Disclaimer: I claim no ownership over the characters, just the demons inside my head that made me post this.
A Part of Me
Chapter 10
"So who was it?"
Wufei raised his eyebrows in question as he looked up at Jason with a mouth full of pastry. Jason had been true to his word and after a morning that Wufei could only describe as sinfully luxurious, he and Jason were lounging in bed, eating their lunchtime pastries. Wufei was sitting with his back against the headboard while Jason had opted to sit to his side, perpendicular.
"Who gave you the print?"
Wufei nodded, to indicate he understood Jason's question, but he chewed very slowly and purposefully, trying to figure out how he was going to explain things. But…. I have nothing to hide.
Finally he swallowed hard and took a sip of coffee before answering.
"Heero. He stopped by last night out of the blue, a little after you left. I invited him in, we ate dinner, and then he left."
"Really? That's great."
Wufei frowned at Jason. He was fairly certain Jason had ascertained enough about his past with Heero while Wufei was in the hospital, but he seemed genuinely happy about their reunion.
"Excuse me?"
"Heero….he's the kidney donor, right? Back in the hospital, even though I was a stranger to the situation, I could see how much you meant to each other."
Wufei just stared at Jason, confused. The tone in his voice, the uncertain smile…...
"It's not what you think."
Jason just chuckled at his own insecurity and Wufei's ability to easily pick up on it. Or maybe I'm just that obvious.
"I think he's a good friend and for whatever reason you two are not on the best of terms. Is there something else I should know?"
Wufei looked away, his hands clasping the coffee mug tightly. Should I tell him? Is it really any of his business? He seems nervous enough about Heero, will telling him the truth help?
"He….many years ago….Heero broke my heart."
Jason waited for Wufei to elaborate but then Wufei reached for the half-eaten pastry and Jason knew that was his boyfriend's subtle way of dropping the subject. But I have to know….
"I see. Well…..I guess I should know now before things get even more complicated….should I be worried about Heero?"
Wufei's head whipped around and his coffee sloshed in its cup.
"What?!"
"It's a legitimate question."
"Jason, no…..we only had dinner."
"A dinner you lovingly made for your own birthday because your worthless boyfriend couldn't get it together enough."
"I made the dinner because you can't cook."
Jason was relieved to see Wufei's smirk and he couldn't help but offer one in return.
"One of these days I'll make you a delicious dinner. I promise."
"Then it's settled. Next year for my birthday, I want you to cook me dinner."
Jason's smirk morphed into a shy smile and he dropped his head before Wufei could see his rosy cheeks. He loved it when they spoke about things in the future. Things they would be doing in the future. This is the first time I've ever truly thought about the future with someone else.
Wufei's chest tightened seeing Jason's shy reaction. It was times like these that he was the happiest. To speak with Jason about the future and see him blush, I know it means something to him too. Unfortunately these moments were rare. More often than not, they were two ships passing in the night, or too exhausted to do much when their paths did collide.
Is this how it's always going to be? I can't see it getting any better. If anything, it will get worse. Jason will only advance in his position with the hospital, or worse, get transferred somewhere else. Then what? We talk about the future, but what kind of future do we really have?
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He did what?!
Wufei was surprised to hear genuine shock in Duo's voice. He'd thought for sure that their mutual friend had known about Heero's plan.
"Yes, he….he dropped by to give me a birthday present."
I…well….that's good….right?
"I don't know."
How did things go? What did he give you? Did he say why he stopped by? Does Jason know? Was he there?
Wufei rolled his eyes at duo's frantic litany of questions.
"Please, calm down."
Sorry.
"I don't know why he showed up. Jason wasn't home and so I invited him in to have dinner. I still have no idea why, but--"
Maybe because he saved your life and you still treated him like crap.
Wufei felt his cheeks burn and wanted to yell at the statement with the accusatory tone, but duo was right and he had no defense.
"I know. And I thanked him when he was here. But he just blew it off."
Hm.
Neither spoke for a moment lost in their own thoughts until duo finally spoke up again, his voice normal again.
So what did he give you? Other than a kidney that is.
Wufei's eyes narrowed, quickly losing what little patience he had at duo's barbs.
"He gave me an ink print. It's lovely."
Duo smiled. That's just like Heero, always knowing exactly what to give as a gift. An odd talent for someone like him.
How did Jason react when he showed up? Does he know what happened between you two?
Wufei sighed and began rubbing his temple with his free hand.
"Jason was at the hospital. But the next morning I told him Heero stopped by and showed him the print."
There was silence and duo waited, until finally….
And? I need a little bit more here, 'Fei.
"He….He knows enough about what happened between me and Heero and……he was nervous about Heero's presence."
But you told him he was crazy right?
"Of course I did. I don't feel any longing for Heero whatsoever. But I'd be lying if I said I don't think about him. What the hell was he thinking, Maxwell? Why didn't he do this that year after he left? Or the year after that? Or the year….damn him!"
'Fei…
"And it's not like I can talk to Jason about this. Not that we're ever together long enough to have the discussion."
Duo frowned at Wufei's rant, knowing if he was just talking out loud as if no one were there, things were not good.
'Fei, calm down. Look. It's natural to wonder why Heero came back now. I'm curious, that's for damn sure. And I'm sure Jason would understand. But it sounds like you're not just upset about Heero. Are things really that bad with Jason?
Wufei debated about talking to duo about Jason and finally he decided he would handle things on his own. He couldn't keep turning to duo every time he had a problem.
"No…I'm just stressed about so many things that small issues are being blown out of proportion."
Duo wasn't convinced, but he decided not to push things and just take one problem at a time.
Oh, by the way, Trowa won the pool.
Wufei scoffed, his lips quirking in a half-smile.
"Of course he did. He has an unfair advantage."
He was hoping that if Quatre found out what we were doing, he would get the hint, but apparently not.
"So how is Quatre doing?"
He's fine. The hospital kept him overnight to make sure it was just exhaustion and he's been resting at home ever since, doing some light work from there under Trowa's constant supervision.
Wufei thought about the pair and how lucky they were to have each other to love and care for and to be with always. I want that with Jason but….
"I'm not sure we can do it."
Huh? What was that?
At the sound of Duo's voice Wufei snapped out of his thoughts and wondered himself what he just said.
"N-nothing, just mumbling I guess."
Do I need to send Trowa over to babysit you too?
Wufei managed a smirk but nothing else.
"Perhaps. He can bring Quatre along and start his own daycare."
Duo was glad to hear Wufei joking with him but he wasn't fooled. Things were not all right.
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Wufei's guilt was gnawing at him and the worse it got, the angrier he became. He was stuck in a vicious cycle with no way out. Unless….
If I go to him and ask….will he answer me? Will I be able to handle his answer?
Although Wufei had told Jason Heero coming over had been no big deal, deep down he knew otherwise. Ever since seeing Heero he'd found himself staring at the print and wondering what Heero was doing: with his life, at that moment, showing up at his apartment…..
He'd considered getting rid of it, but he really liked the print and Jason knew that. So if I suddenly get rid of it, he'll get suspicious.
Wufei stood up and walked towards the mantle, his eyes never leaving the simple red and black print. He reached out letting his fingertips trace the lines of one of the trumpet flowers.
Why did he suddenly show up for my birthday?
Why did I invite him in?
Why did he run away from me all those years ago?
Heero…..why have you returned after all this time?!
Wufei hung his head, ashamed that he was so fixated on the print and Heero's motives. It doesn't matter why he showed up. I'm with Jason and even though we may not have the most perfect relationship, we love each other. And I don't feel that way about Heero anymore. So why can't I banish Heero from my mind?
In a fit of frustration Wufei hit the wall above the mantle and turned, throwing himself back on the sofa and staring at the ceiling. He sighed and thought of Jason, hoping to turn his mind to more pleasant things, but his depression seemed to take a dive deeper into the darkness.
Oh, Jason…I do love you, but being with you…..it makes me feel so lonely. I don't know how much more I can take of this.
Wufei knew Jason was a busy man and had a lot of responsibility. He was the head of surgery at St. Joseph's hospital which was a very large facility. And if he wasn't doing surgical duty, he was reviewing surgery cases at the hospital. And even though he'd finally been replaced as head of the inter-hospital research program, he was still involved with the project, reading up on the latest advancements and meeting with the research committee to participate in discussions concerning whether or not to obtain the technology and include it with their program. It's something he feels passionate about. I can't ask him to step away.
Sometimes Jason would come home so tired and his body bent over, Wufei would massage his neck and hands and feet, knowing how much strain he put on his body; standing for hours, bent over a surgical table or large volumes of paperwork. And on days when he spent most of it in surgery, his hands would cramp up on him after hours of holding a scalpel.
But Wufei's life wasn't exactly stress free and easy either. He knew part of the trouble was his schedule as well. Although he was no longer going to the colonies, he still spent a lot of time at work. Since he was earth bound, Lady Une had decided to put him in charge of a small unit, coordinating their missions. Sometimes he went on the mission, other times not; but regardless of his presence on the mission, he still had to do the necessary research and preparation. Only now it was for seven men instead of just himself and a partner. The promotion had been welcomed, but Wufei didn't see a significant change in his time spent away from home. Yes, he ended up in his own bed almost every night, but he might not make it there until 12 or 1am., and there was no guarantee he would find Jason waiting for him. This can't last forever though. Sooner or later I'll stop going on missions altogether. But will Jason be here when that time comes?
To be continued….