Angeline was calling to remind Artemis to attend his brother's school play the next day. He made a promise to be there on time and kept his word. As he walked toward the manor in the late morning, he could hear farmers on the land working the fields. They couldn't make out the house from where they were supposed to be, but he hurried inside all the same. His presence was explained away, whenever necessary, as him being his own second cousin, Arthur Fowl, visiting from France. Still, no need to flaunt his presence.

The play went swimmingly, and Miles and Becket did their parts very well. At Intermission his parents caught him glancing at his watch so often that finally Artemis, Sr. had to ask. "Arty, what's so important? Where do you have to be?"

"Sorry, Dad," Artemis murmured. "It's just that I promised Holly I'd see her today." A smile flickered across his face at the thought of the LEP officer.

Angeline reached out to grab her husband's arm. "Oh, help me, it's finally happened," she gasped, fanning her face and looking distressed.

Artemis was instantly alarmed. "Mum, what is it? Are you ill?"

"No, I'm not ill, Arty, for heaven's sake." She gave him a stern look. "I was just overcome by the sudden realization that you've fallen in love. With an elf, no less."

Artemis, Sr. stared between his wife and his son, who only turned red and offered no denial. "Oh," he finally said. "Oh, well, I… hrm. That's rather complicated, isn't it?" He folded his arms around his wife and patted her back. "Isn't she quite a bit older than you, son?"

"Yes," Artemis said, seeing no point in denying it. "Not that it matters, as I'll live at least another thousand years. What's seventy years against that?" They simply stared at him. "Are the twins done with their part?" he finally asked, just to break the silence. "I'd like to hug them and go back to her. Besides that I have a bit of business to get to."

Ten minutes later Artemis slid into the limousine. "Butler," he said. "I'd like to go back to Haven, now." A faint hissing noise made him look up from his phone. Almost immediately he started to feel unconsciousness gripping him, and he made a desperate attempt to reach the door to escape the gas that was being pumped into the compartment. The door was locked.

"He can't help you," said a voice, and then blackness descended. Artemis had just enough time to worry for his old friend.

In fact, Butler was fine. Five minutes earlier he had seen what appeared to be his primary leaving the school theatre and walking down the sidewalk, speaking on his phone. He'd followed, half-listening in on the conversation. It looked like Artemis, it sounded like Artemis. He only realized it wasn't Artemis when it turned around and looked at him. "That was easier than we thought it would be," said the doppelganger. And behind him, the limo started up and pulled away. Butler glanced at it, turned back to Artemis, and saw in his place a tall elf in sunglasses and a hat that covered his pointed ears.

Butler lunged for the elf and missed him by millimeters. The elf had a pair of wings which he put to good use even as he shimmered into invisibility. Gone. Butler wasted no more time on the distraction, but turned and ran back to the theatre. As he went he dragged his phone out of his pocket and dialed up Holly Short.

"Holly," Butler said, as soon as she answered. "Artemis has been taken." He ignored her gasp and kept talking. "An elf is involved, he had wings and a good shield. About one hundred twenty centimeters high. Skin a couple shades darker than yours, dark blonde hair. I couldn't see his eyes. He used some kind of hologram to distract me."

"I'm on it," Holly said, and Butler snapped the phone closed and kept running.

In the LEP Headquarters, Holly Short didn't give herself time to feel anything. She ran straight for Kelp's office and burst through the door. "Commander," she gasped.

Kelp put down his phone and stood up. He looked grim. "I know," he said. "Artemis Fowl has been kidnapped. I just got a call from an organization claiming credit. They call themselves P.A.I.R., People Against Interspecies Romance." He came around his desk. "Short, I know what you're gonna say, but you're off of this case. You're too close."

"Trouble," Holly protested. "There is no way you can keep me off this case. This is Artemiswe're talking about!"

Trouble grabbed Holly's shoulders, and when she shrugged him off he grabbed them again and gave her a little shake. "I know who it is," he growled. "And I know how close you are to each other, Holly; so do these lunatics. That's whythey kidnapped him."

Holly stared at him. "What?" she breathed. "But how?"

"They got a hold of those surveillance photographs, somehow," Trouble Kelp told her, at the same moment that she guessed the truth.

"It's an inside job, then," she said. "D'arvit."

"The thought had occurred to me," Trouble admitted. "You are offthe case. I'm assigning someone to guard you full-time until we get this straightened out. You're to stay with a friend. Do not go home alone. Do not wander around alone. Am I clear?"

"I'm not just going to stand around and twiddle my thumbs while these P.A.I.R. people have Artemis," Holly insisted. "You're going to have to lock me up to keep me from helping." Holly had that look in her eye that Trouble knew well. It was her stubborn look.

For a brief moment Trouble Kelp actually considered locking her up, but then realized he really had no grounds to do so. He ground his teeth. "You have a rather outstanding record of going rogue," he said, half to himself. "So I believe you when you say you're going to help whether we want it or not. Fine, then. I'll just have to keep you close. You're on my team, you follow my orders. You stick with me like stink on a dwarf, do I make myself clear?"

"Perfectly clear, Commander," Holly said.

"I'll be your personal bodyguard. D'arvit. Let them try to take you on mywatch."

Holly scowled, and then abruptly looked thoughtful. "Yes," she agreed. "Yes. Let them take me."

Trouble eyed her through narrowed slits. "Are you suggesting you'll act as bait for these crazies?"

Holly nodded, and Trouble started to smile. "It could work. With enough precautions, it might work. We'll have to get a plan together. I'm calling in all the Captains for this."