Dec. 10th

Emily Gilmore was in a bad mood today. She hadn't heard from Lorelai at all yesterday and she didn't know what to think of it. Richard tried to cheer her up, but she didn't want to be cheered up and soon he went to work and she was left alone in her house, with a maid who was deathly afraid to come near her. So she was more than surprised when she heard quiet footsteps approaching.

"Mrs. Gilmore?" her maid asked timidly, curtseying.

"Yes?" Emily snapped.

"The mail, ma'am," she said, leaving a stack of letters on her desk and hurrying away. Emily took them. At least something to distract her, but her heart stopped for a second when she recognized that one was from Lorelai. So she had responded to her after all. With trembling fingers she ripped it open.

Dear Mom,

You say you envy me, because I have no difficulty to show my emotions, but that's not true. Right now I don't know what to say or better what to write. This isn't my first try either and you deserve a quick answer so I'll do my best. Though I'm not even sure I know myself what I feel. So I'll just start with what I know. Thank you for your note. I can't even begin to describe how much it means to me. Even more because I know it wasn't easy for you. Thank you! At first I didn't know what to think of your story calendar idea, but I admit that I like it by now. I'm glad you're doing this for me.

I do remember the carpet. And the flowers. And well… you're right it's a long time ago, but I appreciate your apology. You said you always saw the negative things and I think that somehow I did the same over the years. Maybe we can both try to see the good in the other. I see you're making an effort and I want to do so as well. Maybe it can work, when both of us try.

And Mom, you are a good grandmother. Ask Rory. I never doubted that. And I'm sure you'll be just as wonderful concerning your newest grandchild.

Lorelai

P.S.: I did read the story first.

Though having tears in her eyes, Emily had to smile while reading the P.S. She noticed that Lorelai didn't refer to her skills as a mother, but maybe that was asked too much. And did she even want to hear her honest opinion? The note sounded sincere and it was definitely a start. A good start. After reading the note again Emily Gilmore felt a lot better and went to the kitchen to get some coffee. The maid wouldn't hear her calling anyway. Stepping into the kitchen, she heard the sound of glass breaking. A scared maid looked at her in horror.

"I – I'm sr – sorry, - ma'am," she choked out, while kneeling down to pick up the pieces of glass. She didn't dare to face Mrs. Gilmore. That would surely be the end of her being in this house and she wasn't sure she regretted it. Mrs. Gilmore paid very well, that was true, but other than that…

"Be careful not to cut yourself," Emily simply said, before going to get some coffee.

Surprised her maid risked a short look. Mrs. Gilmore seemed changed. Her steps were close to dancing. When she turned around the maid quickly dropped her attention to the pieces again, throwing them away, before getting up.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Gilmore," she said again, staying before her, her eyes dropped, scanning the floor for leftover pieces.

"Well, such things happen," was the reply and the maid couldn't but look up in amazement. "Just make sure they don't happen too often," was added and it sounded more like Mrs. Gilmore again.

"Yes, ma'am," she replied.

"Now, please start preparing lunch," Emily Gilmore said, turning to go back to the living-room to finish her mail.

"Yes, ma'am. Thank you," the maid replied relieved, curtseying.

Emily nodded and went away. Nothing would spoil her mood today anymore.

Lorelai was confused. No mail. Wrong - mail, but not from her mother. Her first terrifying thought was that something had happened, but then she reminded herself not to jump to any conclusions too soon. Maybe the mail was slow this time. (Or maybe her mother had expected an immediate reaction and didn't send it because she was hurt or angry or whatever. – But that was jumping to conclusions again.) Lorelai wanted to go on with her daily work, but she couldn't. Her mind always went back to the note her mother had written and to the one she had written in response and to the empty mail box. Her mother's hurt face last Friday. Finally she went to her letter box – she had bought one extra for those stories – and picked them up again, hoping to find a solution there. The first crumpled letter. How suspicious she had been. And now she was concerned, because today's was missing. While looking at the envelopes she suddenly recognized that her mother hadn't sent them by mail. Why didn't she recognize that sooner? Did that mean she came here – at night? To bring it to her in person? That couldn't be. But they were definitely not sent by mail. So maybe her lack of reaction was the reason for the lack of mail today. Sighing she picked up the phone. And dropped it again. She didn't know what to say. She wouldn't call. She sent her a note after all. Now it was her turn. But she'd definitely wait for whoever was bringing the next letter.

Luke just shook his head when Lorelai filled him in. Those two were really way too complicated. But maybe staying up wasn't a bad idea, maybe they'd finally solve something. So it was decided that Luke would go to bed early – he had an early day anyway – and Lorelai would wait.

Every car that turned into her street made Lorelai's heart race faster. And finally one stopped. She could see her mother hurrying over the street, a letter clutched in her gloved hands. Quickly she stepped outside.

"Mom!" she exclaimed and Emily put her hand including the letter over her heart. She nearly slipped.

"Lorelai! You scared me half to death," she replied. Now she was caught. And she was sure they'd gone to bed already seeing no light downstairs.

"Sorry," Lorelai answered, not sure what to say next.

"You'll catch a cold, standing outside like that," Emily said, recovering from her shock.

"Then please come inside, Mom," Lorelai said and Emily followed her. Both hearts were beating faster. Lorelai motioned for her mother to sit down on the couch and she took the chair next to it. "I didn't get any letter today," she complained.

"I'm sorry," Emily replied.

"You come here in person? Every night?" Lorelai asked incredulously. Emily looked at her hands. She was still holding tomorrow's letter.

"You didn't realize it before?" she questioned. Now it was Lorelai's turn to look down.

"No," she simply said. Silence ensued. "Were you away yesterday?" she finally asked.

Emily was about to fib, but decided against it. "No. I just – I wasn't sure what to expect when coming here. I mean it's a miracle no one saw me until now and I – well, I decided to mail it, though I don't trust the mail and as I see I was right. I guess it'll arrive tomorrow," Emily said.

"Probably," Lorelai responded. Why did she wait? This was awkward.

"Where's Luke?" Emily asked, trying to make small talk.

"In bed. He has to get up early tomorrow," Lorelai said.

"I see. Thank you for your letter," Emily said, looking at the carpet.

"Thank you for yours," Lorelai replied. Both fell silent again. "You know, Mom, as I've written I do remember that day," Lorelai said. Emily nodded. They shared a quick glance before Emily was fingering the letter again. "You know, there was more… I mean, it wasn't just about the flowers, I – there was a picture," Lorelai stopped. This was stupid.

"I know," Emily said quietly. Lorelai looked up surprised. "I still have it," Emily confessed. She got up and faced the window, tears glistening in her eyes. Tears she didn't want her daughter to see. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Oh Mom," Lorelai didn't know what to say further. And somehow she couldn't go over. After what seemed like an eternity Emily regained her composure. She turned around.

"I should go," she said. She wished she knew what to say, but she didn't. And before they'd destroy anything it was better to leave.

"I want my story," Lorelai said, pointing at Emily's hands.

"But it's for tomorrow," Emily stated.

"I didn't have one today," Lorelai pouted. "Please," she added. Emily debated silently with herself.

"All right," she finally said, giving the letter to her daughter and turning to leave.

"Stay," Lorelai demanded. Emily's heart stopped for a beat.

"I'd rather not," she replied quietly.

"Why?" Lorelai asked. And Emily couldn't answer. It was a gut feeling, she couldn't explain it. Lorelai wanted to connect to her mother so badly in that moment and maybe the new story would be the way. However watching her mother fighting with her emotions, she decided not to force anything. After all Emily knew the content - she didn't. "Well, if you really think you should leave…" They shared another look.

"You want me to be here when you read it?" Emily asked.

"Yes," Lorelai shrugged. Defeated Emily sat down again. "Thanks, Mommy," Lorelai smiled shyly, before opening the letter. This time a white handkerchief fell into her lap (next to the chocolate of course, which was eaten immediately).

And then Lorelai read the story of a girl who'd ran away from her parents and after years decided that she wanted to come back. Not sure if her parents wanted her to come home she wrote a letter apologizing to them, saying that she'd like to come home. If her parents wanted her to come back they should put a white fabric out of the window of her old room on Sunday. If there wouldn't be any white cloth she'd just drive away. With a beating heart the girl drove up to her parent's house next Sunday only to see white clothes hanging out of every window. Her parents had wanted to make sure she wouldn't miss it.

Lorelai's eyes dropped to the white handkerchief in her lap. Tears were coming to her eyes. Emily had a hard time to keep sitting. Maybe she'd gone too far this time.

"You wished for such a letter, didn't you?" Lorelai asked quietly, her voice slightly trembling.

"Yes," her mother replied just as quietly. "I always wanted for you to come back," she added sadly.

"But I am back now," Lorelai said, looking at her mother.

"No you're not," Emily replied.

"I am. I come to dinner – on my own. You see me regularly," Lorelai insisted.

"You still don't share your life with me. And maybe that is asked too much. Nothing has changed," Emily said resignation in her voice.

"How can you say nothing has changed?" Lorelai asked.

"You come to dinner, yes. We make polite small talk. Other than that – nothing. I have to pry for every tiny information, about the baby, about the inn. I'm not even allowed to feel the baby, I never was," Emily finished, cursing herself for saying too much. Lorelai was taken by surprise. She wanted to feel the baby? She never said so. How was she supposed to know?

"You want to feel the baby?" Lorelai asked gently.

"Oh forget it," Emily said getting up.

"Oh no – wait," Lorelai said, getting up as well and forcing her mother to sit down again. Then she took her mother's hand and put it on her growing stomach. "Wait a little, sometimes it kicks," Lorelai said. "We should coax it," she added, caressing her belly and motioning for Emily to do the same. Suddenly the baby moved. A smile quickly spread over Emily's face, before her expression changed to something Lorelai couldn't read. Emily got up.

"Excuse me," she said with an unsteady voice, basically fleeing to the bathroom.

Lorelai was perplexed. That was the last she'd expected to happen tonight. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know why her mother was in her bathroom now. She didn't know what she'd done wrong. She hadn't known that she wanted to feel the baby and as soon as she did, she'd made sure Emily got her chance. What was going on in her mother's mind? She'd never understand her. Sighing she got up and slowly followed her mother. In front of the bathroom she heard muffled sobs. She knew her mother didn't want to be seen like this, so she backed off and made some coffee – decaf of course. She didn't care about the time, she needed it now. When she was just debating with herself to knock on the door, her mother came out.

Emily had made sure to redo her make-up, but she figured that Lorelai would see that she'd cried. Maybe she'd even heard her. She didn't know herself, why she'd lost it. But Lorelai sharing this experience so willingly with her, to feel her grandchild – it was just too much. But what to do now? She'd made a fool of herself. Why hadn't she run outside? This would be so awkward now. "I'm sorry," she mumbled, when entering the kitchen, barely looking at Lorelai. Though what she saw in the tiny second she looked at her daughter wasn't accusing or angry or anything similar. She couldn't describe it, but it felt rather good.

"I made us coffee – decaf," Lorelai said, grimacing at the last word. Gratefully Emily took the offered cup.

"Thank you," she said, taking a sip.

"I'd make you real coffee, but Luke threw everything out, because I can't be trusted," she tried to lighten the mood. "He's probably right though," she added.

"Probably," Emily smiled and they shared a look. "I don't mind it," Emily said. Silence fell upon them. "It's not bad – "

"I'm sorry, Mom," Lorelai said just a second after her mother started her sentence. Both laughed nervously before Emily motioned for Lorelai to speak. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you wanted to feel it and I didn't mean to hurt you or – "

"It's not your fault, Lorelai. Don't worry. I overreacted. Thank you for sharing it with me though," Emily said looking at her watch. "It's late, I should go. Your father will be wondering what happened. Maybe I should call him," she mused. Lorelai got up to get the phone. After Emily had assured Richard that she'd be home soon, she turned to leave.

"Thanks for coming, Mom. Every night," she said. Emily smiled and nodded. She was already outside when Lorelai whispered "and thanks for the handkerchief," but she said it so quietly that Emily wasn't sure whether or not she had imagined it.