Chapter 10 – A Furry Friend
The next morning, Kate wakes first. Or at least she thinks she does. There's the familiar sound of even breathing, usually the biggest clue that Castle is still slumbering peacefully beside her. But when she gingerly slides out of bed to use the bathroom, something warm and fluffy connects with her foot and then a high-pitched whimper issues from somewhere close to the ground.
"Oh, my God!" she exclaims, sitting back down heavily on the mattress.
She just stood on the tail of a dog - a large, golden, fluffy dog - who is lying on the floor beside their bed for some reason, sleeping. Or at least he was, until she trampled him.
"Castle," she hisses, patting the covers behind her to waken him, while she and the Golden Retriever carry on a staring contest.
"Rick?" she whispers, finally turning around to find the bed empty behind her, the covers thrown back.
She's startled out of her puzzlement when she feels a cold, wet nose and a soft pink tongue nudging and licking at the back of her hand.
"Hey, there," she grins, dropping to the floor, kneeling down to doggie level to pat the large, friendly Retriever. "What's your name and where on earth did you come from, huh?"
The dog is wearing a red leather collar, and when Kate locates the brass tag attached to the underside, she reads the name: 'Tammy'. The address of the Inn is inscribed on the reverse side along with the Hudson's telephone number.
"So you're a girl!" she grins, scratching the dog behind her ears. "Good. I was beginning to feel outnumbered. Now, where's my partner, Tammy? Do you know, girl?" she asks the dog, patting her on the head before going over to check the closet.
Castle's outdoor jacket and heavy boots are missing. The striped scarf she packed for him is also gone. She hopes there is nothing wrong, and she's on the point of going to look out of the bedroom window to make sure that their rental car is still there, when she hears Castle's voice drifting up from somewhere out in the front yard.
When Kate draws back the lace curtains and looks down into the garden below, she finds him sitting in a white-painted Adirondack all bundled up, cradling a large mug of coffee in both hands as he chews the fat with Jerry Hudson.
She shakes her head and smiles at the scene. The two men are laughing at something, and then Castle points to a squirrel which is trying to get at the Hudson's squirrel-proof bird feeder; the furry creature dangling precariously off a mesh covered cylinder of suet dough, his tail twitching back and forth as he fights to hang on.
"Well, it looks like he's having a good time," says Kate out loud, when Tammy bumps her nose against the back of her knees. "So I'd better get in the shower or there will be no fall color left for us to see today," she tells the dog, before adding, "Why am I talking to a dog?"
"Don't worry. I do it all the time," says a female voice, and Kate startles, turning round to stare down at the dog, who is now sitting mute at her feet, big brown eyes watching her carefully.
"Over here," says Missy, her head barely popped around the bedroom door, as she gently raps on the doorjamb with her knuckles. "I hope you don't mind, but I heard your voice. I just wanted to check if you'd like some coffee. Rick mentioned that it was one of your few vices, so…" she thrusts the hand carrying the mug of steaming black gold around the door.
"Hey, come in. Thank you. Sorry, I'm…" she looks down at her nightshirt and bare feet, "…must have slept in."
"No, it's only eight. You're fine. I caught Rick wandering around down in the kitchen about half past six this morning when I got up to bring the milk in. Is he always such an early riser?"
Kate laughs, having to steady the mug as she hastily brings it away from her mouth.
"Castle? No. No, it usually takes a stick of dynamite to wake him in the morning. That or a body drop at work. Mystery writer, go figure," shrugs Kate. "He was downstairs at six-thirty?"
"Yeah, not exactly dressed or compos mentis. But he was there alright, trying to figure out my ancient coffeemaker by the looks of it."
"I didn't even hear him get up."
"Country has a way of knocking you out. We used to sleep late all the time when we first moved out here. My city guests tell me it's the clean air."
"Mm," murmurs Kate, wandering back over to the window with Tammy hot on her heels, the mug of strong, dark coffee cradled to her chest.
"Looks like you made a friend," observes Missy, pointing to the dog.
"Yeah," grins Kate, looking down at the obviously sociable animal. "Is she yours?"
"Yes. She was staying over at Jerry's sister's place last night. Her husband was away for a few days and she hates to be on her own. They live on a farm out by the boundary line of the Shenandoah National Park."
"Are you a good guard dog, Tammy? Are you, girl?" asks Kate, dropping her hand to rub the dog's back.
Tammy pants, her pink tongue dangling out of her mouth as if she is smiling at Kate.
"She's a big old softy, is what she is," says Missy. "But she can make some noise if needs be. Helen feels better having her around nights she's out there by herself and they have plenty of space for her to run around."
"Okay, well, I will leave you to get dressed," says Missy, patting her thigh to call Tammy back to her side.
The Golden Retriever drops to the floor over by Kate's feet and then plops her chin onto her paws, her mouth stretched into a wide grin that she aims at her mom, big brown eyes soft and mournful.
"Oh, do not give me that look, Tammy Girl," scolds Missy, though she can't help smiling too. "Kate doesn't want you getting under her feet while she gets ready. Come on. Come now," she instructs the dog, patting both knees this time to call her over.
"Missy, it's fine. Honestly, if she wants to stay up here while I potter, I don't mind."
"Well, if you're sure," says Missy, a little doubtfully. "If you could just make sure she stays off the bed. That's my one rule. No dogs on beds. Some of my guests are allergic, so we mostly keep her outside when they come."
"No problem. I'll be right down and I'll bring her with me."
"Great. I'll have breakfast waiting. I think the boys want to eat theirs outside. I'm none to keen on getting a chill, so I'll leave them to it," laughs Missy, shaking her head.
"Thank you," calls out Kate, just before Missy closes the bedroom door.
"Whatever for?" she asks, popping her head back into the room.
"For the coffee…and for being kind enough to forgive our stupidity."
"Nonsense. The way I see it, you were both just time-travelling a little. Maybe even wishful thinking?" she teases gently. "Am I right?"
"Yes," admits Kate, giving Missy a slightly bashful smile. "But it's complicated."
"Well, complicated or not, that marriage of yours is on the cards. It's on the road right up ahead, Kate. So, just hang in there a little longer and you'll be wearing that ring on your finger for real. Come down when you're ready," she adds, with a departing wave.
Kate hurries through her morning routine, keen to catch up with Castle. After falling asleep last night before he even made it into bed, she's not sure how things rest between them. She found the note that she left for him folded in half and poking out of the top of the book he's reading, marking the page he ended on. She's grateful she didn't find it in the trash torn into tiny pieces. That he saved it is a positive sign, she hopes.
She dons a charcoal turtleneck, dark jeans, flat, ridge-soled biker boots and grabs her fur-trimmed parka out of the closet to take downstairs with her.
Tammy is waiting patiently by the window, lying on the floor in a patch of warm sunlight, watching her move efficiently around the bedroom.
Kate throws the covers all the way back to air their bed. She touches her fingertips into the deep hollow where Castle's head made a dent in the pillow while he slept. She hopes today is a better day for them; that they can have fun and forget all about the ugliness that's dogged them recently. She can see that that's why he was so upset last night when they came upstairs. It wasn't about being caught in a lie, it was about the charade of their phantom marriage coming to an end – a role he was clearly enjoying playing. This realization gives her hope that he is getting mentally stronger and that there is indeed a future for them if she just keeps reassuring and proving to him that this is exactly what she wants, and she intends to do just that, along with regaining his trust.
Down in the kitchen, the smell of sizzling bacon, rich coffee and hot toast is dizzying. But before they sit down to eat, Missy shows Kate where to find Tammy's leash, and she attaches the red braided rope to the dog's collar to prevent her chasing after the squirrels that seem to be out in abundance this morning, before heading out into the yard.
"I'll round them up, don't worry," says Kate, giving Missy a wave, before disappearing out through the door at the rear of the house.
She wants to surprise Castle, to get a chance to observe him hanging out with Jerry before he sees her. But Tammy evidently has other ideas.
As Kate strides around the side of the house with the dog by her side, the Golden Retriever suddenly lunges after a frolicking squirrel, tugging Kate forwards with her. Thankfully she has a firm grip on the leash, but it pulls her out into the open space of the front yard before she gets any opportunity to watch Castle and Jerry together.
"Morning!" hollers Jerry, from his spot on the front porch, where he's busy brushing away the leaves that have fallen overnight.
"Morning, Jerry!" Kate calls back, giving him a wave, Tammy's leash tightly wound around her other fist.
Castle is still sitting in the Adirondack on the grass near the Hudson's white picket fence, the local newspaper folded in his lap, his face turned up to the sun, eyes closed. The suburban scene would be a cheesy cliché if it weren't so pretty. He spins around at the sound of her voice, dropping the newspaper onto the grass with a rustle. And he startles, doing a quick double take, when he sees her speeding towards him with this beautiful, golden-haired dog under her control.
Or almost under her control.
"Hey," she says, giving him a warm smile, as Tammy tugs her right to his feet.
"Hey, yourself," replies Castle, setting his empty mug down by on the grass to pet the dog, who is now sniffing at his boots and thumping her tail loudly off the side of the wooden chair.
"Sorry I slept in," she tells him, bending down to retrieve the newspaper from the grass before it can get damp or blow away. She takes a deep breath before adding, "I missed you this morning."
Castle looks surprised to hear her say that, but he recovers well enough.
"I—sorry. I woke early. Didn't want to disturb you. You looked so peaceful."
"Creepy staring again?" teases Kate, arching one eyebrow, falling back on this game that they play so well.
She catches Castle's eye and joins him in a smile that is just slightly painted with shyness on both their parts.
"Missy said she found you in the kitchen trying to figure out their coffee machine," laughs Kate, sitting down in the chair beside him. "And you weren't even dressed!"
"Yeah, busted!" he laughs, rasping one hand over his unshaven jaw. "Nothing stays a secret around here for long," he adds, pointedly, giving her a quick sideways glance.
"Castle, about last night…" Kate begins to say, swiveling her knees towards him to begin apologizing or to explain.
"Hey, it's fine. You were right to come clean, Kate. I don't know what I was thinking. When we do all of that for real, I want it to be right… Honest and…and a lot more heartfelt than it came out last time," he tells her, stunning her with his honesty and the fact that he has clearly thought things through since last night.
"Good. Good, I'd like that," she tells him, quietly, toying with the braided leash in her hand.
"Who's your friend?" asks Castle, changing the subject to look down at the golden retriever, who is now lying at Kate's feet, her chin propped up on the toe of one of her black boots.
"This is Tammy," says Kate, leaning down to tickle the dog behind her right ear. "She was on a sleepover at her Aunt Helen's house last night. Weren't you, girl?" coos Kate, running her hand down the dog's back and then shaking her body from side-to-side.
"She likes you," grins Castle, watching her pet the dog, pleased to see how relaxed she looks this morning.
"We girls gotta stick together. Right, Tammy?"
The dog's ears prick up at the sound of her own name and she raises her chin, smiling at Kate again, her pink tongue lolling out between her teeth as she pants, her warm breath misting the early morning air.
They sit quietly side-by-side for a couple of minutes, eyes closed and faces turned up towards the surprisingly warm sun.
"I really needed this," murmurs Castle, without opening his eyes. "Didn't know how much, but I did…I do," he corrects, his fingers lightly wrapped around the wooden arms of the chair. "Thank you."
Kate opens her eyes at his words of thanks and turns to look at him. He's still sunning himself, the muscles of his face slack and relaxed, the tension he's been carrying since she found him in New York almost gone. Only smudged dark circles linger beneath the hollow of each eye.
"I think we both needed a timeout," replies Kate, closing her own eyes again.
"We have to do more of this."
"Sit outdoors on damp grass before we've even had breakfast?" jokes Kate.
"Take time for ourselves, get a better balance between work and our personal lives. Realize what's important."
"Mm," Kate hums her agreement, taking a deep breath to fill her lungs with fresh air, enjoying Castle's allusion towards a future they will share, until he rocks her with his next words.
"We both could have died back in New York," he says, and Kate sits bolt upright this time, or as upright as an Adirondack chair will allow, when she realizes this is more of a serious discussion than she bargained for.
"Castle…" she sighs, covering his hand where it lies peacefully on top of the arm of his own chair, "…you can't think like that. You know that. You'll drive yourself crazy."
"I know. But sometimes…" he shakes his head. "The potential was there, Kate, the threat…all the time. When I was alone with him, I was so tempted just to rush him every time he let his guard down for a second or when he mocked me or taunted me about you… About how he was going to lure you back there and hurt you."
This torrent of fear and recovered memory is a surprise to Kate, not at all what she was expecting to hear this morning out in this blissful, sleepy yard with a dog nestled at their feet. However, she manages to cover her surprise well.
"But you used your head, you made good choices and you survived," she points out.
"Only because I knew you'd kick my ass if I did anything stupid," he replies, valiantly trying to make light of a situation that is clearly still haunting him.
Kate laughs at that, but it comes choking out of her throat as a half-formed sob.
"Sorry, I'm kind of bumming the mood," apologizes Castle.
"No. No, it's important that we talk about this stuff," argues Kate, thinking that the worst has passed if he's making jokes already.
But there's more.
"I wanted to see you again," he confesses, into a pool of dead air, the impact of his words spreading like ripples on the surface of a pond.
"You…? I don't understand."
"I wasn't smart or…or making good choices, Kate. He kept saying you were coming, that he was leaving a breadcrumb trail for you… I was stupid and selfish. I could have ended it, taken him down…"
"Or gotten yourself killed! Castle, we both know what Tyson was capable of."
"That's not the point."
"Then what is the point? Explain it to me."
"I'm trying to confess here, Kate. I sat there chained to that radiator day after day, played the good captive, took everything he threw at me because I wanted you to come. I wanted to see you so badly that I put you in danger. Everything he put you through…it's on me, it was my fault. Mine!" he says, with deep agitation.
Birds tweet, a squirrel rattles the feeder and it squeaks as it swings back and forth on its stand, a truck drives down the street by the front of the Inn and leaves drop from the trees, drifting to the ground where they settle with a dry, crackling whisper. The breeze picks up and more dead leaves as big as men's hands tumble across the brick path to pile up along the picket fence.
Kate finally breaks the silence between them by clearing her throat.
"So…Missy has breakfast waiting for us inside, if you're ready to go in?" she suggests, no longer looking at Castle anymore.
"Kate?" he croaks, when she withdraws her hand from his own and reaches down to pat the dog. "Say something, please?"
"Is that why you were haunting the Hudson's kitchen at six-thirty this morning?" she asks him, staring straight ahead.
"We agreed no more secrets. And you've been fighting so hard to make up for your own choices. I couldn't let you go on thinking that you were to blame. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you. I'm sorry I'm such a selfish coward."
"Okay, you need to stop this pity party right now," Kate says, fiercely. "Tyson was a law unto himself. He planned all of this. We were pawns, Castle, both of us. He had terminal cancer and nothing to lose. Do you think he wouldn't have gone down fighting?"
"At least I would have tried…something…"
"And left me," she gasps out, biting her lip until she can carry on, tears beading her lashes. "Left me hating myself for the rest of my life," she whispers, hoarsely. "Blaming myself, Castle. Left Alexis without her dad, Martha to bury her only son. No. No, you did the right thing. We both did," she tells him, with absolute conviction.
"But I did nothing. Nothing! What kind of man does that make me?" he growls.
"A smart one. Because we got through it and now we're here, trying to put ourselves back together again. I love you," she tells him, adamantly, putting as much feeling behind these words as she can. "And I was alone in DC thinking I'd killed what we had. So to hear that you actually wanted to see me again…I could never hate you for that or…or resent you. What you did at my old apartment, that's just about the smartest thing you've ever done."
"But I lured you there as sure as he did. How can you say that?"
"How can I say that? Because I could have taken my chance with him too. I watched him drug you, Rick, aim a crossbow at your head. I let him make you believe that he was going to rape me. Because the alternative was worse. There's a time to play the hero, and that wasn't it. I wanted us to walk out of there alive. More than anything. And I think you did too."
"I'm just not sure the end always justifies the means," argues Castle, the fight drained out of him.
"Maybe not. But in this case it does. There's no doubt in my mind."
Kate falls silent again, lets the last words of their exchange swirl around her mind until her thoughts settle.
"I'm glad you told me," she finally tells him. "Promise you'll keep talking to me. I need to hear the dark stuff, Castle, as much as I need the fun stuff. We have to help each other through this."
"Promise," he says, giving her what passes for a slight smile.
"Right. Well, I don't know about you, but I'm getting pretty hungry, and Missy's pancakes look as if they could give yours a run for their money," she teases, watching Castle's frown even out and his hands relax in his lap.
"She doesn't need walked?" he asks, watching the dog stand up in front of them and stretch, as if she is ready to go back inside too.
"Actually, I was thinking maybe we could take her with us today, if the Hudsons are okay with it. Give her a nice long run out in the National Park? What do you think?"
Castle thinks it's an excellent idea. Just seeing Kate with Tammy reminds him of the few blissful days they shared Royal - the homeless dog they co-parented for an all too brief period, before they were even dating. The dog brings back happy memories. Maybe they can make new ones today with the help of Tammy.
"Let's ask them," he says, standing up stiffly.
"You sure you're up for this?" asks Kate, eyeing him with concern, as he stretches his back after sitting too long on the hard wooden chair, out on damp grass, in the early morning air, even if he does have a heavy jacket on.
"Yip. Never better," he lies, pulling it together to give her a wink, before he turns to follow her across the yard.
"I suppose there's always the Jacuzzi when we get back," Kate boldly throws over her shoulder, returning his wink, as she strides towards the house with Tammy dancing ahead of her, refusing to let them backslide from the progress they've begun to make.
Thoughts? Hope everyone is having a great weekend, Liv x