Matt here: I appolgise in advance if your offended by this chapter, but that just means you a bunch of French, Cock-sucking pussies! I like pie! Meeps!

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Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fanfic, except Matt and a 16.9 fl oz. Dr.Pepper.

Warning: This chapter is mostly a sex scene, so don't read unless your 18! If you under 18 don't ... I can't keep a strait face whenever I say that.

Inuyasha and company were on the trail of a fatass pig demon named Pat.

Inuyasha: This storyline is getting old! How much longer do we have to keep doing this?

Matt: What are you talking about? You've had the same story line for, like, 15 episodes

Kagome: He's got us there.

Inuyasha: I fucking hate you!

Matt: See, Kagome! He doesn't respect you! You need a real man!

Kagome: I think Miroku's taken.

Sango, grabbing Miroku's cock: This is mine!

Miroku: OH YEAH!

Kagome: And Shippo's to young.

Shippo, humping Kagome's leg: I'm a man!

Kagome, shaking Shippo off her leg: No you... WHAT"S THIS STAIN ON MY LEG?

Shippo: Sorry, I kinda cummed on it.

Kagome: Still, that doesn't prove you're a man. Then what choice do I have beside Inuyasha?

Matt: Uh hum!

Kagome: OH! I guess Shippo will do.

Shippo: FUCK YEAH!

Matt, pointing behind Shippo: Hey Shippo, what's that?

Shippo, turning around: I don't see...

Matt then smacked Shippo into the air, creating one of those cool anime stars.

Kagome: NO CHIMPY!

Matt: Ah shit! Kj;ldfgsdiugfaslkjrfbvlasgflkhsagfkjhasglfkusagkufysauf!

Matt then fell unconscious.

Pat, off in the distance: What the fuck? I'll fucking kill you!

Shippo: SSHHIITT!

Shippo came flying back on fire, hitting Matt, bringing him back to consciousness.

Pat, shooting fireballs: I'll fucking kill you all!

Kagome, crying: WERE ALL GONNA FUCKING DIE!

Matt and Inuyasha: Rock, Paper, Scissors...SHOOT!

Inuyasha: Rock flies through paper! I win!

Matt, sarcastically: Damn, I guess I lose.

Inuyasha then ran off to fight Pat while Matt stayed to comfort Kagome.

Matt and Inuyasha, thinking: Sucker!

Matt: There, there Kagome. Just cry into my arms.

Kagome, going into Matt's arms: Thanks Matt. Sob. Sorry about the, whimper, Chimpy commands.

Matt: It's ok.

Matt, screaming inside his head: AWESOME! HER BOOBS ARE ALL OVER MY CROTCH!

Kagome, still crying: Matt, sob, what's that hard thing against my tits?

Matt, frantically looking for an excuse: Uh... It's, uh... my sword? (Not a metaphor! It's an excuse!)

Kagome, still crying: Oh,... It feels warm and comforting up against my chest.

Kagome then snuggled up against Matt and closed her eyes, tears slowly stopping to fall from her eyes.

Miroku and Shippo, notepads out: He's a bloody genius! Can we look behind us yet?

Sango, fingering her slit: OH GOD YES! No, not until I'm, FUCK YEAH, finished!

Miroku and Shippo, whispering: Thank Buddha for mirrors!

At that moment...

Inuyasha, panting: FUCK! I fucking hate not having sweat gland!

Pat: Then why the fuck did you fight a fire opponent?

Inuyasha, panting: It was either this or comfort Kagome! And I won Rock, Paper, Scissors!

Pat, shocked: You won, and you choose I fight?

Inuyasha: Yeah, so what?

Pat: Uh, nothing,... back to fighting.

Back at the camp...

Kagome, waking up: Oh Matt, your sword reminds me of something.

Matt, nervous: Uh,... what?

Kagome: The little thing that got harder when Shippo was humping my leg.

Matt, feeling emasculated: Oh,...

Kagome, moving to get comfortable in his lap: Except a lot bigger.

Matt, gaining back his pride: Really?

Kagome: Yes,... Is your sword getting bigger?

Matt: Maybe if you stopped moving around so much!..Ah shit.

Kagome, jumping off his lap: EW! YOU FUCKING PERVERT!

Matt: Come on! You rubbed your boobs in my crotch! What did you fucking expect?

Kagome: You told me it was your sword!

Matt: You saw me drop it with you "NO CHIMPY" command!

Kagome: ...So?

Matt: Don't tell me you didn't like it?

Kagome: Of course I fucking liked it! I just don't want to be called a fucking whore!

Matt, sharping claws: They'll only call you one if they fucking find out!

Miroku, Shippo, and Sango: Ah shit! He's looking right at us!

Kagome: I guess your right, but if anyone finds out I'll kill you!

Matt: No one will.

Kagome, unbuttoning her top: Fine, but only because I don't want to die a virgin.

Matt, ripping his shirt off: Whatever, skirt, lose it, NOW!

Kagome, top gone, skirt coming off: Pants off!

Matt, nude: Way ahead of you.

Sango, reaching down her pants: HOLY SHIT!

Miroku, covering Shippo's eyes: This isn't appropriate for you to see.

Shippo: Ah shit!

Kagome, spreading her legs: WOW!

Matt, jumping on top of her: You ready?

Kagome: FUCK YA! SHOVE IT IN ME!

Matt: You sure?

Kagome: NO CHIMPY!

Matt was pulled to the ground, his cock going incredibly deep into her.

Kagome, pure bliss: FUCK YEAH! INUYASHA WASN'T MAN ENOUGH TO DO THAT! FUCK YEAH!

Meanwhile,...

Inuyasha, badly injured: You hear that?

Pat: Yeah, I think someone's boning your babe.

Inuyasha: MATT! I'LL FUCKING KILL HIM! See ya next chapter Pat.

Pat: I'll be waiting.

Back at camp,...

Kagome, curled up against Matt: That was fantastic!

Matt: Yeah, that definitely makes my top 10.

Kagome: What?

Matt: Nothing.

Kagome, putting her clothes back on: Remember, never talk about this to anyone.

Matt, still nude: Yeah, whatever.

Miroku, jaw dropped: That was the wildest sex I ever saw!

Sango: I know! It's a shame the writer, bless the very crap he writes, wussed out and didn't show it all.

Miroku: Where's Shippo?

Sango: Oh, he had a huge boner, so I let him fuck me up the ass, you want the front door? That wild sex left me horny.

Miroku, stripped: HELLZ YA! (Damn, did it again!)

Miroku then jumped on Sango.

Sango: FUCK YA!

Kagome: You hear that?

Matt: It was nothing.

Inuyasha, crashing through a tree: WHO'S FUCKING KAGOME!

Kagome: INUYASHA! SIT BOY!

Inuyasha crashed to the floor.

Matt, still naked: Haha! Loser!

Kagome: PUT SOME FUCKING CLOTHES ON, PERVERT!

Matt, putting clothes on: Fine.

Everyone then put their clothes back on and went to fight Pat the Fatass Pig Demon, next chapter.

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Nothing much to say except that I have a forum if you want to complain about how fucking retarded this chapter was, and REVIEW! REVIEW! I like pie! Meeps!