Chapter Six: Lengthening Shadows

"Okay… So?" asked Asuma Jr.

Konohamaru blinked. "So? What do you mean 'so'?"

"So… is that it? The Hokage keeps that traitor around because he's good at killing people?" Scorn dripped from Asuma's words.

"Weren't you listening at all?" The elder Sarutobi pinched the bridge of his nose. "You wanted to know why the Hokage trusts Sasuke Uchiha so completely and unconditionally? The reason is right there." He pointed to where Sasuko and Jiraiya were fussing over ice cream at the counter. "Naruto's son and wife wouldn't be here without the Uchiha. The village would not be here without Sasuke Uchiha. If that isn't reason enough to give him the benefit of the doubt… I don't know what is!"

"So I should just forgive what he did to my family, not to mention the rest of Konoha, because he helped out? One good deed cancels out all the bad ones? Is that what you're trying to tell me?"

Konohamaru sighed. He knew that this conversation with his cousin would be difficult… but this? "No. I'm not expecting you to forgive him right away… but I was hoping you might read between the lines… and begin to understand."

"Understand what?" asked Asuma sullenly.

Konohamaru stared at Asuma over the rim of his teacup. "Understand that Sasuke didn't have to help… Once his chakra was unsealed, he could have abandoned us to our fate… He could have taken his family and left… and no one could have stopped him." Konohamaru took a long sip. "You have seen the display on the... history of the Uchiha clan in the Hokage's private library, haven't you?" he asked casually.

Asuma Jr.'s only answer was to snort and turn his head away. Konohamaru slowly shook his head. "A lot of people prefer to gloss over it. They say things like 'Oh, that's all ancient history… a relic from the bad old days.' They find it easier to ignore the whole thing." Konohamaru's face twisted into a frown. "I've even heard that... certain clans are still claiming that all of that evidence suggesting that the Hidden Leaf played a part in the Uchiha massacre is some sort of hoax invented by the Sixth Hokage to drum up sympathy for Sasuke Uchiha." He tapped a finger on the table for emphasis. "But trust me kid, it's real. I was there when it was dug up… and even if only half of it was true… honestly… I don't think I could have blamed Sasuke if he decided to turn his back on us."

Konohamaru sighed. "But he didn't. Despite everything our village has done to the Uchiha clan, and to him personally, he stood by Konoha in her hour of need and did what he could to save her…"

"Save her?" Asuma Jr. snarled in an incredulous low growl. "Sure… maybe that one time he tried to help, but what about all the others? Like the time he attacked the Eight Tails? And during the Fourth war? And when he..."

Konohamaru held up both hands in a placating gesture. "You're right. It's true that he didn't always feel that way, but that was also a long time ago. It looks to me like he's forgiven us and is willing to make amends." Konohamaru took a long drink, and drained his cup. "As Naruto keeps telling us… It's a new era, where old enemies are now potential friends. The Leaf is now allies with Hidden Sand, Hidden Stone, Hidden Cloud, Hidden Mist... Maybe it's time for Konoha to take a good hard look at itself and see if we should be trying to do the same for Sasuke Uchiha as well." He exhaled happily. "That… was some damn good tea. I think I'm going to order another pot… Do you want some?"

Chirosu Hatake leaned on the counter and noisily snapped her gum. She was bored. Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored. Her mother had made both her and her sister take this job after they been put on mandatory leave after botching that last mission. It should have been an easy C-rank, escorting the adult son of some minor noble in the Land of Fire, to the Land of Mist for some wedding…

Only no one had bothered to tell them their escort was the type of jerk who though he was the universe's gift to all of womankind. He was overjoyed that his Poppa was kind enough to hire him a 'matched set' and spent the entire first few days of travel showering them with predictable pick up lines like: 'Exactly how badly do you want to guard my body?'

They could ignore that. What they couldn't ignore was when he let himself into their tent one night and demanded a live demonstration of the famed kunoichi seduction skills.

Chirosu told him to get out. He refused. Hebisu told him to get out right now or they would throw him out. The little lordling stared down at them with a confident smile and said: 'Do your worst!'

It was far from their worst, but it was more than enough to cause a minor diplomatic uproar. The lordling was threatening to bring the whole thing up in front of the Daimyo… once his hair grew back and the burns cleared up that is.

She wished that the stupid review board would hurry up and clear them to go back on missions again, so that she and her sister could stop wasting their time waiting on stupid tables at the stupidly christened Flying Pig cafe. She hated the constant smiling, she hated the standing around, she hated how anyone could walk right in, give you orders and expect you to jump right to it. She hated the stupid customers...

She stared dreamily across the café at Asuma Jr. and sighed. Well, maybe not all the customers.

"So how was that one Sasuko?" asked Jiraiya.

"It tastes weird. I want to try the green one again."

Jiraiya knocked on the counter to get her attention even though she was right there. "Excuse me? Miss? We would like to have another free sample of the green tea ice cream."

Chirosu scowled. She definitely hated these two. "Look kid... will you just hurry up and order something?"

Jiraiya looked indignant. "I beg your pardon?! You shouldn't treat us in this fashion! We are customers in this fine establishment."

"You haven't bought anything yet."

The Hokage's older son brushed his unruly black hair back from his eyes and gave her a confident smile. "Potential customers," he corrected.

Chirosu grumbled. "What was it again?"

Sasuko smiled, his face all sticky. "Green tea please!"

Chirosu handed him a tiny plastic spoon, and went back to daydreaming. Her identical twin sister Hebisu stuck her head out of the back room. "Psst!" she hissed. "Do they need a new pot of tea?"

"Like I would tell you if they did," said Chirosu acidly. "It's so my turn to bring something over there."

"It is not!" said Hebisu. "You got to go over last time and ask if they needed anything!"

"And then you went by with the tea! And don't think I didn't see you brushing up against Asuma-kun either," huffed Chirosu. She looked back at the table that Asuma and Konohamaru were sitting at. "I wonder what they're talking about?"

"Excuse me?" said Jiraiya, knocking on the counter again. "Could we get some service here?"

"What do you want now kid?" asked Chirosu, annoyed.

"Can I have the ice cream with the little chocolate chunks in it?" asked the little red headed one, smearing fingerprints all over the glass display case.

"Again?" Chirosu asked with a frown. Sasuko nodded. "Fine." Chirosu handed over another little plastic spoon.

"Oh my god! Oh my god!" squeaked Hebisu, jumping up and down and pointing at Asuma jr. "He's looking over here!"

"That's because you're jumping up and down like an idiot! Calm down and shut up!" Chirosu whispered to her sister pulling on her arm. "He's never going to come over here if he sees you acting like a maniac." She waved over to Asuma's and Konohamaru's table. "It's all right," she called out loudly. "My sister just saw an ant," she laughed nervously at their blank stares.

"There are vermin in this restaurant?" asked Jiraiya with an affronted look on his face.

Chirosu leaned over the counter. "Yep… Two of them. I'm looking at them right now."

Actually, once you got over the fact that he was a bottomless pit for food, the youngest of the Hokage's brats wasn't too bad. He was slightly adorable in a 'sticky ring around the mouth' sort of way. But the other one, Jiraiya Uzumaki-Hyuga… Ugh! She'd thought it was joke when one of the food vendors in the plaza told her: 'Oh yeah, we always make sure to step out for a fifteen minute break when ever we see him coming.'

Sasuko plucked at Jiraiya's sleeve. "I wanna try the orange one."

Jiraiya lifted one finger. "One free sample of the peach delight, my good woman."

It was the 'my good woman' that did it. Chirosu had had enough. She folded her arms. "No."

"No?" asked Jiraiya in surprise.

"No! How many of those little plastic spoons have you got there?" Sasuko held up his hands. Chirosu counted. "You have had forty seven free samples!"

"Oopsie, I dropped one!" called out Sasuko, scrambling for the fallen spoon.

"Make that forty eight free samples. It's time you bought something!"

Jiraiya pointed to a sign hanging on the wall. "But it says right there! Free samples!"

Chirosu rolled her eyes. "Kid, we only have twenty five flavors! You've tried everything twice!"

"Twice would be fifty spoonfuls," Jiraiya pointed out helpfully.

"Almost twice!" snapped Chirosu. "Most people just pick one or two!"

Jiraiya gave a greasy smile and ruffled his brother's hair. "Nothing is too good for my darling little brother."

"Look you cheap little weasel… Either buy something, or get lost!"

Sasuko looked up with huge blue eyes and started to blubber. "But... but... but I wanted to try the orange one!" he whined.

Chirosu sighed. "Fine… last one. And then you buy something okay?" Both Jiraiya and Sasuko nodded. She handed over a spoon and grumbled. "I hate kids." She happened to look up and saw her sister talking animatedly to Asuma at his table. "Hey!" she exclaimed and stomped on over.

"…I just love the bridges over the canals at this time of year don't you Asuma-kun? When the wind blows a rain of leaves falls all around you." Hebisu leaned over his shoulder and pressed her cheek up to his. "I don't suppose you'd like to go for a walk with me so I could show you all the wonders that nature has to offer?" She yelped as Chirosu grabbed her arm.

"Excuse us," said Chirosu sweetly. "I desperately need to talk to my sister right now at this very moment about something of vital importance." She dragged Hebisu across the floor back to the counter. "What do you think you are doing!" she hissed. "It was my turn!"

"Well, they signaled for another pot of tea, and you were busy giving that little kid his ice cream, so I went over there and… Oh my gods he is so dreamy!" Hebisu squeaked, melting to the floor with a goofy smile on her face.

"Gods, this is so unfair! Hey! Where the hell do you think you're going?!" she yelled at Jiraiya and Sasuko who were headed to the door.

"All full," said Sasuko patting his stomach.

Jiraiya gave an exaggerated bow to Chirosu. "I must say this is quite the charming establishment you have here. I shall definitely frequent it in the future." He turned back to the door.

"Oh no you don't!" Chirosu snarled. She cleared the counter in a single leap, and blocked the exit. "You are not getting out of here without buying an ice cream!"

"But the poor boy couldn't possibly eat another bite," said Jiraiya.

"Then you eat it!"

"Oh… if only I could." Jiraiya shook his head. "But I'm lactose intolerant."

"Then throw it away!" said Chirosu, with a crazed look in her eyes.

"It would be a crime to deposit any of your fine cuisine in the trash... Tell you what, for a very modest, almost insignificant fee, I will absolutely, positively, recommend this fine little bistro to all of my friends," said Jiraiya with a winning smile. "There's no advertising better than word of mouth, right?"

"What's the problem sister?" said a recovered Hebisu, standing behind Jiraiya and Sasuko, blocking them in.

"This little cretin," growled Chirosu, "doesn't want to pay for all the ice cream he ate."

"Okay, two things," said Jiraiya, nudging Sasuko. "First of all, he ate the ice cream, not me. Secondly," he pointed again to the wall, "free samples."

"Hmm… Not paying makes him a thief doesn't it?" said Hebisu.

" And Choji-san said that we were allowed to apprehend thieves... didn't he sister?" said Chirosu with a gloating smile.

"Ahem… Free samples?" said Jiraiya.

"I think we'll have to teach him a little lesson," said Chirosu, making a series of hand signs. A thin snake made of electricity sprang from her hand and danced around her, snapping its jaws.

"Oh goody! Lesson time! I love lesson time!" said Hebisu happily. A second electric snake sprang from her hand.

"Jiraiya?" said Sasuko nervously. "Just pay them."

Jiraiya shook his head. "It's the principle of the thing, dear brother. I have to stand up for what I believe in. Free stuff." He crouched in a ready position. "Besides, if these two lovely ladies think that they can best me in a ninjutsu duel, they are sadly mistaken."

The twins laughed at him. "You're not even a genin!" said Chirosu, her serpent sizzling the air. "What can you possibly do?"

Jiraiya stood up tall. "I have ninjutsu more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

Hebisu laughed. "Yeah right!"

Jiraiya shrugged. "You asked for it." His hands made a sign. "Witness the secret jutsu of the Uzumaki clan!" There was a burst of smoke around him.

In the middle of the cloud stood Asuma Jr., naked as the day he was born. He leered at Chirosu and Hebisu. "Hello ladies," he said in a smooth deep voice, and made a bodybuilder's pose, showing off all his muscles. "I don't suppose I could trouble the pair of you to oil me down?"

When Chirosu and Hebisu came to, Jiraiya and Sasuko were sprinting down the street. The real Asuma Jr., fully clothed, dripping wet and very red in the face was slapping his uncle Konohamaru on the back. Konohamaru had apparently sprayed his mouthful of tea across the table, drenching Asuma, and then proceeded to laugh so hard that he started choking. "What the hell just happened?" asked Chirosu shaking her head to clear it.

"I have no idea," answered Hebisu. "How can we make it happen again?"

"Hey Hishyota? Isn't that your little brother running down the street there?"

"I don't know and I don't care," said Hishyota. She did a butterfly kick and hit the two targets in front of her, then caught the one on her left with a back fist. All the while she never lost the rhythm of the dance beat coming from the machine. Her feet stepped on the flashing arrows on the floor.

"Flawless victory!" said the machine in a resonant voice. "Level three complete! Level four… to anyone who had Ready! Start!" The dance music changed. So did the pattern of lights flashing around the machine. Hishyota watched the pattern of enemies maneuver around the little picture of her ninja on the game screen. Then, in time to the music, she began to viciously deliver punches and kicks to the various targets surrounding her, taking each of them out one by one.

"So... how did your mission go today?" asked Hana Uchiha in an uncharacteristic attack of empathy. Normally the Uchiha girl was content to let her stew.

"Fine... Never better," grunted Hishyota through grinding teeth. Of course, just because Hana brought it up, didn't mean she wanted to talk about it. Front kick, roundhouse, leg sweep.

"Really? You just seem... kind of upset about something."

"Nope. I'm fine." Jab, uppercut, back kick. Side kick, knee, smashing elbow. The machine creaked under the force of her blows.

"You know my brother was bugging me this morning. He let loose a whole bunch of spiders in my room. There was even this one huge hairy one... it looked totally fake until...it moved." Hana watched Hishyota out of the corner of her eye. "Does... your brother ever bother you like that?"

"Jiraiya cares too much about money for that." Jab, cross, uppercut. Knee, jumping knee, front kick, side kick. "Mom docks his allowance if he gets caught doing pranks." Spinning back fist, spin kick.

The game machine erupted in a cacophony of sound and light. "Well Done! Level four complete! Level Five. Ready! Start!"

Hishyota started to dance again. Hana watched her for a moment in silence. "So, what was your mission today?" she asked.

Hishyota grunted. "D-rank. We had to patrol the farmer's market two villages over." Jump kick, shadow kick.

"Uh-huh," Hana paused while Hishyota pummeled padded targets. "Did anything happen there?"

"I'm sure that whatever might have happened to my cousin, was far.. far beneath her notice," said an icy voice in clipped tones. "After all, what could possibly give a big hero like her a moment of difficulty…? Aside from the fact that her dear daddy was assigning her boring missions in a run-down locale?"

"Well, well, well... Hishyoni Hyuga. I thought I smelled metal polish," said Hana sarcastically. "I suppose you just got back from an A-rank mission where you had to rescue the Daimyo himself?"

Hishyoni smiled a very small smile. "Hmm. No it was only a C-rank escort mission. A few measly bandits. That was all. It was far below my true skill level." She smiled wider and leaned closer to Hishyota. "I'm sure it was far below yours as well... dear cousin."

Hishyota told herself to ignore her and just focus on the game. It was easier said than done. "I don't know what you mean." Punch, punch, punch. Front kick, crescent kick, elbow.

Hishyoni smiled wider. "I'm sure you do. My Father keeps boasting about how you are such the little jukken prodigy. The best student he's ever had! The pride of the Hyuga clan!" The older girl's eye narrowed slightly. "He says you should be a shoo in at the next chunin exams… He says you are easily ready to handle higher ranked missions… and who could blame him really, according to the stories you keep telling everyone… you already have."

"I... Don't..." Front kick, roundhouse, Side kick, Falter.

"Sure you have little cousin. Don't you remember? Everyone still talks about what a hero you were... picking up that big sword." Hishyoni mimed a sword thrust.

"That was... different," panted Hishyota. She lost her footing after her jumping side kick. She stumbled, and threw a few punches.

Hishyoni leaned forward. "Was it? Everyone insists it was so real. I keep hearing these tales about how you were so brave and strong," said the Hyuga girl, practically whispering in her cousin's ear.

"Leave her alone Hishyoni," Hana said in a warning tone.

"Why? I'm not bothering her… am I bothering you Hishyota? I was just wondering where all that killer instinct went little cousin?" said Hishyoni in a flat voice. " After all… I've never seen it. It might almost make a suspicious person wonder... if it ever really happened at all."

Hishyota stopped. Her little shinobi on the screen was swarmed by the enemy ninjas. He screamed and fell. "Game over!" said the resonant voice.

"Aww... It looks like your little game is all over," said Hishyoni with a toss to her head, sending her long braid swishing in the air. "That is so surprising… You are so very talented at playing kids games."

Hana frowned at Hishyoni. "Yeah, and you never play any games at all..." She grabbed Hishyota's arm. "Come on, I'll buy you a soda."

Hishyota didn't say anything as Hana walked her to one of the outside tables and sat her down. She left for the vending machines and returned a few minutes later with two bottles. She handed one to Hishyota.

Hishyota picked it up and her hands shook. She put the bottle back down again, wiped her hands on her pants as if to dry them off, and then took a long drink. Hana watched her. "You know," said Hana, taking a sip from her own bottle, "I think your cousin really needs to have a chat with her doctor."

"Why?" asked Hishyota quietly.

"Because it's not normal to be on the rag twenty four hours a day, seven days a week."

Hishyota smiled faintly and took another long drink. After a long pause she glanced at Hana and spoke. "Do you want to know what was bugging me about today?"

"I have a feeling you are going to tell me, whether I say yes or no."

Hishyota smiled. "I met a boy," she said shyly.

"Ooh, will wonders never cease. Do tell," said Hana in her typical 'I'm not interested' voice. After hanging out with the Uchiha girl for five years, Hishyota knew that was just Hana's way… she wasn't offended by it.

"We were working the market, you know... all undercover. Out of the blue this boy just comes up to me and starts talking to me."

"Was he cute?"

Hishyota waved her hand back and forth. "He wasn't bad looking. Anyway he starts asking me where I'm from. What I'm looking for here, and he offers to help me find the stuff on my 'shopping list' and then he offers to buy me lunch. Finally, we just spend an hour or so just talking you know, and it was... Nice."

Hana nodded. "Okay, maybe it's just me, but I am completely failing to see a problem here."

Hishyota sighed. "Sometime after that a group of local toughs comes swaggering through the market. They're pushing people, knocking over stalls, taking stuff and calling it a free gift, right? It's obviously the bunch that we were hired to protect the market from. I notice Moegi-sensei and Dan and Kari all slowly closing in on them, so I get up as well, and the boy gets up with me. He's still all smiles and chatting away when one of the toughs whistles at me." Hishyota took another drink. "So the boy gets all up in the face of the tough guy, who has maybe fifteen centimeters and ten kilograms on him and is backed up by seven of his biggest friends, and demands: 'What do you think you're doing? This is my girl here,' type thing... you know, trying to impress me."

"Ah," said Hana quietly. "I think I see now where this is going."

"So the tough guy says something like, 'We take what we want Heh-heh-heh,' and punches the boy in the face. He goes down. Then Neanderthal-san makes like to pick me up and throw me over his shoulder."

"The stupidity of some people never ceases to amaze me," murmured Hana.

"So I hit him," said Hishyota. "One open palm strike and bam! He's out cold. His friends look at him, look at me, look back at him, and charge me. I make some shadow clones and ten seconds later every last goon is sprawling in the dirt." She took another drink. "It's all over. I reach down to help up the boy and he scrambles back from me."

"So I look at him, and I'm like 'What?' and he stares at me and says, 'You're a shinobi,' in this weird voice. So I say to him, 'Yes, I am. Are you hurt? Do you need some help?' He brushes the dirt off himself and says, 'I'm just fine,' and walks away." Hishyota put down the empty bottle. "I never even got his name," she said quietly.

Hana giggled. "Now there's a prime example of a fragile male ego."

Hishyota sighed and stared out across the plaza. The sunset tinged everything with a red light. Small groups of people drifted from store to store chatting amongst themselves. She turned to Hana. "Seriously… What's wrong with me? I mean, I feel like I don't know who I am anymore!"

Hana raised an eyebrow. "Okay, first of all, most people would consider asking the goth-chick for advice on an existential crisis to be more than a little weird, and second... you are who you are, and nothing is going to change that."

Hishyota looked a little confused. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Hana shrugged. "It's something my Mom always says to my Dad when he's feeling... down. It seems to cheer him up. So I thought I'd try it out on you." Hana brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I'm not really that good at making people feel better you know? Now if you want to sit in a dark room and read depressing poetry… I'm your girl."

Hishyota leaned back. "Do you ever… wish you weren't a shinobi? You know, just wish you were... normal?"

Hana thought about it. "You mean like I was a normal person who dresses in black, wears big clunky boots and a cloak?" Hana smiled a rare smile at Hishyota. "No."

"But don't you get tired of everyone always looking at you like you were different?"

Hana downed her soda. "They're going to look at me funny anyway. I might as well let them know I can kick their asses while they are pointing and staring." Hana sat there watching the crowds for a while. "But I do kind of know what you are talking about," she added quietly. "We all deal with it in different ways."

"Hmm?" Hishyota looked up.

"Look over there." Hana pointed to a distant table. Ichisui Uchiha was sitting there sharing a platter of taiyaki pastry with Karua Nara. "My brother. He tries so hard to be normal and proper and to get everyone to like him. But you know what? It kills him inside to know that no matter what he does or how nice he is most of the people in this stupid little village will always treat him like a freak. All of us Uchiha have two strikes against us since the moment we were born. All because of our last name."

"Oh come on, it's not that bad… We like you guys. We're practically family!"

Hana nodded. "Yep, and you are all we got." She tapped her soda bottle making a rhythmic tune. "Didn't you wonder why I never hang out with my squad? Why Ichisui isn't hanging out with his?" Hana looked out of the corner of her eye at Hishyota. "What did your squad-mates say when you told them you were going to be meeting with me this afternoon?"

Hishyota looked bashful. "Well, Um..."

Hana nodded. "I thought so."

Hishyota waved her hand emphatically in the air. "Look, all that... clan banishment business is over and done with these days. You're back living inside the village walls, you guys are full-fledged shinobi now. I mean, maybe some people are still being jerks but..."

Hana interrupted her. "There are only two reasons why the Uchiha clan is still allowed to live here in Konoha. First, your father the Hokage says so, and he makes it very clear at every opportunity that we are staying and not to be messed with. If it wasn't for your dad we would be run out of town in a heartbeat." Hana paused, scowling.

"What is the second reason?" asked Hishyota gloomily.

Hana closed her eyes. "Because it's always better to have the monsters on your side."

"What?"

"Think about it. When everything goes south, it's good to know you have the biggest, baddest, scariest bastard in the ninja world ready to fight on your behalf." Hana snorted. "The only problem is when it's peaceful, people kind of forget about that part. Everyone goes around saying, 'Hey! Who let all these scary bastards in here?'" Hana laughed. "So, each of us deals with it in our own little special way. Mom spends all her time working. Dad broods and gardens and keeps to himself. Ichisui tries to be mister nice-guy and prove them wrong. I turn into the scary little girl that everyone expects me to be. Mibuki spends all his time in the library studying. All Chyrio's friends have four legs and are furry, and Fugawari is too little to have picked up on it yet." She sighed. "He will, soon."

"Wow," said Hishyota blinking. "That's really... harsh."

"Harsh... but true." Hana shrugged. "So, to answer your question... No... I want to be a shinobi. I want to frighten all these little ignorant punks that look at me and my family like we aren't worthy of breathing the same air they are." Hana's voice dropped to a cold whisper. "If they want a monster, I'll give them one."

Hishyota shifted uncomfortably. After a very long pause she said, "So... are your brother and Karua out on a date?"

Hana snorted. "No... That idiot is still drooling after Hishyoni the walking armory. Do you know he keeps a book of love poems he wrote to her hidden under his mattress? It's pathetic."

"I thought you liked depressing poetry?" said Hishyota with a small smile.

"Depressing, yes. Nauseating? No," said Hana smiling back.

"So... Ichisui... why did you really ask me to come here?"

"Huh?" asked Ichisui, starting guiltily and turning back to face Karua. "I'm sorry... could you repeat that?"

Karua sighed and crossed her legs. "Look, you practically begged me to meet you here after my mission. I will admit, I was intrigued at first. I thought maybe you had some big news like you got promoted to jonin or something. So I've been sitting here for the past half hour, waiting for you to say whatever this profound thing is that's on your mind. Instead, you just sit there like a sweating lump. You being so nervous and all was kind of cute at first, but I've had a long day and now it's getting to be a real drag. Either tell me what's up, or I'm going home."

"Nothing's up," said Ichisui, trying to look nonchalant. "I just... haven't seen you for a while and was wondering if you might want to… hang out somewhere nicer than usual and… maybe get something to eat?" He tried to keep his eyes focused on Karua, but despite all his best efforts they flicked back to the arcade again.

"If you are trying to set me up for some sort of prank you are going to regret it," said Karua in an unperturbed voice.

"What?"

Karua inspected her fingernails. "You keep staring over my shoulder. So… either there is something really fascinating going on over at the arcade, or someone is sneaking up on me for nefarious purposes." She glanced up at Ichisui and then back at her nails. "I'm warning you, if I turn around and see Shikasu trying to look all innocent while holding a bucket full of goo… I will not be happy."

Ichisui blushed. "Uh… Well… Um…" He fell silent.

Karua rolled her eyes and turned around. There was a pause. "Oh," she said in a semi-disappointed tone. "Fascinating in the arcade it is." Gyrating on the Ninja-Ninja Revolution machine was Hishyoni Hyuga. She was showing off her taijutsu and flexibility with series of high sweeping kicks that turned into a backflip.

"She... um… moves... very gracefully…" said Ichisui meekly. As if she heard, Hishyoni slid down into a full split, punched a target, and slid back upwards again.

Karua drummed the tabletop with her fingers. "She shows too much cleavage is more like it." She exhaled sharply. "All right Ichisui, I can get the hint." She pushed back her chair and started to get up.

"No! Wait! Please." Ichisui reached across the table and grabbed her hand. "I asked you to come because... I need your help. Please."

Karua raised one eyebrow. "What do you need my help with? She's right over there. Go talk to her."

Ichisui mumbled something. "Speak up, I didn't catch that," said Karua.

"I said, I can't do it. I have... problems talking to girls," muttered Ichisui a hair louder.

Karua crossed her arms. "Ahem. You are talking to one right now."

"You're different. You are my friend. My best friend! I can talk to you about anything!" Ichisui lowered his voice to an ashamed whisper. "Look... I haven't told anyone this, but I get so nervous around her that I keep doing... stupid things. The first time I tried talking to her, she was across the street. Only it was market day, and they were driving the cattle in to market, and I wasn't looking where I was going and I…"

Karua interrupted him. "Tripped and fell and got covered in crap. Yeah. I heard about that one."

Ichisui looked surprised. "How did…" He shook his head. "Anyway, the next time, I thought I would impress her with some flowers, so I went down to the edge of the river and picked some to give to her, only…"

Karua interrupted again. "The flowers were infested with biting mites. They swarmed you, and you got bitten so many times your face looked like a big raspberry."

Ichisui paused and looked at her suspiciously. "And then there was the time after that when I…"

"Wrote a song for her and went to go sing it to her bedroom window at night? Only it was so dark you got mixed up and ended up singing it to her parent's bedroom window?" Karua was trying really hard not to smirk. "And then Neji-san opened the window and told you that he appreciated the lovely sentiment, but he was already quite happily married, thank you very much. And then Tenten-san shouted…" Karua started to giggle. "She said, 'and tell that boy to practice his singing, it sounds like he's torturing a cat!'" Karua laughed.

Ichisui's head dropped to his chest. "I see."

Karua placed a hand on his arm. "Oh... don't get all dopey about it. You have to admit it is hilarious."

"How many people know about this?" asked Ichisui in a small voice.

Karua shrugged. "It is a very funny story."

"Oh Gods," said Ichisui, and buried his face in his hands. This was worse than he had imagined… no wonder everyone was staring at him.

"I'm sure everyone will forget about it... eventually." She patted him reassuringly. "Don't worry about it."

Ichisui inhaled deeply and tried to pull himself together. "Well, regardless..." he said. "I kind of came up with this plan, and, you know, since you are my friend, and more to the point, a girl… I thought the best recourse would be to ask you to help me with this. It makes a lot of sense, there's just a couple of small… issues..." He pulled out a small book and began to page through it.

Karua gave him a confused look. "What are you talking about?"

Ichisui continued to page through. "Well it says right here in Chapter Four that..."

Karua reached across the table and snatched the slim book out of his hands. "Let me see that." She glanced at the cover. "The Art of Getting any Woman You Want?! By Jiraiya the Sanin?" She stared at Ichisui wide eyed.

He blushed again. "Well, you know how Uncle Sai has all those... self help books? I... Um... kind of asked him if he had one that would help me get a date... with this girl I like... and well... he handed me this one."

Karua started leafing through the pages. "You asked Sai-san for help? Okay... I hope you realize that that was perhaps the worst possible move you could have made." She stopped and stared at a page.

"He's a little weird, I know. But his heart's in the right place, and he does honestly try to help." Karua wasn't listening, her eyes were glued to the book. "What?" Ichsui asked.

Karua cleared her throat and read. "Chapter Sixteen: Whipped cream: Dessert topping or foreplay aid?" She closed the covers with a sharp snap. "First of all, Eww! Second of all, a little weird? That's like saying the ocean is a little bit wet."

"My mom says he's just a little misunderstood. She says he's much better than he used to be."

Karua grimaced. "Well, thank the Gods for that then." She looked down suspiciously at the book. She looked back at Ichisui. "I really, really, hope that this 'thing' you were going to suggest I help you with does not have anything to do with whipped cream," she said darkly.

Ichisui held up his hands in front of himself. "No! No no no no no! No! As a matter of fact, I haven't even gotten to any of the later chapters yet! I just started reading it, and in Chapter Four, well… it says..." His voice drifted away into a nervous mumble.

Karua pushed the book back towards him with one finger as if it was something distasteful. "Enlighten me."

"Well it says that people always are more interested in what they can't have. For instance, you always find the person who is unavailable to be more attractive."

Karua blinked twice at Ichisui. She didn't speak for a long time. "So?" she finally asked quietly.

"So, one of the things that the book recommends is that feigning affection for someone else is a good way to attract the attention of the person you are actually interested in." Ichisui smiled at her.

Karua looked away, studying something in the far side for the plaza. "I'm... still... not sure what you are getting at."

"Well Jiraiya-sama may have been very wise in the ways of women, but I don't think he was very honorable about it. So I thought that, maybe... instead of pretending to like some poor innocent girl, and then breaking her heart when Hishyoni finally acknowledges me… I thought, since you are my friend, we could maybe just... pretend... that we are on a date and see if that makes her jealous?" he said in an innocent little voice. Karua stared at him. There was a long uncomfortable silence. "Or maybe not?" he squeaked.

Karua took a long deep breath and closed her eyes. "What did you have in mind for this... pretend date?" she grumbled.

Ichisui smiled and started breathing again. "Does that mean you'll do it?"

Karua's face reddened. "It depends on what your idea of a date is. If you start talking about dessert toppings, I'm out of here!"

"Oh. Um... Well... I thought that maybe we could come here for a bite to eat."

Karua waved her hand. "We just did it."

"And we could have a fun, interesting conversation."

Karua leaned her elbow on the table. "Well I'm not sure I can say anything about fun… but so far this conversation has definitely been interesting."

"And... Um... Then maybe we could go for a walk around the plaza... holding hands... or something?"

"Uh-huh," said Karua quietly. "And... where does Hishyoni fit into all of this?"

"Well, obviously we'd have to walk around aimlessly for a bit just to allay any suspicion."

"Obviously. Because going out on pretend dates is such a commonplace occurrence." Karua said, rolling her eyes.

"And then we'd casually stroll into the arcade, and I'd say something smooth like 'Oh hey Hishyoni... how's it going?'"

Karua sighed. "And she'll fall at your feet and scream 'Ichisui, take me now! And don't forget the whipped cream!'"

"What?!" Ichisui's face turned bright red.

Karua stood and held out her hand. "I'm just teasing you, let's go."

"This has got to be the most... idiotic thing Ichisui has ever come up with," thought Karua when she first got up from the table. "Nobody is ever going to believe we are out on a date." And yet… there they were. The eldest son of the Uchiha clan and the daughter of Temari no Sabaku… holding hands and walking around the Pig pen… Sorry, the 'Konoha Emporium'… for all of the Hidden Leaf to see.

After a while Karua found herself thinking: "This part isn't... too bad... holding hands with him... Even if this is just another one of his stupid ideas. Hah! Pretending to like someone else to get the girl. What a ridiculously over-complicated scheme to get someone to like you."

The thing was, way back when they first met in the middle of the Kurokaze attack, she had kind of 'liked him' liked him at first. He was cute, and strong and noble and dashing… and he'd taken care of that little red headed girl and used his medical ninjutsu when she'd been wounded in the leg… Almost like some hero that you'd read about in a book… But then she'd found out that he was absolutely head over heels for Hishyoni Hyuga… And there really wasn't much point in her wasting her time.

She'd moved on to other boys… but despite it all, she and the Uchiha boy remained friends. For Ichisui, despite all his faults, was a genuinely nice guy… a rarity in the shinobi world. And he could be funny and charming when he wasn't wasting his time mooning over certain, bad tempered Hyuga kunoichi...

She glanced over at him, as he was animatedly babbling on about having to shoo his little sister's chipmunks out of his gear this morning. It had been an awfully long time since any boy had paid this kind of attention to her…So even though she knew this was all supposed to be pretend, pretty quickly she found herself laughing at his jokes and holding on to his hand just a little bit tighter.

It didn't take very long for things to feel… really... comfortable. Which made sense… After all, she and Ichisui had been friends for over three years now. They settled into their old patterns, talking and joking, and she would occasionally shove him when he said something dumb.

They were behaving almost exactly the way they always would, except for one small thing. While Ichisui was pulling her towards some random pushcart that had caught his eye, she glanced down at his fingers entwined with hers. In some ways it didn't seem to make any difference in their relationship at all. In other ways, it changed everything.

But not really of course... After all, this was only a 'pretend' date.

They were outside one of the clothing boutiques, pawing through the hat racks and trying on the most ridiculous headgear they could find and making faces at each other, when calamity struck in the form of a familiar voice. "Why Karua! What a wonderful surprise meeting you here!"

Oh Gods, not now. Karua dropped Ichisui's hand like it was made of red hot iron. "Hello Mother."

Temari stepped up next to them her arms ringed with shopping bags. "If I had known you were heading to the Emporium you could have come along with us and made a party out of it. I was just picking out a new spring yukata for Shikasu, when I saw that they were having a sale on baby clothes, so I bought a whole bunch of them for your new little cousin when he arrives." Temari paused and her sea green eyes flicked once to Ichisui. "So... Karua, aren't you going to introduce me to your... friend... here?"

Karua felt the embarrassment twist her stomach. So, her mother's strategy was going to be playing up the ignorant, yet earnest, maternal stereotype persona. She knew full well who Ichisui was, and she had obviously seen the pair of them holding hands and had come charging full steam across the plaza to once again stick her nose in her daughter's business. "Mom... you remember Ichisui Uchiha," said Karua, taking the plunge into the inevitable and hiding the dread in her voice.

"Of course! Ichisui! My how you've grown! I didn't recognize you!" Her eyes narrowed slightly as she smiled at Ichisui. "Are you and Karua… shopping?" Karua held her breath. No good could come from this. This was going to end with her mother giving her another hour long lecture about setting her sights to low… she just knew it

To her surprise, and relief, Ichisui, instead of doing something stupid, responded with a razor sharp bow. "It is my utmost pleasure to make your acquaintance again Nara-san," he said very formally and smoothly. "Whatever plans, Karua and I had for this afternoon can be easily set aside. May we assist you in any way? Could I carry your bags perhaps?"

Temari's eyebrows twitched upwards a fraction of a millimeter. So did the corner of her mouth. "Such a polite and eager young man!" she exclaimed. Then she frowned for a moment. "Unlike some I could mention." She cuffed Shikasu across the head. "Say hello Shikasu!"

"Ow!" said Shikasu, rubbing his ear. He raised one hand in greeting. "Hey."

Ichisui surprised her even more by giving a short bow to her brother. "It is a pleasure to meet you as well Shikasu-kun. My younger brother Mibuki is a classmate of yours at the Academy. He has mentioned you on occasion, predicting that your brilliance will one day outshine that of your father's."

Shikasu gave him a very confused look. "Really?"

"Really?" echoed Temari, a small smile crossing her lips. She reached over and pinched Shikasu's cheek. "Honey... I'm so proud of you! I knew that one day, if you just applied yourself hard enough, you would be acknowledged for the genius that you are."

"Ow! Mom... could you please let go?" Shikasu squirmed as his mother held onto his cheek.

"Karua dear," said Temari, ignoring her wriggling son. "Have you by any chance seen your father about? He was supposed to meet us here to help."

Karua shook her head. "No mother, I haven't." Please just go, don't make a scene, please just go, don't make a scene, she prayed.

The Gods weren't listening. Temari gave Ichisui a long slow look up and down. "I think, Ichisui-kun, I will take you up on that offer to help carry my bags. If you would be so good as to follow us?" With one swift maneuver, she piled them high in Ichisui's arm and quickly sashayed to the next store.

Everyone had to hurry to keep up with her long stride. "Please try not to get lost Shikasu dear, we still have to pick out your formalwear for when we next visit Suna."

"Mom!" grumbled Shikasu. "You don't have to talk to me like I'm four, you know? I'm not going to get lost."

Temari stopped suddenly and stared at him. "Oh, and I suppose that time I was trying to buy your new school clothes and you wandered off and somehow spent two hours in the arcade is just supposed to make me feel full of confidence is it?"

"That wasn't getting lost... that was hiding," said Shikasu.

Temari cuffed him across the ear again. "Don't forget we still need to get you some new underpants. Now come along and stop embarrassing me in front of Karua's friend."

"Not as much as you are embarrassing Karua," muttered Shikasu.

"Excuse me Nara-san," said Ichisui to Temari, completely missing Karua's frantic warning signs as he directly addressed her mother. "If I may speak to you in Shikasu's defense for a moment, it is clear to me that your son has a young warrior's heart. In my youth I also placed action and adventure above all else. Surely to a young man the physical challenge provided by the arcade must be more enticing than the necessities of shopping?" Ichisui turned quickly to Shikasu. "I understand the desire to constantly train and better your skills. But it is also very important to listen to the wisdom of your parents, for they will have insights that are missed by the young shinobi. For example, the importance of protocol in important diplomatic situations." Ichisui nodded to Temari. "Your family Shikasu, is one of the noblest bloodlines in the ninja world. Your appearance reflects on more than just you. It is important to remember that your honor is as important as your training."

Temari's eyebrows lifted a fraction of a millimeter more. "Nicely said. Shikasu, you should listen to this young man."

Shikasu stared at Ichisui. Then he quickly looked at his sister. "Is he for real?" he muttered.

"Noble?" asked Karua, somewhat incredulously.

Ichisui nodded at her, with wide honest eyes. "You mother is famed far and wide for her beauty and her prowess in battle. She is daughter of a former Kazekage and the sister of the current Kazekage. Your father is acknowledged by all as the most brilliant general of his generation. He is the chief military advisor to the Hokage. Your family's name will echo in legend." He tried to gesture but his arms were filled with packages. "It is very easy to forget at times, but your actions will be part of the legend as well."

"I'd really like to think that my underwear will not be recorded in legend," said Shikasu.

Ichisui shook his head. "Then take my advice… train extra hard and never get injured." When Shikasu stared at him with a confused expression on his face, he tried to explain. "When an injured shinobi is admitted to Konoha hospital, the first thing they do is remove his or her clothing to check for injuries. My mother told me of this one time that Konohamaru Sarutobi was admitted to the ER and upon examination, he was wearing..." Thankfully this time he caught sight of the frenzied chopping motion Karua was making across her neck. Karua had heard this story earlier, and she was absolutely positive she did not want to share it with her mother. "...something really embarrassing," he finished with a sickly smile.

Temari watched their exchange back and forth. Her face was set what her father called her 'Diplomat's mask', a carefully subdued smile that was her poker face when she was in negotiations. After a few brief seconds of calculation, Her mother's mask melted away and shifted into a bright predatory gleam of teeth.

Karua braced herself for the inevitable cutting remark. "So Ichisui Uchiha, how is your family doing these days?" Temari asked very politely.

Somehow, that one innocent little question was even more worrying.

Ichisui looked up, and thought for a moment. "My mother is well. The head of surgery position at the hospital suits her, although she does complain that she is unable to see her children as much as she wishes to. My father… he lives the life of a retired shinobi. He enjoys gardening and caring for his children. His tomatoes have won prizes at local produce fairs for three years running now."

Temari nodded in an interested way. "I am so glad to hear that. Remind me… The Uchiha bloodline… it runs strongly in your family doesn't it?" she asked innocently.

"I'm sorry?" asked Ichisui.

"The sharingan... All of your brothers and sisters have it?"

"Oh. My sister Hana and I have each manifested the full sharingan. My younger brother Mibuki has a partial sharingan, but I'm sure that will improve with training. Father is fairly confident that my youngest sister, Chyrio will manifest a sharingan at some point. Fugawari, the baby is only three, but father has hopes for him as well. " He looked over at Temari. "My mother is still with child so I don't know about the newest addition to the Uchiha clan, as my mother calls it, but yes, it looks like everyone in my family will have it... Why?"

Temari tapped her finger against her chin. "Hmm. Interesting." She looked around impatiently. "Now what is keeping Shikamaru? We were supposed to meet him here at five."

Shikasu spoke up. "Something was going on today. He and the Hokage were having a big meeting about something. He might be late."

Temari grumbled. "Not too late I hope..." She looked around again, her eyes settling on the Uchiha boy. She gave him a dazzling grin. "Ichisui, may I please impose on you to help us for just a little bit longer? I promise as soon as Shikamaru shows up, we will let you go on your merry way."

"It would be my pleasure to assist in any way I am able," said Ichisui with a strained smile. He carefully shifted his arms around.

"Good! You can wait here with Shikasu. Karua you come with me, I saw this darling kimono that would look absolutely fantastic on you." She grabbed her daughter's arm and began to pull.

"Oh Gods here it comes," thought Karua. He mother was about to give her an earful. She found herself resisting. "Um, Mom? I'm kind of right in the middle of something right now. Can we just… do it later?"

Temari kept pulling. "No. We need to go look at it right now. Besides I want to have a little chat with you about... a little something really quick." Temari smiled and waved at Ichisui. "Don't worry we girls will be right back!" She pulled Karua into the shop.

Shikasu stuffed his hands into his pockets and began to whistle tunelessly. Ichisui turned slightly and leaned the packages against the wall to take some of the weight off his arms.

"Nice day for a walk around the plaza isn't it?" said Shikasu, glancing at the poor sap his mother had dumped all the bags on and then went back to staring at the arcade.

The Uchiha dweeb nodded. "Yes, I'm glad the weather has been holding."

Shikasu barely heard him. The Ninja Ninja Revolution machine was calling to him. "Come to me Shikasu! Play me!" it sang in its 64-bit siren's song. "You can easily claim the top spot on my leaderboard!"

Shikasu nodded. He looked around innocently. With his mother gone, it was time to put plan A into action. "You know if they went in there to try on clothes, they could be gone for a good hour or so, especially if it's my mom doing the selecting."

"Mmm," said Ichisui, noncommittally. He shifted the pile of packages around.

"Yep," said Shikasu, leaning back against a wall, "she could be in there for a very long time."

"Really?" asked Ichisui in a non committal way.

He watched Ichisui for a minute. "What I'm trying to say is we easily have enough time to head over to the arcade for a quick game or two and get back before they even get out of the dressing room."

"Sorry," said Ichisui. "We said we would stay here. You can ask your mother when she gets back."

Shikasu rolled his eyes. "Dude... look… You're trying way too hard. I can read my mother like a book. It is so obvious she already approves of you. You don't have to keep acting this way to stay on her good side. Trust me, she's probably in there planning your wedding to Karua as we speak." The tower of packages Ichisui was holding fell with a crash. "So how about you just let me slip off to the arcade… If I get caught, I'll just tell my mom you tried to stop me but I was too sneaky for you."

Ichisui blinked. He shut his mouth. "Excuse me?" he said weakly.

Karua wasn't quite sure what sort of verbal tirade she was expecting from her mother… but it sure wasn't this.

"Excuse me?" said Karua weakly.

"I said Karua, that this new young man of yours has made quite the initial impression on me. He seems so... mature and well-refined. Very promising. I know you've been out with him here and there before… but I always believed the pair of you were just friends. How long have you two been seriously dating?" Temari was sorting through a rack of outfits. "Here, try this one, the green will be lovely with your eyes."

"Well..." started Karua. But, as usual, her mother just charged right on ahead.

"I'd like to invite him over to the house for dinner and give your father a chance to meet the boy. Well, to meet him officially at least. Ooh, I like the cut of this. Hold this one please." Temari handed her a pale red evening gown.

"Mom…" said Karua.

"While we are here, we should try to find something that could suit Aunt Matsuri. She was asking for something that would work as formal maternity wear." Temari fingered the sleeves of a jacket. "Hmm, poor quality," she muttered. "I'll give this one to the Head of the Blue Sand clan… That new well of theirs cost twice as much as their initial estimate and is only pumping half the water promised." She found another gown, this time in midnight black with a low cut bodice and a long slit up the side. "Now this," she said, "is perfect for a late night of dancing with your father." Temari smiled. "He says I look sexy in black you know." Karua made a disgusted noise. "What?" said Temari. She held up the gown up to her neck and smoothed it down to test its fit.

"Mom, there's something I really need to…" Karua started.

"Oh, speaking of Aunt Matsuri and... ahem... her unexpected condition... You and your young man are using protection aren't you?"

There was a crash as the pile of clothes and their hangers fell to the floor. "Mother!" cried Karua.

Temari looked up with forced innocence. "What? I'm concerned for your well being."

"Mom!" snapped Karua. "I've been trying to tell you for like, five minutes, but you aren't listening." She took a deep breath. "Ichisui and I aren't... seriously dating!"

"Oh," said Temari with a twinkle in her eye, "all the more reason to be using protection then."

Ichisui's head jerked up at the sound of a frustrated scream. "Was that Karua?"

Shikasu shrugged. "Probably. My Mom has that effect on people." The Uchiha went back to trying to restack the boxes. Shikasu watched him scramble for as long as he could stand it "Will you just relax?"

"Your mother… trusted me… to watch her things," Ichisui bent down to pick them the stack. It slowly topped over again. "And I'm going to do it!" he said, getting frustrated.

"Dude… chill," said Shikasu. "Like, eighty five percent of that crap she doesn't even care about… they're diplomatic incentives."

Ichisui looked down at the box he was holding. "These are... bribes?" he asked, slowly edging it away.

Shikasu rolled his eyes. "No! Look… Have you heard the saying that 'War is diplomacy by another means'? Well, in the past three years my Mom has used them to stop two wars, a border dispute, and end a conspiracy inside Suna. She uses stuff like this to put everyone back in their place."

Ichisui looked down at the bags and boxes, then he looked back up. "I don't understand."

Shikasu sighed theatrically. "Look. Just stand still. I'll hand you the stuff and explain okay?"

Ichisui stood up straight and nodded. Inside his head, Shikasu chuckled triumphantly. Plan B was a go. "A bribe is when you give someone this huge lavish gift in the hopes that they will one day do you a favor right? Well, a diplomatic incentive is usually just this cheesy little knickknack that is supposed to show goodwill between two parties… unless they have some sort of hidden message behind it."

"What sort of hidden message?" asked Ichisui.

Shikasu piled on another bag. "Well, she once gave the Shogun of the Land of Gems one of the very diamonds he thought he had smuggled out of the country. And during that imminent border conflict with the Land of Swamps last year, she gave a tapestry to the wife of the Daimyo of the Land of Swamps that looked suspiciously like the woman her husband was having an affair with... And then there was that time when the Head of the Black Sand clan of Suna was talking about rebellion. He woke up one morning to find that this fancy steel knife with a ruby in the pommel had somehow mysteriously gotten stabbed through his pillow while he was asleep… Attached to the hilt was a very polite note from my mom that said Uncle Gaara wanted to meet with him at his earliest convenience, to renew his loyalty oaths" Shikasu shrugged "She still has missions, and there's much less bloodshed these days… but people still call her the cruelest kunoichi in the world." He gave Ichisui a surreptitious glance. Good, the guy hadn't noticed a thing. "That's how I can tell she likes you. You're still standing here holding her stuff… If she didn't approve of you seeing Karua, you'd be long gone."

"So... you think your sister and I are dating?" asked Ichisui slowly.

Gods what a dweeb. Shikasu shrugged and found a spot to put another package on the pile. "Dude, what I think doesn't matter one way or another. The important thing is what my mom thinks… Just make sure you never fall out of her good graces… Like Makoto."

"Who?"

Shikasu picked up another bag. "Makoto… the last guy my sister dated."

"I never heard about this."

"Dude." Shikasu sighed. "Okay, like... two years ago this guy Makoto, he asks my sister to the spring festival. Now mom did not like the guy. She thinks he has this sketchy look about him. But you know, Karua insists that she is a big girl and can make her own decisions... and to make a long story short, they end up going to the festival." He found another package and precariously added it to the tottering pile. "And while they're wandering around, he tried to do something rude. I never really found out what, but my sister punches him out. She gave him this huge black eye, and comes storming home in a huff. Karua tells the story to my parents. My dad's all like 'Good for you sweetie! You showed him who's the boss!' but not my mom. She stews for about an hour and then starts railing away about how this is a slight on the family honor. She and Dad get into this huge argument about what is and is not an appropriate response. Finally, Mom decides to go out for a walk, saying that will help her calm down a bit." Shikasu added another package to the pile. "Now I'm not saying I know for sure what happened or not… But that night, someone knocked Makoto out cold, stripped him naked and rolled him in poison ivy. Then they hog-tied him and left him swinging in the breeze under the main arch." He looked askance at Ichisui. "When the medical-nin cut him down he was one big rash from head to toe. He had to be wrapped in ointments and bandages for a week for it to clear up."

Ichisui blanched. "Your mother did that?"

Shikasu shrugged. "Hey, all I know for certain is that she really didn't like the guy, mostly, because he did something bad to her little girl." Shikasu slapped Ichisui on the back. "But don't you worry. Like I said, she likes you... at least for the moment. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm heading over to the arcade."

"Wait," said Ichisui. He tried to move and stumbled. He staggered upright just in time to keep the packages from falling again. He teetered strangely, and looked at his feet confused.

Shikasu waggled his fingers at him. "I wired your feet to the packages using the store's awning pole as a pulley. It should make them easier to hold, but it's going to be tough to walk like that. Don't worry, I'll let you out when I get back." Shikasu turned and strolled off.

"Wait!" called Ichisui. "What if your mother comes back before then?"

Shikasu shrugged. "Tell her I was too sneaky for you."