A/N: So I think a week went by before I noticed that in the previous chapter I didn't put up a deadline for the poll. I think my original thought process was a month to make sure everyone got their votes and opinions and questions in, but because I didn't clarify and because I need some to get my head together with the next couple of chapters, I'm gonna say August 31 will be the final day to put in votes. I know that's a long time to wait, especially without an update in so long, but I need to make sure everything is in order and that I meet my requirements for the rest of the story. As always, if you have comments, questions, concerns, or anything else, just let me know. Enjoy…

Song title: This chapter is based off the song Good Enough by Evanescence for reasons that are explained in the first chunk of this chapter and have been explained in some detail in previous chapters. You'll understand when you start reading.

BTW: There are always GIFs and pictures for each chapter that you can either see on wattpad or Tumblr.

Chapter 10: Good Enough

"How did you find me?" I ask though I knew he had been here for a while, and it's kinda hard to believe that he is here.

He doesn't do what I expected him to do. I expected him to start yelling at me about how stupid and dangerous what I did was. For him to scold me on how there were hunts that could have been solved and people who could have been saved with all the time it took him to look for me. Maybe throw something with the famous Winchester temper. But he doesn't do any of that. What he does actually surprises the hell out of me.

"I missed you baby girl." He says, pulling me into this bone crushing hug that feels so warm and emits more love than I have ever known him to show. It makes me realize just how much I'd missed him too.

"I missed you too Daddy," I say with tears streaming steadily down my face.

Dad acts entirely out of character but at the same time just like himself the first little while that he's here. He avidly checks to make sure I'm ok when he pulls away from our hug, patting me down and running a few subtle tests to make sure I'm not hurt or some monster. Classic Dad. He also does a minor sweep of the cabin to make sure the place I've been living in for the past nine months is safe.

I roll my eyes at that. Like I would have actually stayed here all this time if I knew it wasn't safe. He taught me better than that. But he doesn't act like it.

"Where's Dean?" I move over to the couch as he glances at the sigils all over the kitchen and living room. "And you still haven't told me how you found me."

"When your brother and I realized you were gone, we thought that monster had taken you, so we finally tracked down the bastard and killed him. When we realized that he hadn't taken you, we tried to track your phone, which the GPS was conveniently off for." He shoots me a look that makes me avoid eye contact. "We got it turned back on though and found it two miles from Bobby's place. He told us he'd only seen you for a second, weeks after you'd disappeared and had stolen one of his cars. After that, Dean and I split up so we could cover more ground. We knew there weren't many people you trusted, so I called them all."

By this time, Dad had come to sit on the loveseat across from me. Apparently satisfied with what he'd made of the sigils, he had grabbed a beer for him and a water for me from the fridge, taking a sip before continuing.

"I ran through the names relatively fast, none of them having heard of you, so I figured you wouldn't have gone to anyone because you knew they'd tell me where you were. I was stumped for about a week, Dean not having heard from you either. Then it dawned on me. You just needed a stable place, not with people necessarily. So I checked my list of safe houses as far away from California as possible because you would want us to take a while checking the other states looking for of them were on the East Coast. One in Lincolnton, North Carolina, one in Deloniga, Georgia, and this one. Didn't think I knew about this place huh?"

I must have a shocked or confused look on my face due to his question. Yeah, I stole this address off his list to make sure he wouldn't find me. So how did he?

"I remembered all the states and addresses Angelina gave me (Y/N), and I called her to confirm that this one existed. What you did was smart, but not clever enough. I'll always find you (Y/N), you and your brothers. It's my job to protect you all and keep you safe and together as a family. Even if you don't want me to."

The isolation I have had from most people, especially my father, must not have been the best for me because I can feel myself getting angrier and angrier at his words. Usually, I can handle most of the things my dad says because I am with him and hear it regularly, but not now. I've spent too much time away from him, and now it doesn't take much to set me off.

What the hell was he even talking about?

"You wanna keep us safe and together? How well is that going for you right now Dad? Because in my opinion, you suck at it. When Sam left, Dean and I went to go make sure he was ok. You ran away to do God knows what God knows where for a whole night. And after that, for months you and Dean got your asses handed to you by literally every monster you faced and were too fucked up in the head with grief to realize that you hadn't even finished entire hunts. You say you wanna keep us safe and together yet you denied me the chance at training, so I had to do it with Bobby, and you never went to try and remedy things with Sam. How does that keep us safe and together Dad?"

I'm standing over him, yelling because I haven't been this emotional in a while and need to vent.

"I made mistakes in the past (Y/N). Regretable ones. Letting your brother walk away was one and keeping you from the field was another. The time you, Dean, and I spent hunting as a family was a time I spent realizing just how much you needed this to heal and how great you were for the job, with or without the training from Bobby." He says earnestly, not making a move to stand, knowing how on edge I am at this moment. Winchester temper, remember? Not always just a boy thing. "But I also realized just how lost you were getting in what we were doing and how much of yourself you were losing because of what happened. I started treating you like this was what you needed when it was really what I needed. But I wanna help you now–"

"Help me? How are you gonna help me? How Dad? Because you have no idea what I'm going through or how I feel right now. I keep beating myself up because I know I'm not him. I'm not strong enough or smart enough b-because I'm n-no-ot him."

By this point, I've fallen to my knees in front of my father, bawling my eyes out at the admission and the fact that I'm tired of being angry and too ashamed to do anything about it.

"I'm sorry I'm not strong enough Daddy. I didn't mean to disappoint you. I just w-wanted to be good enough. For you and Dean and I just–"

"You are (Y/N). You are not a disappointment, and neither of us is Sam or Dean. I can't be disappointed in you if you managed to save mine and Dean's asses time and time again or managed to lose me for nine months or stand up for your brother when I was being too much of a coward to tell him that I was proud of him."

At this, my head shoots up from its place on his knee to stare at him shockingly through puffy red eyes.

"When I finally got over everything, I started driving by Stanford periodically to check up on him. I wanted to know that he was alright, but also to see him have the life that I always wanted for him. For all of you. I wish I could go back in time and take back what I said, but I don't know if he would have changed his mind anyway. He was strong in his own way, and so are you. I'm not gonna leave you baby girl. I'm gonna help you get back on your feet like I should have back then."

"But how?"

He smiles down at me and kisses my forehead.

"One step at a time."

And he was right. It took me a while to get back to being a fraction of the girl I once was, with his help of course.

At first it was a real struggle to leave my room for breakfast because I was so mentally and emotionally drained.

"(Y/N), you have to eat something. You've lost too much weight as it is." We're sitting at the breakfast nook in the kitchen. Well I'm sitting. Dad is standing on the other side of the counter with a cup of coffee in his hand and a plate of bacon, eggs, and toast in front of him, same in front of me.

I have to have lost thirty pounds in these past few months up here by myself. I rarely found the urge to eat or drink anything; I didn't have anyone to force me to until now.

"You don't have to eat it all if you don't want to. At least eat the toast and drink the orange juice." He tells me almost pleadingly, and this is a side of my dad that no one has ever seen. Well I have on occasion, but my father has never been the type to beg for anything from anyone, so I feel a little worse for putting him in this position.

I take small bites of my toast until it's gone and eat half a piece of bacon with even fewer eggs before picking up my glass of orange juice and heading to my room.

"(Y/N) ple–"

"I just want to get back in bed." I say without turning around. The litte bit that I ate will likely do me good later on, but at the moment my stomach is churning in the worst way.

Dad doesn't try to stop me as I go, but I can feel his eyes boring into the back of my head, sadness and grief likely shining in his green eyes. This fact causes tears to well up in my eyes as I close my door, the sound echoing throughout the silent cabin.

Exercise helps, I know. It's the getting out of bed to do anything that is the problem.

Dad is entirely understanding about this and doesn't push me to do more than I can at the moment, which is still interesting to me. When I was younger, I used to watch him push Dean past his limits constantly and eventually Sam as well. It's really weird to have him baby me when he hasn't shown that he is capable of such a thing in the past.

If only he had been this understanding with Dean, always forcing him out of the motel room at the ass crack of dawn without so much as a cup of coffee to start his day. I know that he was training him to be able to protect not only Sam and I, but also himself, but he was a real hardass most of the time. Those that know him might have a hard time believing that John Winchester would coddle any of his children because they're having a slight seperation that kept them in bed for weeks at a time.

And they would be right not to believe it because he isnt doing that exactly. Coddling might be too strong a word. Aiding and comforting might work better. At least out loud. He's encouraging me closer and closer to the door and the outside world, til eventually I get there.

And I can say that being outside again feels amazing.

For the first few days, we just sit on the porch and listen to nature. The wind blows steadily most of the time, causing my greasy (H/C) hair to blow all over the place. Dad does his best to keep it down but doesn't succeed, which causes me to laugh.

He laughs too and tells me how happy he is that I'm opening back up, and that makes me smile up at the sky because that makes me happy too.

Over the next few weeks, I attempt to get back in the swing of things. The two of us go running every morning and talk about anything and everything. Dad calls Dean periodically to let him know that I'm ok and to give him his own hunts.

At first, I know that Dean should be aware of where I am and what I've been doing because he probably wants to see me for himself, but then I realize that I'm not ready to face him yet and Dad sees this. So he just gives his eldest son periodic updates on my progress and assigns him his own hunts.

One day just after Dad hangs up with Dean, I ask him a question that has been plaguing me for a while.

"So how did you manage to part ways with your beloved Impala?"

He laughs at my question. " I was wondering how long it would take you to ask." He looks at his truck out the wall of windows just beyond the kitchen and living room. "Like I said before, Dean and I parted ways to cover more ground in order to find you. He wasn't taking the bus, and I needed to know he had a reliable ride, so I gave him the Impala and bought myself the truck. I was planning on giving her to him for his twenty-fifth anyway. He just has to take care of her."

"You know he will. His 'Baby' means too much to him. You know he's been lusting after her since he was like nine. Even I could see that, and I was a three year old. You and Bobby drilled the love of cars into him early. What'd you expect?"

"If only that could've worked with you and Sammy–"

I see that he realized his mistake when my brother's name passes his lips. He learned pretty early on not to mention Sam while we were here –the first time I said his name for Dad to hear since he left was the day he got here, and that was an accident –even before I left. He knows what happened isn't something I'm just gonna let go anytime soon. The only way that's gonna happen is if I confront him, and we both know that's not gonna happen. Ever.

"It's fine Dad. I know." I try to ease his worry as he gazes at me apologetically. I just want to move on now. "So you said you found a hunt before Dean called? What's that about?"

Dad stays with me until I'm able to work and function well enough by his standards on my own – not exactly where I was before but damn near it. We train, go over lore, he took me on a few hunts in the state, and sometimes we just talk. He arrived on a hot and sweaty summer day in July, and he leaves on a cold, frigid day in October, and I really don't want him to go.

"Do you have to go? Why can't I come?" I ask as he loads his bags into his truck and turns to face me.

"Because there is a hunt in Texas that Caleb has called me to help him on."

"Well, I can go with you. Help ou–"

"No," He says sharply in that 'not up for discussion' tone of voice that causes me to shut my mouth instantly. "I need for you to meet up with Dean in a few weeks and who knows how long this hunt is gonna take."

At the mention of Dean's name, I look at my father pleadingly, not ready to face my brother yet, but he doesn't seem to care.

"It's not up for discussion (Y/N). You still need someone with you, not that I don't think you can handle yourself, but you and your brother should be together. And besides, he needs help." He places a hand on my shoulder when my facial expression doesn't change. "Look, you two have to make amends and work together which is why I'm giving you a few weeks to get yourself together and prepare yourself."

He pulls me into a hug, and I crush him to myself, desperately not wanting him to go.

"Please don't leave me," I say into his chest, my voice wavering slightly.

He kisses my forehead and pulls me back far enough for me to look into his eyes.

"You'll see me again soon. Talk to your brother (Y/N), it'll be good for you both. He hasn't been doing very well in your absence, so he needs this. You don't have to do it for yourself. Do it for him, and maybe sometime along the way you will find closure too."

Dad's right. I need to talk to Dean, but I also need to figure out what I'm gonna say. I ask Dad, but he just kissed my forehead once more and got into his truck with a smile, calling, "You'll figure it out baby girl."

So helpful Dad.

That was two weeks ago. I haven't heard from him since then except for a letter that tells me to head to some town in California. Jeranimo? Jericho? Something like that, but I still don't move to leave.

I know that Dean will likely be there – Dad said that I would have to meet up with him in the coming weeks, but I didn't think it would be so soon – and I don't know what I'm gonna say to him. I should apologize for everything I said the last time I saw him on top of leaving without a trace, but I want him to also. Knowing Dean, he'll be too proud to do that though. Both of us were in the wrong, and we need to move on, but I don't know if we'll be able to.

I love my brother to death and would do anything for him, same vice versa, but I don't know how this is going to affect our relationship on top of me leaving. Dad was cool with everything that happened between us, but I feel like he's obligated to forgive me for that because I'm his daughter. Dean, on the other hand, doesn't have that same obligation.

All these thoughts are running through my mind as I drive the two days to Jericho in the newer version of the Jeep Cherokee that I borrowed from the garage. The whole ride, the butterflies in my stomach, get more and more agitated as I dread the thought that my eldest brother might hate me.

When I arrive in town, I soon come to realize that the case has already been solved. I ask around about strange occurrences and new comers, and I overhear a couple cops talking about how a pair of brothers who had escaped police custody, and me being the nosy Winchester that I am, listen a little closer. Discreetly.

Apparently, two men went missing from town not too long ago who had been arrested for impersonating federal agents and harassing one of the locals. At first, I want to believe that it's a coincidence, but then one of the officers mentions the name 'Winchester.'

Well shit.

Wait, does this mean that Dean went to get Sam from Stanford since Dad and I were MIA? I mean it could be Dad and Dean working together, but they don't look that similar in age. Not at all actually. Plus Dad would have told me in the letter if he would have been in Jericho when I got here, and I haven't seen any signs of him at all since I've been here.

Does that mean that Sam's hunting again? How long have they been doing that together? Why would Dean do that to him? Why the hell would he even agree?

There are so many thoughts and questions running through my head at the moment that it's making me dizzy. I rest my head against the steering wheel of the Jeep and trying to catch my breath from the sudden dizzy spell.

"Breathe (Y/N)," I tell myself. "Dean wouldn't do that to him and he sure as hell wouldn't agree." Would he?

Dad said that Dean's been different since I left. What if he was so lonely and scared that he got Sam from school after Dad left too. But what I can't seem to wrap my head around is why Sam would leave his perfect life with his perfect girl for this? One stupid hunt or God knows how many more. It just doesn't make sense.

I need to know what's going on and why even if that means that I have to do something I never imagined myself doing.

So I'm back on the road two hours later to a place I hoped to never see again.

Stanford University. If it really was a one-time thing, then that's where they're headed.

I'm immediately drawn to the building that's surrounded by fire trucks and police cars when I arrive. Apparently, there was a fire in one of the buildings recently. Like the fire, hoses are still getting the last of it put out recent.

I roll my window down and ask one of the bystanders what happened.

"One of the student's apartments caught fire, but the police don't know how. She apparently didn't make it out." The girl seems genuinely distraught by the news. "She was so nice."

"You know who it was?" I ask, perking up a bit more at the hint of new information.

"Yeah she was in my Lit 104 class. Her poor boyfriend came home after being out on some trip all weekend with his brother I think he said, and arrived just when the fire started. Police ruled him out as a suspect because some of the neighbors saw them leave and go back in right as the fire started. His girlfriend's name was Jessica Moore, by the way."

As she speaks, the information sounds too familiar, and when she says Jessica's name, an intense feeling of grief washes over me. After that, I pretty much zone the girl out.

Jessica was dead? And Sam found her just before their apartment caught fire. That sounds eerily familiar.

At that moment, I see the Impala drive by, Dean in the driver's seat and Sam likely the dark silhouette next to him in the passenger's seat with grief just as likely etched onto his face in the shadow of night.

I don't hesitate as I follow the boys down the road.

They stop at a motel that looks eerily like the one Dean, Dad, and I stayed in the last time I was here. They get out of the car and go into one of the rooms, but I sit there for a while. I'm thinking about everything that could happen if I go up and knock on that door. All of the thoughts end in me either kicked out or someone bleeding badly. Eventually, I clear my mind of those pessimistic thoughts, or at least push them as far back in my mind as they will go which isn't far but is out of the forefront of my mind, and muster up the courage to get out of the Jeep and walk up to the door I saw them go into not ten minutes ago, knocking on the door firmly.

Not fifteen seconds later, the door swings open revealing my eldest brother with a gun pointed in my face, but I don't flinch.

"Hi, Dean."

A/N: R&R please. :)