CHAPTER TEN: THAT'S GREAT
John was not sleeping. He was barely able to function at work.
He couldn't shake a feeling of guilt and impending doom. He was shaken by the fact that he had gotten erect with a man, in fact, with his best friend, Sherlock Holmes, not once, but several times now. The words 'Kiss me' - thought in a moment of insanity in that damned narrow alley on the 'night of the assassins' - were stuck in his head like a refrain of shame. He could not believe he had thought them. And things had not gotten a lot better since. The best word he could find to describe his recent behavior was… mortifying.
Thank god. Thank god nothing had actually happened, because if his humiliation existed anywhere outside his own head, he'd probably have to jump off the nearest bridge.
He told himself it meant nothing. That night in the alley had been merely a biological reaction to having a body pressed up against him and that… that breath on his ear. His body didn't know the difference between a man and a woman, friend or foe. It merely responded to stimuli. He had nothing to feel guilty about.
But somewhere, deep down, he knew that wasn't the entire truth.
John was sitting at his desk staring listlessly down at a stack of patient folders. Nurse Barrow knocked and entered.
"Dr. Watson, Mrs. Munsen in 412 is complaining that her pain medication needs to be reduced. She says she's groggy."
"Right." John picked up the folders and riffling through them. "Munsen. Take her down to… 50 milligrams on the Demerol." He felt bad. He should have visited Mrs. Munsen this morning. Then she would have told him, not a nurse.
"And we're discharging Mr. Smith today. In an hour. Thought you might want to say good-bye."
"Yes, I'm straight," John said, looking up at her with a forced smile.
Nurse Barrow stared at him. "What did you say?"
John realized what he'd said. He blushed from head to toe. "I said… 'great'. That's… great."
Nurse Barrow gave him a peculiar look and left the room.
John pounded his head on the desk softly.