I have no ownership over Harry Potter or the generation before him.

It was snowing outside and more people then usual were bustling around, trying to find last minute Christmas presents. Occasionally, he heard the happy shout of a child or saw a couple strolling rather than quickly walking while holding hands. He was certain they were ready to apparate at a moments notice but they still stank of a lack of fear. The Dark Lord would be wise to smash down this insistence that people were unafraid of him and yet he was hardly about to suggest it. He didn't like to attack public places. There was too much of a risk of being caught and too much of a risk of hurting her.

He ducked into the apothecary, one of the less packed shops on Diagon Alley. Immediately it seemed like one of the most wonderful and horrific things he'd done in quite a while; his heart jumped up in his throat and tried to suffocate him when he heard her voice. He ducked into one of the aisles, listening to her talk to someone else. Severus wondered if the person she was talking to was Potter and the idea made his stomach ache with anger. "I haven't got a clue about any of it," a man's voice said in response to Lily's. It wasn't Potter's but it was still familiar and still slightly tormented him.

"Remus, you're going to have to learn how to make a simple pepper-up at some point in your life."

"I haven't yet," he answered. "I'll stay sick rather than staying sick and sustaining potion burns, thank you."

"One of these days I'm going to cut you off from using my potions."

"Then I'll stop telling James's plan before he does something idiotic," Lupin replied. Their voices were getting closer and Severus wanted to move away but quite suddenly, when he heard her voice again, he froze. He wanted to be near her and yet he wanted to get away. He was stuck.

"You haven't even told me about half of them," Lily answered. "James still does enormously idiotic things."

"You participate quite willingly in half of those he actually goes through with."

"Don't give me that look," Lily said, a laugh it her voice. Severus found it even harder to shrink away. She had talked to him like that once, both scolding and teasing at the same time.

"What look?" Lupin asked.

"That disapproving one of yours."

"What have I ever disapproved of when it comes to you Lily?"

"You don't approve of James and me deciding to have a baby," Lily told him. Her voice had suddenly grown more serious. Severus's stomach attempted to jump up to join his heart in his throat.

"I never said anything of the sort," Lupin told her.

"But you think it," Lily answered, her voice softer. Her voice was so near. The pair of them had stopped on the other side of the shelf. If he were to take two steps, he would slip past the corner and see the two of them. "You think we're mental and we shouldn't bring a child into this." Her voice was not exactly hard, but it radiated stubbornness.

"I am happy for you two," Lupin said. "You have to know that I am. But it is dangerous right now. And sometimes I'm afraid you and James want a baby just to prove that you're not frightened of Voldemort," he said cautiously. For the first time in his life, Severus wanted to wholeheartedly agree with a Marauder. He wanted to tell Lily that having a baby with Potter was a bad idea, but of course he couldn't move and he couldn't let Lily know he'd been eavesdropping.

"See, now, was that so hard to say?" Lily asked him. "You've wanted to say that since you first found out I was pregnant." Her voice was light. Severus, however, felt like a weight had been added to his head, trying to push him down. Lily was already pregnant, with Potter's child no less. He wanted to see her both less and more. What if she was showing, Potter's child already growing under her skin? Could he bear to see it?

"Lily I don't mean to-"

"No, you should say it Remus. That's why I tried to get you to say it when I saw the opportunity. You shouldn't be dishonest and you know I respect your opinion."

"It's not my place."

"You're family."

"And you wouldn't react badly if your sister said the same thing?" Remus asked.

"I'd die of shock from hearing my sister say the word Voldemort, if that's what you mean by reacting badly." Severus almost snorted, almost.

"Lily, I'm serious."

"No, if you were you wouldn't disapprove at all. You would be overjoyed if James and I were having a baby just to prove how un-frightened we are. Come to think of it, that's probably why he's so ecstatic."

"That joke is older than the stars."

"I was hoping I could get you to smile. Oh come on now, that's a grimace, not a smile Remus." The conversation paused and Severus began trying to build up the motivation to move away but he desperately wanted to go around the shelf, to see Lily. But she was with Lupin. He didn't want to see Lupin and he definitely didn't want Lupin telling Potter that Severus had talked to Lily.

"Is that the reason why, Lily?" Remus asked her. "Are you having a baby to prove you're not frightened?"

"I think, partially, it is," Lily confessed, her voice quiet. Severus closed his eyes painfully. "And part of it is so that I know I'll get the chance. I am scared. I'm terrified really. And if I don't have a baby now, who knows if I'll ever have the chance. James could die or- or I could die." Lupin was silent. "Remus, don't say you wouldn't consider doing the same thing if you were in the same situation. If you had someone."

"I wouldn't, and thankfully I can't get anyone pregnant. My line will end with me even if by some miniscule chance I meet someone who would be willing to be with me," he told her.

"You're depressing."

"And you're mental. Do you have a point?" Lupin retorted.

"No, I suppose not," she agreed, rather resignedly. She sighed and walked around the edge of the shelf rapidly before Severus had a chance to think of moving again. She stopped where she was, her eyes wide, Lupin a step behind her. Her robes were a brown colour, her hair splaying over the shoulders. He couldn't see a bump yet. Perhaps he had misunderstood. He wanted to ask but instead he stood there, staring at her, drinking her in as if he were dying of thirst.

"I'll wait outside," Lupin said, placing his hand casually on Lily's shoulder. There was a question in the gesture and Lily gave a slight nod before Lupin slipped away. He caught Severus's eyes as he went, pausing as if looking for something. It was an inexact and untaught Legimancy, easily blocked.

"He's prying into my mind," Severus final managed as his first words when he heard the bell over the door ring.

"He doesn't mean to."

"He didn't manage it."

"Severus, how long have you been listening?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest, ending the conversation about Remus's faulty Legimancy.

"If there's something you didn't want me to hear, you really shouldn't have had that conversation in public," he answered.

"I'm not ashamed of anything," Lily told him.

"You ought to be. You let Potter that near you."

"I love him, Severus," she replied, her voice rather dull and yet her eyes were bright. He didn't like that her eyes were bright.

"He's an arrogant-"

"Stop," she commanded. "I'm not saying what he did to you was good but he grew-up and you haven't."

"I've grown up plenty," he argued.

"Then why are you too afraid to fight for what you know is right?" Lily asked him. Her eyes were narrowed and he stared at her, not managing to see into her head. His own was too full to even try. "James has a good heart when you get down to it. He loves me and I love him. There's nothing more you'll understand."

"I would love you!" he insisted in a hiss, leaning close to her. "Come with me Lily. We'll leave here. You don't have to be afraid. We'll leaveBritain, leave Potter, leave the Dark Lord, leave everything, just you and me."

"I have no desire to abandon anyone."

"It's for your own safety."

"Severus go away," Lily told him, her eyes narrowed.

"Please!" he said, grabbing a hold of one of her wrists in his hand. Icily she took her other hand and removed his hand from her wrist. Her glare in contrast was fiery, burning him.

"I said no," she told him.

"He doesn't keep you safe. He's gotten you pregnant. He lets you wander alone with a werewolf! I would protect you Lily. I'll protect Potter's brat too if you ask it of me. Lily-"

"Severus, leave me alone!" she replied sharply. "You have managed in only a few seconds time to insult me, my husband, my friend, and my child. I don't want to be around you. I have no interest in sitting back and being protected from everything." She shoved passed him and walked towards the register with a few bags of potions ingredients. He noticed a bag of mistletoe with the berries still intact that had been up at the front.

"I didn't mean to insult you," he said, following after her. "I know you can protect yourself but I want to keep you safe so badly," he said. She ignored him as she passed over coins for her purchases. She thanked the saleswitch who was looking at Severus with a look of fright but Lily pretended all was normal. She walked towards the door and paused, just before she opened it.

"Good-bye Severus," she said plainly. The bell jingled over the door and Severus paused a moment, staring out the window. Lupin was by the door, as he said he would be, and the pair of them walked off down the street that was growing thick and white with snow.

He didn't know it was the last time he would see her in person, the last time he would see her alive. There was no way he could have known that she had less than two years left to live, that he would later be tortured for seven years by seeing her perfect eyes on Potter's face. He hadn't yet heard when her child would be born and wouldn't give it a second thought when he relayed the prophecy to the Dark Lord, not until it was too late. Then he would remember and search for an answer, then he would sell his service to Dumbledore for her safety but not until then.

He would spend several years trying to figure out what he could have said to make her come with and then several years coming to terms with the inevitable answer that there was nothing he could have said to make her.

Sorry I've been missing for about a week. I underestimated my time that would be consumed by finals (amazing how much studying four finals can take, especially when they're for four completely different subjects). Then I got back home and the second night back my dad ended up in the hospital though he got to go home today, thank God. He's rather annoyed with being put on bed rest too (which is a good thing. The annoyance at having bed rest not the desire to break doctor's orders). Anyway, now that you've gotten bored by part of my life story that you didn't ask for, um, I'm gonna stop typing. Yeah...