? We don't have much time but it's an excellent idea. The sooner the better. It's good both for the land and for us," she said. "It's agreed then. We should hurry. There's so much to be done before the evening. People must be informed. Our wedding must be prepared. Everything must be perfect."

"I'm sure it will be," Arthur assured her.

"Then there's no time to waste. I have a horse for you." Morgana clapped her hands and the animal was brought towards Arthur.

"It's a fine horse," said the prince.

"My future husband deserves the best of horses," Morgana told him. "I don't want to hurry you but we should move immediately if we want to get married today."

"Just give me one moment, my lady," Arthur asked her.

"Of course, prince Arthur, but what for?" The woman arched her right eyebrow in a question.

"I wanted to say goodbye," he said quietly.

Merlin's heart skipped a beat. He wanted to turn back and run towards Arthur. He wanted to hug him and tell him to stay. He wanted to do a lot of things. However, it didn't last long. He remembered who would like to spend his time with a monster? And it hurt him deeply.

"That's very sweet of you," said Morgana, "but the boy is not worth it. Take a look at him. He has not feelings. I wonder if he's human at all."

Arthur looked back and saw Merlin's back. The warlock didn't even want to look at him. For Merlin, Arthur was a monster. "You're absolutely right, my lady. He's got no feelings. He's not worth it," the prince said bitterly.

Merlin didn't care what Morgana thought of him. However, Arthur's words hurt him deeper than anything he had ever heard. He had a final confirmation. He meant nothing to Arthur and nothing they shared was real.

Merlin rushed towards the trees and never looked back. He didn't want Arthur to see his tears. He wasn't going to give the prince such satisfaction.

It was a mistake. If Merlin looked at Arthur, he would have noticed his longing look. Then, perhaps, everything would have changed.

Merlin lost track of time. He didn't know how much time it took him to come back to his hut. It didn't matter. When he finally closed the door behind himself, he realised that he didn't meet any magical creature on his way back. At least Morgana kept her promise. He had his old life back.

Merlin, however, couldn't enjoy it any more.

He was all alone and for the first time in his life he felt its burden.