A/N: Thanks to everyone that is still reading and enjoying the story. We're now reaching the happier times of the story. Everlark still have a lot of issues to sort out but things are getting better. Hope you enjoy it.
Chapter 10
Peeta
My phone buzzes with a new message as I get out of my car and walk the short distance to my weekly appointment with Dr Aurelius. It is a message from Katniss reminding me to pick up Ivy's birthday cake on the way back from my appointment. I put my phone back into my pocket as I look both ways and cross the street.
The British summer has finally decided to arrive and I am glad for the blast of air conditioning when I enter the reception area. My pale blue suit shirt sticks to my body and I raise my arm and take a quick sniff to ensure I don't smell too bad. Satisfied I don't smell like a 13 year old boy I smile warmly at the receptionist and take a seat in the waiting area. I take out my phone and type out a quick reply to Katniss.
We are slowly getting to a place where we can trust each other. Well at least trust each other enough to pick up birthday cakes.
It has almost been painfully slow trying to get to a better place for the two of us. Katniss, understandably, was a bit wary of my motives at first but I've done enough these past 3 months to prove to her I am serious about changing. But it is hard. Harder than I thought. I am just not used to being patient with women. I am having to undo almost 30 years of bad habits. Habits I didn't even realise I had until I started speaking to Dr Aureilus. But therapy has made me see just how messed up our relationship was. We need to go back completely to square one.
As I put my phone back in my suit pocket Dr Aurelius opens the door and welcomes me in with a smile. I return it and get up to follow him in.
I have gotten over any wariness I felt towards him at the beginning. At the start my pride stopped me from opening up to him fully. I could hear my mother's voice in the back of my head telling me how pathetic and useless I am for having to see a therapist. Real men don't need to talk about their feelings. And I was worried that Dr Aurelius would force his opinions on to me. But I realised quickly he isn't here to judge me. He is an ally in my mission to become a better person.
We start off as usual with Dr Aurelius asking me how my week has been and I tell him about the preparations for Ivy's birthday this weekend. As part of a joint exercise Dr Aurelius suggested that both Katniss and I plan the party together. It's forced us to work together amicably and to trust each other enough with small tasks. It has gone remarkably well and we have both been able to work together without any arguments or further agendas.
"I just can't believe that she is turning 1 already. You would think I would have got used to them growing up so fast with the boys but it still surprises me," I say.
Dr Aurelius smiles and nods his head knowingly. From the pictures on his desk I have deduced that he has 2 young daughters of his own.
"Is it a good surprise?" he asks.
I pause to think for a moment. There are lots of emotions whenever your child has a birthday. Sadness. Joy. Worry. Excitement. It is hard to pick one overriding one.
"It is mainly happiness. Happiness that she has grown up a year happy, healthy and safe. But Ivy's birthday also marks a year since I lost control of my family. A year since everything fell apart," I reply.
Another nod from Dr Aurelius.
"We've talked about how bad that control was. How it is a good thing Katniss forced your hand slightly," he says.
I sigh and lean back into the sofa. I nod my head wearily.
"I know. I know I wouldn't have been a good father for any of my children if I had carried on keeping Ivy secret. But this year has been hell. And most of it is my own doing. I just want to move on from it and start afresh," I say.
"That sounds like a good idea. Instead of seeing Ivy's birthday as the anniversary of where it all went wrong maybe you should see it as a start of a new year. A year where you work hard to be a better person for your children and their mothers," he says.
I contemplate his words. Dr Aurelius has really helped me these past few months to turn negative experiences into positive ones. A bad experience can be okay if you learn from it. That is what I am trying desperately to do.
"That makes sense," I reply. "A new year and new resolutions."
Dr Aurelius smiles at me proudly.
"I want you to think about the things you really want to achieve this year. And I don't want to see get Katniss back on that list. Think about things you can do that show your growth as a person," he says.
I nod my head contemplatively as my brain begins to whir with all the things I want to achieve. The new year idea has got me thinking proactively again. Given me hope that this year can be better than the last one.
Afterwards I get a call from my dad asking about Ivy's birthday. He's been a bit more accepting of her birth than Mum has been. He's even planning on coming to her birthday party on Saturday. I am really happy that some of my family are supporting me but I am little nervous about him meeting Katniss for the first time. He loved Madge and even though he never said it I knew he was disappointed that my marriage with her ended. While my mum is predictable in her behaviours and actions my dad is a lot harder to read and I am not quite sure how he will react to seeing the woman that ended my marriage.
"I can't wait to see the little cutie again. She has a smile that lights up the sky!" Dad exclaims.
I laugh. Dad has come to see Ivy a few times and fell in love with her at the first meeting. I think with so many boys in the family he is delighted to have a little girl to spoil.
"Doesn't she know it. She has already figured out smiling is the easiest way to get something out of me. One look at it and I am goner," I reply.
"You have always been a sucker for a pretty smile. Often to your own detriment," Dad chuckles.
I relax at hearing him joke about my past. He has been supportive of me seeking help and knows I am trying hard to eradicate that aspect of my life. If he can joke about it I know it means he doesn't hold it against me.
"I'm really glad that you are coming to the party on Saturday. I know I haven't made it easy for you all the last year. I really appreciate your support," I say.
I can almost imagine my dad smiling down the phone.
"The whole family took the divorce hard. We all loved Madge. The problem was you loved her the least. But Ivy is family too. And I will love her the same as all of my other grandchildren," he says.
I thank him before I hear a noise from the other end of the phone. Dad must pull the phone slightly away from his ear as he voice is more muffled as he speaks to the other person who must have just entered. I can hear him huffing through the phone and a few terse words from the other person. I frown as I try to work out what is going on.
Eventually Dad comes back to the phone and I can hear the agitation in his voice.
"Your mum has just come in. She wants to talk to you," he says.
Immediately I tense. I have severely limited my interaction with my mum these past few months. She so rarely has anything nice to say to me.
It quickly became very apparent in therapy that Mum was the root of a lot of my problems. She never showed me any love as a child. She even refused to come to my year 1 Christmas nativity because I didn't land the part of Joseph.
She has always been the first person to point out my failings and belittle my achievements. My self esteem when it comes to women has been severely affected as a result.
I realised a few weeks ago that I sought out woman to try and replace the love I never got from her as a child. That's why I lost my virginity at 14. Had numerous one night stands. Started affairs. I quickly equated sex to love. I used sex to make up for all the times my mother wasn't there for me.
I have patterns. Patterns I didn't realise I had until Madge and Katniss pointed them out to me. My mother is the main one. Whenever she has particularly demoralised me I seek out a woman's comfort. It was no coincidence that the only times I turned up at Katniss's flat unannounced were the times after I had encountered my mum.
I have grown even more bitter towards Mum as a result. I blame her for many of the bad things in my life. Dr Aurelius is working hard with me to try and not hate her for it. Hating her won't make me any better. The doctor talks about me taking ownership of my actions. He says that while my mother was a contributing factor to my decisions she is not the one to blame. I made those decisions on my own. But it is hard when my eyes have been opened to just how much her actions have affected me.
I grit my teeth together as I hear Dad pass the phone to her and wait for her to speak.
"Your father says that you are hosting a party for that little brat of yours," she says.
I close my eyes and take a deep breath before I answer her. It amazes me how derogatory she can be about Ivy. Ivy has been defenceless in this whole situation.
"If you refuse to call my daughter by her name I will end this call right now," I say.
She scoffs on the other end of the line.
"Yes, well your father says he is going though I don't really know why," she says.
"Ivy is his grandchild. You should want to come too," I reply.
"I'm very busy at the moment. And I don't see the point of celebrating the birth of the child that broke up your marriage," she says.
I let out a weary sigh. She never changes.
"I'm not talking to you when you are like this. You can come to the party if you want but I am saying goodbye to you now. I might see you on Saturday," I say before hanging up the phone.
I don't hold my breath that she will be making an appearance.
The sun shines and the bees are out on the day of Ivy's birthday party. Katniss is hosting a small gathering of our friends and family in her back garden. I have been put in charge of the barbeque and cake and make sure to carry the cake box carefully as I make my way up the steps to her house.
Katniss greets me with a warm smile as she opens the door. She wears a deep green summer dress with flip flops and her hair is down in messy waves. My heart skips a beat at the sight of her with a joyous sparkle in her eyes.
"Thanks for picking up the cake. I have to say, I have been dreaming about the creaming icing on it for a week now," she says.
She then leads me through to the kitchen and shows me where to put the cake down. I grin at her response. I have never seen anyone so slim eat so much junk food.
"I made sure to request extra icing just for you," I reply.
Katniss turns to me with a grin before she peeks inside to take a look at the cake. It is a traditional pink bunny cake with full rosy cheeks and big cartoon eyes. She smiles at the sight before pulling back up and closing the box lid securely.
"It's perfect. Thank you. Ivy is going to love it," she says.
I smile back at her before stuffing my hands in my pockets and looking round the room.
"Where is my Little Bug anyway? I want to give her a big birthday kiss and cuddle," I exclaim.
Katniss grins before moving round past me and gesturing for me to follow her through to the garden.
"She's with Prim. You might have to wrestle Ivy off her. She has barely let go of her since she got down 2 days ago," Katniss replies.
"I can't have that. I'm the only one that is allowed to spoil our little girl," I say with a cheeky grin.
Katniss turns to roll her eyes at me. Ivy is fast becoming a Daddy's girl. I find it very difficult to tell her no when she turns to me with her big blue eyes and smile.
"I am blaming the two of you for the fact she doesn't understand the word no," Katniss replies as she pushes open the door to the back garden.
The garden has been set up simply with a few tables and chairs. There are pink and white balloons stuck to the fencing and a big Happy Birthday banner slung across the door. Katniss didn't want to go over the top for a birthday party Ivy is not even going to remember in a few months time.
I see Johanna ordering the red headed guy I wrongly assumed slept with Katniss to put up some helium balloons on the gate. She huffs at him as he seems more preoccupied with inhaling the helium and singing in funny voices. I give them both a polite smile as I step into the garden but my eyes immediately search for my daughter.
Prim has Ivy sitting in the small paddling pool that I know Katniss bought for her birthday. Prim has filled it with bubbles and Ivy sits amongst them all shrieking and laughing as she tries to catch the bubbles Prim blows in her direction.
However she turns her head when she hears Katniss and I enter and her eyes immediately widen in excitement. She gets up a little unsteadily onto her feet and tries to clamber over the low edge of the inflatable pool.
My smile widens once I see her and I bound over. I drop to my knees beside the pool and put my hands out to steady her as she tries to lift her leg up onto the pool ledge.
"Dada!" she exclaims and my smile only grows bigger.
"Hey, Bug. Happy Birthday! I see you are enjoying Mummy's pool," I say.
Katniss has followed behind me and she too drops to her knees and reaches out to sweep off a strand of wet hair that has gotten stuck to the side of Ivy's face.
"She's refused to get out since we blew it up! Your little fingers have become like prunes!" Katniss exclaims as she tickles our daughter's fingers.
Ivy giggles before she tries to reach further over the edge of the pool to me.
"Do you want to get out?" I ask her. "I see you have a brand new swimming towel as well. You are a lucky girl!"
Ivy shrieks again as I reach over to grab hold of the Finding Nemo towel and wrap her in it as I lift her out of the water. I lay her across my lap and tickle her belly as I dry off the excess water and her laughter only grows as I cocoon her in the towel and set her in my lap. Both Katniss and her sister look on at us both fondly.
"Auntie Prim gave her the towel and the bubbles. Bubbles and water are your favourite things aren't they, Bug?" Katniss says as she reaches out to tickle Ivy's feet.
Ivy squeals again and I bend down to nuzzle my nose into the side of Ivy's head and plant a kiss there.
"That's not true, is it, Ivy? Daddy is your favourite thing in the whole wide world!" I exclaim.
Ivy squeals again as I plant lots of kisses on the side of her head and Katniss laughs as she watches us.
"Be careful what you say Ivy. I am the one that feeds you Kinder chocolate," she says before bending down and joining if with the kisses that I am giving.
Ivy's giggles only grow louder and I spy Prim watching us with a smile on her face. I have meet Katniss's sister on several occasions now and she's slowly accepted me as a presence in her sister and niece's life. Just like Johanna, she is fiercely protective over her big sister and was quite stand offish with me when we first meet. So I have had to work hard to gain her trust as well as Katniss's. I think it is moments just like this one, where I am playing and being silly with Ivy, which has allowed her to soften towards me. Although she still watches me carefully to ensure I don't do anything to hurt her sister and niece again.
Eventually Katniss and I both stop smothering Ivy in kisses but Prim still has that smile on her lips.
"You guys can be so dorky at times. Ivy is lucky to have parents that love her so much," she says.
Katniss smiles gratefully before Prim turns her attention to Darius and Johanna who are still bickering about the balloons.
"Peeta, I will let you have some family time while I go and sort out the potato salad. Remember Johanna and Darius are just over there so you can't get up to too much mischief," she says with a pointed look.
The look clearly says "Don't get up to anything improper" before she gets up to leave and strolls into the house leaving me alone with Katniss and Ivy. Katniss smiles at me shyly.
"I'm sorry about her. She doesn't trust me around you," she replies.
"I don't trust myself around you either," I reply with a smile.
This comment relaxes Katniss and she lets out a light laugh before sitting back on her hands and watching as Ivy struggles to get out of her towel to try and reach one of her rubber ducks that are on the ground.
Things between Katniss and I are getting better. Dr Aurelius finally made me see why she wanted that space from me. It is to give us both a bit of perspective on our relationship. Give us both time to really think about what it is we both want from each other. For me it was to give me time to realise how I have treated her badly and what I can begin to do to make things right.
This has essentially meant we have gone back to the beginning. After the initial separation where we only talked about Ivy we have begun to form a tentative friendship. There was so much we didn't learn about each other the first time. We were too busy finding the best opportunities to fuck behind Madge's back. For the last 2 months we have started with the simple things. Favourite colour. Tea preferences. The first CD we ever bought.
Some things we knew already but lots we did not. Slowly we have moved on to bigger things. Family. Goals for the year. Slowly we are beginning to laugh with each other again. Slowly we are beginning to trust each other.
The hardest thing is knowing I have no claim over her. Previously I had always thought of her as mine. But I know now she is not some property that can be claimed. I have to clamp down on any jealously I feel when I see her talking to another man. Even still with Darius. Even though I know he is dating Johanna and completely smitten with her I still get a surge of jealously whenever I see him make Katniss laugh.
I want more. My heart still stops when I sees her. A warm feeling spreads across my chest when I see her playing with Ivy. She still has the ability to make all the hairs on my arms stand on end when she gets too close.
But I know we are not ready for more. Still not enough trust.
There is a loud clanging noise and a few choice curse words thrown Darius's direction as he knocks over the helium tank. He looks sheepishly at Johanna as she rants at him for acting like a child.
Ivy turns towards the direction of the noise and frowns at the display. Katniss turns to me with a laugh.
"I think I better go and save Darius before Johanna chops off his balls. You okay with Ivy?" she asks.
Finding Johanna and Darius of no further interest Ivy turns back around and crawls out of my lap in search of the duck. I pull the towel off my lap and smile back at Katniss.
"Go and save him. I've seen Johanna when she is angry. She's pretty scary," I reply.
Katniss laughs before she gets up off the ground.
"Why do you think we have an axe in the shed?" she says with a cheeky grin.
I laugh as Katniss makes her way over to Johanna and Darius to try and calm her housemate down.
I have just started the barbeque when Madge arrives with the boys. I was pleasantly surprised she agreed so easily to let them come but she has made a real effort the last couple of months to not act bitter about Katniss and Ivy when the boys are around.
I think it has helped that she and Katniss went to the same baby music class with Max and Ivy. I don't think they were friends but they were both polite to each other and it helped them all get used to each other.
Harry and Jamie come charging over with their water pistols and swim shorts as they demand my attention.
"Is it okay that we brought our water guns, Dad? Mum says it was okay if we didn't shoot at the babies," Harry jabbers away excitedly. He is practically bouncing up and down on his feet.
I turn to look at my sons. Madge has made her way over carrying Max and Charlie follows closely behind clutching a small shark toy. Harry and Jamie both wear brightly coloured swim shorts and sunglasses as the clutch water pistols half the size of them to their chests. I smile brightly at them all.
"Only if you are careful. No shooting each other in the face," I say as a warning.
"We won't, Dad," Jamie replies before turning to his brother. "Come on, Harry. I'll give you a 5 second head start and then I am coming to get you!"
Harry nods his head eagerly before scampering off to hide and Jamie dutifully counts to five before running off after him.
Charlie reaches his arms out for me and I bend down to pick him up.
"Look, Daddy! I brought Sharky to the party!" he exclaims as he waves the shark toy in my face.
"Wow, Bud! He looks pretty scary!" I exclaim.
"Don't worry, Daddy. He is a friendly shark. He only eats carrots," Charlie replies matter of factly.
I smile at my son's simple logical. Max is squirming out of his mum's grip so Madge sets him down and he begins inspecting a dandelion that is growing in the grass. He picks the leaves and inspects them carefully. He puts one in his mouth but immediately scrunches his face in disgust and spits it out. He splutters for a few moments before standing turning and finding a daisy to occupy him.
Katniss has spotted that Madge and the boys have arrived. She gives me a tentative smile before turning back and talking to her friend Gale.
She's met all the boys briefly once when she dropped off Ivy but this is the first time she will have to spend any length of time with them. I can tell she is a bit nervous about how the boys are going to react to her. But both Jamie and Harry are too busy spurting each other with water to take any notice of her now.
I turn back to Madge with a grateful smile.
"Thanks for bringing them. It means a lot to me. I really want them to have a relationship with their sister," I say. "You are more than welcome to stay."
Madge gives me a small smile before she turns round to look at who else is at the party. She double checks that Harry and Jamie aren't up to too much mischief before turning back round to face me.
"As hard as I am trying to be civil to you I think attending your daughter's birthday party is pushing things," she says. "Plus I feel old here."
I laugh and nod my head. With Katniss being 13 years my junior most of her friends are in their mid twenties. Along with Finnick, her mum and her Aunt Effie we are the only ones old enough to remember a time without internet and computers.
Madge looks around the garden once again.
"It is strange. A year ago I thought we were a happily married couple. Maybe not happy but comfortable. So much is different now," she says.
I smile sadly at her.
"You deserve a better man than me," I say.
Madge smiles.
"I hope so," she says. "Enjoy the party. I'll pick them up at 6."
I thank her and watch her walk out the door. At least we are in a better place than we were in a year ago.
Finnick sidles up beside me and offers me a cold beer. I smile at him gratefully before putting Charlie back on the ground and accepting the beer. I catch Katniss staring at me as I turn back around. She looks away quickly with a blush on her cheeks. I get the feeling that she watched more of my conversation with Madge than she would care to admit.
The party goes really well. My sons have gotten used to Ivy now and treat her like they would any younger sibling. Max and Ivy play peacefully together in the small paddling pool as they blow bubbles at each other.
The boys don't even seem to mind Katniss too much. Jamie stays away from her, eyeing her suspiciously as he plays with his brother, but he doesn't treat her badly. His younger brothers even go up to speak to her. Harry talks her ear off as he tells her all about the mini beasts he has been learning about at school and Charlie squeals with delight as Katniss squirts him with water in the paddling pool. Seeing my family so happy and getting along is more than I could have hoped for.
I was a little nervous about how Katniss's friends and family would treat me at the party. Apart from Johanna, Darius and Prim I had never met any of them and after the way I treated her they have every reason to hate me. But everyone has been surprisingly pleasant and welcoming. Darius and Gale even end up playing with Jamie and Harry as they chase my sons round the garden with water guns. My 2 oldest sons think there are no two people cooler on the planet.
It makes me sad that I have lost so many of my own friends. The only person I felt comfortable enough to invite is Finnick. And even then Annie still refuses to come. I guess my crime is a harder one to forgive.
"Katniss has some pretty great friends. That Johanna is hilarious," Finnick says as he hands me another beer. "Though it seems a life time ago that we were that young and carefree."
I nod my head as I take the beer off him. Most of Katniss's friends don't have the responsibility of wives, kids and mortgages to worry about. They are all about living in the moment. Both Finnick and I don't have that luxury.
"How's things going with you and Annie? How's IVF?" I ask.
Finnick sighs as he takes a sip of his drink. They discovered that Annie has ovulation problems and are unlikely to conceive a child naturally. They are now in the process of going through IVF treatment. I hope it works. If anyone deserves kids it is Finnick. I've seen him with all of my children and know he will make a great father one day.
"We have our first round booked for next week. I just hope it goes well. I never expected getting pregnant would be this tiresome. All charts and test tubes. I thought making a baby was suppose to be fun," he says.
I smile and put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.
"Obviously you are just not doing it right. I can give you a few tips," I joke.
Finnick gives me a friendly nudge and I quickly change the subject to something lighter. I know how much not giving Annie a child pains him.
As I do I catch sight of my dad walking through the door. I smile broadly at him as he enters before I set off to greet him. Katniss has gone over a little nervously with Ivy to introduce herself and my dad smiles warmly at them both. However just as I am about to reach them I pull up short when I see who is with him.
Standing behind him, wearing a pristine white Channel dress and large sunglasses, is my mother.
She scrunches up her nose in disgust when she catches sight of Katniss and Ivy and Katniss shifts awkwardly under the intensity of the stare. Mum turns round and sees me as I approach
"Mum!" I say surprised. "I didn't think you would make it."
I step forward to press a kiss to her cheek and she gives me a tight smile before moving her sunglasses to the top of her head.
"Your father persuaded me. I thought I better see what type of place my granddaughter is living in," she says as she scans the garden.
A look of disapproval sets into her features as I see her making a mental list of all the things wrong with Katniss's house.
I push that aside and smile warmly at her before turning to Katniss and taking Ivy out of her arms.
Whatever her reasons for being here the little boy inside of me is happy that she is taking an interest. Even admitting that Ivy is her granddaughter. This is a big step for her.
"Well I'm glad you came. I'd like you to meet Ivy. And this is her mother, Katniss" I say gesturing to first Ivy and then Katniss. "Ivy this is your Granny Mellark."
Ivy stares at my mum warily. Mum has never been a baby person and she studies my daughter for a long moment.
"It's a shame she's inherited your nose. I keep telling you it can be fixed with a bit of plastic surgery," she eventually says.
Katniss scrunches her eyebrows up at the thinly veiled insult. Dad chuckles nervously and tries to divert Mum's attention.
"Why don't we get a drink? You were complaining how hot it is," Dad says turning Mum slightly. "Is that drinks over there?"
I nod and decide to take them over to pour them some drinks. Maybe alcohol will loosen Mum up a little.
I hand Ivy back to Katniss and she looks at me shocked by my mother's reaction. I smile sadly at her before turning my mum and leading her to the drinks table. Finnick does a great job of distracting her when we come over.
I slip away from her soon after. In a space of 5 minutes at the drinks table she found time to insult Katniss's house, bemoan the fact I was no longer married to Madge and belittle the latest client list I have managed to secure for my company.
While Dad makes an effort to talk with some of Katniss's friends and family as well as play with Ivy in her paddling pool. Mum stands at the side with a look of superiority and disgust. My initial and childish hope that maybe she was willing to accept my choices is squashed.
I seek refuge in the kitchen, pretending to organise the leftovers and avoid the woman who makes me feel so small. Katniss comes in shortly after and sets an empty bowl down on the kitchen island.
"I always wondered what she was like. What type of person could make her son feel so small?" she says as she moves up beside me.
I turn to look at her helplessly and her silver eyes shine up at me with sadness and sympathy.
She is barely a breath away from me. I don't think she realises how close she is. It would be so easy to reach down and kiss her. Help me forget how insignificant my mother makes me feel. And I know she has a weakness for seeing me in pain. It is what the old Peeta would do. The old Peeta would fuck her against the counter and then walk out pretending nothing had happened.
But I can't do that. I won't do that to her. It would put us back to square one. As much as I want to reach out to her, I can't. It has to be a habit that I break.
I smile at her gratefully and take a step back from her. I can see the slight surprise in her eyes when I do so.
"Now you understand why I am so fucked up," I say with sad smile.
Katniss shakes her head fiercely.
"You are not as bad as she makes you think. I can see how hard you have worked these last 4 months. If you were really the person she says you are you would have been too weak to have made changes in your life," she says.
Her tone surprises me. Strong. Believing. I smile at her gratefully.
"I don't feel strong," I admit.
Katniss smiles at me sympathetically.
"You should talk to her. Ask why she treats you the way she does. Dr Aurelius encouraged me to do it with my mum and it really helped me understand her better. I have been able to move on and forgive her," she says.
"But your mum was willing to admit her mistakes. Can you see my mum doing that?" I reply.
Katniss shrugs and moves to pick up a box of ice cream cones.
"Maybe not. But maybe if you tell her how you feel she'll begin to understand her mistakes," she says.
She gives me an encouraging smile as she turns to take the ice cream cones outside. I am left standing alone in the kitchen contemplating her words.
I hardly speak to Mum before she decides she has had enough and forces Dad to leave. Ivy frowns when the man that had been blowing bubbles for her is forced off his feet and marched towards the door. Prim immediately distracts her by picking up the bubble wand and resuming the game my dad has to abandon.
I follow my parents back inside and Dad announces he is going to use the toilet before leaving. Mum and I stand silently in the hallway for a moment while we wait for him to come back.
Mum busies herself by scrutinising Katniss's hallway and I shake my head at her.
"Is anything ever good enough for you?" I ask.
Mum is surprised by my comment and snaps her head back around.
"Not everyone disappoints me as much as you," she replies.
"Tell me then. What could I have done to be the perfect son for you? I've made many mistakes in my life but I disappointed you long before then," I say.
"You humiliated me. I prided myself amongst my friends as being the only person to have none of her children divorced but you had to ruin that statistic," she replies anger rising a little in her voice.
I let out a disbelieving laugh.
"You are so self centred. Doesn't matter I put my family through hell. God forbid that I humiliate you. I am surprised that you didn't enjoy it. You love any opportunity to tell your friends how much of a failure I am," I reply.
"Don't be so stupid and petty. I don't enjoy having a son that disappoints me time and time again. Sometimes I wish I had stopped after two children. That way I wouldn't have to deal with your rubbish," she snarls.
I feel like I have been shot. All the breath goes out of me. I always suspected that she never really loved me but to hear her almost confirm it is hard.
The flush of the toilet breaks our attention away from each other and Dad comes out of the toilet. He has a smile on his face at first but this soon falls when he sees the tense look between Mum and me.
He clears his throat and Mum turns her back to me to face the door.
"Thank you for having us. It was nice to finally meet Katniss and Ivy is a real charmer. She'll break hearts when she is older," he says deciding ignoring the situation is the best course of action.
I force a smile and give him a stiff hug. I look over at Mum but she doesn't glance in my direction.
"Thanks for coming. You definitely have a fan in Ivy," I say forcing myself to be cheery.
He smiles at me again before I open the door and let them out. Dad waves as he gets in the car but Mum keeps her eyes on the road. I watch them drive off.
I close the door and wipe a tear roughly from the corner of my eye. Mum is right about one thing. I really am pathetic if that even at 38 I still get upset about the fact she doesn't love me enough.