Alright, so here's another chapter that was requested. This, I'm not gonna lie, was hell. I watch through each of these videos at least twice and then go through, pausing moment by moment to get down the script. And then, as I'm typing the chapter I add in the audio and then watch through it again for the visuals. So this chapter took more than an hour, just for the media portion. That isn't including the original content, so…. Yah. This is gonna be a long chapter. And so is the next one. Being based on a 20 minute video… I hope you enjoy!
This was requested by Silver Tarot, so thank you so much for giving me more crack to look through!
This is based on Tomandre's series, A Slap on Titan.
Because this is a multi-episode series, I'm just going to be doing episode one.
After I finish eating, I walk to Levi's office as was becoming usual. The Commander had let us know earlier that this week would only be Mikasa, Armin, himself, and I. It was going to be quiet. I could tell. The last couple week's sessions had been. I take my usual seat beside Armin, Mikasa hadn't arrived yet. Probably waiting until the last possible moment to join without being admonished by Levi. She was still wary of the captain after his public display of violence toward me, and her anger had only begun to spike again once she had learned about his and Armin's relationship. Once Mikasa is there, the email is opened and the link is clicked to redirect us to the media. As YouTube loads the video I gently scratch at my cheek as we sit in the silence, it was kind of suffocating, even if it was for just a moment.
The video opens up to a very familiar scene and I recognise it near instantly from when I had watched the Shingeki no Kyojin series. The noise wasn't the same and it didn't start up the same, but there was no denying this was the same video. That is until it zoomed into the Colossal Titan and he 'spoke'.
What's good niggas? This looks like a sandbox.
What? This was apparently not the same video. I look over at Armin as the familiar opening theme song begins to play, my eyebrows furrowed a bit in confusion.
Hey failure!
The words spoken from the screen get my attention back on track as I watch the scene play out between 'Mikasa' and 'I', laughing a bit. Up until the mention of oral fixation. This definitely seemed like a conversation that could take place between us. I roll my eyes at the Wallist's ranting, that was definitely something that happened, though not in those exact words. And this was when the experience went to shit. Hannes appeared on screen, and while I had begun to expect him at some point, this did seem to be modeled after the official anime, I hadn't expected him to say the words he did.
Heh. Excuse me. At least my mother's history isn't a family secret.
I could feel my stomach roll, I didn't like where this was going. Where 'Hannes' was bringing this.
'Me': What?
'Hannes':Your momma's past. Ha, cause- Wait. You don't know.
'Hugo': HE doesn't know? Oh snap. Knowledge is about to get dropped. Also clearly drunk
'Me': Hannes, what the hell are you talking about?
'Hannes': Eren. Your mother was a massive whore back in the day.
I was out of my seat before I could even think, rage clear on my face. I don't know what I was gonna do. There wasn't anyone I could actually hit, Hannes and Hugo both had their faults, but I wasn't blaming them. There was nothing I could do. Before I could even attempt anything Mikasa had grabbed onto my elbow and pulled me back down, her own face twisted a bit in anger. That surprised me, she was usually as emotionless as the older Ackerman. I take the seat again, huffing out an angry breath and gritting my teeth as the conversation between 'Hannes' and 'me' continues. I ignore it until Hannes is once more off screen, deciding to save my energy for yelling about something else instead.
'Me': Hey, look! The Recon Corps is back! Come on Mikasa, let's cheer on the real heroes of humanity!
Random Citizens: 'Oh look who it is. Bitch patrol.' 'Bow-wow, you people look messed up!' 'Look at these pussies!' 'They look like gay Robin Hood!'
'Me': Hey, there he is, Erwin! My friggin' hero!
'Erwin Smith': Ugh, children.
RC: 'Way to get fucking dismembered, asshole!' 'We're ignorant civilians and therefore extremely unsympathetic to your suffering.' 'Hey look, it's the Ren and Stumpy show!' 'Bye horses!' 'Man, those rangers are cowards.'
I tighten my hands into fists, a quiet growl in the back of my throat as I level a glare at the screen placed on Levi's desk in front of me. I was angry at those fuckers all over again. I knew what day this was supposed to be though. The first appearance of the Colossal Titan. I remember whacking around at least one of them. And there it is. I smirk a bit as the stuck comes down on the man's body. I can hear Mikasa let out a little breath of annoyance. She was probably already frustrated about this whole thing. So was I. I hated all of this. I was just about done with our correspondence group.
'Me': Jeez, holy fuck Mikasa, I think you just permanently altered my spine. You should become, like, a chiropractor for hunchbacks. You could probably reset a titan's vertebrae alone. You could probably commit seppuku with an acupuncture needle. I really don't know how to handle this. I've been crippled by your mutant strength and my personal issues with having a fake sister adding me to the disability registry.
'Mikasa': And I'm crippled by the fact that you still won't accept me as your sister. And lover.
I laugh a bit at this exchange before wrinkling my nose at the last words. I can see Mikasa respond in a similar way from the corner in my eye and bite back a laugh. We thought the same thing about that at least.
'Me': What'd you say?
'Mikasa': Nothing. I am the night!
'Me': Oh god, don't start that shit again. You're enough of a hipster without the scarf.
'Mikasa': It warms the darkness of my soul.
This brings me back to laughter, snorting as the scene fades off.
'Mikasa': Eren wants to join the Recon Corps.
'Me': What the fuck Mikasa?!
'Mom': Eren! Is this true?!
'Me': What- Yes.
'Mom': You told me those days were over! That's it, Eren! Bedtime forever!
Well that went over much better than it really happened. So I guess there's that. But it was really messing with my mind, seeing my 'mom' still lively as always, yelling and smiling and just… Living.
'Dad': Well Eren, how about us boys talk this out?
'Me': Oh. Hi there Dad, you were so quiet I didn't notice you.
D: That's because I'm a genie! Um no.
I blink, not at all sure what just happened on the screen. What the hell was that supposed to mean? And what was up with his voice anyway? All the voice in this are actually pretty atrocious so. Except maybe Mikasa's. It was pretty spot on.
'Dad': Look, Eren. I am not mad at you for wanting to join the Recon Corps. Trust me. I do understand. And if you ever have any questions about any secrets you feel we may have kept from you.. Here's the key to the basement.
'Me': The Forbidden Dungeon?!
Yes. I'm done. If the next video they have us watch is as shirty as this one I will refuse to further cooperate. I understand that in their anime, Shingeki no Kyojin I am the protagonist, but still. Why is there so much offensive content based around me? What about any other person? I get it's supposed to be humorous, but that can only excuse so much. As far as they know, we're not real so that cuts them a bit more slack, but still.
"How much longer?" I ask, my voice barely above a whisper and just loud enough for Levi to hear. He reaches forward and wiggles the cursor around on the video and I see that it's only a little more than half through. I sigh and put my chin in my hand, giving up on fighting the video.
Random Bully: Ha! Stupid nerd! Reading books and shit!
Armin: I hope you enjoy this! You're the stronger one now. But one day, I'm gonna grow up, and I'm gonna teach myself how to make chloroform and knock you all out. Then, I'll drag you down into my basement and chain you to the foundations. The first thing you'll see upon waking is me standing before you as your new god. And then I'll make you worship me in ways no one has before.
My eyes widen and I glance over at Armin who looked angry, looked like he was going to be the one destroying the technology if Levi hadn't placed a hand on his thigh, holding him in place, he still looked angry, but I couldn't help laughing a bit. Armin might be a gentle person, but if he gets angry, you don't want to be on the receiving end. He would destroy you intellectually and this was the deranged side of that. Armin whips around to look at me, and I hold my hands up in protest.
'Armin': Well, I started off writing dark poetry, and then worked my way up to hand-sewing perfect doll replicas of my tormentors, then placing each doll in a pentagramic circle and stabbing out their eyes before extinguishing their souls in a ritualized fire ceremony.
'Me': Wow Armin. That's kinda fucked up.
Armin seems really angry with this representation of him, but I love it. This. This is great. If the damn video had started with this, I might not hate it so much. It seemed like I was the only one who did like it, Mikasa was looking at the screen in disgust, Armin was glaring at me, and Levi was just staring like I had shifted into a titan and kicked around in any space he had just cleaned. I just laugh a bit harder, clutching at my stomach as I double over for a moment before calming down again at the seriousness of what was on screen. And we were back at the beginning, the Colossal Titan bringing down the gate. 'Armin was back on screen and I grinned, keeping back my laughter this time.
'Armin': No… No! Steady your hand, Armin. You can't let them see it shake when you take your revenge.
'Me': Mom! Mom! Quick Mom, where does it hurt?
'Mom: My… everywhere.
'Mikasa': Help me lift this!
'Mom': How many titans are there?
'Me': There's only… a million of them.
I grimace, knowing exactly where this was going, but before I could form fists with my hands or grit my teeth together the sound cuts off. I look up again and see Levi sitting back, the laptop closed as he takes Armin's hand in his.
"Go on and get some rest. It's been a long day for us all." His voice is quiet and I stand, leaving the room grateful to the captain as I brush of Mikasa, ignoring her concern as I go to my room. She had followed, but I close the door to her face. I love Mikasa, but sometimes I just needed to be alone, and right now was one of those times. I sit on the bed, crossing my legs under me and bury my face in my hands as I'm forced to relive those memories. I can feel the tears falling from my eye and leaking through my fingers but I can't bring myself to care.
I'm sorry if any of the configuration in this chapter is weird, or if there were any typos. I wrote this over two different devices. I'm so sorry this took so long to get to you, I got hella sick and was asleep all yesterday and was forced into social interactions the last week. (Probably didn't help that I set aside one day to rewatch the series because of the trailer that dropped.) Have you seen it? How excited are you? So because of that, I was subjected to all the feels all over again, because I watched the main series and the OVAs, I cried so hard, it was ridiculous. I forgot how feelsy the canon is thanks to all the happy fanart, fansongs, and fanfiction.
Thank you all so much for reading this and thanks again to Silver Tarot for this recommendation! It was a long journey, but here it is. Possibly the longest chapter I've put out. And I didn't even cover the whole episode!